John Junkin, prodigous radio comedy scriptwriter died recently.

When his wife left him, he managed to joke:
''We became incompatible........
I no longer had had an income and she was no longer pattable. !''

:-j

Bell were you a sub sonar tech? :-j

What's that suppose to mean? :hulk: :arrgh!:

:lol: Gun mate - please avoid intimacy with inanimate objects. Reaming canons is a trifle wearing. :rotfl:

Down here in Bilges we need more 'Super Doopers' fighting 'Odour Man' not Super Bloopers :arrgh!: :hulk:

;) :-j

Three-sips-and-you're-out !!
Morphed from Robert Hardman** Daily Mail.

I'm not a whisky man, only enjoying sampling with a chum who collects..........but is losing the battle :roll: :yep:

I was surprised therefore to hear of a concoction which it would be an insult to call 'rocket fuel'............
it is stronger than that - oh yes ! The V2 rockets that battered London in WW2 were propelled by a liquid
which was around 75% alcohol. The four times distilled Usquebaugh-Baul (Gaelic for 'Perilous Whisky')
works out at 92% - more than twice the strength of the average vodka or gin !

A new brew called Bruichladdich, rises like a phoenix from the ashes of acquisition, neglect and
abandonment by the American Jim Beam liquor empire. Localy called 'The Peril' 10,000 litres of this 'fuel'
have been recently put down. (Barrels not throats !)

It would be a great shame if it's watered down by beefing up less hairy brews.

** The hard man Nil 'Hard-stuff' 3.

:-j

Ithink you know exactly what I mean ! ;) :-j :yep:

''I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps.''

:rotfl:

:rotfl:

The last remark typifies the state of mind I was in - deep in the mire of PC problems but with a new day
promising a new computor and hope and optimism always winning over experience.

:rotfl:

:D Local People !

Press ad for Beer Festival:

Unusual REAL ALE
Unusual CIDER
Unusual LOCALS
Unusual BANDS
Usual HANGOVER.

:-j

''The next saucer to Shoeburyness leaves from platform 5 ...''

Alok Jha
Monday March 13, 2006
The Guardian.

"We're getting there." That was the motto of British Rail in its 1980s heyday. But how they thought they might get
there will come as a surprise to even diehard trainspotters: a decade earlier engineers had patented plans to
transport passengers by nuclear-powered flying saucer, writes Alok Jha.

The plans for the space vehicle were discovered on the website of the European Patent Office by a student.
"I thought it must be a joke at first," he said, electing to stay anonymous. "It's the sort of thing you only
read about in science fiction books."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/st...729592,00.html

A full moon.

Well a session in the stocks would be a suitable reward for the activity of 'mooning' but it seems its gone legit !
According to the Times - T2:

'Mooning is a legal form of communication, an American judge has ruled. Raymond McNealy, 44, exposed
his rear during a dispute between neighbours in Maryland and was charged with indecent exposure.
Judge John Debelus said that while disgusting, exposing buttocks was not obscene, arguing that if it were,
thongs on beaches would be banned.

But in an unusually frank opinion from the bench, His Honour did tell McNealy that had he been tried for beeing.......
''a jerk'', the outcome might have been different ! '

PS. This article is dedicated to TLAM - ''Never turn your back......etc.''

:-j

One for the bilge, one of my first MP games and one of the most embarrasing.

This is the acctualy conversation that took place.

Kapitain why are you wasting SAMs?
I’m trying to bait them.
Missiles attract helos!

Control Acoustics Torpedo in the water!
Control Acoustics loud explosion!

Kapitain did you just get killed?
Yes.

:lol:

''Kapitain did you just get killed?''

'Yes.''

''Kapitain are you a ghost ?''

''Woooow !!''

:-j

Enigma Variations.

'A U-boat captain's secret messsage sent 60 years ago has finaly been decoded.'
reports Alan Hamilton. The Times.

'It was the introduction of a fourth wheel that foxed them at the time. Now the power of modern computing
has finaly cracked a 64 year-old wartime enigma.

By linking 2500 home computers, a group of amateur cryptographers has managed to decode
a secret message transmitted by a German U-boat in November 1942, which at the time baffled
British codebreakers

The discovery has a sweet irony, as ideas developed by Alan Turing and his assoscates in their efforts
to intercept German radio traffic were crucial to the development of the modern computer.

The message was among three unsolved Enigma intercepts that were published in a cryptography enthusiasts
magazine in 1995. Although of no great historical significance, they were among only a hand-full of German
naval ciphers still in existence, which had not been decoded

Stefan Krah, a German-born violinist with an interest in codes and computers, took up the challenge, wrote a
code-breaking program and publicised it on various websites. Other enthusiastss quickly joined in. ''The most amazing
thing about the project is the exponential growthg of participants. All I did was to announce it in two news groups
and on one mailing list,''he said.'

Many good books have been written about Enigma but 'The Battle for the code' by Hugh Sebag-Montefiore
offers a balanced perspective of the contributions made by many sources. The role of the 'Enigma spy' Hans
Thilo Schmidt, who gave the key to the code to the French as early as 1931. The role of Polish Cipher bureau,
into whose hands a commercial enigma machine was delivered by mistake in 1929.The role of many very brave seamen
who 'went below' as U-boats were sinking and retreived vital material. Sebag-Montefiore does not seek to
minimise the superb work of Alan Turing and the BP teams, but to set it into a background as a vital section of an orchestra.

There are interesting descriptions of the mechanics of Enigma, of techniques like the 'Bombe', procedures
like the 'Banurismus and of the concept of an 'imaginary wheel.'

bellman
 

bellman it took me 2 days for reading tthis post keep it up :-j
hehe