Granted, it is so hot the universe spontaneously ignites.

I wish Slim Pickins was fat and Fats Dominoe was slim.

Granted, now your not sure which one you resemble.

I wish fog was see-through.

Granted, now regular air blocks your view

I wish the dishes would be smitten by divine retribution so I wouldn't have to do them

Granted, however having been smote, you must eat off your floor.

I wish my brother's laptop was faster so I can finish copying these files to it sooner.

Too Late to crush Raptor's dream so quickly changing dream-crushing modes:

Granted, your brother's laptop is now so fast that he never lets you use it again... Ever.

I wish we could see pictures of Raptor1 eating spaghetti off the floor.

Your wish is granted . . . however, you are forced to clean it up after he eats it.

I wish for a grilled cheese sandwich!

Granted, your body is dumped in cheese and grilled on an open fire then sandwiched between two large pieces of bread. Bon appetite!

I wish for a shiny, new torpedo.

Granted, but its propellant is unstable which causes your shiny new torpedo to explode. Too bad you kept it at your residence that then burns down, falls over and sinks into the swamp.

I wish hedge cuttings were valuable.

Granted, it becomes valuable as gold, but its abundance in nature causes the stock market to crash and a new Great Depression sets in.

I wish I led a successful coup and installed me as dictator for life.

Granted, but that was a week before you suffered a terrible heart attack and died, I succeed you as dictator-for-life

I wish I had my own private army of 50 fanatically loyal, highly experienced and equipped mechanized and armored divisions

Granted, but they are all made of Bernards.

I wish I had a pack of cigarettes that would never get empty

Granted but remember cigarettes cause cancer and youl die of a early death.;)

I wish we had a better Tv.:D

Granted, but since "we" have only 1 TV that means we have to share, and It's my turn!

I wish that Airfield we cratered yesterday had turned into a raging firestorm from hell like I wanted it to...

Granted, but it took your plane with it.

I wish for an end to cyberspace delinquents.

Granted! You, jimbuna, are now commissioned as Secretary of the newly created "Dept. of the Detection and Control of Cyberspace Delinquents" or the DDCCD, and remember they are relentless, unstoppable and infinite. And BTW, due to recent budget cuts, you're the only employee of this department and you have to provide your own staff, location and equipment. Good hunting!

I wish EVIL didn't exist in this world of ours...