Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk (Post 2005608)

For dramatic effect in a forum thread:



http://www.oscars.org/awards/academy...side_oscar.jpg

Originally Posted by Wolferz (Post 2005636)

:har:

You WILL be prosecuted.

Originally Posted by Armistead (Post 2005606)

Once I get my award, I'll go away.

Originally Posted by Armistead (Post 2005670)

"This is a past Ubi story, I changed some names to protect the innocent."

It was a long way back to New York. Due to some failures on the part of my XO Wolfez, I lost my sub and had to take a Pigboat to New York for further training.

We arrived and docked. My XO Wolferz had been gone for a few days.

"Where's Wolferz" I asked..

"Capt., he's out at Maggie's house of carnal delights." said Tambor laughing.

Good ole Maggie, what a wonderful woman. You could get 3 girls and breakfast in the morning for $50.00.

Well, Wolferz was riled, but after two months at sea, I expected the crew to have a lil fun. Normally Wolferz wouldn't pull this crap, but I heard he was drunk, I didn't care, this is the navy, girls are for fun.

He often complained of a bad back at sea, so in port he was easy prey for a snake oil salesman's cure all hooch-juice and it didn't take much to get him drunk. Once drunk, his mental facilities dulled, someone like Wolferz didn't belong at a place like Maggie's, but his mind was set, his loins afire, he was on his way.

Wolferz walked through the alley in the dark of night hearing the light moans coming from the trucks on the side street.

"Cheap sinning SOB's, he thought to himself, "won't even pay for a bed", what's wrong with peoples morals these days."

He rang the bell at Maggie's and gave the 3-3-1 secret knock that our C.O.B. Tambor had told him. Maggie opened the door.

"Can I help you Sailor."

"Er, well, I need a bed and some company" said Wolferz why blushing.

"Well, all my girls are busy tonight, come back tomorrow." replied Maggie.

Wolferz got pushy.."I've been out to sea for two months, please Maggie"

After long debate, Maggie explained to Wolferz the girls were busy. She saw he was riled and drunk. Old Salts know Maggie's a businesswoman, always ready to make a buck off those less wiser souls. She explained to Wolferz that she had no girls available, but if he had an open mind, she could promise him pleasures only known in Singapore.

"Come in and buy some drinks why I explain it to you" said Maggie.

Even Maggie's water downed booze was too much for Wolferz. Maggie got several drinks into him why she explained to him the deal.

"Look Dear, you have an open mind and I promise you pleasure, only $50. Now go upstairs, second room on the right, in there will be a chicken on a table. Just grab it by the wings and do your thing. When it starts flapping it's wings, it will be the best experience you've had."

When you're drunk and Maggie is holding your hand, it's hard to say no. Old Wolferz stone drunk now said

" I'll do it."

Upstairs he went, walked in the empty room debating, but he finally grabbed that chicken. Wolferz moaned why the chicken clucked, around the room doing the deed on floors, tables, etc. When he was done, he had killed the chicken. He walked downstairs with the dead chicken and showed Maggie.

"Sorry, I killed your chicken" said Wolferz.

"No charge for the chicken." replied Maggie.

Wolferz left, made it to the cheap motel and fell dead asleep as the sun came up. He woke up, feeling a lil ashamed about the chicken he saw laying next to him, but thought it would make a good lunch. He had to have a few drinks.

Wolferz got riled again and decided he would go back to Maggie's for a girl that night. When he arrived, there was a line at the door. Finally he rang the bell and gave the knock and Maggie opened the door..

"It's me again." said Wolferz.....

"Me who." said Maggie

"Me, from last night, you know.." Wolferz made a lil cluck sound to remind her
.
"Oh, is that you, I'm sorry, the lights not good, come on in and buy me some drinks.."

Wolferz had drinks with Maggie and explained his need for a girl..

"Sorry Wolferz, the girls are all busy again, but didn't you have a good time last night."

"Well, yes I did, actually a real good time." said Wolferz why looking shyly at the floor.

"That's my boy." said Mag..."I love men with open minds."

Wolferz was set on a woman for tonight, but again Maggie explained all the girls were busy. She again told Wolfer that even better pleasures were in store tonight if he had an open mind, that he could see things only a few ever see, only $50...

"I'll do it" says Wolferz.

"OK Dear, follow me" Maggie takes him upstairs. She opens the door.

Several benches were lined up with men of all types. Maggie sat Wolferz down. She stood up in front of a curtain and explained to the men.

"Behind this curtain is a see through mirror. When the curtain opens, you can see through it, but those in the other room can't see you. The show tonight...two beautiful girls. Now, watch the show and enjoy, they can't see you, no one knows what goes on in here, feel free to be openminded here, twaddle with or amongst yourselves...enjoy"

Well, Mag turned the lights down and left, the curtain opened. One woman was waiting and another walked in. A lil timid at first, they finally got it on. The crowd cheered and loved it. Wolferz had to admit he was getting excited. He could hear funny sounds coming from the people in the dark room around him. He knew what he was supposed to do, so he watched, not believing what he was seeing.

Old Wolferz, finally into the show and enjoying himself nudged the fellow next to him..

"Hey fellah, this is a pretty good show isn't it..."

The fellow replied....

"You think this show is good, you should've been here last night and watched that guy screw that chicken..."

Originally Posted by Takeda Shingen (Post 2005681)

Might be getting a little close to a line here people; let's not get carried away. Be advised.

The Management

Originally Posted by Wolferz (Post 2005689)

Armistead,
You keep misspelling my nick as wolfez instead of Wolferz.
If your "R" key has stopped responding...
Well, let's just say I'm glad I didn't use the nick FRAG.

Originally Posted by Armistead (Post 2005696)

My R key gets stuck, as do several others as I constantly dribble coffee on my keyboard.

Originally Posted by Takeda Shingen (Post 2005681)

Might be getting a little close to a line here people; let's not get carried away. Be advised.

The Management