Granted, but the commies start a resistance movement that soon ties down half your army

I wish the socialists weren't so social

Granted anti socialism supplants socialism world wide
and takes off completely soon every other person
in the world is a member of the antisocial party
and so everybody hates you now.

I wish your command centres would all fill with
tribbles.

Granted but then you realize you forgot one and your own bedroom fills with tribbles and makes it impossible for you and your significant other to.....

I wish that stupid hurricane in the Gulf would just fizzle out instead of hitting shore.

Granted, but then we have to find another excuse to what caused all the property damage

I wish I had a Maschinenkanone 108

Granted, but you have no ammo because manufacturing ceased many years ago.

I wish I knew who killed Noddy.

Granted, but you get arrested by the CIA because it's Top Secret

I wish I could speak Spanish

Granted your now the new dictator of Spain and no one like you

I wish I could break wind right now.

Granted, you broke the wind and now it gets way too hot around here

I wish I could fix the wind

Granted, you go back in time in a bubble travelling at faster than the speed of light, fix the wind with a cork but STEED explodes in a ball of fire and other nasty stuff

I wish I could pronounce Ubootcomradegrad correctly

Granted, but the day you do the earth will stop spinning, and fire will rain from the skies, and we all die.

I wish i had a tribble

Granted, but you know those Klingon neighbours from downstairs...?

I wish I had Klingon neighbours

Granted now your in the thick of a major battle with the Romulans next door.

I wish we had naked women news readers.

Granted, you now have naked women newsreaders, but they are Zambonian and weigh 573 pounds

I wish I knew which planet Zambonia was

Granted, it was the planet you came from

I wish Zambonians didn't have collective long-term memory loss

Granted, they now have long term weight loss and are the size of pygmies.

I wish trivial persuits were serious.