Granted, but he doesn't know how much beer has improved over the centuries, and when he takes a sip, it's so good that he becomes addicted to it. He drinks and drink and drinks. Eventually, he dies from alcohol poisoning.

I wish that I could play the flute.

Granted, but it finds out that you've been seeing the Oboe on the side. It cleans out your bank account and disappears from your life forever.

I wish I could read music.

Granted, but you can't read anything else BUT classical sheet music.

I wish that illiterates could write for free help.

Granted, but none can understand what they have written.

I wish that HAL would open the pod-bay doors.

Granted, but he's killed everyone else off.

I wish that there is and never was a god except for Apollo.

Granted, but there are a lot of wannabes awaiting the delivery of your soul.

I wish reincarnation was evident.

Granted, but you will brought back as a horsefly.

I wish that Pavarotti was still alive.

Granted, men the world over are dragged to operas to see him. Finally, in 2009 they have had enough, and assassinate him. Then they assassinate you when it is discovered that you were the reson for his continued existence. Phillistines.

I wish blondeness was not considered inversely proportional to intelligence.

Granted, but that only goes for blonde Germans, not Americans.

I wish that I was in the year 1916 in Turkey.

Granted, it's 1916 and you are molesting a turkey. Passersby wonder what is wrong with you.


I wish it were punishable by death to dot "i"'s with hearts.

Granted, but so many young girls are executed that the human race nearly dies out.

I wish that I was in January 1918 and fighting for Germany as part of Jasta 5.

Granted, welcome to Gallipoli, have fun in the ANZAC

EDIT: Arrgh

Granted, but you are shot down by a Nieuport 17

I wish I was Admiral of the Fleet

Granted. You're Maximilian von Spee. The year is 1914, and you're fighting off the coast of South America. Your fleet is battered to a pulp, and your ship sinks with you on the bridge. The sea pours in, and you are taken to your death along with your two sons.

I wish that I could be Fritz Rumey.

Granted, you collide with an S.E.5 and die while the other pilot survives...

I wish I was General of the Army

Granted, you are now General of the Kiss Army.

I wish napalm in the morning really did smell like Victory.