Granted, but it was travelling so fast that it ran you over.

I wish the last laugh was on you.

Granted, the last laugh is no Randomizer, but he laughs so hard that he pukes all over your bed. Whilst you are sleeping in it.

I wish caramelisation caused a chain reaction.

Granted, the caramelisation turns into a chain and wraps itself around your neck thus rendering you to a life of slavery and servitude....how fitting :DL

I wish I was your gaoler.

Granted, however you find yourself on the wrong side of the bars, in the shower with Bubba and the bar of soap on the floor. Ouch.

I wish they would hurry up and find life on Mars.

Granted, they find one small hut with one family in residence and after DNA testing it is proven that it is your family, thereby making you the only Martian living on earth.

I wish the pastry wouldn't crumble.

Granted. It has the consistency (and flavor) of silly putty.

I wish tech support for software products was available.

Granted, it is available, from the residents of a small hut on Mars. Long distance charges apply.

I wish the Martians had a toll-free number.

Granted but you need to dial nine-thousand digits to access it.

I wish Zeus would pop in for a beer sometime.

Granted, but he also brings along Hercules who takes a shine to you then goes on to wrestle you to the floor and perform unspeakable tasks on you.

I wish the mania was only in respect to the maniacs.

Granted, as chief maniac, you get a lot of respect from those with the mania.

I wish glibness brought about happiness.

Granted, but others find being glib and happy completely unacceptable and you are tarred, feathered and run out of town on the back of a pickup truck. Your property and chattels are burned and your cat given away free to a good home.

I wish people would stop assuming their dreams were uncrushable.

Granted. From now on, nobody assumes their dreams are uncrushable.

I wish I was on permanent paid vacation.

Granted, you are to be paid at the rate of 0.0000000000001 cent per millenium and your vacation accommodation will be a lean to on the peak of Balls Pyramid in the Pacific Ocean.

I wish Flopper well on his paid vacation.

Granted, but in the end it turns out just to be a crappy sequel to "Ernest Goes to the Beach".

I wish I could remember what it was I was going to wish for.

Granted, you remember you were going to wish for a slow painful death but are now unable to forget what you were going to wish for again.

I wish the mirror was less reflective and more interactive.