Bad days for me

[Bertgang]

A year ago about, someone posted here about his depression; now it's my turn.

My problem is one of the most common: after fifteen pleasant years, my marriage took a nasty way, and a divorce is in sight.
I can take it easy on the legal side, as it's part of my job, but the emotional side is terrible for me.

I'm loosing the woman I love, a pleasant sexual life, and lot of minor details.
The only advantage could be seen as more time for simulations and games - she never liked them - but this kind of pleasure seems very poor now.

These summer days aren't good at all to find my friends in Rome and, to be honest, maybe I'm not really interested to meet happy married people.

I could say that I feel me alone as a dog, but in fact I'm alone with our dog (she preferred so, to have more freedom during her "thinking time" out of town).

I don't know what my life will be, and the bottle doesn't help me at all.

[joea]

Yikes I don't know what to say. You must have freinds and family you can talk to IRL to help? That is better than looking at an internet forum.

[scandium]

Been there, poor comfort though it may be and as hard as it may be to believe right now it will pass in time. You're right about the bottle too, alcohol is a depressant and it also tends to intensify whatever mood you're in so when you start drinking if that mood is already depressed, it'll just deepen it and the hangover the next day'll only worsen it.

[Skybird]

I copy Joea. Instead of going public, at least use PMs or emails to contact internet buddies you trust. You will like that better in the long run, I think.

And stop that bottle thing. It does nothing good, and every temporary relief comes at a price.

[joea]

Last points, I only drink when I am already in a good mood, or I'll admit when I am a bit stressed but am already relaxing ( I mean after a hard day at work when i go out with friends) :D Really lay off the bottle, oh and no overeating (my weakness when depressed) go do some sports!!!

[XabbaRus]

Sorry dude but is this the place for it? Best chat with friends than a forum.

[Kapitan]

Hey well after not such a long time me and my GF split up but i learning the best thing is too leave her alone no matter how much it hurts you give her the space, there is a saying.

If you love some one let them free if they come back then its ment to be.

One day i hope me and my GF will get back i love her so much, not the same but it works on the same lines.

[bradclark1]

That is better than looking at an internet forum.

Maybe looking for a little compassion?

[SUBMAN1]

A year ago about, someone posted here about his depression; now it's my turn.

My problem is one of the most common: after fifteen pleasant years, my marriage took a nasty way, and a divorce is in sight.
I can take it easy on the legal side, as it's part of my job, but the emotional side is terrible for me.

I'm loosing the woman I love, a pleasant sexual life, and lot of minor details.
The only advantage could be seen as more time for simulations and games - she never liked them - but this kind of pleasure seems very poor now.

These summer days aren't good at all to find my friends in Rome and, to be honest, maybe I'm not really interested to meet happy married people.

I could say that I feel me alone as a dog, but in fact I'm alone with our dog (she preferred so, to have more freedom during her "thinking time" out of town).

I don't know what my life will be, and the bottle doesn't help me at all.

No way to resolve your issues? I'd say to hell with pride for once (been there) and see if it makes sense from a logical perspective. Maybe you both just need to cool off. Sorry to hear that since I know it has got to be hard. I feel for ya.

-S

[joea]

That is better than looking at an internet forum.
Maybe looking for a little compassion?

Well ok but still better to find compassion from friends in front of you in flseh and blood.

[Bertgang]

Sure, it's hard; I'm using the suggestion to leave her free for taking decisions, even knowing that it could work against me.

Not easy at all, but the only way I see.

Skybird is right, it isn't something really fit for a public discussion; I apologize for that, but my mood is terrible and the screen is the only thing I like to wath now.

[jumpy]

^^
surely no appology is necessary here?
:up:

[Skybird]

Sure, it's hard; I'm using the suggestion to leave her free for taking decisions, even knowing that it could work against me.

Not easy at all, but the only way I see.

Skybird is right, it isn't something really fit for a public discussion; I apologize for that, but my mood is terrible and the screen is the only thing I like to wath now.
No apology needed, not we feel bad, but you. But I loosely know two people who adressed the wide public with such personal things - and later regretted it, one even felt ashamed. Internet does not replace true social contact. An alternative is to use google for finding a dedicated self-help group with people who share your experience. Never came across such a place, but I would be surprised if such boards do not exist. However, even that will not replace contacts to humans in flesh and blood, if it is really human contact you seek. I tend to not allow too many people coming too close to me. In earlier years I found the exploration of what was happening in my minb by the help of Tarot or I Ging helpful. But at the time I used that, I already was experienced with these things since quite some time. I do not know how that is with you. A close friend using these tools also can be of very great help. Tarot, if used wisely and competently, is always helpful to make you see your situation neutrally and objectively, without interrfering by wishes how you would like things to be. And that alone is precious advise for helping yourself. If you learn to ask the correct and important questions about yourself - you often already have reached awareness about the answers.In principle, finding answers is easy, in most cases. The problem is that we often need very much time afterwards to admit to ourselves that we already know. In fact, we often roll ourselves together in the centre of our pity or sadness, and prefer to stay there, for the warmth of a known pain feels familiar, and comfortable.Frank Farrelly, Paul Glasersfeld or Fritz Perls would have some things to say about that kind of phlegmatism! :lol: :-j No joke at your cost, Bertgang, but get up and move something, no matter what. Increase the number of options in your life. then you do not depend on a single one that immensly anymore, and can accept it's success or failure more easily.

"Why could angels fly? - Because they take themselves easy!"

[Bertgang]

No joke at your cost, Bertgang, but get up and move something, no matter what. Increase the number of options in your life. then you do not depend on a single one that immensly anymore, and can accept it's success or failure more easily.

"Why could angels fly? - Because they take themselves easy!"

Thanks, that seems the best suggestion.

Tarots and similar things are a bit out of my attitude, as I usually think that they could work only for people believing in them, but to have a good wiew of my whole life and to make some changes sounds well.

Ok, now it's time to move to topics really of general interest.

[kiwi_2005]

Actually no, coming here and having the odd chat on subsim does help, as i found there are ppl here that will listen or put up with me lol when i was going through depression. Depression makes you feel numb, lonely and misunderstood by others which is no fault of theirs. Expect ppl in real life to shun you because they dont understand - unless your told them whats wrong or wearing a T-shirt with a title "Im depressed okay!" then they aren't going to guess instead they will more than likely think your a stuck up snob - because you find all you want to do is be by yourself. Well i did.

Dont drink too much, yeah have a drink but dont get drunk your wake up feeling 10x worse. If you do have a drink dont drink alone, be with friends as much as you can, be with family and talk about it. Coming on here and having the odd chat to us wont hurt we're all a bunch of understandable guys/gals so you wont get ignored. Or do what some have suggested and PM. Anyways all the best to you, your get through it and come out a better person for it.

One of the best medicine for depression is laughter. Buy some comedy movies :D

[Skybird]

A close girlfriend of mine is working in a relation counselling centre. She has a unique medicine against depression after partner have disengaged. She asks them to go to an animal home and get themselves a poor cat. It seems to work so well in a supporting role that colleagues of her have started to copy that method. She now waits for feedback by males whom have preferred to get a poor dog instead. :D I don't mean it as a joke, I know her since 15 years and know her very well, so I know she is not doing some nonsens only.

[kiwi_2005]

A close girlfriend of mine is working in a relation counselling centre. She has a unique medicine against depression after partner have disengaged. She asks them to go to an animal home and get themselves a poor cat. It seems to work so well in a supporting role that colleagues of her have started to copy that method. She now waits for feedback by males whom have preferred to get a poor dog instead. :D I don't mean it as a joke, I know her since 15 years and know her very well, so I know she is not doing some nonsens only.

Yep i reckon your friend would be correct, i remeber my cat (who got run over not long ago) use to have me in fits of laughter, she was a real boost to my system when i need it while suffering depression. For some reason which even Vets could not explain is she would attack her tail always before her feed time. But she would get so worked up and run off running around the place jump everywhere attacking her tail. While in her mood she would then start fighting with the male cats - the male cats were **** scared of her :D
Actually i use to think maybe my cat was depressed too :hmm: Or just plain mental :arrgh!: But yeah my cat use to make me laugh.

Was a sad day when she got run over, i buried her under the apple tree.

[Skybird]

What many doctors would not seriously questions, is that cats can have a significant effect for lowering high blood pressure. they make you relax, and self-reflective, and change certain behavioral patterns that are stress-envoking. I myself have no cat, but find it very soothing and calming to have a cat peacefully sitting next to me or on my lap, and stroking it.

Maybe I should get myself a cat for visiting this forum. :88)

[Bertgang]

I know that the suggestion about animals works, as I'm living with a little dog who is making his best for my mood.

Having it with me is also good to keep a reasonable lifestyle, knowing that I have to prepare two meals and to walk at least half an hour outdoor.

Is that the "pet therapy"?

Don't worry about alcohol friends, I leaved the glasses in excess as not working.

[scandium]

I think this has even been studied, with scientific truth being found in the old adage that "dog's are man's best friend". From personal experience I would think it would apply to kittens/cats as well, as I know my own cat has always been a bit of stability in turbulent times following breakups and the like; then there is the fact that no matter how low you feel, there is still a reason to get up if only to feed the animal... and also there's the unconditional affection they provide which is a good antidote to the depression and loneliness one endures for a time following a breakup.

Plus, compared to women, they are cheaper and lower maintenance. :lol: