Granted, the sum of all totals now equals the sum total divided by zero.

I wish maths was my strong point.

Granted, but seeing as how your a 5' weakling you are soon overpowered by 1x1.

I wish the crush was the bums rush.

Granted, but your dream is subsequently crushed by a rush of bums, who now prefer to be called the "Domicile Disadvantaged". Having no other place to live they crush their way into your home where they will stay forever.

I wish Newton's Third Law was overturned on appeal.

Granted. Now quantum mechanics wear blue uniforms, chew tobacco, and work at Jiffy Lube.

I wish everything was 99% off at the liquor store.

Granted, but there will be no discount for the liver transplantation.

I wish I had never met that bitch.

Granted. Instead you met her offspring, fell madly in love him and married the sonofabitch.

I wish sailors cursed as much as I do.

Granted all the sailors in the world have now cursed you for making their potty mouths pottier.

I wish arrival denied boarding.

Granted. Now you're stuck in the Madison, Wisconsin airport lounge forever like these guys:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hfFyGtbXwM

I wish I had a Watermelon.

Granted, you now look like this:

http://www.costumecats.com/wp-conten...7/05/melon.jpg

I wish the time to digest the imposible theory.

Granted. You digest the impossible theory. It gives you heartburn and halitosis, and an hour later you're still sitting on the loo with a bad case of 'roids.

I wish machineguns could be mounted on mount'n goats.


I know, that was pretty bad lol

Granted but the fine print on the 1947 Geneva Convention declare that mountain goat-mounted machine guns constitute weapons of mass destruction. For advocating their use you are condemned to 20-years imprisonment surrounded by double-potty mouthed sailors and melon-wearing cats.

I wish the pen was mightier than the thermo-nuclear warhead.

Granted, but it's widespread use by unsuspecting civilians causes widespread destruction and panic. The resulting banning of pens causes mankind to revert to the stone age due to lack of means to write things down...

I wish the great questions of the day would be decided by iron and blood

Granted, Ironman and Dracula answer correctly and you are relegated back to nusery class.

I wish the apathy was positively achieved.

Granted you are now positively apathetic. And the rest of us don't care either.

I wish fulfilment was enriched by the experience of explanation.

Granted. However, the explanation was horrifically boring and the experiance awful. Unfulfilled, you seek solice in food and quickly grow to 290 kilos. People now shun you and your explanations are enriched only by the calories of your comfort foods.

I wish comfort foods were calorie free.