not good..:-?

I`d have drilled a hole in the top of it, and inserted an inkwell.:D

I thought the thread was " US NAVY HUMOR ".

Instead this thread took a left turn and went down the road to nowhere.:p

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, erm, um, what else is new?:dead:

[quote=DavyJonesFootlocker]zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, erm, um, what else is new?:dead:[/quote]


Now that was FUNNY. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

well i found this on the web, its a mix of humor and facts of the era arround ww2.
i can tell you that no.9 is the most hilarious one.

1. The first German serviceman killed in WW2 was killed by the
Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was
killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American
killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair,
killed by the US Army Air Corps. .. . So much for allies and enemies.

2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He
was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his
age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress)

3. At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was Called
CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's
45th Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train
was named "Amerika." All three were soon changed for PR purposes.

4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps.
While completing the required 30 missions (in Europe the
original mission total was 25, later raised to 35) your chance of being
killed was
71%.

5. Generally speaking there was no such thing as an average fighter
pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance Japanese ace
Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a
passenger on a cargo plane.

6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round
with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had
different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting
the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers
instantly told your enemy he was under
fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of
loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that
you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to
tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success
rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.

7. When allied armies reached the Rhine the first thing men did was
pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston
Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself
photographed
in the act).

8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City but it
wasn't worth the effort. (?)

9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.

10. Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several
Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they
were
captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until
they were
captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until
they were captured by the US Army.

11. Following a massive naval bombardment 35,000 US and Canadian
troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands. 21 troops
were killed in the firefight. It would have been worse if there had been
any Japanese on
the island.

12. From an old carrier sailor - Blue water Navy truism; There are more
planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.


sturmer

It wasn't worth the effort, probably because the plan was scrapped before it entered service (Same as the Ju-390, Ta-400 and the G10N Fugaku, all of which were designed to bomb North America)

The Me-264 was the subject of much controversy and infighting in the German high command, but what really killed it was that good old bugbear inter-service rivalry. And who was the man who finally convinced Hitler to scrub the program? Admiral Karl Doenitz.
http://www.luft46.com/prototyp/me264.html

Actually it was U-1206 and it just forced them to surface near a British warship which finished the job.

the name of the Captain is kinda funny-kinda ryhmes with ****.

http://www.uboat.net/boats/u1206.htm

lol :rotfl:

sturmer

ROFL!!

Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

unbelieveable :rotfl:

sturmer

There are a hundred versions of that one wtih many different ship and lighthouse names. Here you go! Have a USS Montana version.:rotfl:

The multiplicity of mutually exclusive versions causes me to:
Call Bull****.

well i didnt know that there were lots of versions of it but that movie was the no1 :lol:

i found something so funny that i almost pissed my pants over it .
this is small list of listings of pilots towards mechanics of the USS Bennington.
here are some complaints:


Problem: "Left side tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left side tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough."
Solution: "Auto-land not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Target Radar hums."
Solution: "Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics."
Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

now my 2 favorites:

Problem: "Aircraft handles funny."
Solution: "Aircraft sternly warned to straighten up, fly right, and get serious."

Problem: "Mouse in cockpit."
Solution: "Cat installed."

:rotfl:

sturmer

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: