Parenting Question; 20+ but doesn't want to leave

[Shady Bill]

I searched for a parenting thread where I could place this. I couldn't find one. My apologies if I missed it.


My question is this;

My 20+ year old daughter, all my 20+ year old nieces and nephews (I am talking 22-23 year old "men")...they seem to think its okay to live at home
and not move out??

When I turned 18, many moons ago, first thing kids back then wanted to do is get together with some friends, rent a place. Be independent. Eat pizza 3x a week..

Kids nowadays seem to want to just live at home with mom and dad?? Is this because of covid school shutdowns? Do your kids show this behavior?

I have a 23 year old guy visiting my daughter every day...he greets me, and just marches up to her room. He still lives at home with his mom and dad :o He likes singing to the TV show "Glee" with her. And sometimes he wears pink pants. Not salmon. Pink. The kid works construction mind you...

My wife explains to me since she is an adult, I can't stop her from having a boyfriend.

I get this...but when do these kids move out already?? You can't really kick them out. But grown children nowadays don't seem to want to leave the nest??


Anyone else have this madness going on at their homes?

[mapuc]

First thing that came to my mind was the Adams Family.

Now to the more serious thing.

I lived with my little sister and my mom until I was finish education and just before my military time. Thereafter I have been living on my own.

Is it easy to find apartment where you live ?
Is these apartment cheap-Here I'm thinking 1 bedroom, kitchen, living room and toilet ?

I grew up with 4 sisters-We were 5 in all and I was 15 years old when my parents went through a divorce.

Markus

[Shady Bill]

Yea that is the crazy thing. These are grown kids with jobs. They could all afford to live on their own....they just don't seem to want to, this generation of kids. They don't want to be on their own and fly like little birds should. It is so strange.

[Skybird]

Maybe not read too much into it. More focus on whether or not the "kid" has a goal, is oriented toward something, or ther eis a pragmatic reason for staying at home.

Lets not forget, the economic situation in many places is not inviting, often it simply is unaffordable compared pot the situation 30 years ago, financially, for yung people to finance their own household while still doign job training, university or whatever.

Its also different in different countries. Mentality-wise, but nowadays again also money-wise. And there cna be so many other reasons. Unavailable and thus extremely expensive housing options only.

If she has a goal, a target that simply pragmatically requires or recommends top not move out for a tmeprory move that enbvertehless costs money, then that is okay, I ticked this way myself, too.

If she however is lazy and does not care about her future - then that is something else, and I will not interfere with your internal family issues then.

These are toublesome times, and money and its devaluation, unavailability becomes a real threat. I can understand that the young people today deep in themselves feel kind of fear of leaving the nest that sheltered them for so long. The young ones have it much more difficult today than my generation 37 years back (my Abitur was 1985).

[mapuc]

Yea that is the crazy thing. These are grown kids with jobs. They could all afford to live on their own....they just don't seem to want to, this generation of kids. They don't want to be on their own and fly like little birds should. It is so strange.

This makes it easier for you, even it gonna hurt.

Arrange a family meeting where you explain for your kids that they have 6 month to find them a home of the own-Cause now you want to live the rest of your life with your wife alone

And you could add that you and you wife(Better have a talk with her first about this) has been planning on selling the house and buy a smaller one.

That is what I would do-It would hurt me in my hearts.

Markus

[Shady Bill]

This makes it easier for you, even it gonna hurt.

Arrange a family meeting where you explain for your kids that they have 6 month to find them a home of the own-Cause now you want to live the rest of your life with your wife alone

And you could add that you and you wife(Better have a talk with her first about this) has been planning on selling the house and buy a smaller one.

That is what I would do-It would hurt me in my hearts.
Markus


:hmmm: Sort of like an intervention? Hmmm might be good idea...


Worse of all, my wife promotes this behavior. She *loves* that the kids want to stay with their parents, and all the family events and such.

[Skybird]

Careful with smashing porcellaine prematurely and maybe unnecessarily. First find out what the motivation of her is, her medium-time plan.



And dont tell her you want her to move out because you want to sell the hpouse, if you dont. The loss of trust may hurt your inner-fmaily relaitons for loign time, maybe forever. In families, one should not lie to the other, its the family...!

[Shady Bill]

Lets not forget, the economic situation in many places is not inviting, often it simply is unaffordable compared pot the situation 30 years ago, financially, for yung people to finance their own household while still doign job training, university or whatever.



She works very hard, has a little first job. She takes college classes online, at night. All very admirable.



The problem with this generation often is that they watch TV and music videos and other online obscenities, and they all believe they one day will own their own fortune 500 companies, drive Bentley's and become rich. I guess until they do so, they feel they can live under their parents' roof...even if that means being at home at age 23+...it all is getting out of hand.

[Shady Bill]

And dont tell her you want her to move out because you want to sell the hpouse,


Oh I would never sell my property.



I just want to live on my property, with my wife. Like it was before kids.

Adult kids in the house is weird after a while.

[mapuc]

:hmmm: Sort of like an intervention? Hmmm might be good idea...


Worse of all, my wife promotes this behavior. She *loves* that the kids want to stay with their parents, and all the family events and such.

It is of course very important that your kids doesn't feel they aren't welcome after they leave your home to live by their own.

It's important they know they are always welcome, but it is time for them to stand on their own legs.

I would say that you have a person to person talk with your wife-Where you explain for her what your standpoint is and you are planning on "Kicking" them out.

I could be wrong in my ideas-I'm a loner have never been married or does not have kids.
So it's easy for me sitting here and give advice.

I hope you will find another man with same problem and how he/they solved it.

Markus

[Shady Bill]

Did you know men will ask girls to become engaged to get married, while both people still live at home! Did you know this goes on in the US? Does it elsewhere?

[Rockstar]

I searched for a parenting thread where I could place this. I couldn't find one. My apologies if I missed it.


My question is this;

My 20+ year old daughter, all my 20+ year old nieces and nephews (I am talking 22-23 year old "men")...they seem to think its okay to live at home
and not move out??

When I turned 18, many moons ago, first thing kids back then wanted to do is get together with some friends, rent a place. Be independent. Eat pizza 3x a week..

Kids nowadays seem to want to just live at home with mom and dad?? Is this because of covid school shutdowns? Do your kids show this behavior?

I have a 23 year old guy visiting my daughter every day...he greets me, and just marches up to her room. He still lives at home with his mom and dad :o He likes singing to the TV show "Glee" with her. And sometimes he wears pink pants. Not salmon. Pink. The kid works construction mind you...

My wife explains to me since she is an adult, I can't stop her from having a boyfriend.

I get this...but when do these kids move out already?? You can't really kick them out. But grown children nowadays don't seem to want to leave the nest??


Anyone else have this madness going on at their homes?

What the hell do you mean you can’t kick them out? When I was 15 years old. I was told by my father I had better have a plan because I was not invited to remain home after high school. Though he was kind enough to buy the plane ticket out for me though, helped with some bills too. But that soon dried up.

I said the same thing to my daughter. Get the hell out, find a job, get your own place. I initially helped with some of the bills and she is now on her own.

[mapuc]

Did you know men will ask girls to become engaged to get married, while both people still live at home! Did you know this goes on in the US? Does it elsewhere?

:o

I can only speak for myself here.

If I had a daughter age 23 still living at home with me and my wife and she is getting married-
Then I would say to her kindly..
Sweetheart you are getting married now. A new door opens for you and your husband
I think you two should live this life of your own-Find a little house where you can live and raise your children.

Markus

[u crank]

I knew this guy years back and we were talking about this very thing. Frank told me what his high school graduation present was.

An empty suitcase. :D

[Shady Bill]

What the hell do you mean you canÂ’t kick them out?


You can still do that man? :hmmm: My wife keeps saying I will get arrested. I tell her that you can't be arrested for asking a grown child to leave the home of course.

I don't mind my 20 year old daughter to live at home still. Even though she could afford to live with a girlfriend or something. But the 23 year old man-child boyfriend visiting every night is getting out of hand.

I own a small sailboat, and have considered "boating accident" for the kid but the wife stopped that also.

[Aktungbby]

I've been where your at with my now 33 yearold about-to-be married only daughter. Girls generally pick a copy of their dad so he's likely your clone of sorts!:o (but plays better chess) :O:My daughter informed me "Dad everything he says reminds me of You",...so I had to be nice for the 5 years they've lived together. :yep: This matter is for the girls to handle; stay out of it and "above the fray" in neutral patriarch fashion. Your long suffering wife is actually just avoiding 'empty nest' syndrome! :timeout: As with my mom when I stayed home briefly after college while working as an alarm agent, but moved out on my own at age 22;...some token rent stipend might be in order; but I wouldn't push it either. Plus...I wear pink pants when I golf!:arrgh!: and U only use motor boats for murder; they're faster in the getaways.

[Platapus]

oh boy, this is the story of my life.


At one time or another we have each of The Frau's four "adult" kids living with us. Finally she purchased a condo so they had some place else to live. Occasionally they pay rent.



Currently we are supporting one of her 34 year old daughters, her husband and two kids and there is no end in sight.


There are three issues, as I see it



1. These days there is no shame in sponging off parents like there was in my day. I would have been so ashamed if I was living with my parents as an adult in my 20's. That shame is lacking these days.



2. Parents are not preparing their kids to be independent adults. The number one priority of any parent (any species) is to train the offspring to be able to function as independent adults. I get this from The Frau all the time "I have to take care of them" well, I guess we are screwed. If children are being supported by their parents why would they change?



3. Kids don't want to start at the bottom. The Frau and I live in a nice house and we have a nice life. What her kids don't realize is that it took us each 20 years of living poor and working ourselves up to the current standard of life. Her kids (and I assume a lot of kids) want to smoothly continue the quality of life that their parents scrimped and saved for decades to be able to afford. The fact that they may have to live a lower standard of living when they first start out is unacceptable to them.


But ultimately, it is the parent's fault. In my family, it was made very clear to me that when I turned 18 it was "time to go forth and earn thy fortune" with the emphasis on the going forth. I could not wait to get out of my parent's house. They made my life miserable. It was not until years later that I recognized the wisdom. If they had coddled me and felt guilty responsibility to provide me with everything they earned, why would I leave. By making it uncomfortable, they were encouraging me to do what I needed to do.



That I feel is what is missing these days and is certainly what was missing in The Frau's parenting.



Unfortunately, if they are already in their 20's it may be very difficult to get them to change.



You have to find a way to motivate them to move out. It is not easy and they will "hate" you for a while. But after a few years on their own, they should recognize the wisdom of Tough Love.

[mapuc]

While I played some game I came to think of what my Mom said to me while I lived at her place together with my little sister. I guess I was around 21 years old then.

Son I'm not kicking you out, 'cause I know how much you earn as student and how much it cost to have your own apartment and all the rest. I will however, if you decide to live under my roof, have monthly payment.

If I remember correctly my Mom wanted 1000 Swedish Kronor each month. this was for the room and food.

I did not protest at all-More sad I didn't think of it by myself.

Markus

[Skybird]

She works very hard, has a little first job. She takes college classes online, at night. All very admirable.

So she is under full steam!? Sounds as if she tries what she can to imporve her life situation, but either cnanot afford an own household, or has plans with that money she earns!? Maybe to make independence affordable in the future?

With 20, I really see not the big problem so far when people are not lazy in hotel Mama. People are different, some are eager to conquer the world, some less so, and such differences are fine. Who says we all must tick according to the same norm?

Just a few decades ago, often three generations lived under the same roof, btw. It had its pros and cons.

Ask her for her plans. Its the obvious thing to do.


And no, not everbyody is a ripe, matzure adult at his 18th birthday. Some are early. Some need more time. Thats how it is.


20, my God, whats the problem. As long as she is not lazy and just dreams through the day, but indeed seems to follow her charted course that she has plot. It makes no sense to say "back in my days it was like this and that." Times have changed, so has the world. It starts with costs of living in big cities, and ends with mere availability of flats, places to stay, student homes, whatever. Its all much more difficult than at my time back then, and I would not need to do it again today.

[Shady Bill]

Girls generally pick a copy of their dad so he's likely your clone of sorts!:o (but plays better chess):O:
Plus...I wear pink pants when I golf!:arrgh!: and U only use motor boats for murder; they're faster in the getaways.

You salty bastard, even now you burn my chess prowess, in a non-chess related thread :har:

You offer wise advice though.

My wife claims I owned and wore a salmon colored, long sleeve shirt when we started dating. I find this doubtful...but maybe...

Pink pants on the golf course are wonderful. But you don't wear bowling shoes to a wedding. The kid is a 6'4" construction worker...stay away from tight fitting pink pants imo. But that is our wonderful, new generation. Very colorful bunch to say the least.

[Shady Bill]

This was sobering to read. This could be me in a few years.




Unfortunately, if they are already in their 20's it may be very difficult to get them to change.



My wife is very similar. I finally convinced her last year a 19 year old girl should do her own laundry. I often tell my wife she should abandon motherhood and just start a church to our daughter. Become a nun. Our daughter can do no wrong in her eyes. Often frustrating.

Thank you for those insights, as sobering as they are.

[Shady Bill]

Improve her situation?



Sounds as if she tries what she can to imporve her life situation, but either cnanot afford an own household, or has plans with that money she earns!? Maybe to make independence affordable in the future?


I take it you don't have a 20 year old daughter, Skybird? Make-up and clothing...that's where 75% of her money goes :haha: Hence my concerns.

Her and her boyfriend are "saving for a house"...at current rate of saving they will be looking at homes in the year 2032.

Just a few decades ago, often three generations lived under the same roof, btw. It had its pros and cons.

I had my mother-in-law live with us during Covid for 8 weeks...I nearly killed the woman. The three generations thing won't work for me :o

[Commander Wallace]

I've been where your at with my now 33 yearold about-to-be married only daughter. Girls generally pick a copy of their dad so he's likely your clone of sorts!:o (but plays better chess) :O:My daughter informed me "Dad everything he says reminds me of You",...so I had to be nice for the 5 years they've lived together. :yep: This matter is for the girls to handle; stay out of it and "above the fray" in neutral patriarch fashion. Your long suffering wife is actually just avoiding 'empty nest' syndrome! :timeout: As with my mom when I stayed home briefly after college while working as an alarm agent, but moved out on my own at age 22;...some token rent stipend might be in order; but I wouldn't push it either. Plus...I wear pink pants when I golf!:arrgh!: and U only use motor boats for murder; they're faster in the getaways.


You were completely remiss in your responsibilities, Aktung. Your number one priority was to make sure your daughter didn't date anyone who was even remotely like you. :haha: When I dated different women, the mum's liked me, the dad's, not so much. I'm sure the dad's thought I had ulterior motives where their daughters were concerned. I did but how did they know ? :haha: Occasionally, it was just the opposite.

Sky kinda hit the nail on the head. With current economics / Inflation, rents have gone through the roof. Kids today would eat all their meals out. Then they complain they have no money to pay bills. A woman that I dated had no idea how to buy / cook in bulk. I would make things in a 13 quart roaster pan / oven. I would leave a little in the fridge for the week and freeze the rest. I portioned everything out in 1 meal containers. I did this with everything. I grew up watching my mum cook and only figured it out later she had been teaching me. We would talk after I got home from school in our huge kitchen. Same with laundry and other things. The only time I ate out was while on a date. On dates, I also would make dinner at my place or they would make dinner. I budgeted everything. Kids today have very little in the way of life skills.

I played in bands in high school and on graduating, we hit the road and were gone. Later with college and service along with the previous bands, It wasn't that I ever moved out. I was just never home and stopped going home altogether, if that makes sense. I was only a phone call away and would see the folks for dinner maybe once a week or every two weeks when things settled down.

Oddly enough, when one or the other of my parents were Ill, I would go home to look after them and my room was just as I left it years before. I would end up staying and leaving for work from there instead of my place.

The economy and inflation has everything screwed up and more and more families are working and combining their resources just to get by.

Maybe these kids are listening to Rodney Dangerfield as he graduated college at 0:48


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF0MilNDV1I


Good luck.

[les green01]

I searched for a parenting thread where I could place this. I couldn't find one. My apologies if I missed it.


My question is this;

My 20+ year old daughter, all my 20+ year old nieces and nephews (I am talking 22-23 year old "men")...they seem to think its okay to live at home
and not move out??

When I turned 18, many moons ago, first thing kids back then wanted to do is get together with some friends, rent a place. Be independent. Eat pizza 3x a week..

Kids nowadays seem to want to just live at home with mom and dad?? Is this because of covid school shutdowns? Do your kids show this behavior?

I have a 23 year old guy visiting my daughter every day...he greets me, and just marches up to her room. He still lives at home with his mom and dad :o He likes singing to the TV show "Glee" with her. And sometimes he wears pink pants. Not salmon. Pink. The kid works construction mind you...

My wife explains to me since she is an adult, I can't stop her from having a boyfriend.

I get this...but when do these kids move out already?? You can't really kick them out. But grown children nowadays don't seem to want to leave the nest??


Anyone else have this madness going on at their homes?

boot them out make them pay rent and bills once they are 18 your job is done comes to the bf get a 12 gauge when my daughter first started dating i told the boy i been country all my life and have castrated a lot of animals a human being aint nothing but an animal every time he seen me sharping my hunting knife he break the speed record for the dads with daughters younger than 18 get a casity belt and lose the key

[Eichhörnchen]

In the UK you're perfectly within your rights to show them the door at 18, but as Sky suggests - they often just can't afford to move out. People are finding it next to impossible to service a mortgage now (and this is about to get a whole lot worse) and rent prices are even crazier

But if they want to have adult relations then I'd say it's pretty disrespectful of him to routinely march upstairs - if that's what they're doing. Maybe they should get a room for that kind of thing?

My son is 21 and lives at home for the one good reason that he's autistic and couldn't cope on his own - he has to be watched out for all the time. That has nothing to do with this really but I wanted you to know that I am a parent of a 20-something so have a view

Hopefully things will improve economically for them if indeed it's the case that they can't afford to live together... but they must surely know they're only on borrowed time here? Wives always seem to want to hang onto the kids for as long as possible it seems, so yours is going to see this differently to you I'm afraid - it's her 'baby' - so she's going to need some persuasion!

[Jimbuna]

I consider myself very lucky, my lad commenced a seafaring career at age sixteen and within two years had purchased his own property.

My daughter went to university but upon graduating she married and purchased her own property.

Should either or both decide to return for any reason, the door will always be open and that is the reason the wife and I have not downsized property wise.

[Shady Bill]

Thank you all for your input. What worries me a bit is that there is very little middle ground. It seems either you give in, or you kick them out.

We charge rent, $200/month, which she pays dutifully. My wife will then turn around every month and pay my daughter's $50 phone bill. I remind her we already pay for her wireless internet, car insurance, etc. etc.

Her universal response is; "well that is what parents do, now isn't it?"

And it is rather hard to counter that one I will admit (and I say this at the cost of having my chess skills berated once more by Aktungbby vis-a-vis "lack of counter moves" :haha:)

I would now like to address this post individually:


Sky kinda hit the nail on the head. With current economics / Inflation, rents have gone through the roof. Kids today would eat all their meals out. Then they complain they have no money to pay bills.

(1) This is so very very true. I don't get it. Her and the boyfriend eat out constantly...not bad food either, nice stuff. I often look in the fridge and the restaurant leftover boxes alone offend me. They are black and fancy. Only places that use black colored, fancy scripted leftover boxes are expensive restaurants.

So if my wife and I consider going to "Culver's" (for my European friends, Culver's is "fancy" McDonald's) as our date night, but my 20 year old daughter and her boyfriend go to "Chez Jacques" or whatever every Friday, and drop $100...I am harboring these fugitives...what kind of clown show has this become?

Kids today have very little in the way of life skills.

(2) I agree, did our school system fail us? I 100% believe it is a parent's job to teach a child right from wrong. But basic life skills? While parents are busy working, and paying taxes to their town, can't we expect something in return for dropping her off at school every day for 8 years?

If I had a son, I would send him to the service for 4 years. I would even let him pick the branch. Where do you send a daughter? You have to be more delicate maybe?

The economy and inflation has everything screwed up and more and more families are working and combining their resources just to get by.

Kids nowadays seem to use the economy as an excuse. They all have high paying jobs, scream 'Inflation, inflation!" and then spend enormous amounts of money on luxury goods. My wife and I looked in her "tackle box" of make-up once. My wife said; "oh its not bad, probably $500-$600"..I almost jumped out of the 2nd story window. Glass and all.

Her 23 year old boyfriend, who lives at home, showed me his "new laptop". It was a $2800 computer. Literally, more expensive than all my electronics combined. Kids are insane and I think this generation of children might be gaslighting us a little bit.

Good luck.
Thank you

[Shady Bill]

I consider myself very lucky, my lad commenced a seafaring career at age sixteen and within two years had purchased his own property.
My daughter went to university but upon graduating she married and purchased her own property.


Should either or both decide to return for any reason, the door will always be open and that is the reason the wife and I have not downsized property wise.


You are indeed insanely lucky. But this might be due to the equal distribution of males and females in the household. As the lone wolf, I often get bullied by the females that gang up on me. I thought Mr. "pink pants" would even things out a bit. But he always sides with them.

[mapuc]

I can say this.

It doesn't surprise me that you want them to move out while your wife feel comfortable with the current situation.

Men are more eager to cut the (forgot the word)
And
Women are more eager to keep this (forgot the word)With their children.

Men(Husband) want their offspring to learn how to live on their own.
While Women(Wife) want to keep them safe as long as possible.

(This above is something I remember from a program about Human nature-Parenthood)

Markus

[Commander Wallace]

@ Shady Bill.

It sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place. You're dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. I will assume you have spoken with your daughter and " Mr. Pink Pants " and it went no where. Probably you would have better luck talking to a house plant. I well and truly hope it gets better not only for you, but Platapus, Aktung and everyone else who is going through similar circumstances.

My own dad and various uncles were involved in the heavy construction trade. By default, I started working with them at 7-8 years old. I just did clean up then but also mixed mortar and carried bricks in brick tongs, if anyone knows what they are. Mixing mortar is a back breaking job and I do have back issues today, probably as a result of my work then. As I got older and more experienced, I did more. By today's standards, what I did then could and would be considered child abuse. We also operated car and body shops. I worked in all of them doing the dirtiest jobs no one there wanted to do.

Years later, I was at a social function with my family in attendance. My dad said to me while talking with others there, " you learned a lot working with me." In my usual flippant manner, I said, " you're right dad. I learned I never wanted anything to do with heavy construction." Everyone had a good laugh. My dad just looked at me and smiled. He said, " That's great. You have learned the the greatest lesson I was trying to teach you." He further explained that by seeing what hard work was and experiencing it first hand, I would " buckle down " in school and go to college and learn and not waste my time. Suddenly, " the light bulb came on brightly." My dad was right and I told him so. I admire both my parents more and more as time goes on.

My dad always told others that were young and upset with their living conditions at home. " If you are so smart, move out now and get a job while you still know everything. "

It's not easy being a parent. I'm sure you're doing the best you can do under the circumstances. As the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.....

@ Eichhörnchen (https://www.subsim.com/radioroom/member.php?u=329818).

Your situation and circumstances are completely different, with Lawrence. Considering the uphill battle you and Moira and indeed Lawrence himself has had, you and Moira have done a fantastic job. You and I have talked over the years on Lawrence and your situation.

What's even more amazing is that you and Moira raised Lawrence without the benefit of an " operating manual " to know the best way to do things with Lawrence. You and Moira had to learn everything about Autism " on the fly " :yep: While some parents are remiss in their responsibilities or are hamstrung or have their " hands tied behind their backs, " You and Moira did exceedingly well in teaching and raising Lawrence. :yep:


Well done. :Kaleun_Salute:

[Skybird]

I take it you don't have a 20 year old daughter, Skybird? No. :)Make-up and clothing...that's where 75% of her money goes :haha: Hence my concerns.

Ah, so not as much oriented on a realistic goal, but living from one day to the next!? If so, this makes your worries clearer.


Hot tar and feathers may do the trick. :O:

[Shady Bill]

has plans with that money she earns!? Maybe to make independence affordable in the future?



I showed this to my wife, we both had a good laugh Skybird :haha:


I said to her laughing loudly; "Come look at what this guy wrote!" :D

[Shady Bill]

I well and truly hope it gets better not only for you, but Platapus, Aktung and everyone else who is going through similar circumstances.

We also operated car and body shops. I worked in all of them doing the dirtiest jobs no one there wanted to do.


It is nice to see I am not alone in this madness. We all love our children. But enough is enough. You can only handle them for so long and quite frankly I thought 20 years would be the number, but maybe not. I will continue to wait out the situation for now. My dad turned 89 this month and is in great shape. With any genetic luck I can wait them all out :hmmm::D
When adult children start doing adult things with boyfriends/girlfriends, it is time to get out of the house.

I also worked in my dad's garage. I helped my uncle restore RVs, which by today's standards would equate to child labor at times, but I call it having had a "full life" as a young person. I have nieces younger than my daughter, and it is actually quite troublesome how much of their time is spent staring at their phones.

The minds of our children are being completely changed, I will go as far as using the word "altered", by social media. I have found the best way to get their attention is to shut down the internet. If I want peace I shut the router down and blame AT&T. I once had to make a pretend call to Comcast to get peace and quiet and stop Youtube from blaring at full blast. I spoke to nobody for a good 5 minutes in front of other people. It was insanely delusional, but felt very rewarding in a strange way. I kept the router off for a good 8 hours, it was wonderful. That night the lone wolf won.

[Eichhörnchen]

@ Commander Wallace

Thank you kindly, CW - there is however more help now than there used to be: we were easily able to get him his placements in special schools throughout the years, one of which also held "Early Bird" classes for parents. But there never could be a manual to cover this issue because all autistic folks are different: as they say, when you meet one autistic person then you've met only one autistic person!

Now he's finished college and become an adult, they do provide a daytime group there called "Adult Skills" (he can go every day if he wants but I take him just on Mondays and Fridays) - they just do fun things, like plane spotting at Conings by (I'd have liked to have gone on that trip :haha:). And because of his disability he gets this totally funded by the local authority - we couldn't afford it

[mapuc]

Where has this...Nature of revolting against the parents gone ?

From this documentary parenthood-It was said that it's natural that young people is revolting against their parents and leave the nest.

Markus

[Shady Bill]

Where has this...Nature of revolting against the parents gone ?
Markus


Very astute observation. That revolt against parents has gone. Strange isn't it?

[Shady Bill]

@ Commander Wallace

Thank you kindly, CW - there is however more help now than there used to be: we were easily able to get him his placements in special schools throughout the years, one of which also held "Early Bird" classes for parents. But there never could be a manual to cover this issue because all autistic folks are different: as they say, when you meet one autistic person then you've met only one autistic person!

Now he's finished college and become an adult, they do provide a daytime group there called "Adult Skills" (he can go every day if he wants but I take him just on Mondays and Fridays) - they just do fun things, like plane spotting at Conings by (I'd have liked to have gone on that trip :haha:). And because of his disability he gets this totally funded by the local authority - we couldn't afford it


I have a nephew who has Asperger syndrome. He is a bit older (24 I believe) and still lives with mom and dad but does incredibly well. He even is taking college classes. He is my favorite nephew, and I always tell him that. The kid has zero filter. He will tell you straight to your face what is wrong if he doesn't like something you do or say.

I always tell him; "max, you're the only honest one in the whole family" :haha: He once told my mother-in-law her outfit looked terrible at a Christmas party. Before we left that night I hugged that kid so tight. It is one of my better Christmas memories I must admit. He is a lot like myself in many ways I suppose.

[Eichhörnchen]

^ My wife Moira just had a good chuckle at this :haha:

They do tell it like it is - our boy once levelled his finger at the end of a waiter's nose and asked him, very loudly, why he "Has a woman's voice". Honest if you heard this guy on the phone you would think he was a female

Aspergers folks are more able to get by in the world of "Neurotypicals" and 'high-functioning' ones especially so. They are often fine with the everyday stuff and can be very good at concealing their 'difference' and learning when not to say something. Our lad is on a different part of the autistic spectrum and needs someone on his case to keep him on-task... he'd be happy to spend all day gaming. But he does try hard at everything he's given to do and his good nature and funny antics make him a pleasure to be around

[les green01]

the biggest problem with today kids is they get baby a lot,i can be sitting on the bus kids are tearing up stuff i'm like you know your parents might be working hard to get you that stuff their answer we don't care as soon has i could walk my dad had me working that was to pay him back for food,clothes and roof over my head honest parents should become Gunny with a slice of USMC old style boot camp

[Shady Bill]

Should either or both decide to return for any reason, the door will always be open.

I always jokingly tell my daughter I will turn her room into an opium den the minute she moves out. :haha:

But someone before made a very good point. If you look at her room it has; large screen TV, Play station 5, record player, make-up station, queen size bed, laptop with free high speed internet, music gear...there is a trombone up there that I bought her a couple of years ago when that madness entered our lives. Long story short, why would you leave all that?

My bedroom as a teenager had a desk, a lamp, books and a bed. That is about it.

[em2nought]

It could be worse, they could have joined the military with good ol' Brandon as their commander in chief.

Maybe you could get them interested in being digital nomads. They might as well live cheaply in some interesting foreign places and see a bit of the world while they're still deciding if they're ever going to leave home. You might subscribe to International Living and leave it laying around were they can find it.

[Commander Wallace]

I also worked in my dad's garage. I helped my uncle restore RVs, which by today's standards would equate to child labor at times, but I call it having had a "full life" as a young person. I have nieces younger than my daughter, and it is actually quite troublesome how much of their time is spent staring at their phones.

The minds of our children are being completely changed, I will go as far as using the word "altered", by social media. I have found the best way to get their attention is to shut down the internet. If I want peace I shut the router down and blame AT&T. I once had to make a pretend call to Comcast to get peace and quiet and stop Youtube from blaring at full blast. I spoke to nobody for a good 5 minutes in front of other people. It was insanely delusional, but felt very rewarding in a strange way. I kept the router off for a good 8 hours, it was wonderful. That night the lone wolf won.

We seem to have a lot in common in our upbringing and experiences. I can't tell you how deeply saddened I am to hear there is someone else out here like me. :har: I think I have Asperger syndrome as well. I also have " Zero Filter. " I went to school and took tact classes and failed three times. Each time, my grades were worse than the previous time. I eventually reconciled myself to the fact that that I have no tact. :yep: My lady tells me that all the time. My reply is always the same. Don't ask me a question if you don't want to hear the answer. :yep::haha:

You had mentioned cell phones. I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate cell phones. I have almost been hit a number of times on my motorcycle by these complete idiots on their cell phones while driving. This doesn't even begin to address cell phone use at work. Addiction comes in many forms and cell phone use is among the very worst.


^ My wife Moira just had a good chuckle at this :haha:

They do tell it like it is - our boy once levelled his finger at the end of a waiter's nose and asked him, very loudly, why he "Has a woman's voice". Honest if you heard this guy on the phone you would think he was a female

Aspergers folks are more able to get by in the world of "Neurotypicals" and 'high-functioning' ones especially so. They are often fine with the everyday stuff and can be very good at concealing their 'difference' and learning when not to say something. Our lad is on a different part of the autistic spectrum and needs someone on his case to keep him on-task... he'd be happy to spend all day gaming. But he does try hard at everything he's given to do and his good nature and funny antics make him a pleasure to be around

We have a good friend who is retired U.S Army and rides motorcycles in our group. In fact, most of the riders in our group are ex-military or former police officers. He has a son who has Autism. His son loves motorcycles and rides along with his dad. He is I believe 20 now. He functions pretty well and has gone to culinary school. Socially, he is a bit backwards but all of us who ride motorcycles with his dad understand his situation and we are good with things. The son with Autism seems to have bonded with us. He seems to instinctively understand that we are misfits and feels we are kindred spirits. :har:

Unfortunately, the son with Autism weighs in at 265 lbs. His dad's solution was to buy a Can Am Spyder 3 wheeler. Now, the dad doesn't have to worry about balancing his weight and his son's at a stop light. I greatly admire our friend's commitment to his son's health and well being. Hopefully, we will have a safe and great riding season, next year.