Fan Fiction

[darksythe]

Hey guys this is my first attempt at a fan fic. now it is nowhere near complete as it is only the first page of the book, but i wanted to find out if you all thought that i should a. continue writing, or b. give up cause i suck. please let me know what you think.
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Gunter Krey:
Trials Of A U-Boat Commander
By: Mike Young

Chapter 1.
The Assignment.
September 1st 1939 Wilhelmshaven U-boat Pen Number 1

It has been less then 36 hours now since I was ordered to take command of the U-14. I'd suspected that i would be assigned a command of my own, but i did not imagine it would come as soon as it has. Admittedly I am a little bit worried, but I suspect that all officers are on there first command. Upon my arrival at pen #1 it appears that the dock workers are loading on our final torpedo's. {sigh} If only command would have honored my request for The new Type II electric fish to be loaded aboard. Maybe after we return with a few hundred tons under our belts we'll get the opportunity to give them a try. SIR! Ensign Iwan Hartman reporting. At ease ensign how soon will the boat be ready to get underway? The last 2 torpedo's are being loaded aboard now sir. Very well ill be in my quarters send for me once the torpedo's are stowed away. Yes Sir.

Ive been looking forward to this day ever since i joined the Kreigsmarine. The excitement is only overshadowed by my duties. Finally i will have a chance to contribute to the war effort. Every merchant ship i sink will have a direct impact. Every torpedo fired will bring new experiences. Without a doubt this should prove to be both exciting and treacherous for myself and the rest of the crew. As i walk through the boat, my boat I glance around and most of the men (If you can call them men) look no older then 22 years of age. Excepting of course my officer corp. No sooner had i stowed away my personal belongings, and decided that it was time to test the cooks coffee did I hear the first of what would be many knocks at my cabin door before the war is over. Enter. Sir the boat is ready to make way. Very well Ensign Hartman assemble the deck crew.

The deck crew is assembled, and i can hear the hum of the diesel engines. This is it, I think to myself as i climb out of the ladder to the bridge, it's time to head out on our first patrol. Oh what stories we'll have to tell the next time we see the port of Wilhelmshaven. Once up on the main deck im astounded by the sight before my eyes. There's a hero's farewell right here on the docks for our boat. This cant be, I look around to see if there are any other boats leaving port, but there are none. Ensign Hartman cast off all lines. Cast off all lines yes sir. All ahead one third. All ahead one third yes sir. Just as we began to sail away i could hear the band on the docks start to play Ride Of The Valkyries. How appropriate i thought, as the swaying of the deck combined with the that of the song began manifesting thoughts of glory in my head. It was 14.22 by the time we cast off our lines and headed to sea for the first time. The water is calm and the sun is warm on this early September day. Our first assignment takes us to the northernmost extent of our capabilities, as far as fuel is concerned it will be a close call to make it to grid square AF87, make a full days patrol, and return to port. Ensign Maintain a through bow watch you never know what might be floating around in these channels. I'm headed below to speak to the navigator. Yes Sir. Replied Ensign Hartman.

After making my way down the ladder back in to the control room, or Conn for short I quickly squeezed my way over to the navigators table only find that the navigator is getting him self a cup of coffee. Doesnt sound like such a bad idea actually, Lieutenant bring me a cup of coffee if you will, and then let us get down to business plotting a course. Thank you for the cup... Ahhhh well I've had worse. Ok lets get to it. We're ordered to patrol grid AF87 which you can see is NNE of Bergen and may be a tricky trip to make if we want to make it there in a good amount of time. Yes sir it may be difficult but im sure that we will be able to make it there and back without incident. Here is the course i recommend. The Lieutenant drew the course out on a sheet of tracing paper. Looks good Mr. Maddaus make it so. Yes sir he replied. The course we agreed on would get us to our patrol zone in just under a week.

[darksythe]

ok well 30 of you have viewed it but no one has replied to tell what they think some input would be greatly appreciated

[MarshalLaw]

Very detailed, for your first hour or so out of the sub pen. Keep it up. :yep:

Also check out the adventures of U-46 by Laughing swordfish. Another good author that you can draw ideas from.

[AO1_AW_SW_USN]

Good read, Herr Kaleun!

[darksythe]

thanks guys for the feedback guess ill get back to work on it. :yep:

[Luuraja]

Nicely written piece, fictional memoirs of U-boot captain. Very detailed. Umm, I like details.
Keep going on!

I suppose you are Russian, or you have some kind of special connection with Russia. It's your signature...Россия Балтийский Флот.
Btw have you heard about Alexander Gromov's novel "Water-line". Po russki "Vaterlinija"?
First chapters are here: http://www.rusf.ru/gromov/books/book12.htm
Oh how I like hard-science-fiction like Gromov does.
The planet Gromov describes is world of submarines. It consists only of water, anyway advanced technology of 23th century hasn' discovered any core of it. Its commonly believed that the only core of Drop (po russki Kaplja) is formed by sunken submarines... And so the story goes on, with heroes but in very dark colours. Like Gromov likes to describe future...

[Dowly]

ok well 30 of you have viewed it but no one has replied to tell what they think some input would be greatly appreciated

Isnt that annoying!? That´s why I stop writing to threads like this, like my Close Combat 5 After Action Reports thread. Hardly anyone replied, so I though that no one cares and stopped it.

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading that. Please, keep on writing! Always nice to read these! :up:

[U-104]

Can you give me some details about U-14?

[SeaToad]

Very well written but may I make just one suggestion ?
Try setting a mood for your readers by describing what the weather is like and if it's day or night. And the time of year.



Example > Making my way along the pier towards the Sub Pens, I look
out at the harbor and see that the fog still lays heavy
upon the water. And now there is a slight drizzle mixed
in that will make for poor visibility once we set sail.
It's only 0:500 and we set off in just an hours time.
Now I can see U-14 up ahead in its pen.
It appears that most of the crew have already arrived
and the dew from the fog makes U-14 look shiney and
sleek like a shark ready for the hunt.

[Miss Behavin]

I liked it.

Please, do continue.


Cheers!

Miss Behavin'

[darksythe]

Thanks for all the feedback its all been very constructive ive had a sever case of writers block for the last 3 days but im hoping after rewatching Das Boot last night that might clear up today.ive only added about one more page so far but ill let you all take a look at it now.

Ps. please excuse spelling and minor gramatical errors as these will be rectified before final release.

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September 3rd 1939 04.25 Northern Border AN34

It is now coming up on day 3 of our transit and i expect to cross into grid square AN31 within 2 hours. Yesterday morning we submerged U-14 for the first time. The crew was understandably shaken up when some fittings started to leak water, and the hull moaned from the increased pressure. One of the crew suffered what Warrant Officer Carl Kals our ships doctor called a nervous breakdown. He prescribed Seaman Ernst Schuster a full day of bed rest, and suggested that he be allowed to do a deck watch on our next surface run. Ernst is a member of the engineering team 1st watch so i was naturally hesitant to grant him such. The doc made it clear however that if i wasn't going to give Ernst a break I might be dealing with more serious problems in the engineering compartment the next time he had an “episode”. I reluctantly agreed with Doctor Kals, and have assigned Seaman Schuster to first watch deck crew. Hopefully he can handle the pressure or i will be forced to transfer him off the 14 when we return to Wilhelmshaven. Other then Seaman Schuster's breakdown the cruise has been uneventful. Save for the fight that broke out in the crews quarters which from what i ascertain involves a woman named Claudette back at the base. The 2 men involved have been punished adequately by assisting the mess chief in preparing last nights scalloped potatoes. Judging from the rocking of the ship im guessing that we are in less that calm seas. Oh well at least the weather should offer a break from the boring monotony of this cruise. Hopefully it will be foggy for most of the day enabling us to run on the surface. Well its time to head out of bed and get a cup of that oil the mess chief calls coffee, and begin day 3 of our patrol. Good morning captain. Good morning Iwan, would you be so kind as to get me a cup of coffee? Certainly sir. Good man. Lieutenant Maddaus how are we looking this morning? Looking good sir right on schedule I'm expecting to cross into grid AN31 around 06.30. Just what i wanted to hear Ludwig keep up the good work. Captain Krey your coffee sir. Thank you ensign I'll see you on the bridge in 5. Yes sir. It was time to radio our position into to HQ. Our radio operator Seaman 2nd class Erich Ites was already preparing the report when i got to the radio room. Good morning captain. Good morning Erich got the morning report ready? Yes sir i do. Good go ahead and send it. I'll be on the bridge if any messages come in. Very good captain.

So Iwan ready for another day? Yes sir i certainly am. Good to hear, 3rd watch have any sightings? Negative captain they said it has been dense fog all night long. Lucky for us though the seas just started to kick up. Ahh well thats just wonderful saving all the fun for the day shift i see. Yes sir it would appear so. Its just as well theres probably nothing out there anyway, at least at this rate we'll be able to stay on the surface. Maybe we'll get lucky and this fog will stay with us until tonight. One can hope so sir. Indeed one can. Sir can i ask why Seaman Schuster is on deck watch this morning? I drew Iwan away as far as one could on a bridge this small by asking him to come with me to inspect the flak gun. Ok Iwan heres the deal with Schuster. Yesterday he suffered what Doc has classified as a nervous breakdown in the engineering space when the hull started creaking. Doc thinks it will do him good to be on deck watch. I agreed to oblige him on the hopes that the fresh air will help him. So you pawn him off on me? Easy sailor I realize it's **** but the only other choice i have is to either run the engines short one man which we can not afford, or let you run one man short. Now which would you prefer? To deal with Schuster or be shorthanded? I see your point, sorry sir. As long as you voice your concerns out of earshot of the rest of the crew I'll be more then happy to hear you out. Thank you sir. Just as i was about to converse with Iwan about the quality of the coffee this morning when Seaman Ites came over the horn. Captain, Radio, new message received. On my way. Keep your eyes out for Schuster will you Iwan? Certainly sir.

As I arrived in the radio room Erich was decoding the last of the message. Whats up Erich? Nothing much just a contact report from U-{??}. Great whats the chances its of any significance to us. Well sir it doesn't look to me like its going to be any. Then again I'm not the navigator. Well said Erich well said. The message stated that a 1 or 2 ship convoy had been spotted moving westerly at medium speed through grid AN36 at 22.00 last night. No indication of sovereignty Thank you Erich. I'm off to see Ludwig and see what he thinks about hanging around here for a while. Ok Ludwig heres the situation we just received a contact report of a unidentified 1 to 2 ship convoy heading west through grid AN36 at 22.00 last night. Would we have enough fuel to head back into AN34 and investigate? Lieutenant Maddaus checked the fuel level and did some calculations. Well sir it is possible but i wouldn't recommend it we may use up fuel in the process that could be better used for positioning on a convoy or escaping there escorts. Ok keep your current course and speed lieutenant. Will do sir. Ludwig is right it isn't worth the fuel to chase down a convoy behind us that may well be a friendly one.

[darksythe]

please excuse where it says "I realize its poo poo" as it should say sh1t but the forums dont allow that. lol

[Miss Behavin]

Looking good!

Well, instead of 'poo poo' you could always use the German equivalent as I do to get around the censoring.

poopoo = Scheiße

Best wishes!

Miss Behavin'

[kiwi_2005]

Dowly wrote:
Isnt that annoying!? That´s why I stop writing to threads like this, like my Close Combat 5 After Action Reports thread. Hardly anyone replied, so I though that no one cares and stopped it.

I cared :yep: I wonder why you stopped. It was a good read.

And darksythe, i enjoyed your patrol log, keep it up! :up:

[darksythe]

And darksythe, i enjoyed your patrol log, keep it up! :up:

thanks for the reply and stay tuned for further updates

[Dimitrius07]

darksythe

THat was a good read indeed even with my bad English knowlege :up:

Tell me are you from Russia? i am ask thise because of your signature :oops:

[Onkel Neal]

Hey guys this is my first attempt at a fan fic. now it is nowhere near complete as it is only the first page of the book, but i wanted to find out if you all thought that i should a. continue writing, or b. give up cause i suck. please let me know what you think.

Good stuff :up:

[bookworm_020]

Keep going, you soon gather a fan/support group if you keep writing. It would be a great shame as the quality has be good this far. :up:

[darksythe]

Nicely written piece, fictional memoirs of U-boot captain. Very detailed. Umm, I like details.
Keep going on!

I suppose you are Russian, or you have some kind of special connection with Russia. It's your signature...Россия Балтийский Флот.


nope not Russian but i was in command of the baltic fleet for the vmc navy (SC, DW). need to change my sig, now i am the cno.

[darksythe]

oh standby for next update to be posted some time friday.

[KptnLt Eric Karle]

It's well written and has a lot of potential, keep up the good work. One suggestion, the modern convention of writing suggest that it is better to seperate dialogue from the main body of the text for example:

Hopefully it will be foggy for most of the day enabling us to run on the surface. Well its time to head out of bed and get a cup of that oil the mess chief calls coffee, and begin day 3 of our patrol.

"Good morning captain."

"Good morning Iwan, would you be so kind as to get me a cup of coffee?"

"Certainly sir."

"Good man."

"Lieutenant Maddaus how are we looking this morning?"

"Looking good sir right on schedule I'm expecting to cross into grid AN31 around 06.30."

"Just what i wanted to hear Ludwig keep up the good work."

"Captain Krey your coffee sir."

"Thank you ensign I'll see you on the bridge in 5."

"Yes sir."

It was time to radio our position into to HQ. Our radio operator Seaman 2nd class Erich Ites was already preparing the report when i got to the radio room.

"Good morning captain."

"Good morning Erich got the morning report ready?"

"Yes sir i do."

"Good go ahead and send it. I'll be on the bridge if any messages come in."

"Very good captain."

The only other comment I would make is that there is rather a lot of dialog in this passage, perhaps a little more than is really necessary for example when the Kaleun asks for a cup of coffee is isn't really necessary to have more dialog announcing it's arrival. I've done quite a bit of writing and all the advice I've been given is to re-read each passage you write several times and remove anything that is unnecessary to the core of the story. I hope this helps, I really think you have the makings of a good story there and I'm looking forward to reading more.

[darksythe]

It's well written and has a lot of potential, keep up the good work. One suggestion, the modern convention of writing suggest that it is better to seperate dialogue from the main body of the text for example:

Hopefully it will be foggy for most of the day enabling us to run on the surface. Well its time to head out of bed and get a cup of that oil the mess chief calls coffee, and begin day 3 of our patrol.

"Good morning captain."

"Good morning Iwan, would you be so kind as to get me a cup of coffee?"

"Certainly sir."

"Good man."

"Lieutenant Maddaus how are we looking this morning?"

"Looking good sir right on schedule I'm expecting to cross into grid AN31 around 06.30."

"Just what i wanted to hear Ludwig keep up the good work."

"Captain Krey your coffee sir."

"Thank you ensign I'll see you on the bridge in 5."

"Yes sir."

It was time to radio our position into to HQ. Our radio operator Seaman 2nd class Erich Ites was already preparing the report when i got to the radio room.

"Good morning captain."

"Good morning Erich got the morning report ready?"

"Yes sir i do."

"Good go ahead and send it. I'll be on the bridge if any messages come in."

"Very good captain."

The only other comment I would make is that there is rather a lot of dialog in this passage, perhaps a little more than is really necessary for example when the Kaleun asks for a cup of coffee is isn't really necessary to have more dialog announcing it's arrival. I've done quite a bit of writing and all the advice I've been given is to re-read each passage you write several times and remove anything that is unnecessary to the core of the story. I hope this helps, I really think you have the makings of a good story there and I'm looking forward to reading more.

Thanks for the good suggestions ill make sure to implement them in my next release. :up: