Platapus
12-19-24, 04:40 PM
I wrote the first version of this in 1983 while pulling alert duty Christmas Eve at Hill AFB, UT. Salute to all the people working this holiday.
Pending visit of SES-4 Claus on 24 December 2024
An official visit by SES-4 S. Claus is expected late in the evening of 24 December 2024 at our facility. The following procedures will govern activities during Mr. Claus' visit.
1. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice pecial stirring waivers will be issued to staff agencies through
normal command channels. Service divisions will be in charge of granting mission essential mice-stirring permits.
2. Key personnel will deploy their brains for a long winter nap on or about 2200 hours 24 December. Uniform for nap will consist of
- Pajamas, cotton, lightweight, drowsing style, with kerchief, general purpose - (Military members are authorized to substitute Cap, BDU with ear flaps, subdued Rank Insignia.)
3. Personnel will utilize Ration, Individual, Standard, Plums, Sugar Type to enable required visions to dance through their heads. The in-flight kitchen on Andrews AFB will deliver exemplar Sugar Plum Rations NLT 1800 hours 24 December.
4. Stockings, Cushion Sole, Wool Type, White Athletic Style, shall be hung by chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions should be exercised to avoid stocking fires. Unit safety offices will submit stocking hanging plan NLT 0800 hours 22 December.
5. At first sign clatter from lawn landing area, all personnel will spring from their beds to investigate cause. Immediate action will be taken to throw open window sashes and tear open shutters. (Reference OPLAN "St Nick" No. 8, Para 2A, Sec (2), 14 November 1981) All sash throwing and shutter tearing should be in accordance with this directive to facilitate synchronized performance. All commanders are responsible for seeing that no sash throwing or shutter tearing occurs prior to official visit.
6. Prior to midnight, date of visit, all personnel will be assigned "Wondering Eye" positions. After sash throwing and shutter tearing operations, these positions will be manned. Branch Chiefs are responsible for assigning alternate personnel to man "W.E." positions in case the primary is not available.
7. Transportation section will assign one each Sleigh, Miniature, Two Passenger; and Eight (8) Deer, Rein, Tiny Type for use by Mr. Claus. One motor pool driver with roof top license will also be provided, if requested.
8. Mr. Claus will inspect quarters using chimney entrance. All facilities without
chimneys should draw chimney simulator M-4 from Pentagon supply using AF Form 2774 (lining out M-61A1 internal gun in block 4 and handwriting M-4 simulator) prior to 22 December.
9. Personnel should be aware that Mr. Claus sometimes travels with members of his staff. All subordinate clauses should be treated with the respect commensurate with their position. Protocol will make sure that extra Milk, Low Fat (2%), and Cookies, Oatmeal, with Nuts, are left near all fireplaces in the event that visiting party is larger than expected.
10. All key personnel will attend shouting rehearsal at 1200 hours 24
December. Shouting will consist of "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good
night". Division chiefs are responsible for uniformity in shouting.
Christopher Kringle
Protocol Officer
Operating Location NP
Pending visit of SES-4 Claus on 24 December 2024
An official visit by SES-4 S. Claus is expected late in the evening of 24 December 2024 at our facility. The following procedures will govern activities during Mr. Claus' visit.
1. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice pecial stirring waivers will be issued to staff agencies through
normal command channels. Service divisions will be in charge of granting mission essential mice-stirring permits.
2. Key personnel will deploy their brains for a long winter nap on or about 2200 hours 24 December. Uniform for nap will consist of
- Pajamas, cotton, lightweight, drowsing style, with kerchief, general purpose - (Military members are authorized to substitute Cap, BDU with ear flaps, subdued Rank Insignia.)
3. Personnel will utilize Ration, Individual, Standard, Plums, Sugar Type to enable required visions to dance through their heads. The in-flight kitchen on Andrews AFB will deliver exemplar Sugar Plum Rations NLT 1800 hours 24 December.
4. Stockings, Cushion Sole, Wool Type, White Athletic Style, shall be hung by chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions should be exercised to avoid stocking fires. Unit safety offices will submit stocking hanging plan NLT 0800 hours 22 December.
5. At first sign clatter from lawn landing area, all personnel will spring from their beds to investigate cause. Immediate action will be taken to throw open window sashes and tear open shutters. (Reference OPLAN "St Nick" No. 8, Para 2A, Sec (2), 14 November 1981) All sash throwing and shutter tearing should be in accordance with this directive to facilitate synchronized performance. All commanders are responsible for seeing that no sash throwing or shutter tearing occurs prior to official visit.
6. Prior to midnight, date of visit, all personnel will be assigned "Wondering Eye" positions. After sash throwing and shutter tearing operations, these positions will be manned. Branch Chiefs are responsible for assigning alternate personnel to man "W.E." positions in case the primary is not available.
7. Transportation section will assign one each Sleigh, Miniature, Two Passenger; and Eight (8) Deer, Rein, Tiny Type for use by Mr. Claus. One motor pool driver with roof top license will also be provided, if requested.
8. Mr. Claus will inspect quarters using chimney entrance. All facilities without
chimneys should draw chimney simulator M-4 from Pentagon supply using AF Form 2774 (lining out M-61A1 internal gun in block 4 and handwriting M-4 simulator) prior to 22 December.
9. Personnel should be aware that Mr. Claus sometimes travels with members of his staff. All subordinate clauses should be treated with the respect commensurate with their position. Protocol will make sure that extra Milk, Low Fat (2%), and Cookies, Oatmeal, with Nuts, are left near all fireplaces in the event that visiting party is larger than expected.
10. All key personnel will attend shouting rehearsal at 1200 hours 24
December. Shouting will consist of "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good
night". Division chiefs are responsible for uniformity in shouting.
Christopher Kringle
Protocol Officer
Operating Location NP