View Full Version : Worst naval film
The bbc is currently showing Under Siege.This has got to be the worst naval film ever apart from u-571:nope: :nope: :nope: :nope: :nope:
Godalmighty83
08-02-06, 06:44 PM
anything including steven segal is automaticaly ruined.
including the straight to video 'submerged'
Torplexed
08-02-06, 07:41 PM
My vote for worst naval flick was Pearl Harbor with Ben Affleck. I think it was described once as a infamous surprise attack on an unsuspecting love triangle.
The scene I cringed at most was when they blew some huge pyrotechnics behind some mothballed Knox-Class frigates and Spurance-Class destroyers with the box launchers for the modern anti-submarine rockets clearly visible. Yeah...real immersive.
blue3golf
08-02-06, 08:28 PM
Just reading these titles and reliving the experience of watching these movies makes me want to vomit, my immune system actually thought about taking me out in the middle of these film debacles.
My vote for worst naval flick was Pearl Harbor with Ben Affleck. I think it was described once as a infamous surprise attack on an unsuspecting love triangle.
The scene I cringed at most was when they blew some huge pyrotechnics behind some mothballed Knox-Class frigates and Spurance-Class destroyers with the box launchers for the modern anti-submarine rockets clearly visible. Yeah...real immersive.
Not to mention the gravity defying drowning scene in the aftermarth of the attack (At least my understanding of gravity - maybe someone else can explain)
Actually I don't mind Under Seige - it makes no pretention of being realistic and thats the point. Pearl Harbour claimed to be an accurate film.
Re Pearl Harbor
Take away the three lead actors, the awful love interest, and some dodgy shots, clearly intended for its teenage audience there is actually some very good cinematography in the film. A ruthless re-edit could produce a reasonably good film.
Anyone seen Phantom Below??? According to the reviews I read so far, this one would probably go places in this rating.. :hmm:
As for Under Siege, IMHO it's quite good for a Seagal movie. Popcorn movie, sure, but it never wanted to be anything else, so I dont think one can hold this against the movie.
How was Submerged??? I'm always thinking about renting it just for the fun of it...
Does Hot Shots I count in this topic?! :88)
Godalmighty83
08-03-06, 12:37 PM
hot shots part 1 is a mint film.
ive seen phantom below (tides of war) i wish i hadnt.
Sailor Steve
08-03-06, 04:45 PM
Under Siege? Let's see...Erika Eleniak topless...lots of violence...Gary Busey in drag...at least one great line ("The safest place on this ship is right behind you!")...
What's not to love? Sure it's awful, but it kind of falls into the "so bad it's good" category.
Of course I'll say nice things about it, but I'll never watch it again.
FAdmiral
08-03-06, 06:55 PM
There was a moral to the movie Under Siege:
Never stand on deck when they fire the 16" guns
Quoted by: Tommy Lee Jones
JIM
Marcantilan
08-03-06, 11:01 PM
Watched Under Siege like 5/6 times (but really no more than 2 times complete, in the others I stopped just after Erika Eleniak popped from the cake)
So, I donīt know if I enjoyed Under Siege or Erika Eleniak topless.
nikimcbee
08-04-06, 12:07 AM
My vote for worst naval flick was Pearl Harbor with Ben Affleck. I think it was described once as a infamous surprise attack on an unsuspecting love triangle.
The scene I cringed at most was when they blew some huge pyrotechnics behind some mothballed Knox-Class frigates and Spurance-Class destroyers with the box launchers for the modern anti-submarine rockets clearly visible. Yeah...real immersive.
Ditto,:dead:
my thoughts exactly:nope:
My vote for worst naval flick was Pearl Harbor with Ben Affleck. I think it was described once as a infamous surprise attack on an unsuspecting love triangle.
But there's one part that saved the movie..
When one of the japanese bombs drop next to the guy lying behind the sandsacks. It doesn't explode so the guy stands up and yells "It's a dud!" and BOOOM!!! the bomb goes off immediately... I dunno but I kinda laughed hysterically the next 15 minutes after that :lol:
Wonder if the beers I had already drank had something to do with it :hmm:
Torplexed
08-04-06, 07:22 AM
He probably should have yelled: This movie is a dud! :lol:
When it first came out in the theaters, I took my father, an Air Force veteran who was about ten years old at the time of the actual Dolittle Raid to see it. He shook his head through a lot of the movie but the scene which really got him was when they removed Josh Hartnett's body off the C-47 transport plane in a pine box after returning from the raid over Tokyo.
"THEY DRAGGED HIS DEAD BODY ALL OVER JAPANESE-OCCUPIED CHINA?...YA GOTTA BE KIDDIN ME!"
I still howl when I think about it. :lol:
Subnuts
08-04-06, 07:51 AM
He probably should have yelled: This movie is a dud! :lol:
When it first came out in the theaters, I took my father, an Air Force veteran who was about ten years old at the time of the actual Dolittle Raid to see it. He shook his head through a lot of the movie but the scene which really got him was when they removed Josh Hartnett's body off the C-47 transport plane in a pine box after returning from the raid over Tokyo.
"THEY DRAGGED HIS DEAD BODY ALL OVER JAPANESE-OCCUPIED CHINA?...YA GOTTA BE KIDDIN ME!"
I still howl when I think about it. :lol:
I wanna know how the French resistance managed to sneak Ben Affleck into Pearl Harbor! :rotfl:
Captain Nemo
08-10-06, 07:50 AM
Anyone seen Phantom Below??? According to the reviews I read so far, this one would probably go places in this rating.. :hmm:
Yep, I've seen Phantom Below, not an all time great but purely a fictional tale that has no bearing on any historical event or reality. Did you know that the film is notable in that it has several different editions, one for general audience, another with eight additional minutes for Japanese audiences and one with homosexual themes for a gay and lesbian tv channel.
Nemo
I watched Phantom Below yesterday, and actually I thought it wasn't that bad. As Nemo stated, purely fictional, and with some pretty crappy computer generated images, but it wasnt totally unbearable...
That thing about the several versions sounds pretty funny... I read that somewhere before, but still can't believe it :hmm: although that gay thing sounds plausible regarding the lineup of actors ;) although I fear that lesbians would be pretty disappointed... only one female actor in the movie, and as far as I am concerned, not really hot...
Came to think about a Brokeback Sub version of "Das Boot"... :dead:
I was pretty mad, though, as they never explained why that phantom sub wasn't detectable by sonar... sounds a little like the screenwriters didn't know themselves :|\\
Cheers
Arno
Takeda Shingen
08-10-06, 03:08 PM
I wanna know how the French resistance managed to sneak Ben Affleck into Pearl Harbor! :rotfl:
Rubber ducky innertube.
Takeda Shingen
08-10-06, 03:12 PM
Came to think about a Brokeback Sub version of "Das Boot"... :dead: Arno
Well, there is that one time that the medic and all of the petty officers appear to stare very intently at that seaman's genitals.
Bertgang
08-13-06, 09:07 AM
Watched Under Siege like 5/6 times (but really no more than 2 times complete, in the others I stopped just after Erika Eleniak popped from the cake).
Thanks to this description, I finally understood what movie it was.
On my point of wiew, ir isn't a naval movie: just an example of action/martial arts tale, and not the worst in this category.
Pax Melmacia
08-19-06, 12:17 AM
While on the subject of inaccuracy in naval movies, I wondered what the chances are of a torpedo hitting a submerged sub when aimed solely by WW2 technology sound location. When it happened in 'U-571' I didn't object too much - just another dingleberry in the whole pile of poop. But when it happened again in the respectable 'In Enemy Hands' it got me wondering.
Sailor Steve
08-19-06, 11:11 AM
I've never heard of anyone doing it in real life. I'd guess the chances are pretty slim, especially considering how many torpedoes missed when they were aimed using a periscope and the latest technology for the time.
Watched Under Siege like 5/6 times (but really no more than 2 times complete, in the others I stopped just after Erika Eleniak popped from the cake).
Thanks to this description, I finally understood what movie it was.
On my point of wiew, ir isn't a naval movie: just an example of action/martial arts tale, and not the worst in this category.
I'm not normally a fan of Steven Segal movies but since Under Seige was actually filmed on a real life Battleship i'm inclined to make allowances. That and Erikas bazongas...
Even Erika's bozangas doesnt save the Segal movie.The last time I saw that much silicon was in the desert!
Pax Melmacia
08-23-06, 01:32 AM
I'd guess the chances are pretty slim, especially considering how many torpedoes missed when they were aimed using a periscope and the latest technology for the time.
In both movies German torpedoes were used, and we know how notoriously unreliable they were. The least they could have done was mention that they were using one of the KM"s new acoustic torpedoes.
Grayback
11-06-06, 02:54 PM
While on the subject of inaccuracy in naval movies, I wondered what the chances are of a torpedo hitting a submerged sub when aimed solely by WW2 technology sound location. When it happened in 'U-571' I didn't object too much - just another dingleberry in the whole pile of poop. But when it happened again in the respectable 'In Enemy Hands' it got me wondering.
"In Enemy Hands"? I'll have to check IMDb for that one. While it's probably extremely unlikely, I don't see why it's inherently impossible. Given slow submerged speed of WWII subs, and once you've factored out the target bearing, a spread of torpedoes should have a good chance of hitting something. I think Beach mentioned something like that happening in real life in his anthology "Submarine", and he made a good case for it in "Dust on the Sea".
Frenssen
11-07-06, 01:57 PM
Pearl Harbor - The only time in my life I considered walking out of the cinema, it was an insult to anyone with the slightest WW2 knowledge. Just awful. I was just hoping Affleck would die, but had to wait 3+ hours.
U-Boat In Enemy Hands - I can`t believe fine actors like William H. Macy and Thomas Kretschmann involved themselves with this stinker
U-571 - Haven`t seen it, never will. I fear I will throw my TV out the window, rockstar style:damn:
Pearl Harbour. What a waste of time for all concerned! Tora! Tora! Tora! dumps on PH from a great height!
While on the subject of inaccuracy in naval movies, I wondered what the chances are of a torpedo hitting a submerged sub when aimed solely by WW2 technology sound location. When it happened in 'U-571' I didn't object too much - just another dingleberry in the whole pile of poop. But when it happened again in the respectable 'In Enemy Hands' it got me wondering.
I've never heard of anyone doing it in real life. I'd guess the chances are pretty slim, especially considering how many torpedoes missed when they were aimed using a periscope and the latest technology for the time.
It happened once, and remains the only time in History a Submarine has sunk anouther when both were submerged. Suprisingly though, there is very little on Wikipedia.
The sinking of [U864] was unique in submarine history since both boats were submerged at the time of the attack. [HMS] Venturer detected the Uboat on her ASDIC and developed a good plot using the Type 129 ASDIC in passive mode - to transmit a ping would have given the game away. What Venturer's commanding officer, Lieutenant JS Launders, later described as 'the most shameful periscope drill' on the part of the U-boat, gave him two good sightings of the German's Periscipe. When Launders judged the moment right, he fired four Mk VIII torpedos down the bearing and was rewarded with one hit. When Venturer surfaced, Launders found oil, wooden wreckage and a large metal cylinder, later identified as the container for the Focke-Achegelis FA-330 autogyro: all that remained of U864
I somehow doubt that the depiction of a submarine on submarine submerged duel in U571 is anywhere near a realistic depiction of what happened for real
Grayback
11-09-06, 11:08 AM
While on the subject of inaccuracy in naval movies, I wondered what the chances are of a torpedo hitting a submerged sub when aimed solely by WW2 technology sound location. When it happened in 'U-571' I didn't object too much - just another dingleberry in the whole pile of poop. But when it happened again in the respectable 'In Enemy Hands' it got me wondering.
I've never heard of anyone doing it in real life. I'd guess the chances are pretty slim, especially considering how many torpedoes missed when they were aimed using a periscope and the latest technology for the time.
It happened once, and remains the only time in History a Submarine has sunk anouther when both were submerged. Suprisingly though, there is very little on Wikipedia.
The sinking of [U864] was unique in submarine history since both boats were submerged at the time of the attack. [HMS] Venturer detected the Uboat on her ASDIC and developed a good plot using the Type 129 ASDIC in passive mode - to transmit a ping would have given the game away. What Venturer's commanding officer, Lieutenant JS Launders, later described as 'the most shameful periscope drill' on the part of the U-boat, gave him two good sightings of the German's Periscipe. When Launders judged the moment right, he fired four Mk VIII torpedos down the bearing and was rewarded with one hit. When Venturer surfaced, Launders found oil, wooden wreckage and a large metal cylinder, later identified as the container for the Focke-Achegelis FA-330 autogyro: all that remained of U864
I somehow doubt that the depiction of a submarine on submarine submerged duel in U571 is anywhere near a realistic depiction of what happened for real
Well in -571, the attack began while U-571 was on the surface. Using "their" sonar the Americans were able to at least figure out the other u-boat's bearing (and given the destruction of the S-boat a minutes earlier, there was no question that it was in range and a good bet that it was near the surface). The tricky part IMO was a hit on a target bow-on.
AirborneCZ
11-24-06, 11:08 AM
anything including steven segal is automaticaly ruined.
including the straight to video 'submerged'
__________________
good post
:up:
Captain_Stabbing
11-24-06, 05:13 PM
Nah. The worst naval film ever was the one the recruiter showed me! Only 13 more years to serve!!
Without a doubt, definitely Pearl Harbor.
I've never been so disappointed by a movie. I don't know what is worse, how awful the movie was, or how good it could have been, with all that support and money... I guess we'll never know.:nope:
d@rk51d3
11-24-06, 06:10 PM
Even Erika's bozangas doesnt save the Segal movie.The last time I saw that much silicon was in the desert!
Anybody up for a desert adventure?:rotfl:
Bungo_Pete
11-25-06, 09:19 PM
how about his one...I think it was called "the mary ann" about a b-17 that was part of the group that hit hawaii on dec 7th...I know i know this was an airplane but the last scene was orrible half the the jap navy went under...man when i was a little kid I 8 years old I loved this movie:know:.This movie was allied propaganda at it's worst.There was also another movie about an Italain sub,but I don't remember the name an that sub commander was kretschmer, prien,shultze,mohr,guggenberger,topp...etc rolled into one:doh:
Grayback
11-27-06, 02:31 PM
how about his one...I think it was called "the mary ann" about a b-17 that was part of the group that hit hawaii on dec 7th...I know i know this was an airplane but the last scene was orrible half the the jap navy went under...man when i was a little kid I 8 years old I loved this movie:know:.This movie was allied propaganda at it's worst.
I think you mean Air Force by Howard Hawks. It was propaganda alright, and not even good propaganda. The anti-Japanese stuff seemed over the top as it is, but the way that they had a "big moment" (like a take-off) every few minutes really drove home how much a booster this flick was meant to be. Action in the North Atlantic was also a war movie, but handled its subject more deftly.
Grayback
11-27-06, 07:01 PM
My vote for worst naval flick was Pearl Harbor with Ben Affleck. I think it was described once as a infamous surprise attack on an unsuspecting love triangle.
But there's one part that saved the movie..
When one of the japanese bombs drop next to the guy lying behind the sandsacks. It doesn't explode so the guy stands up and yells "It's a dud!" and BOOOM!!! the bomb goes off immediately...
I was spoiled for that scene by the guy in Saving Private Ryan who takes a bullet through his helmet and lives, and before he's had a few seconds to gloat about how cool that was, takes a second bullet through his forehead. This idiot across the aisle from me took his kids to see this movie, and they laughed like crazy.
Stealth Hunter
11-27-06, 08:13 PM
The worst one I ever saw was definately Pearl Harbor. Good graphics with an absolute cheese storyline. Remind me, how did they manage to drag Harnett's body accross rat and snake and lizard infested, swamp riddled, searing heat and humidity China? A miracle one of the starving soldiers didn't grab it and drag it off into the woods to eat it.:nope:
What about Down Periscope with Kelsey Grammer?:nope: I just got remined how bad it was when it ran on local TV here the other night. Fair enough it wasn't trying to be serious, but even as a spoof it was pretty lame!
d@rk51d3
11-28-06, 04:16 AM
HEY!....... I like that movie:cry:
Grayback
11-28-06, 04:56 PM
HEY!....... I like that movie:cry:
You mean Down Periscope? I was intrigued because it had a great premise, one that was actually timely - the US Navy needs to train against diesel-electric subs because of the proliferation of surplus Russian boats. They could have done it as a serious movie with funny sides - they could have even pitched it that way to the Hollywood execs: Can you see it - "Hunt for Red October" meets "The Dirty Dozen". DP actually resembles that legendary flick in many ways - take a bunch of losers, give them a task they can't possibly accomplush and lo and behold, they pull it off. Now that we've actually had DP, who knows when Hollywood might get around to a decent flick that capitalizes on that idea.
Grayback
11-28-06, 04:58 PM
how did they manage to drag Harnett's body accross rat and snake and lizard infested, swamp riddled, searing heat and humidity China?
By then you've already seen P-40's zoom around like X-Wing fighters, so you're sense of disbelief has already been suspended, detained, flogged and left for dead.
Sulikate
11-28-06, 08:05 PM
What about Down Periscope with Kelsey Grammer?:nope: I just got remined how bad it was when it ran on local TV here the other night. Fair enough it wasn't trying to be serious, but even as a spoof it was pretty lame!
This film is quite funny, but not nearly a serious movie about subs (for example, a WWII american submarine against a modern nuke...)
YES !!! Pearl Harbor
I have never seen like these ridiculous movie ever !!!
If this movie taken in 1940s , it is OK. I can understand.
But it has taken in 2001 !!!
Most of Japanese who have saw this movie (of course including me)
felt ridiculous :smug:
I cant stop laughing when admiral Yamamoto planning
to attack pearl harbor.Because they have discussed in out side pool with shrine gate (!!!)
even it is secret .hahahaha:lol: :lol: :lol:
We should see not pearl harbor but Tora Tora Tora !!!!
The Noob
11-29-06, 04:24 AM
Pearl Harbor is not only the worst naval film, but TEH WORST FILM EVER! :nope:
Down Persicope was quite funny, i like it. ;)
Pearl Harbor was a horrible movie. I agree with zaza -- Tora Tora Tora is a much better way to spend your time.
nightdagger
11-29-06, 10:16 PM
U-571 actually (with the exception of a few scenes) was kind of plausible.
The worst naval movie IMO is Das Boot.
Just kidding, please don't kill me!!! Really, my least favorite was The Final Countdown...A Nimitz-class carrier gets taken back in time to Dec. 7, 1941 off the coast of Pearl Harbor. The only funny part was when an F-14 pair completely pwned a couple of Zeroes. The rest was complete crap. They sent an attack plane to do a recon run when on the flight deck right behind it was an AWACS!
The best part of U-571 was when Bon Jovi got hit in the face by a flying sub hatch LOL
Wife loves Bon jovi :down:
Konovalov
11-30-06, 05:35 AM
The best part of U-571 was when Bon Jovi got hit in the face by a flying sub hatch LOL
:rotfl: :rotfl: That was the best part of what was a most appalling film. I wouldn't buy that DVD even if it was in the bargain basement bin section. :nope:
The Noob
11-30-06, 09:10 AM
U-571 actually (with the exception of a few scenes) was kind of plausible.
The worst naval movie IMO is Das Boot.
Just kidding, please don't kill me!!! Too late dude.
*Presses B*
*Buys AWP*
:p
Grayback
12-03-06, 03:12 PM
Really, my least favorite was The Final Countdown...A Nimitz-class carrier gets taken back in time to Dec. 7, 1941 off the coast of Pearl Harbor.
I loved FC. It was inherently implausible, so I didn't need to factor that into how much fun a movie it was. The dogfight between Tomcats & Zeros was unforgettable - according to legend some of the low-speed/low-altitude maneuvers were came close to disaster. The most memorable thing about FC is the sound effects for radio communication - considering how cheesy FX were in that pre-CGI age (ofcourse they still are cheesy today, but for different reasons), it's great that radio communications from men in airplanes over water actually sound like radio communications from men in airplanes out over water.
They sent an attack plane to do a recon run when on the flight deck right behind it was an AWACS!
Actually, it was a fighter, an RF-8. I don't see why this was a problem, since we had RF-8's for just such a mission. Considering that the recon flight occurred during a part of the story where the crew of the CVN still isn't sure of their situation, the choice of a supersonic fighter over a slow turboprop seems quite apt.
jason taylor
12-12-06, 12:40 AM
pirates of the carribean?
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