View Full Version : Idiots guide to women
Kapitan
10-23-06, 09:42 AM
When your wife or girl friends say the following:
Oh i really like this: Yeah get your credit card ready cause your paying
I dont feel well: i just want a hug and you to wait on me hand and foot
I love you: well i do but right now i just want sex
im tired: bugger off and leave me alone
Any others you guys want to post?
waste gate
10-23-06, 10:08 AM
The meaning of life, the universe, and everything.
http://wilk4.com/humor/humorm238.htm
The Avon Lady
10-23-06, 10:26 AM
This is truly an idiot's guide to women.
And I approve this message.
waste gate
10-23-06, 10:36 AM
This is truly an idiot's guide to women.
And I approve this message.
:D Thank you I'll take that as a compliment.:D
Guys have an alternate dictionary also.
kiwi_2005
10-23-06, 11:24 AM
Kiwi on a hot date:
I'll pick ya up in 15min!. Throws on Doc MArtins and leather jacket, wait a minute, opens up black book reads notes: Cathy is from upper class family, father is oil merchant. Puts notes back, must change dress code. Rips of leather jacket, puts on Italian 3 piece suit, throws on Leonado Snakeskin shoes, grabs cuban cigars, and takes blackmarket lookalike American express card. Hopes into run down toyota with no rims and missing passenger door...Damn it!
Goes back to the internet...:arrgh!:
FIREWALL
10-23-06, 11:52 AM
The meaning of life, the universe, and everything.
http://wilk4.com/humor/humorm238.htm
Waste gate great post i'm e-mailing this to all my buds.
When your wife or girl friends say the following:
Oh i really like this: Yeah get your credit card ready cause your paying
I dont feel well: i just want a hug and you to wait on me hand and foot
I love you: well i do but right now i just want sex
im tired: bugger off and leave me alone
Any others you guys want to post?
I will use your words of whisdom Kap! Thanks!
I am left at the stone-age when it comes to women.
The Avon Lady
10-23-06, 12:44 PM
I am left at the stone-age when it comes to women.
1. Leave big wooden club at home.
2. No pull woman by hair.
Men haven't changed much since back then:
http://img320.imageshack.us/img320/7955/0im8.jpg
Yahoshua
10-23-06, 01:13 PM
I'm too busy with school to even bother with it, but I'll sit on the sidelines and laugh at you if you'd like.....:D (eats popcorn)
FIREWALL
10-23-06, 03:04 PM
The meaning of life, the universe, and everything.
http://wilk4.com/humor/humorm238.htm
Waste gate great post i'm e-mailing this to all my buds.
Edit: I was the IDIOT... My wife caught me looking at this.:damn:
I am meating my woman on thursday this week, we have been away from each other for 5 weeks, and I believe that she is loosing interest in me. What should I do?! :-?
I've thought of dinner, flowers and a gift (perhaps perfume). Need more advise than leaving my big club in cave.
ASWnut101
10-23-06, 03:11 PM
Bring the club. Pull by hair.:p
madDdog67
10-23-06, 03:20 PM
True story...several years ago, I was hanging out with a woman that I'd had a relationship with for a number of years. Now, we were having a good time talking and just chillin'...when she got real quiet all of a sudden. After 20 minutes of torture of me trying to figure out just wtf happened, she fesses up that she was sad about something that happened between us 5 YEARS AGO. :o:doh::damn::stare:
There IS no understanding these creatures; we can merely attempt to co-exist with them, and hope to find one whose neuroses are tolerable to a sufficient degree. :D
ASWnut101
10-23-06, 03:26 PM
There IS no understanding these creatures; we can merely attempt to co-exist with them, and hope to find one whose neuroses are tolerable to a sufficient degree. :D
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: OMFG! dont let a Feminist hear that!:p
Women......:nope:
To bad that we need them....
SubSerpent
10-23-06, 03:50 PM
I am meating my woman on thursday this week, we have been away from each other for 5 weeks, and I believe that she is loosing interest in me. What should I do?! :-?
I've thought of dinner, flowers and a gift (perhaps perfume). Need more advise than leaving my big club in cave.
I disagree. Why buy the woman anything at all? All that does is shows her that you are trying to buy sex from her (you are aren't you?).
Be a man and just take sex from her. Go out to eat with her. Make her pay for her meal with her money. Go out to the movies. Make her pay for her ticket and her popcorn. Don't open any doors for her. She has working arms, hands, fingers, doesn't she?
Know in your mind that she is thinking about sex with you too. She wants it just as bad. She just expects you to make the first move cause she watches too much TV and reads too many Nora Roberts books. So if that is your goal - DO IT. If she screams STOP or NO or BLOODY MURDER, then stop and just leave her where she lies. She wasn't worth your time if that's the case and obviously she thinks she's too good for you. Suck it up and move on. It will be her loss, and sometime women call you up an apologize for their RUDE behavior. After all, she denied you and herself from doing what you both wanted to do. Shame on her for this! If she does call back and apologize, make HER pay for it and show you just how sorry she is.
Guys need to stop being led to believe that they are second hand people to women, like they're some personal pet for women and are to do-at-my-command slaves for their women. This world and relationships are about working TOGETHER, not about what one partner has done for the other! F**k THAT!!!
I've been happily married for over seven years now and my wife and I started out exactly the way I described above. Once she realized that I truely was interested in her, but that I refused to pay for a thing for her or hold open any doors for her (I let her know ALL this on DATE #1), she agreed. She thinks that all the "Old fashioned" BS of guys opening doors and buying gifts for women they are interested in is just that - "Old Fashioned". Most women view it as a man's way of getting into her pants. Today women work, women vote, and women do just about everything men do, so times have changed. This means dating needs to change.
Let her know on DATE #1 how you see a relationship working. Don't be suckered into the sappy way of dated times and old traditions. THAT IS BS! IF you do that, then you are selling yourself off to her to be a personal pet for her. Notice how I said, "selling". That is what a date is. It's just like a job interview. It is an intimate moment of time where two people are really shopping for one another. If you do things that she doesn't like then most likely she isn't going to buy you. If she does thinks that you don't like you won't buy her.
Unfortunately there is a lot of LYING going on between men and women on DATE #1. She will try to hide her imperfections as well as you will try to hide yours. THIS IS WRONG! Be honest up front and expect the same in return. If she still seems too good to be true then she is LYING and you should not waste your time on her anymore. Suck it up and move onto bigger and better things.
The reason why I tell you this is because IT WORKS!
If you lead a women to think that you are willing to be her personal patsy and slave and buy her things and hold open doors for her then she will ALWAYS expect this from you. This is why divorce is so high. Women expect to always have what you offered to them from date #1. If you sell yourself as a human wallet to her and lead her to believe that you have money then you will ALWAYS have to do this for her. If you start to slow down on buying her stuff she will suspect something is wrong in the relationship and that you no longer desire her. Once she suspects this your relationship is over. Women don't like being made fools of and once she thinks there might be another woman involved or that you might ditch her, she will ditch you first. Trust me - been there, done that.
If you go out to eat - get your favorite, even if it's messy and leaves food stuck in your teeth.
If you have to fart - do it. She probably has to fart also.
If you smoke - then light up
If you chew dip - chew it up
If you laugh really weird - do it in front of her
Bottom line....
JUST BE YOU!
That's one interesting, and unconventional advise...
I personally dont think that your advise would work to well with Polish women.
But since I've lived in Sweden for a while I am almost certain that
your way would work very good here in Sweden, with Swedish women.
A thing that certainly is universal, is to be yourself, either it works, or it doesn't.
My hopes are really high with this one...
Anyways, thank you for your interesting advice.
The reason why I tell you this is because IT WORKS!
Does that mean you've tested it many times? If what you wrote is true, I bet you go on a lot of 1st dates.
Women......:nope:
To bad that we need them....
Just certain parts. Best thing g-d ever did was invent it, worse thing he ever did was put a woman in charge of it.
Sir Big Jugs
10-23-06, 04:52 PM
http://www.makinglemonade.com/men%20and%20women.jpg
Yahoshua
10-23-06, 05:53 PM
That's why I lean more toward courtship and not the dating game.
Personally I believe dating to be a training for divorce.
You buy the girl gifts, try to get her to "like" you, both sides convince themselves they like eachother, then don't like what they see and look for someone new.
Same concept with Divorce. The partner you have isn't working out for you, so you divorce him/her and go find someone more "compatible."
Courtship is a little different, but I'll let ya'll figure that out for yourself.
scandium
10-24-06, 01:59 AM
I am meating my woman on thursday this week, we have been away from each other for 5 weeks, and I believe that she is loosing interest in me. What should I do?! :-?
I've thought of dinner, flowers and a gift (perhaps perfume). Need more advise than leaving my big club in cave.
I disagree. Why buy the woman anything at all? All that does is shows her that you are trying to buy sex from her (you are aren't you?).
Be a man and just take sex from her. Go out to eat with her. Make her pay for her meal with her money. Go out to the movies. Make her pay for her ticket and her popcorn. Don't open any doors for her. She has working arms, hands, fingers, doesn't she?
Know in your mind that she is thinking about sex with you too. She wants it just as bad. She just expects you to make the first move cause she watches too much TV and reads too many Nora Roberts books. So if that is your goal - DO IT. If she screams STOP or NO or BLOODY MURDER, then stop and just leave her where she lies. She wasn't worth your time if that's the case and obviously she thinks she's too good for you. Suck it up and move on. It will be her loss, and sometime women call you up an apologize for their RUDE behavior. After all, she denied you and herself from doing what you both wanted to do. Shame on her for this! If she does call back and apologize, make HER pay for it and show you just how sorry she is.
Guys need to stop being led to believe that they are second hand people to women, like they're some personal pet for women and are to do-at-my-command slaves for their women. This world and relationships are about working TOGETHER, not about what one partner has done for the other! F**k THAT!!!
I've been happily married for over seven years now and my wife and I started out exactly the way I described above. Once she realized that I truely was interested in her, but that I refused to pay for a thing for her or hold open any doors for her (I let her know ALL this on DATE #1), she agreed. She thinks that all the "Old fashioned" BS of guys opening doors and buying gifts for women they are interested in is just that - "Old Fashioned". Most women view it as a man's way of getting into her pants. Today women work, women vote, and women do just about everything men do, so times have changed. This means dating needs to change.
Let her know on DATE #1 how you see a relationship working. Don't be suckered into the sappy way of dated times and old traditions. THAT IS BS! IF you do that, then you are selling yourself off to her to be a personal pet for her. Notice how I said, "selling". That is what a date is. It's just like a job interview. It is an intimate moment of time where two people are really shopping for one another. If you do things that she doesn't like then most likely she isn't going to buy you. If she does thinks that you don't like you won't buy her.
Unfortunately there is a lot of LYING going on between men and women on DATE #1. She will try to hide her imperfections as well as you will try to hide yours. THIS IS WRONG! Be honest up front and expect the same in return. If she still seems too good to be true then she is LYING and you should not waste your time on her anymore. Suck it up and move onto bigger and better things.
The reason why I tell you this is because IT WORKS!
If you lead a women to think that you are willing to be her personal patsy and slave and buy her things and hold open doors for her then she will ALWAYS expect this from you. This is why divorce is so high. Women expect to always have what you offered to them from date #1. If you sell yourself as a human wallet to her and lead her to believe that you have money then you will ALWAYS have to do this for her. If you start to slow down on buying her stuff she will suspect something is wrong in the relationship and that you no longer desire her. Once she suspects this your relationship is over. Women don't like being made fools of and once she thinks there might be another woman involved or that you might ditch her, she will ditch you first. Trust me - been there, done that.
If you go out to eat - get your favorite, even if it's messy and leaves food stuck in your teeth.
If you have to fart - do it. She probably has to fart also.
If you smoke - then light up
If you chew dip - chew it up
If you laugh really weird - do it in front of her
Bottom line....
JUST BE YOU!
That's pretty blunt but contains the essence of a truth... (most) women are sexually attracted to self-confident guys who do things their own way and the guys who try hard, the "nice guys", get instantly & permanently relegated to the friend role (or simply used).
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