Granted, but only CATS can

http://www.allyourbasearebelongtous.com/allyourbase.jpg

I wish speaking like a lolcat was acceptable by society

Granted so now you are a lolcat but unable to type properly on the computer keyboards therefore no one here understands you anymore.

I wish the asteriod would miss us.

Granted, it hits the moon instead, knocking it out of orbit and slamming it into the earth

I wish the moon was made of cheese so we would survive the cataclysm

Granted, however it is made of blue cheese and the stench is getting seriously annoying

I wish colonoscopy's on each and every one of you sans anesthetic

Granted, but a similar fate awaits you in Texas next week whilst your sleeping.

I wish I didn't snore like a pig in the middle of the night keeping everyone I am sharing with awake.

Granted, the piglike noises you make remind some good ol boys of a scene from Deliverance instead and you stay awake all night.

I wish I could find my passport

Granted, finding it is easy, but getting it from the Maw of Infinite Horrors is a different story

I wish I wrote faster than whoever already posted before me

EDIT: Uh...

EDIT 2: Does anyone find this page strangely different than it used to be a couple of hours ago?

Granted, but you type so fast that all of your writing reads as gibberish and nobody can understand you.

I wish that I had seen this strangely different page from a couple of hours ago.

Granted, you did, can't you remember your last wish was at the top of this page, not at the bottom of the last page?

I wish I knew who's responsible for this obstruction of justice

Granted, it is you....now move along elsewhere.

I wish curiosity hadn't killed the cat.

Granted, it didn't - the investigators have finally reported out and their findings are that you did. You are put away in an old French dungeon where you encounter TJ and learn the real meaning behind the word "Painful".

I wish my boss would let me go home to the wife early today. :smug:

Granted, your "boss" let's you "go home" in a "match box" to your "wife" early

I wish everyone talked in quotes

Granted, they do but you still have to understand what they say which sometimes is not an easy thing to do because many of them are quoting something they know everything about except for those who know nothing about it.

I wish today were cooler than yesterday.

Granted. However, everybody else in the world finds it highly irritating and then you are discovered to be the source of the problem.
Tried and convicted of being a smart a$$ you are sentenced to Quote:
"Enprisonment in the confines of a colostomy bag in a place where cholera is rampent for not less than two-years with the chance of parole in 729-days."

D'oh, too slow...

Granted, but yesterday's high was +1 degree kelvin.

I wish there were whale's tails for sales in jails.

Granted, and they go for quite a bit because the prisoners are fed so little that most of them are skinny so the bigger ones with the bigger a$$ make a whole lot of money.

I wish today was 10 degrees cooler than yesterday's 75 degrees F.

Granted, 10 degrees C cooler (Which I frankly won't find to be a problem)

I wish tempratures were always below 20 degrees C

Granted, they sit at 19.999999999999deg C forever and everyone wears comfortable clothes.

I wish I could find some comfortable clothes

Granted, but they are in a store and when you walk out with them and without paying for them, they arrest you, try you, convict you, and send you off to that prison I talked about earlier where JB pays you back for the pain you caused him.

I wish I had scored 100% on that test today instead of a 97%.

Granted, but you live in a world where smart people are killed so they wouldn't be able to threaten the government

I wish I remembered the name of the story I got that idea from

Granted, you remember the name of the story you got that idea from, but are now perceived as smart and are killed so as not to be a threat to the governemnt

I wish the VA lab wasn't inhabited by vampires