Granted but your now ocean front property is over run with pigeons and seagulls, your house has so much crap on it you cant go outside to enjoy...


I wished penguins could fly...

Granted, they all migrate from the Arctic to your State...have you seen the mess on your lawn.

I wish somebody would pick my nose.

Granted, the fat bitch that sits across from you volunteers

I wish my wife's father owned a brewery

Granted but you drink him out of business, the wife leaves taking everything stating irreconcilable differences. You make the front page on National Enquirer.


I wished beer was free

Granted, but the charge for the glass the fluid is contained in, is hiked up to compensate.

I wish my knowledge base was insurmountable.

Granted but then you would be the all knowing, stuck up SOB who killed the bastage that clipped your car whilst you were at work, get tossed into a Turkish prison and be someones towel boy...

I wish I could hover like Chris Angel...:o

Granted you dangle 100 ft above the street held by a single strand
invisible wire attached to a helicopter three thousand feet above
you Over the mauna loa volcano

everything works perfectly with your wire harness
but the chopper runs out of fuel instantly.


I wish for teabuiscuits again.

Granted you have teabuiscuits again, and as his Father seabuiscuits watches and wonders why in the hell is teabuiscuits guilded and your not.


I wish there were more of us participating in this thread at this time of night...

Granted, I can participate

I wish I could participate

Not possible Raptorland was nuked I will now participate on your behalf.
heres your default flounder.

I wish Jimbunas beer bottles were made of glass from where
raptorland used to be.

Granted, he filles them with urine then sends em to your place where you mistakenly drink his radiation soaked wazz because it takes just like Labatt's

I wish my wife would reconcile her differences

Granted, but with everyone apart from you.

I wish my co driver was more efficient hiding the bloody car at times.

Granted, but not efficient enough to mask the blood's smell so the Police dogs can't find it


I wish I knew what sort of illegal enterprises Jimbuna is up to

Granted, you join him in his cell where he tells you all about it, after you do something for him. nudge nudge wink wink sy no more!

I wish felons had to wear melons

Granted, but it doesn't stop you from being assailed by a melon-clad rapist shortly after his release from prison. And he used a melon for a condom.


I wish for a ton of bricks to fall upon the next dream crusher.