Granted, Mush's periscope is given a Viagra, but it suffers from priapism and he can't get it down for hours and is therefore spotted by the DD anyway and is sunk

I wish my sub had aft fartpedo tubes

Granted, but the overwhelming smell and unignorable noise draws every DD, Corvette, Subchaser, Sloop, Escort Carrier Hunter-Killer group and fishing trawler in the hemisphere towards your sub, have fun

I wish for a fast ship for I intend to run away from the coppers

Granted, you have a very fast ship. However, being on land all that happens is some scraping while the coppers slowly walk up to you.

I wish the Frau would cook me some dinner. She was home from work all day :nope:

Granted, you get skat on toast

I wish I owned a private navy

Granted and you now own the Canadian Navy...which consists of two canoes and a rowboat.

I wish I hadn't had to come back to work...


KD

Granted, you needn't have because it is closed down for scheduled maintenance and you are the only one that visits.

I wish this bitch sitting opposite me at work would have a shave.

Granted but then her beaver would look like Willie Nelson...so which is really worse?


I wish that pigeons would fly south for the winter

Granted all pigeons on the continent north of your house move
south to your house for the winter.

I wish I already had a full transcript of archimede's "the method"

GRANTED! But then you wouldn't need Ho Chens book of 1001 sexual positions to satisfy your mate..


I wish I could find my ID badge...

Granted, but it never moved, it was always pinned to your chest.

I wish I could get my hands on the bastid that bumped into my new car whilst I was at work.

Granted, but your get tired of holding onto yourself

I wish AK47's were freely available to all

Granted, but then I get arrested for murdering the bastid that bumped my new car whilst I was at work.

I wish murder for car bumpers wasn't a criminal offence in the UK.

Granted, it's a criminal offense in the new world-empire that rules the UK

I wish the LHC doom-sayers would die

Granted, they die when they are proved right and the LHC implodes the universe.

I wish I could press the big red START button to turn on the LHC.

Granted, but the Red Button is the one that turns on the air conditioner, not the accelerator

I wish I hadn't walked right into the last one

Granted due to an accident involving a particle accellerator a rubber band
and a liquid lunch, you are caught in a causality loop and run into headlong
repeatedly at the speed of light for as long as we can maintain power.

I wish I had a liquid lunch and a particle accelerator.:hmm:

Gtanted, but you end up wetting your pants.

I wish fried fish were still able to swim.

Granted, they can swim for as long as they want before hitting the bottom

I wish to rob a train full of non-diet/whatever Coca Cola bottles without getting cought

Granted, but since you misspelled "caught", the police show up and a deadly shoot-out ensues. The train is on a bridge that stands over a deep gorge. Out of ammunition and facing a life sentence, you jump off and are killed when your body falls about 350 feet below onto a jagged slab of rock.

Agh, I had a feeling something was wrong there :damn:

Ah, well, make a vish