Need a witty poet for a Subsim jingle

[Onkel Neal]

ok, I know some of you rascals are pretty clever with words. How about a Subsim poem, based on the Night Before Christmas.... ? I will use the best one in the next Subsim Newsletter with credit. thanks

Neal

[Torplexed]

Words aren't my strong suit but I gave it a try. Maybe some genius could refine it. :-?

T'was the night before Christmas and all though the hull,
Naught could be heard but the mewing of a gull;
The crewmembers were stung with a sullen despair,
No hope of making Christmas depravities in St. Nazaire;
They slung defeated in their hammocks all filled with dread,
Visions of another holiday meal of moldy green bread;
The kaluen still wearing his greasy battered cap,
Was up in the conning tower to avoid taking the rap;
Six weeks at sea without a convoy to shatter,
Now this bad news to boot tasted like fecal matter;
Away to the north there was suddenly a flash,
Could it be a Leigh-Light equipped plane seeking a U-Boat to trash?
The kaluen prepared to duck quickly below,
He'd take her deep and let her lie low;
But then what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer;
The kaluen quickly thought this must be a trick,
An aerial contrapation designed to reduce him to an oil slick;
Getting behind the flak gun he carefully took aim,
It was time to end this sorry voyage of shame;
Now Smash her! Now Lance her! Now make her a Goner!
In a hail of gunfire he'd restore the boats honor;
It was moving so slow it looked ready to stall,
Now lash away! lash away! lash away all!
And the sky was lit up with a harsh pounding light,
The foe would meet his fate in the cold Atlantic night;
Recovering from the glare the kaluen looked for proof,
That the target had been downed without any dispute;
Acrid gunsmoke encircled his head like wreath,
The target was gone....what a relief!
He set out the searchlight to probe for debris,
Yet all he found on the dark bobbing sea;
Were burnt packages, canvas bags, a charred red suit,
Apparently St. Nick and his reindeer had been no match for Das Boot;
Smugly the kaluen resumed course for St. Nazaire,
Secure in the knowledge that Santa would be there;
Judging by the sodden green hair he'd seen it was a lead-pipe cinch,
It wasn't Santa he'd shot down but that American imposter the Grinch!

[Onkel Neal]

Man, that's good! :up:

[Marhkimov]

Hehe, now THAT was witty! :up:

Those darned Americans...

[Oberon]

http://www.subsim.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=46489

Here's one I saw posted in the SHIII section a short time ago :up:

Nice one there Torplexed! :up:

[Torplexed]

Thanks guys. :P Now join me in a chorus of Run Silent Night. ;)

[Oberon]

Run Silent Night, holy schiesse
The sea is calm, the searchlights bright
Round yon Kaleu, father and child
Uboat kapitan so calm and mild
Sneek in heavenly deeps
Sneek in heavenly deeps

Run silent night, merchants fright
Convoy captains quake at the sight
Torpedoes stream from tubes afar
Donitzs hosts cry Alleluia!
Thus, the Uboat wing is born
Thus, the Uboat wing is born

Run silent night, Coastal Command flight
Son of Slessor, complete with Leigh light
Radiant beams from thy under place
With the dawn, more aircraft we face
Donitz, Onkel, who we serve
Donitz, Onkel, who we serve



Well....that didn't go so well :lol:
Guess I should keep to commanding subs, rather than words :-j

[Torplexed]

I like it! I think you may have set Onkel Neal up for next year. :up: