Here's an idea for you, Armistead...
 

Buy her a butter churn. Hopefully she'll get the idea...eventually.:D

my wife thinks great sex makes up for everything.....like I'm that shallow...

WHA.....!!! HALF? you mean the other 7/8th ...don't you? I settled for food and getting to colonoscopy appointments on time...:k_confused:

OMG! As opposed to banal or mundane sex??? Man I learn so much just sitting at your knee..I pray you...enlighten me! I don't seem to have ever known the difference:O:

Running on empty...
 

Can you really take sex advice from a guy nicknamed Nonads Blankshooter?:hmmm:

Biggest embarrassment is the day your wife informs you that your new pet name is Justin.

It's better than Justout.:03::yep: Especially when you realize she's not talking about Kosher beer.:O:

Or making reference to someone else :o

Ye olde slobberknockers...
 

Ohhh! The pain! Still, it could be worse. She might start making reference to Justine in her sleep.:timeout:

I count myself fortunate that my 1.0 Shrew only cost me one Golden Penny to get rid of. :rock::D

Keep the change, Bi.....err Butch.

Shortcomings?
 

LOL :haha: I've been called a deity many, many times.
It never involved a tectonic event though.:D:03::shucks:

Shake Rattle n' Roll BBY!
 

How Priapismic for you Fearless Leader! We 'rats of a lesser god' need all the help we can get. Just for You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20Feq_Nt3nM :har:

I wasn't bragging. Just stating a fact.

Oh, alright, I was bragging.:yep:


It's not what you have that counts, it's how you use it.:rock:
:arrgh!:Shivering timbers tells you, you did it right.:arrgh!:
Harrrrrrr!

I tried splicing the wifes' mainbrace, but just got a slap in the chops and kicked out of bed for my troubles.:nope:

Ouch! Is it time to seek out 2.0?

No, after all, I did surprise her without asking first...:03:

So you're the Captain of an escort, eh?

Hey no misquoting my sig ...unless your "three Sheets to the Wind" and even then she'll not like the "cut of your jib"!:Kaleun_Cheers:

Futile Frontal assaults are a tacit admission of the lack of the "art of war' especially when the rasping sound of your scaly bilgerat tail gives away your position in the dark to an experienced paramour with good hearing!!:O::haha:
http://us.cdn2.123rf.com/168nwm/vect...rrible-rat.jpg
Rats! foiled again!

relief supplies...
 

Enjoy.
http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/b...nd_mice1-1.jpg

^^By the way, I've already ruined all three of them.:03: So don't go looking for love.:O:

In honor of a failed attempt...
 

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/b...ndsock_big.gif




Remember: A woman has to be in the mood. A man just has to be in the room.

"Not tonight honey, I have a headache"

"That's ok, I just sprinkled it with powdered aspirin."