Christmas Cracker Jokes

[blackswan40]

Christmas Cracker Jokes


What do you call Russian Napkins ? Soviets


Why did the Scarecrow get a promotion ? because he was outstanding in the Field

[Buddahaid]

Wow, language barrier on the first one. I must research.

[Aktungbby]

serviette!:Kaleun_Party:

[Rockstar]

What do you call someone from Florida that burst into flames?


A Fire Cracker.

[Eichhörnchen]

Moira didn't get any crackers this year so I've had to make up my own jokes... how about this

Q: What is the dolphins' favourite Christmas carol?

A: The First Narwhal :D

[vienna]

That's a whale of a joke... :D






<O>

[Eichhörnchen]

It served its porpoise

[Aktungbby]

/\WE KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM:D: https://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showpost.php?p=2635122&postcount=8677 (https://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showpost.php?p=2635122&postcount=8677) MERRY CRISTMAS! FOLLOWED BY THEBERBSTER'S Yes they like to have a whale of a time.
Peter
How you can tell that Santa is real?
You can always sense his presents!

[Catfish]

Moira didn't get any crackers this year so I've had to make up my own jokes... how about this

Q: What is the dolphins' favourite Christmas carol?

A: The First Narwhal :D
Is this for "Novel"? Wait, was there a Narwhal in the stable?
And why dou call this 'carol', you could call it as well a christmas evelyn? :hmmm:
English... :o

[Eichhörnchen]

No-No-No-No-Noel!

And I don't know why we call them Carols... they might as well be called Moiras

[Jimbuna]

What did Santa do when he went speed dating?

He pulled a cracker.

[Eichhörnchen]

Q: What kind of pizza does Santa like?

A: Deep pan crisp and even

[Jimbuna]

Why did Santa go to the doctor?
Because of his bad "elf"!

[Eichhörnchen]

Santa's motorbike?

A Holly Davidson

[Eisenwurst]

How many letters in the Alphabet???

25, the Angel said Noel.

[Jimbuna]

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!

[Eichhörnchen]

What's our dog's favourite Christmas carol?

Bark, The Herald Angels Sing

[Eisenwurst]

Why does the Angel at the top of the Xmas tree have a long dress???

Cause she's got bad legs.

[Moonlight]

What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?
Merry Christmas to ewe!

What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime?
Season's Bleatings!

[Catfish]

"How the Angel got on top of the Christmas Tree"

"It was a particularly bad year for Santa and before he knew it, Christmas Eve had arrived and he wasn't ready.

The elves were on strike.
The reindeer were unruly and during a test run had crashed the sleigh.
No one was cleaning the stables and the smell was horrible.
Rudolph's nose wouldn't light because he had a cold.
Mrs. Clause, having burned batches of cookies, was refusing to bake any more until the oven was fixed; and, to top it off she was endlessly nagging poor Santa.

It was about the time that Santa was at the end of his patience with the Christmas Angel descended from the heavens and said:

"Santa, I have your Christmas tree. Where should I stick it?"






(already posted this in the joke thread but i guess it was waltzed over by Jim's jokes :O:)

[Rockstar]

...






(already posted this in the joke thread but i guess it was waltzed over by Jim's jokes :O:)


I dont think Jim can keep up, no doubt he's already run out of crackers.

[Jimbuna]

No, not at all.

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!

[Eichhörnchen]

Yes you have, you're already recycling (:D) my old ones:


https://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showpost.php?p=2643685&postcount=14

[Moonlight]

They're bloody amateurs Mr Squirrel. :O:

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve.

[Jimbuna]

Never realised :haha:

:oops:

What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?
Sandy Clause!

[Eichhörnchen]

What do skunks sing at Christmas?

Jingle Smells

[Moonlight]

What's the favourite Christmas Carol of new parents?
Silent Night.

[blackswan40]

Why do Milking Stools only have three legs?

Because the Cows got the Udder

[Eisenwurst]

What do elves post on Social Media??

Elfies.

[Eichhörnchen]

Who says "Oh-oh-oh"?

Santa walking backwards

[Jimbuna]

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
Santa Clues!

[Moonlight]

Where do mistletoe go to become famous?
"Holly" wood

[Eichhörnchen]

What goes 'Black-White Black-White Black-White' ?

A Penguin rolling downhill

[Rockstar]

You are really good at this Mr. Squirrel.

[Eisenwurst]

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck??

A Christmas quacker.

[Jimbuna]

What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!

[Eisenwurst]

What's the best Christmas present??

A broken drum, you can't beat it.

[Eichhörnchen]

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?

Jungle Bells

[Jimbuna]

What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, thump?
Santa laughing his head off!

[Moonlight]

Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping.

[Eichhörnchen]

What does a soccer team do when the pitch is flooded?

They bring on the Subs

[Moonlight]

Excuse me for being a bit thick Mr Squirrel but what's the above post got to do with christmas?

Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.

[Eisenwurst]

Why does Santa live at the North Pole??

'Cause that's where his house is.

[Jimbuna]

Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it 'soots' him!

[Eichhörnchen]

What do you call a snowman in the Summer?

A puddle

[Moonlight]

What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
First, YULE LOGon

[Eisenwurst]

What do you get if you eat the Christmas decorations??

Tinnsilitis.

[Eichhörnchen]

What do you call Father Christmas when he stops walking?

Santa Pause

[Buddahaid]

This thread is actually funny if you speed read it.

[Jimbuna]

Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!

[Eichhörnchen]

How many lives did the cat have that Hitler got for Christmas?

Nein

[Jimbuna]

What's Santa's favorite type of music?
Wrap!

[Eisenwurst]

Did you hear about the kid who was scared of Santa?

He was Claustraphobic.

[Moonlight]

What's another name for Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses

[Eichhörnchen]

Where do the elves go for their Summer holidays?

Santa Parks

[Eisenwurst]

What do snowmen like to do on weekends?

Just chill out.

[Jimbuna]

Where do elves go to dance?
Christmas Balls!

[Eichhörnchen]

How do you phone your list to Father Christmas?

Ring the Call Santer

[Eichhörnchen]

How did Darth Vader guess what Obi-Wan had got for Christmas?

He felt his presents

[Eisenwurst]

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

Arrested.

[Eichhörnchen]

What's the favourite xmas decoration in North Korea?

Missile-toe

[Jimbuna]

Who is Santa Claus married to?
Mary Christmas!

[Eichhörnchen]

Who drank all the booze at Christmas?

Thirsty the Snowman

[Moonlight]

What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke?
This one will "sleigh" you

[Jimbuna]

Who is Santa's least favorite reindeer?
Rude-olph!

[Eichhörnchen]

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend at Christmas?

Reached for the toilet paper

[Eisenwurst]

What do elves learn in school?

The Elf a bet.

[Jimbuna]

What do elves post on Social Media?
Elf-ies!

[Eichhörnchen]

What does Santa use to blow up the Elves' party balloons?

His icicle pump

[Moonlight]

Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him

[Eisenwurst]

Why did Rudolph cross the road?

Cause he was tied to the chicken.

[Eichhörnchen]

What does a dyslexic snowman have for a nose?

A parrot

[Jimbuna]

What's worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!

[Jimbuna]

Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!

[Eichhörnchen]

What was Adolph's favourite Christmas dinner?

Roast goose-step

[Jimbuna]

What do you call Rudolph with lots of snow in his ears?
Anything you want, he can't hear you!

[Eichhörnchen]

What is Santa's favourite glue?

An igloo

[Eisenwurst]

What is Good King Wenceslas's favourite pizza?

Deep Pan, crisp, and even.

[Jeff-Groves]

Why is Santa the only one with flying raindeer?

Cause he's Elfish!

[Jimbuna]

What did Santa ask Rudolph about the weather?
Is it going to rain dear?!

[Eichhörnchen]

What's Dracula's favourite Christmas Carol?

Silent Bite

[Jimbuna]

Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!

[Moonlight]

Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
Because it soots him

[Eichhörnchen]

What carol do the penguins sing at Christmas?

In The Beak Midwinter

[Eisenwurst]

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas Eve.

[Jimbuna]

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!

[Jimbuna]

When is a boat just like snow?
When its adrift!

[Eichhörnchen]

What did the Christmas tree fairy say to the elf?

"I can see your house from up here"

[Moonlight]

What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?
A rebel without a Claus

[Jimbuna]

What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!

[Eichhörnchen]

Why don't Santa's helpers smoke cigarettes?

Because they're not elfy

[Eisenwurst]

Did you hear about the Christmas Eskimo lottery?

You had to be Inuit to win it.

[Jimbuna]

What did one snowman say to the other?
I couldn't hear them, so I have snow-idea!

[Eichhörnchen]

What did the snowman's scarf say to the snowman's hat?

You go on ahead, I'll hang around

[Eisenwurst]

http://i.imgur.com/NWlL8V2.jpg

A bit off topic by not being a Christmas Cracker joke... but I'm sure the adjudicators will let it slip by.

[Jimbuna]

Where do snowmen keep their money?
In a snowbank!

[Eisenwurst]

What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree?

Nice gnawing you.

[Jimbuna]

What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?
Chill!

[Eichhörnchen]

What do parrots sing at Christmas?

The Polly And The Ivy

[Jimbuna]

What do you call a snowman who vacations in the tropics?
A puddle!

[Jimbuna]

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder!

[Eichhörnchen]

What do cows sing at Christmas?

'Dung-Dung Merrily On High'

[Jimbuna]

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!

[Jimbuna]

What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
Quit hanging around!

[Jimbuna]

What is a Christmas Tree's favorite candy?
Ornamints!

[Eichhörnchen]

Why did the tree fairy blush?

Cos she saw Santa's sack

[Jimbuna]

What do you get when you cross a pine cone and a polar bear?
A fur tree!

[Jeff-Groves]

Why does Santa go down chimneys?
Cause it soots him.

[Jeff-Groves]

Why does Santa have flying Rain Deer pull his sleigh?
Cause the Cats ate all the flying mice.

[Jeff-Groves]

What does Santa have in his sack?
I don't know but if you grab it he'll say "Ho Ho Ho!"

[Jeff-Groves]

Mrs. Claus is actually.......
Section 1703, Sub Section 3b, Article 4.
In the case Santa Misses your house said Santa can not be held liable.

[Jimbuna]

Why wouldn't the cat climb the Christmas tree?
It was afraid of the bark.

[Eichhörnchen]

What's the favourite food at the North Pole?

Brrrrrritos!

[Jimbuna]

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!

[Eichhörnchen]

^ How now, Jimbo... https://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showpost.php?p=2643616&postcount=12

Why don't polar bears eat penguins any more?

They can't get the wrappers off

[Jimbuna]

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!

[Eichhörnchen]

What do you call a penguin in a toga?

Julius Freezer

[Jimbuna]

What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!

[Eichhörnchen]

What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost

[Jimbuna]

What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards!