Granted, but your arrested for inciting a breach of the peace.

I wish my arrest record could be obliterated and I could start again, but on twice the salary and only half the danger.

Granted, your arrest record is obliterated and you get to start over again at twice the salary and half the danger, but your salary is now paid in lard and the half danger you have to face is the biatch that sits across from you

I wish I could figure out how much lard Jimbuna's salary was

granted, but then Gordon Brown would award less than the 1.9% pay rise he awarded earlier this year.

I wish dandruff was fashionable for bald men.

Granted :rotfl: Knowing that hes a policeman in the UK, I would say about
a cup of lard would likely cover what the poor buggers are paid.
Sadly though, this doesnt actually save you from the fresh hot cup of steaming pig fat your going to drink instead of your morning coffee
tomorrow. (special thanks to Rob Schnieder for that)

I wish to watch down periscope.

M

Granted, but as your periscope is down you fail to spot that Destroyer making a run on you and you sink

I wish Mush remembered to up periscope

Granted, Mush's periscope is given a Viagra, but it suffers from priapism and he can't get it down for hours and is therefore spotted by the DD anyway and is sunk

I wish my sub had aft fartpedo tubes

Granted, but the overwhelming smell and unignorable noise draws every DD, Corvette, Subchaser, Sloop, Escort Carrier Hunter-Killer group and fishing trawler in the hemisphere towards your sub, have fun

I wish for a fast ship for I intend to run away from the coppers

Granted, you have a very fast ship. However, being on land all that happens is some scraping while the coppers slowly walk up to you.

I wish the Frau would cook me some dinner. She was home from work all day :nope:

Granted, you get skat on toast

I wish I owned a private navy

Granted and you now own the Canadian Navy...which consists of two canoes and a rowboat.

I wish I hadn't had to come back to work...


KD

Granted, you needn't have because it is closed down for scheduled maintenance and you are the only one that visits.

I wish this bitch sitting opposite me at work would have a shave.

Granted but then her beaver would look like Willie Nelson...so which is really worse?


I wish that pigeons would fly south for the winter

Granted all pigeons on the continent north of your house move
south to your house for the winter.

I wish I already had a full transcript of archimede's "the method"

GRANTED! But then you wouldn't need Ho Chens book of 1001 sexual positions to satisfy your mate..


I wish I could find my ID badge...

Granted, but it never moved, it was always pinned to your chest.

I wish I could get my hands on the bastid that bumped into my new car whilst I was at work.