I've been married long enough to appreciate that.
|
For a while Houdini used trap doors in every act.
But it was a just a stage he was going through. |
I went drag racing today. It was fun, but I did feel stupid in a dress.
|
Yesterday I went through a costly and painful procedure that required me to have my spine and both testicles removed.
Still, I got some fantastic wedding presents. |
Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop. |
Knock knock.
whose there? “Doorbell repair man“ |
I wish everyone would stop criticising Jimmy Saville, when I was eight he fixed it for me to milk a cow, blindfolded.
|
I have a nice step ladder
My real ladder left us when I was young. |
What’s the difference between an actor and a politician? An actor has better script writers with more believable story-lines.
|
The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day in December.
Wife: “Windows frozen.” Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.” Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.” |
Buddha goes into a "Subway"
"Make me one with everything". |
The England team visited an orphanage today in Poland.
‘It was amazing to put a smile on the faces of a group of people who constantly struggle and have little hope’ said Jan Zamoyski, aged 6 |
The weather forecast for tonight…. Dark!
|
For the love of De
If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...
Electricians are delighted Corpses are decrypted Cowboys are deranged Models are deposed Underwear models are debriefed Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted Jilted women are debrided HVAC technicians are deducted Tennis linemen are defaulted Florists are deflowered Students are detested Hostels are debunked Spies are debugged and detailed Corporations are deformed and delimited Celibate people are delayed Chauffeurs are derided Record keepers are described Plumbers are dethroned Clerks are defiled Traffic cops are defined Naturists are denuded Election officials are devoted Accountants are decertified Builders are deconstructed Confused people are demystified Intelligence officials are declassified Interpreters for the deaf are designed Road builders are degraded Waiters are deserved Horses put out to stud are desired Castles are demoted Organ donors are delivered Anything certain is depending |
After the Russian election Putin meets with his staff
Mr. Putin, we have some good news and some bad news about this election OK, what's the bad news. Sir, The bad news is that your opponent received 65% of the vote What's the good news Sir, the good news is that you received 75% of the vote. |
^and ^^ :haha: :haha:
|
My girlfriend asked me if I ever wanted to get married.
Apparently, “when I meet the right girl” was the wrong answer. |
This morning the doctor said I have attention deficit something or another, I dunno I wasn't really listening.
|
Quote:
Continuing darkness until early morning light. |
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’?
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:04 AM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 1995- 2024 Subsim®
"Subsim" is a registered trademark, all rights reserved.