Politically incorrect joke of the day...

[SUBMAN1]

The mayor of Houston Texas was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Houston. The mayor could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Houston was full of pigeon poop. The people of Houston couldn't walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to try to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition. "I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me five million dollars and ask one question." The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.


The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a red pigeon. The red pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Texas sky. All the pigeons in Houston saw the red pigeon. They gathered up behind the red pigeon. The Houston pigeons followed the red pigeon as she flew eastward out of the city.


The next day the red pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall. The Mayor was very impressed. He thought the man and the red pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Houston of the plague of pigeons.


Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 5 million dollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 5 million just to get to ask ONE question.


The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his question.


The mayor asked: "Do you have any red Mexicans?"

[WutWuzDat]

hum... maybe London needs a red rat. :lol: :lol: :lol:

good 1!

[gabeeg]

Sorry, as an Armenian, Albanian-Italian, Irish American I take extreme offense to...wait, sorry...you said "Mexican"...ha, ha Good one!

(Disclaimer: I love Mexicans...the food, the culture...my Sister is half Mexican...umm...half sister, and obviously my Mom at one time had sex with a Mexican, and so have I...but not the same one...and they were not men... uhhh...nevermind).

[Camaero]

Sorry, as an Armenian, Albanian-Italian, Irish American I take extreme offense to...wait, sorry...you said "Mexican"...ha, ha Good one!

(Disclaimer: I love Mexicans...the food, the culture...my Sister is half Mexican...umm...half sister, and obviously my Mom at one time had sex with a Mexican, and so have I...but not the same one...and they were not men... uhhh...nevermind).


uhhhhhhhhh :huh:

[STEED]

:hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :-?

[Yahoshua]

WOMEN ARE EVIL BY NATURE


A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured
alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively
signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she
gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her
hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her
forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her
fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or
paper towels in the ladies room!"

I don't take credit for this one, got it froma friend.

[Yahoshua]

The Purina Diet

I used to have a Labrador retriever. I was buying a large bag of Purina dog food at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog (what a question).

On impulse, I told her no. I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time.

But that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned.

I told her no, that I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.



I don't take credit for this one either.

[Yahoshua]

Subject: Keep the motor running

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year- old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth.

The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "you've got to keep that old motor running".

The following year the young bride gave birth again.? The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"? He again said "You've got to keep the old motor running".

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "Well, well, well!! You certainly are quite a man!"

He responded "You've got to keep that old motor running".

The nurse then said, "Well, you better change the oil. This one's black".

Not this one either...

[Yahoshua]

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

This isn't mine either....enjoy!!

[The Avon Lady]

The Guys' Rules
http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/8653/0fj0.jpg

[Yahoshua]

:rotfl:

So what kind of chocolate works best?

Milk. Dark, White? Crunch?

You happen to have any single daughters?

[Camaero]

:rotfl:

So what kind of chocolate works best?

Milk. Dark, White? Crunch?

You happen to have any single daughters?

uh oh :o