submarine quotes and bits

[Kapitan]

Diving Officer, I believe we are airborne

If ya kill 'em, they don't learn nothin!

Submariners are a special brotherhood, either all come to the surface or no one does. On a submarine, the phrase all for one and one for all is not just a slogan, but reality

Submarine life is not a service, but a religion

Fish don't fart metal !!�

A million dollar house, and the roof leaks

You call this bad? I'll tell you what bad is....Bad is passing test depth at 80 feet per second with a thirty degree down bubble. Compared to that, this is a walk in the park

Submariners are a bunch of intelligent misfits that somehow seem to get along, understand each other and work well together

When you shoot at a destroyer and miss, it's like hit'in a wildcat in the ass with a banjo

Ashes to ashes, dust unto dust,
it may not run, but shine it must,
it may not work, but it will not rust


Helm, bridge...what are you doing 60 degrees off course?"
"Bridge, helm...coming back from 90 degrees, sir

Seeing him is like seeing a UFO, you don't see 'em often, and when you do, no one believes you


Because I was barfing in a bag at the time, Sir


Never Give In, Battle Cry:

Take her fast,
> Take her deep,
> Take her where the fishes sleep..
Damn the depth,
Damn the pressure,
> Take her down just like the Thresher


Captain, we have flooded the main induction...".

Reply from the CONN (CO).."Don't tell ME your problems

SHEESH!, their planesmen are worse than ours! I just saw their whole screw come out of the water!"


Some ships are designed to sink… others require our assistance


no pride in a trident ride

no slack in a fast attack

run silent run deep

[Kapitan]

For the Navy, our common stereotypes include:
Submariners:

- called bubbleheads

- are deathly afraid of women (hence no women on submarines)

- wear sneakers instead of uniform shoes

- are deathly afraid of any loud noise

- listen to whales for fun

SEALs:

- are maniacs that like to kill people

- can only talk about killin’, drinkin’ and “the mission�

- all live on Coronado island

Aviators:

- wear brown shoes, and thus think they are cool

- wear flight suits, and thus think they are cool

- wear dark sunglasses, and thus… yeah, see above

- have to get 6 hours of sleep between operations

- get to drive Nuclear Carriers later on, and in general suck very much at driving the carriers

For submarines, a post I found on military.com:

For all you non-quals out there, here's a short primer on submarine life. enjoy.

Obtain a dumpster. Paint it black, weld all the covers shut except one which can be bolted closed from the inside. Hitch it to the back of your wife's mini van. Gather 12 friends and bolt yourselves inside and let your wife pull it around for several weeks while she does the errands.

Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain. shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack".

Don't eat any food that you don't get out of a can or have to add water to.

Paint all the windows on your car black. Drive around town at high speeds with your wife standing up in the sunroof shouting course and speed directions to you.

Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping.

Repeat back everything anyone says to you.

Sit in your car for six hours a day with your hands on the wheel and the motor running, but don't go anywhere.

Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to "High".

Don't watch T.V. except movies in the middle of the night. Also, have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one. Record The Sound of Music and show it at least every other night.

Don't do your wash at home. Gather your neighbors clothes along with yours, pick the most crowded laundromat you can find, and do the neighborhood laundry in a single washer and dryer. Make sure that 12% of the laundry is lost and 20% of the finished laundry is incorrectly distributed to the wrong neighbor.

Leave lawnmower running in your living room six hours a day for proper noise level. (For Engineering Divisions)

Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.

Sleep with your dirty laundry.

Invite guests, but don't have enough food for them.

Buy a broken exercise bicycle and strap it down to the floor in your kitchen.

Buy a trash compactor and use it once a week. Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub.

Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread, if anything. (Optional--canned ravioli, cold soup, or beanie wienies)

Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator.

Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can, then run out into your yard and break out the garden hose.

Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together.

Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking.

Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a couple of months.

Store your eggs in your garage for two months and then cook a dozen each morning.

Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

Periodically check your refrigerator compressor for "sound shorts".

Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key on a lanyard around your neck.

Lockwire the lugnuts on your car.

When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top.

Every so often, yell "Emergency Deep", run into the kitchen, and sweep all pots/pans/dishes off of the counter onto the floor. Then, yell at your wife for not having the place "stowed for sea".

Put on the headphones from your stereo (don't plug them in). Go and stand in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular) "Stove manned and ready". Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to nobody in particular) "Stove secured". Roll up the headphone cord and put them away.

Write a controlled work package to change the oil on your car.

[martes86]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[lesrae]

This has probably been posted before here, I think I saw it, or a version of it, on Ron Mrtini's site.


Suggestions for the ex-submariner that misses "the good old days on the boat"

1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Two to three hours after you fall asleep, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack".

2. Repeat back everything anyone says to you.

3. Spend as much time as possible indoors and avoid sun light. Only view the world through the peep hole on your front door.

4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. Shower once a week. Use no more than 2 gallons of water per shower.

5. Buy a trash compactor and use it once a week. Store garbage in the other side of your bathtub.

6. Sit in your car for six hours a day with your hands on the wheel and the motor running, but don't go anywhere. Install 200 extra oil temperature gauges. Take logs on all gages and indicators every 30 minutes.

7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to "High".

8. Watch only unknown movies with no major stars on TV and then, only at night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then watch a different one.

9. Don't do your wash at home. Pick the most crowded Laundromat you can find.

10. (Optional for Nukes and A-Div) Leave lawnmower running in your living room six hours a day for proper noise level.

11. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

12. Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.

14. Invite guests, but don't have enough food for them.

15. Buy a broken exercise bicycle and strap it down to the floor in your kitchen.

16. Eat only food that you get out of a can or have to add water to.

17. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. (Optional- cold beans and weenies, canned ravioli or soup).

18. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator.

19. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can, then run to your kitchen with the garden hose while wearing a scuba mask.

20. Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together. Ensure you have parts left over.

21. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking. Never wash any coffee cups.

22. Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a couple of months. Limit showers to weekly for all guests. (Unless they are interested in electronics....force those guests to shower three times daily and wear * bottle of stale cologne following each bathing).

23. Store your eggs in your garage for two months and then scramble a dozen each morning.

24. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

25. Check your refrigerator compressor for "sound shorts".

26. Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key on a lanyard around your neck.

27. Lockwire the lugnuts on your car.

28. When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top.

29. Every so often, yell "Emergency Deep", run into the kitchen, and sweep all pots/pans/dishes off of the counter onto the floor. Then, yell at your wife for not having the place "stowed for sea".

30. Put on the headphones from your stereo (don't plug them in). Go and stand in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular) "Stove manned and ready". Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to nobody in particular) "Stove secured". Roll up the headphone cord and put them away.

31.Tag out the steering wheel, gas pedal, brake pedal, transmission and cigarette lighter when you change the oil in your car.

32. Use kool aid on all your breakfast cereals for 2 months.

33. Fill laundry tubs with oil. Lay in them, on your back, and change the washers on the water spigots.

34. While doing laundry, replace liquid fabric softener with diesel Fuel... savour the aroma of AMR2LL.

35. Install more commodes in your bathroom. Serve many greasy meals and ensure the entire family goes to the bathroom together.

36. Buy bunk beds (3 high type) and convert the narrowest hallway in your home into a bedroom.

37. Just for fun, rig 700 PSI air to the bottom of all toilets. Hold a lottery to determine who gets to control the air valves.

38. Knock a glass of water out of someone's hand and yell 'SPILL'. Shout at them the entire time they clean it up, tell them how worthless they are, then do it again.

39. Give your wife more free time. All the ironing goes under the mattress.

40. Ask for 'permission to enter' whenever you go into the kitchen.

41. At night, replace all lightbulbs in the livingroom with red bulbs.

42. Buy all food in cases and line the floor with them.

43. Replace all doorways with windows so that you have to step up AND duck to go through them.

44. Rope off a small area of your living room, turn off the AC, put on a suit made of garbage bags and mill around inside the roped off area for an hour with a zip lock bag tied securely around your head.

45. Whenever someone enters a room you're cleaning, shout "up and over" at them so they'll go through the attic to get to the kitchen.

46. Tell your kids to "go find me a can of relative bearing grease".

47. Whenever the mailman steps onto your porch, shout "Postmaster General - Arriving" so that everyone in the house can hear you.

48. Paint the windshield of your car black. Make your wife stand up through the sunroof and give you directions on where to drive. Drive through as many big puddles as possible.

49. Have your kids stand at attention every time you enter the room and make them state quite loudly, "Attention on Deck" or "Make a Hole".

50. Start every story with "This is no-****".

51. Order a dozen foxtails and tell your family that there will be no liberty until every thing in the house passes the white glove test.

52. Tell your kids there will be a pressure test in the garage next Monday night. Kid who can take the most turns in the vice will get to stay out later Friday night.

53. Hook-up your air compressor to the sewer line to the house and blow a **** geyser ten feet in the air. Come in side and tell you wife "calmly" I forgot to shut the valve.

54. Make her and the kids clean up the mess.

55. Install a Furnace and Air Conditioner that blows directly on you while you are sleeping. Have the controls so they will cycle to hot and cold in a matter of seconds. Also install a multi-channel entertainment system over your rack that don't work.

56. Install the system above where it will cause a 6 inch vacuum in the bedroom.

57. Set a engine in the living room to run through all this. So when you secure from field day, run like a bat out of hell to shut down the engine.

58. Make you kids some Kool-Aid and add 5 times more sugar than normal and then set it out to get hot.

59. Raise hell with the old lady when she serves steak next time. When she says that the way it can from the store. You ask BURNT?

60. Hire about 20 drunks to come into you house about 1 in the morning and start cooking.

61. Just have someone eat your ass over nothing, daily.

62. Go to the market and buy 100 quarts of milk. Pour them into a large white trash bag and secure. Put the bag into the refrigerator and rename it "The Cow."

63. Remodel your house so as to rebuild your kitchen in the hall closet. Have your family meet there several times a day to walk around in the closet and bump into each other. Have someone shout "millaround in the after battery."

64. Post the Uniform Code of Military Justice on the wall across from your toilet. Highlight the parts that begin: "penetration however slight..."

65.Take the jack handle out of your trunk and install it in the ceiling over your stove. Several times a day, give it 112 turns and yell: "main induction secured."

66. Every Friday morning at 7:30, wake the whole house up and inform them someone is trying to steal the car, then make them clean the whole house for 3 hours, then serve them lunch with consists of 2 hamburgers that have enough grease in them to change the oil in the car for a year, buns that weigh more than a TDU weight, and French fries. Then run various drills in afternoon so that you have to burp into your scuba mask reliving the lunch.

67. Practice walking quickly with your back to the wall.

68. Rope off a small area of your living room, turn off the AC, put on a yellow suit and mill around inside the roped off area for an hour with a zip lock bag tied securely around your head. Insure the family critiques your actions afterwards.

69. Work at golf course maint so you can water golf cart batteries.

70. When your wife throws open the curtains in your closet make sure that the sewer vent is piped into your rack.

71. Cut a hole in the floor of your house and install some batteries. Go down there once a day and take specific gravities.

72. Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor. Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of your bunkmate's sock.

73. Set your alarm to go off at 10 minute intervals for the first hour of sleep to simulate the various times the watchstanders and night crew bump around and wake you up. Place your bed on a rocking table to ensure you are tossed around the remaining three hours. Make use of a custom clock that randomly simulates fire alarms, police sirens, helicopter crash alarms, and a new wave rock band.

74. Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered to your garage and wait two weeks before eating them.

75. Prepare all meals blindfolded using all the spices you can grope for, or none at all. Remove the blindfold and eat everthing in three minutes.

76. Peridocally, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run around shouting "fire, fire, fire" and then restore power.

77. Remove all plants, pictures and decorations. Paint everything gray, white, or the shade of hospital smocks.

78. Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet at all times.

79. Smash your forehead or shins with a hammer every two days to simulate collision injuries sustained aboard Navy ships.

80. When making sandwiches, leave the bread out for six days, or until it is hard and stale.

81. Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port. Go directly to the city slums wearing your best clothes. Find the worst looking place, a nd ask for the most expensive beer that they carry. Drink as many as you can in four hours. Take a cab home taking the longest possible route. Tip the cabby after he charges you double because you dress funny and don't speak right.

82. Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit.

83. Keep the bedroom thermostat at 2 deg C and use only a thin blanket for warmth.

84. Ensure that the water heater is connected to a device that provides water at a flow rate that varies from a fast drip to a weak trickly, with the temperature alternating rapidly from 2 to 95 deg F.

85. Use only spoons which hold a minumum of 1/2 cup at a time.

86. Make sure every water valve in your home has two backups in line which must all be operated to obtain water.

87. Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it or not.

88. Every four hours, check all the fluid levels in your car and log the readings. Check the tire pressure and replace air lost from excessive pressure checks. Be sure to place red tags on ignition stating "DANGER: Do Not Operate" while you perform these checks. Inform your neighbor as to placement of the red tags, the results of the checks, and have him repeat the checks because he did not see you perform them.

89. Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbors have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five.

90. Surround yourself with 125 people that you don't really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, and use foul language.

91. Unplug all radios and TVs to completely cut yourself off from the outside world. Have a neighbor bring you a Time, Newsweek, or Naval Proceedings from five years ago to keep you abreast of current events.

92. Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording on log sheets all vital information (ie: plugged in, lights come one when doors open, etc).

93. Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40 people using the same commode.

94. Lock the bathrooms twice a day for a four hour period.

95. Practice taking a shower with a quart of water.

96. Work in 19 hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body neither knows nor cares if it day or night.

97. Listen to your favorite CD 6 times/day for two weeks, then play music that causes acute nausea until you are glad to get back to your favorite CD.

98. Make your familiy's menu a week ahead without looking in the cabinets, cupboards, freezer or refrigerator.

99. When making cakes, prop one side of the pan while it is baking, then spread icing really thick on the thin side to make it level.

100. Wash your laundry in a detergent that could be used as an insecticide or sheep dip. Make sure you lose at least one sock and one pair underwear every other week.

101. Run a tube from your car's exhaust pipe into your living room, yell "prepare to snorkel", and start the car. You must breathe the fumes for one hour.

102. Stand on your roof once every four days for six hours in the winter and don't let anyone in your house.

103. Spend 3 or 4 hours waxing your floors to perfection. Then, just before they dry, invite the whole neighborhood over to walk across them. Then do it again.

104. Vent your septic into the house and yell "venting sanitaries inboard".

105. Shut off all the breakers in the house and yell "reactor scram', sit in the dark for at least an hour.

106. If any light bulbs should inadvertently go out (ie reactor scram above), make sure you hang danger tags on the light switch, fuse or breaker box, lamp plug or cord, home master breaker panel and also notify the local utility company (maneuvering) of what you are doing and demand their approval. Make sure both you and the wife sign the tags. Next tie a rope to yourself and have someone who just as soon see you dead hold the rope in case you get electrocuted while changing the bulb.

107. Ensure that no matter what kind of job you are working on, there is someone standing over your shoulder instructing you on how to do it better/faster even though they can't do it themselves.

108. Write a procedure in triplicate for every job you do around the house. Have a friend check your work and make a minimum of 5 changes. When finished and the new forms are ready, have your wife verify that the procedure is correct but make ten changes anyway.

109. Find out how long it will take to do a job. Give yourself half the time it should take, then have someone scream at you for not working fast enough.

110. Ensure that every room in your house is drastically different in temperature. If no condensation appears when you open a door, the temperature difference is not great enough. Make sure your bedroom only has two temperatures (100F or 20F) and nothing between. Make sure of hourly cycles throughout the night.

111. Paint all windows black and never go or think about looking outside.

112. Make sure all your personal belongings will fit in a 2'X2' space that has lots of cables running through it.

113. Mount as many sharp-cornered lockers as you can in all the most travelled halls of your house. Leave almost room to squeeze by.

114. Drills:

a. Yell "Torpedo Evasion" and run through the house knocking over everything that isn't bolted down.

b. Yell "Man Overboard" and throw the cat in the pool.

c. Overflow the bathtub and yell "Flooding in the bathroom". d. Put your stereo headphone on (don't plug them in), stand in front of the stove and yell "Battle Stations Missile".

e. Install a fireman's pole and a ladder in your living room so you can practice yelling "Dive-Dive", while the wife slides down the pole while you time her.

115. One after falling asleep, have your wife shine a flashlight (which costs $200) in your eyes and say "sorry, wrong rack."

116. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level or lower. Buy a trashcompactor (but don't use it) and store the trash in the other side of the bathtub.

117. Continuously pop your ears to simulate snorkeling.

118. Sit up from 1130 to 0530 in front of your stove to insure it doesn't turn on by accident.

[Kapitan]

lol an expansion of what i pasted funny stuff

[lesrae]

Sorry mate, didn't read your whole post properly. :oops:

[Kapitan]

lol its ok you one added on more and put in bit i missed :up:

[Type941]

That's some funny shieeet.

Repeat back everything anyone says to you.

Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a couple of months.

[Kapitan]

fights galore

[Bubblehead555]

There are three crews on a boomer ... The Blue Crew, The Gold Crew and the F*cken Other Crew ...

There are only two kinds of submariners ... those that admit beating off and those that lie.

F*ckin' Nukes .... F*ckin' Coners ...

It will get better after the ORSE

ORSE, that lovely time when all the stuff on top of maneuvering moves to Missile Compartment LL

The COB says that we'll go aft and clean before ORSE and the Nukes will come forward and clean before TRE

I swear COB, I don’t know how Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck got hold of my qual card

[Kapitan]

lol funny :rotfl:

[martes86]

That's some funny shieeet.

Repeat back everything anyone says to you.

Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a couple of months.

"- Could you pass me the salt, please?
- Pass the salt, aye sir!"

Yep, it seems quite funny. :rotfl:

[1st Capitan Melechin]

Ohi ohi ohi... NO WOMEN ON SUBS?!? Deathly afraid?!? IDIOTS. No, really, this stereotips are just idiots. I'M A WOMAN (a girl actually) and I LOVE SUBS, maybe more then some other MEN! :-?:-?:-?
Are all girls chicks? No.
Are all girls real submariners? No. But some of them yes...
Anyway, men or women, we're all just SAILORS, that's right?
Best reguards and sorry for bad english and grammar mistakes
Long live subsim :subsim::salute::salute::salute:

[Rhodes]

http://euw.leagueoflegends.com/board/attachment.php?attachmentid=181463&d=1397057628

[Admiral Halsey]

Damn that's a necro!

[Jimbuna]

Eight posts, nine downloads...and so it began to pass.

[Pisces]

9 years, de profundis indeed.

[Sailor Steve]

Nine years, nine minutes - aren't they the same thing? :dead: