2018 Subsim Fantasy Football Season - It Begins [Archive]

Gut Wrench

09-11-18, 12:33 AM

Nighthawks Take Off
Obliterate the Nation

Here we go folks, it's Week One in the Subsim Fantasy Football League.

But hold the phone - and not for John Gruden (Tony Romo replacement - ehhhh). There's controversy before we even get the first game of the year started.

This Years Draft was held aboard the International Space Station and the divisions were aligned. The Sub Simmers Division is made up of the Helmand Nighthawks, the Who Dat Nation and the Black Cats. Between these three teams, they own five of the last six years Torpedo Bowl Championships. In the Surface Skimmers Division, the three teams are the the Drunk Monkeys the Australian Taipans and the Guns of Hochuli - the Gunners being the only team to have ever won a Torpedo Bowl.

There has been an international outcry, with the Commissioner receiving telephone calls from @therealdonaldtrump, #TheQueen and several squirrels. The backlash of putting the three strongest teams in the same division has never been higher.

The Commissioner has been in a number of talks and to prevent the previous years Torpedo Bowl participants form reappearing in the same division, they will be separated as of next year.

"It's all about bringing balance to the universe," The Commissioner is quoted at a recent press conference.

Now that we have next years divisional alignment completed, let's look at this years immediate controversies.

But before we get into this weeks highlights, here's the most important message you need to hear.

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On the eve of Patriot Day, we remember the word of our first Patriots on United #93 - "let's roll".

Phone call for Le'Von Bell, Mister Bell, phone call."

Crickets.

Having been drafted by the Black Cats as their first overall pick, Bell is currently on a hold out. His current contract with the Cats has not been inked. It is rumored that Bell wants a Subsim Tshirt, a Subsim calendar and a Subsim mug. Coach FYC has asked Bell to buy his own stuff form the Subsim Store (http://www.subsim.com/store.html), but Bell has refused to.

As we go through the games, Bell's absence becomes pivotal for the Black Cat game.

Let's go around the grounds and work out what happened.

In Wembley, England, the Helmand Nighthawks got to open their season against their Torpedo Bowl opponents the Who Dat Nation. The Nation, after having been graded as having the best draft, got sunk by the Nighthawks. The Nighthawks put up a season opening record score, and the second highest score of all time. The damage could have been greater had the Nighthawks not started the Chargers (DEF) which resulted in a negative score. The Who Dat Nation were outplayed both through the air and on the ground, with their only bright spot being Antonio Brown (WR) for 24 points. The Nighthawks serve notice in week one that they want the Torpedo Bowl with a demolition of the Who Dat Nation 211 - 129.

In a surprising turn of events, the Drunk Monkeys showed up for their first away game at the Guns of Hochuli. The Monkeys have been a dormant team for the last few seasons, but, they have still managed to have a hand in the final standings, stealing important wins when they had not business doing so, disrupting the post season. The Gunners under Coach Casey have been the third best team in the league for the past seven years, the unfortunate victim in two seasons of the Monkeys stolen wins. Not this week though. Coach Casey was having none of the hype surrounding the joint ownership of the Drunk Monkeys between Coach Thad and some mystery woman. As if to impress the royalty, Michael Thomas (WR) finally showed up for the Monkeys after seasons of disappointment to put up 44 points. The Monkeys though still need to expand out from a one dimensional team as the Gunners ground game just ran roughshod over the Drunk Monkeys. Guns of Hochuli open the season with a convincing win over the Drunk Monkeys with a 186-154 point victory.

Our final game was the Black Cats hosting the Australian Taipans. The Cats have had their in house tremors with Bell and the Taipans came in to capitalize on that disruption. The Cats and Taipans have met n opening day for the last three years with the Taipans holding a 2-1 advantage. Drew Brees (QB) stated that if he needed to carry the team, he would as he threw for over 430 yards and 3 touchdowns for 43 points. The Taipans had a monumental scare when their starting QB Aaron Rodgers was carted off the field when he was told that his new girlfriend Danica Patrick is not that attractive. Rodgers came back to put up three touchdowns to keep the Taipans in the game until Monday Night. The Cats, perhaps distracted by the Bell issue, started both Amari Cooper (WR) and the Rams (DEF) - a rookie mistake which kept the Taipans in the game until the fourth quarter. Taipans were able to hang in with the Black Cats until the Rams (DEF) intercepted and returned for a pick 6. Final score Black Cass defeat the Taipans by the week's narrowest margin of 155 - 136

So after Week One - where do we stand?

Half the league is 0-1, the other half is 1-0.

Next week, we come back across the pond to the opening day for the Who Dat Nation as they host the Guns of Hochuli. The Nation and the Gunners are marked by the Vegas bookies to finish second and third, but which team will finish higher could be dependent on the result of this game in the second week. The Nation need to not let the Gunners get away with a 2-0 lead and the Gunners can separate themselves form the remainder of the division.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the first time in three years, Antonio Brown (WR) is not going to receive the opening week MVT. For the effort of 29 rushing yards, 2 rushing touchdown, 9 receptions for 112 yards with a receiving touchdown, and a 2 point conversion, for a total score of 49.10 points, this years opening week goes to Alvin Kamara (RB) of the Helmand Nighthawks, the Week One MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

09-17-18, 10:19 PM

Black Cats Purr-Fect
Taipans score 190, still lose.

Week Two in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and with the exception of one team, the immaculate seasons are over. We'll find out which previous dual Torpedo Bowl winner didn't, which Gun didn't fire, we'll set a new high in a losing record, and we'll stare in disbelief as we look at the table and go "what the hell happened here?".

Now before we get into the happenings of the weekend, let's find out about the most important happening for you this week.

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On any given weekend it can happen. A team can go into a match expecting to come away with the W, and after 60 minutes, (or in some cases 75 minutes) come away with the wrong W - the W of "what happened. In the rain soaked Carolina's. fans turned out in their life rafts for a lake shore view of the Black Cats hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. Both teams are former Torpedo Bowl winners but the Nighthawks have been the dominating force in the Subsim League for the last few years. Not this weekend though, as the Black Cats caused the first major upset of the season. Not even with Greg Zuerlin (K) in pre game swimming drills pulling a muscle could the Cats be denied. The Nighthawks dual running game threat of Jarvis Landry and Alvin Kawana who dominated the Nighthawks game in the week prior were able to break through the Raiders (DEF) of the Black Cats. For the second week in a row playing a man down on the field, the Black Cats have just wiped the scoreboard of the Helmand Nighthawks and opened up Pandora's box of play off implications - and it's only week two! Black Cats come home strong and defeat the Helmand Nighthawks 145 - 132.

In the high scoring game of the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Australian Taipans, the Monkeys new assistant coach acquisition, an as yet unnamed and unidentified skirt, the Monkeys now have as many wins this week as they had last season. How is this possible for a team that could barely show up to suddenly turn up and become a power house of the Subsim League? Who could of predicted that? Oh wait - the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) have been saying for years that if the Monkeys just showed up occasionally they could be legitimate fantasy team. As this week they had to score a lot of points to get in front of the Taipans. Monkeys Deshawn Watson (QB) who was playing later after missing the team bus, was completing his final passes of the day to surpass 300 yards, and give the Monkeys a lead. Taipans played hard against the Monkeys as these two teams racked up almost a combined 400 points scoring. Ezekiel Elliot (RB) was the last player on the field needing just 12 more yards to secure the win for the Taipans, but ran out of time. (Should have played overtime, everyone else did. ) Setting a league highest losing score, the Taipans 190 points fall short of the Drunk Monkeys who hang on by the slippery banana peel of 195 points. The win has massive implications for the league pending the results of our match of the day.

After having been pummeled in the opening weekend, the Who Dat Nation returns home this week for long time adversary the Guns of Hoculi. The Gunners have yet to make any moved on their team while the Nation has already waived two players. At home, the Nation's crowd roared as the WR corp of Antonio Brown, Deandre Hopkins and A.J. Green bulldozed their way over the Gunners, outscoring them 2 - 1. Who Dat Nation gains redemption for a surprise week one loss by accounting for the Guns of Hochuli with the biggest blow out of the week, 173 - 114.

The week have several unexpected results that weren't apparent as the games were playing out. The leader board looks like this.

The Black Cats lead the league and the division at 2-0 and are the only team left undefeated. Their two wins, one of which is unexpected, is sending shivers through the league as the fans wonder if the cats are returning to purr-fect form.

At the bottom of the ladder, the Australian Taipans have their first 0-2 season in the history of their club and are thanking their lucky stars that they are only one game out of contention. Although it is only week two, the Taipans have lost both their games by the narrowest margins.

Now the middle of the league is where the real interest lies, and it doesn't start with the Helmand Nighthawks. The Drunk Monkeys high scoring victory over the Taipans propels the team to the #2 seeding on a count back of divisional standing. With the Black Cats and the Drunk Monkeys holding the #1 seed in each division, the title race is well and truly on.

The loss by the Nighthawks drops them to 1-1 also and within their division they also take the #3 seed on a count back to the Who Dat Nation. The Nations victory over the Guns of Hochuli wasn't enough to propel them to the top of the charts, but it did allow them to leapfrog the Gunners, dropping them back to the #5 seeding.

Did anyone see this coming? The Nighthawks and the Nation not leading the division? The Black Cats and the Monkeys leading their divisions? Next week our match of the day is unexpected battle of 1-1 teams as the Guns of Hochuli host the Hemlamnd Nighthawks. The Nighthawks get their second match of the day in three weeks because they're not leading the league, and a loss for either team could see them as the wooden spooners.

Did anyone think that these two teams were be fighting it out for last place? It can happen in Subsim Fantasy League.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Who do we go to, given the turned table and the unexpected emergence of two teams not know for their domination? We have to give it to the league leader. For the effort of 7 receptions for 109 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total score of 35.90 points, the ASW are proud to present Travic Kelce (TE) of the Black Cats the Week Two MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

09-24-18, 10:38 PM

BLACK CATS REMAIN ONLY UNBEATEN
Who Can Skin Them?

Week Three in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and only one team remains unbeaten. We'll go around the grounds and find out who won, who should have won, who had no business winning, and what does this mean for the dynasty teams?

But before we do that, let's make sure that you get the following important message.

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This weeks match of the weekend was the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. Both teams were at 1-1 and perhaps their own players felt that this game was not important enough to show up for. Gunners RB Dalvin Cook and recently promoted Nighthawks kicker Dan Bailey phoned in their appearances for he weekend, from the beach. Both players were simultaneously ejected form the game and both players scored 0. With each team now playing a man down, the Nighthawks showed the way lead again by Alvin Kamara with 66 rushing yards and 15 reception for 124 yards - for a RB. Gunners RB duo of David Johnson and Tyree Hill collectively failed to score combined points to catch Kamara, leaving the way open for the Nighthawks to get their second win of the season. Nighthawks defeat the Guns of Hoculi 177 - 105.

Meeting for the second time in three weeks, the Australian Taipans had a disappointing home opener when the welcomed the Black Cats in. After a close game in week 1, the Taipans were looking to stop the rout of L's and finally get on the board. It was not to be. Taipans QB Tom Brady, brought in after the injury to their starting QB, may as well been playing with a broken collarbone only throwing the length of the concession stand. Conversely, the Black Cats QB Drew Brees put on a showcase performance that have left the media wondering if the Black Cats can go undefeated. The Taipan were able to cover the field in all positions except at QB, where they failed miserably. Black Cats advance to 3-0 and drop the Taipans to 0-3 as they "Brees" their way through in a 159 - 148 victory.

In Oregon, the Who Dat Nation have been asking the question, "Who Dat Come In and Beat The Crap out of us." The Nation were hosting the Drunk Monkeys, whom we've chronicled have a new female Assistant Coach. Perhaps she should have her own team they way she's lifted the Drunk Monkeys from "wasted potential" to championship contenders. The Nation failed to start one RB leaving the Monkeys a map up for the entire game. Not even a late game supreme scoring effort of Antonio Brown, who is yet to win a 2018 MVT, could help the Nation stop the Monkeys going bananas with their second win of the season. Drunk Monkeys run out convincing winners 149 - 119.

A quarter of the way to the post season and the league score board looks like a squirrel in a drainpipe.

The Black Cats lead the league and their division at 3-0, a game clear of their nearest divisional rivals. Whispers among the league question the validity of the Black Cats lead as they have played the bottom of the league team twice, to achieve narrow victories.

The Drunk Monkeys win of the Who Dat Nation elevates them to #2 in the league and the divisional lead of the Surface Skimmers Division. The Monkeys have come from nowhere and continue to amaze with their performance when they show up. The Monkeys share a 2-1 league record with the Helmand Nighthawks who accounted for the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners fall to 1-2 and share the second bottom step with the Who Dat Nation. Still to record a win this season are the Australian Taipans.

Next week we follow the league leaders as the Drunk Monkeys host the Black Cats in a soft top of the leader battle. The Black Cats can open up a two game lead on the league with a win, while the Drunk Monkeys can cement themselves as a viable championship contender with a win. It's a top of the table quest that doesn't involve the Nighthawks or the Nation. Again, we keep asking, who would have thought that this could occur.

It's still early in the season so we'll see in week 16 if we're still talking the same tune.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In the previous two weeks it was hard to determine which single player lifted their team to victory. Not this week. This week it was a unanimous decision on the part of the ASW. For the effort of 396 yards and 3 passing touchdowns, and 7 rushing yards for another 2 touchdowns, for a total score of 52.04 points, the ASW are proud to present Drew Brees of the Black Cats the Week Three MVT. This gives the Cats MVT in back to back weeks.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

10-01-18, 10:29 PM

IMMACULATE SEASON OVER
New League Leader

Week Four in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and the '72 Dolphins can pop the champagne, the immaculate season is over for all teams in the race to the Subsim Torpedo Bowl. We'll go over this weeks results, work out who the new league leader is reset the table as we go around the grounds.

As important as that is, the following is the most important message you'll have all day.

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It was the match which would determine who would lead the league. It was the match that would set the stage to determine whether the Drunk Monkeys had the fortitude to swing through the branches and show their red rump to the remainder of the league. What we didn't know was it was also the week that Coach FYC would schedule the wrong players and start the game without a starting RB (Adrian Peterson) and a Kicker (Geno Gano). Oh the embarrassment. Handed a gift win on silver plateau the Monkeys still showed up with a full contingent of players and just started their systematic demolition of the Black Cats. It was never going to be close, it was always going to be "by how much" even when the Monkeys do start the Browns (DEF). In the end it was 50+ point demolition. When the final whistle sounded, the Drunk Monkeys were 180 - 129 winners, with the head-to head countback handed the Drunk Monkeys, the league lead.

The Guns of Hochuli fans were seen leaving the home field well before the conclusion of the games this week as they fell to the visiting Who Dat Nation. The Gunners Coach Casey had an all-star team lead by Russell Wilson (QB), but a failure of the wide receiving corps to score any touchdowns, has left the Gunners languishing. They were not aided by the DEF (Vikings) who scored -3 points to detract from their total. Who Dat Nation skipper Phillip Rivers (QB) systematically racked up 28 points with Deandre Hopkins (WR) scoring another 38 points to complete the trail of destruction against the Gunners. Final score, the Who Dat Nation rallies over the Guns of Hochuli 149 - 94.

Helmand Nighthawks traveled on the longest "away" game of the year as they headed down under to the Australian Taipans. The Nighthawks have been stunned of late, unfashionably losing games and just not showing the historical dominance that the team is known for. The Taipans have been the surprising cellar dwellers this season, scoring a lot of points but not enough to generate that first W. That all changed this weekend as Taipans jumped out early on Thursday night to a 33 point lead. Now, the Nighthawks are not some lame ass team, and, once again, potential league MVT Alvin Kamara (RB) once again showed that he is worth the money that Coach Chris is not paying him as he steamrolled for another league leading 47 points. The Nighthawks make only one error in the weekend, in starting both Mike Evans (WR) and Chicago (DEF), but the damage was limited as Evans failed to reach the end zone. The Taipans, who are 0-3 in close games, were not going to let this one get away, and needed until early Monday night to finally put this one away. The Taipans get their first win of the season, with a record points score for the season, 219 - 190.

The surprise winners this week have scrambled the league. Let's take this apart as a collective equation to work out where the teams lay.

The win by the Drunk Monkeys over the Black Cats catapults the Monkeys to the league lead with a 3-1 record. The loss by the Cats ends the run of the last undefeated team and they drop to second in the league. The Black Cats, playing in the strongest division within the league, lead the Sub Simmers by a game.

The Helamnd Nighthawks and the Who Dat Nation are tied at 2-2, but the Nighthawks hold the count back. These two teams were expected to fight it out for the league title, are currently poised to jostle for the lower tier championship. The Australian Taipans and the Guns of Hochuli, both within the Surface Skimmers division, have given the Drunk Monkeys a two game lead as both teams languish at 1-3.

The messiness of the championship is somewhat offset in that flexible scheduling is available to the league in a deal that was brokered some years ago. No longer are fans left to watch a dull game, instead, they get the best possible match up brought to you by the people of Subsim.

Subsim. When it absolutely, positively, has to be sunk overnight.

The Nighthawks are earning their frequent flyer miles this year as we go back to Wembley next week when they host the Drunk Monkeys. The Monkeys currently lead the league, but a win to the Nighthawks could stifle that in an instant, and give us the fourth league leader in five weeks.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 152 rushing yards, 4 receptions for 88 yards and 1 receiving touchdown, for a total score of 40.00 points, the ASW are proud to present Ezekiel Elliott of the Australian Taipans the Week Four MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

10-09-18, 12:57 AM

MONKEYS DOMINATE THE NIGHTHAWKS
Maybe....they are the real deal.

Week Five in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and this report is a first.

This report is coming to you live from the Emergency Room of a local hospital. Earlier today, your Fantasy Football reporter was involved in a multi vehicle collision on the main interstate. So far, one driver has been arrested for DUI, a second driver has been arrested for Hit and Run, and the third perpetrator (who did the damage to me) is currently wanted for Felony Hit and Run. My laptop was salvaged from the wreck and as I wait for xray, this weeks report gets to go out.

As concerning as the injury is, nothing has a higher priority that this message.

DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

It was billed as the marquee match, it was our match of the weekend which would clearly identify if the Drunk Monkeys were potential champions or just pretenders. The Monkeys did not disappoint, traveling across the pond to met the Helmand Nighthawks. Nighthawks RB Alvin Kamara has decimated teams in the first four weeks but this week, he went to sleep, handing the backfield over to Mark Ingram (more on that later). With Matt Ryan (QB) only throwing for one TB and getting sacked about 600 times, not a lot of points were scored in the traditional Helmand Nighthawks infantry. The Monkeys however, saw the opportunity and capitalized to run out a convincing win. The win by the Monkeys gives them sole ownership of the league. Final score in Wembley, the Drunk Monkeys shock the Helmand Nighthawks 136 - 119.

Oregon, and the Who Dat Nation are hosting the Australian Taipans. The Taipans cannot buy themselves an ounce of luck this year. They can still run out one of the highest scores this week and still loose by the narrowest margin. With three QB on their team the Taipans opted to start Jarred Goff this week against the Nations Phillip Rivers (QB). This game went back and forth in scores until late Sunday when the Nation just pulled ahead. It was in the running game that the Nation saw the return of Mark Ingram (RB) who late on Monday night was able to put the game out of reach for the Nation with two touchdowns. Final score - The Nation defeats the Taipans 171 - 156.

Vegas had the line on the Black cats and Guns of Hochuli and nobody, nobody had any money on the Gunners this week. Boy were they in for a rude shock. When the Cats entire wide receiving corp failed to score a touchdown, the window to thieve this game away opened. The Gunners, who had quietly been stunned, were not going to let the opportunity pass by and despite starting a RB on vacation and playing a man down, were still able to pull out a much needed victory to keep the Gunners on track to return to their powerhouse glory. Final score Guns of Hochuli 169 - 130 - a huge blow out and once again raising those questions about the Black Cats.

The mixed board of results has scattered most of the league. At the top of the table the Drunk Monkeys own the league at 4-1, a game clear of the followers. It's in the next level of rankings that the scattering has occurred. The win over the Taipans elevates the Who Dat Nation to 3-2, tieing with the Black cats with the same record. One game black the Helmand Nighthawks are in trouble at 2-3 as they share that step of the podium with the Guns of Hochuli. The Taipans bring up the rear at 1-4 knowing that they could be 4-1 but for the odd touchdown.

The structuring of the Subsim season always tries to make the highlights the best game on paper each week. With the shattered positioning, the selection of games becomes slightly harder, but next week there is only one game that really stands out as the best game. The Drunk Monkeys welcome the Helmand Nighthawks to town and we'll be there to catch the coverage. The Monkeys with just a couple more wins can sew up the divisional title (are you kidding we're talking about this in week 6?) while the Helmand Nighthawks can turn their season around to reach .500%. A must see game for the squirrels out there.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 6 receptions for 101 yards and 2 receiving touchdowns, for a total score of 34.10 points, the ASW are proud to present Antonio Brown of the Who Dat Nation the Week Five MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

10-15-18, 10:39 PM

TAIPANS HOLD OFF FIRING GUNNERS
League Seeding Gets Mixed Up

Week Six in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. I'm out of hospital, ego bruised, vehicle damaged, and livid at the suspended license and no insurance driver that hit me. But hey, there's far more important things to get through tonight.

And the most important message of the night is the following:

DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Our match of the week was high scoring fast shooting affair in the cold tundra of Cleveland as the Drunk Monkeys welcomed the Helmand Nighthawks to town. The Monkeys, perennial wannabes in year gone by have found a secret weapon this year - a woman!. Who'd have thought that a woman would elevate your fantasies? Nighthawks fly in after a surprising number of losses which put them a few games back of the league leaders. Nighthawks could upset the league standings and stop what is beginning to look like a runaway by the Monkeys. This was a shoot out and a half, with Saffon Barkley (RB) coming out on Thursday night with 130 rushing yards and 99 receiving yards. 99 yards - would that 1 yard for the Nighthawks be a deciding six point factor? Monkeys RB Todd Gurley and Melvin Gordon recaptured the lead - momentarily, with a combined 5 TD's before Nighthawks hot shot Matt Ryan (QB) put them back in front with another 3 TD's. Monkeys and Nighthawks played back and forth as Patrick Mahones (QB) gave the Monkeys a slight lead, outperforming Ryan with one additional TD. Nighthawks feel the scourge of scoring a lot of points but still not getting the win. Drunk Monkeys assert their stamp as the dominatrix beating the Nighthawks 219 - 174.

Coach Casey and the Guns of Hochuli host their long time rival the Australian Taipans at their home field in a battle for the bottom of the Surface Skimmers Division. Gunners have been surprisingly quieter this year, and this was noticeable on the team charts when they started both David Johnson (RB) and Minnesota (DEF). Gunners started early with Odell Beckham (WR) but it was the Taipans backfield where their two RB's scored over 59 points combined that gave them the lead. With a 49 point lead on Monday, you may have been tempted to award the biggest blow out of the week to the Taipans - not the Gunners. Devote Adams (WR) took 10 receptions for 132 yards and 2 TD's to score 41 points, but it was not to be enough as time ran out on the last play. Taipans hold on having played their first week of the season without overtime to win 183 - 177. This game becomes pivotal for the Drunk Monkeys aspirations to win the division.

Our third and final game was a nail biter with the Black Cats hosting the Who Dat Nation. After breaking the world record for most yards, Drew Brees (QB) was given the day off, and Coach FYC Failed to start their back up. The situation was compounded when Amari Cooper (WR) took the day off with Brees to go fly kites, leaving the Cats two players down. The Nation with a golden opportunity to steal one away, but their back field only ran for a combined 54 yards. The Nation were further hindered by Jacksonville (DEF) who surrounded -1 points. Coach Fuel For Blood needed just eight points on Monday night from their kicker to steal this game. Who Dat Nation gets one that the Black Cats had no business winning, 113 - 105.

This week creates a mix up on the board that needs to be addressed.

The Drunk Monkeys at 5-1 lead the league and hold a two game lead over the division. The Monkeys are almost into the post season needing just a couple more wins to cement their appearance. The Who Dat Nation with their "nearly lost it" game to the Black Cats and the results of other games elevate them to the #2 seed, and are the new divisional leader in the Sub Simmers Division. The loss by the Black Cats to the Nation drops them back .500% and second place in the division.

It's the next part that gets a little messy.

The win by the Australian Taipans lelevates them to 2-4 and on the count back to the fourth place in the league. The Nighthawks loss drops their performance to 2-4 but they loose the first countback to the Taipans. The Gunners loss also results in a 2-4 record but the second countback drops them from third in the league, to sixth. The Taipans and the Gunners still have to play each other again so one of these two teams needs to get moving to challenge the Drunk Monkeys. The Subsimmers Division of the Nation, Cats and Nighthawks are within two games and is too close to call.

Next week we go back up to Oregon where the Who Dat Nation gets to host the Helmand Nighthawks. The Nighthawks need to stay pace with the Nation and not fall back out of contention. The two powerhouses of the league while not leading this year, are in for the biggest game of the season so far.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 2 receptions for 17 yards and 208 rushing yards for 2 rushing touchdowns, for a total score of 42.50 points, the ASW are proud to present Todd Gurley of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Six MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

10-22-18, 10:29 PM

DRUNK MONKEYS DRAMA ON AND OFF THE FIELD
Taipans Annihilate Black Cats

Week Seven in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. We are exactly half way through the season and this week's results gives no additional clarity to the end of year positioning. In fact, following the prematch "incident" at the Guns of Hochuli home game, we're not really sure who had a bad day at that game.

Let's get to this weeks matches, go around the grounds, catch up on the feed and look at that incident with the Drunk Monkeys management team that lead to an ejection from all future fantasy games.

But before we do that, you all got the email from Onkeal Neal. It's that time of year to dig deep and do the right thing.

DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Where to start? Everybody wants to talk about it, but we'll get to that incident momentarily.

Our match of the day this week was the Who Dat Nation hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. These two powerhouses of football have struggled this year - not to score points, but to get those wins. Last years championship contenders were re-matching this week, for a top and bottom battle of the Sub Simmers Division. The division is in a state on uncertainty given that the third team lead the division - until last week. This division, while still the stronger of the two divisions, is going through some challenges. There's no clear leader of the division just yet, and conversely, there's no clear sinking ship within the division. Who Dat Nation started Thursday night with Cam McCafferty (RB) unopposed, opening up a healthy lead. Phillip Rivers (QB) just managed to get 300 yards before the first Nighthawk even took the field - but when they did, the chase was on. Consistency right across the board with two of the Nighthawk WR both receiving more than 100 yards was the key to the Nighthawk change of fortune. Nighthawks were able to outplay each of the Nation positional players by just a few points, that they did not even need to start Matt Ryan (QB) on Monday night. Nighthawks mail this one in easily defeating the Who Dat Nation, 163 - 104.

Downunder, the Australian Taipans were hosting the Black Cats. The talk of the pre game discussion was the Black Cats star Amari Cooper (WR) who last week, took vacation time mid season to hang out with Drew Brees. After missing the team bus, Coach FYC was brutal with Cooper, advising that if he missed any further time he'd be facing relegation. Sure enough, Cooper failed to board the plane south, and at last reports, had been relegated to some second rate team in Texas. Coach FYC though, forgetting the time zone difference, failed to advise of the relegation in time and was forced to start a non-player. This was always going to be a problems as the Cats; with the exception of their first round win, have been the leagues lowest scoring team this season. And they were playing the leagues highest scoring team. This one wasn't even close. With the Colts (DEF) scoring double figures, the Taipans blew out the Black Cats 177 - 104.

Now, onto that incident.

The Associated Subsim League (ASW) do not condone violence of any sort, and stand by the Commissioners decision prior to the start of the game. We do not have the video footage of this incident, but we do know from eyewitness accounts, that the recently acquired Assistant Manager of the Drunk Monkeys went bat **** crazy for no reason. Seated in the front row was an unidentified female who when Coach Gargamel ran onto the field during warm up, was heard to say ""Oh, he's got a cute ass, I'd like to meet him."

Well, the Drunk Monkeys Assistant Coach heard this and it was on. She ripped off her shirt, climbed the six feet railing and stole two pitchers of beer from nearby patrons, and poured them over herself and the unidentified girl. Then, the Assistant Coach began ripping the shirt off the unidentified girl, screaming obscenities that caused several players to pause and take notes. An entire SWAT team was called in to quell the disturbance with the Assistant Coach of the Monkeys being ejected form the grounds. Prior to the start of the game, the Commissioner announced that the Assistant Coach had been ejected, and as she had breached the League's "No Crazy Women" policy, was hereafter banned from all future matches.

During the fracas, Coach Gargamel attempted to break up the disturbance, yelling "my ass is not worth it". Gargamel sustained a slap across the face, which after the fracas, was tended to by the unidentified girl. Following the game, a photograph of the girl was captured, as Coach Gargamel returned to his hotel room. Her name has not yet been announced.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/qj-RZphkLbQ/maxresdefault.jpg

After all that excitement, it was down to football. The Guns of Hoculi were hosting the Drunk Monkeys in what would be a nail biting game. Gunners started Thursday with Carson Wentz (QB) opening up an early lead. Gunners played most of their team early when Justin Tucker (K) missed his first field goal since he was 5 years of age. Monkeys would need everyone on the team to chase down the score, and with Todd Gurley (RB) crossing for 2 touchdowns, they held a slight lead on Monday night. Gunners only had one player left on Monday night, O'Dell Beckham Jnr (WR) who would need at least one touchdown and 150 yards to topple the Monkeys. Beckhan eventually would receive a touchdown but not enough yardage on the final play of the night. Drunk Monkeys after the pregame frivolities, hang on to narrowly beat the Guns of Hochuli 158 - 153.

After the game when meeting the media and asked about the pregame incident, Coach Gargamel said "we came to play the Guns of Hochuli...and nothing else."

Now comes the tough part. It's halfway through the season, but the year is not clear.

Drunk Monkeys lead the league at 6-1 and the Surface Skimmers Division by three games. Last week we predicted that the Monkeys would need a couple more wins before clinching a post season berth. Despite winning, the Monkeys are no closer to securing the position. The win by the Australian Taipans elevates them to 3-4 and the #3 seeding in the league. The Guns of Hochuli at 2-5 and are seeded 6th. Despite holding a three game difference, it is because the balance of the league all have to play the Monkeys again, in some cases twice, that they are not secure. Monkeys need to steal one or two wins to cement their position as league champions.

Over in the Sub Simmers division its slightly clearer. The Who Dat Nation at 4-3 lead the division, but have to play the Drunk Monkeys twice in the rest of the year. The Nation could knock the Monkeys out of the league lead, and drop the Monkeys into a countback within their division. The Helmand Nighthawks are 3-4 and with the Who Dat Nation, represent the engine house of the league which met in last years Torpedo Bowl. The loss by the Black cats drops them to 3-4 losing the countback to the Nighthawks. This division is up for grabs if one team can grab hold and begin a winning streak.

Next week we go back to the Monkeys for their match up against the Australian Taipans. The Taipans need the win to prevent the Monkeys from running away, and the Monkeys need to reestablish their dominance by putting away the highest scoring team in the league. Should be a shoot out.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 358 passing yards for 4 touchdowns and rushing for 45 yards, for a total score of 46.82 points, the ASW are proud to present Patrick Mahonnes (QB) of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Seven MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

10-29-18, 10:32 PM

BLACK CATS GHOSTING AWAY
Nighthawks Obliterate Cats

Week Eight in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. One week after the infamous "beergate" incident, the focus has now turned to Coach FYC and the Black cats with the question being asked - what happened in Carolina? We'll ask who's the next team to put up the highest score of the week against the Taipans, and we'll ask when will the Guns of Hochuli get a break.

Before we do any of that, let's get to the most important message you'll hear all week.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Something smells in the Carolina's and it's the aroma of dead cats roasting under artillery fire. Count them - one, two, three players form the Black Cats were delayed form attending the game due to the fracas at Atlantic City after the Black cats were celebrating their recent performance. The entire wide receiving corps of Julio Jones, Keenan Allen and Amari Cooper failed to report to the plane leaving the team three short for the game. The Nighthawks, knowing that within their division the for and against may prove pivotal in the final seeding, showed up and played their high standard game. Nighthawks obliterate the Black Cats in one of the biggest blow outs of the year, 157 - 93.

The Taipans were wishing that their opponents would occasionally leave some of their players home as they lose their fourth game of the season to the team that puts up the highest score of the week. Taipans are scoring points but again, not able to put away their opponents. The Black Cats, after last weeks "incident" were focused strictly on football and they showed it with Stefan Diggs (WR) going for over 30 points. Black cats were on the cusp of winning three (3) Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) in a row for the first time in the history of the Torpedo Bowl but it was not to be. With a close match yup until Monday Night, the Monkeys had put all their eggs in one basket and scored over 30 points to comfortable win with the highest score of the week. Drunk Monkeys advance with a win over divisional opponents the Taipans 187 - 160 which now has play off implications.

Staying out on the east coast, the Guns of Hochuli were hosting the Who Dat Nation this week in what was being billed as a must win for both teams. The Nation has not been able to cement their dominance int he Surface Skimmers division and the Guns of Hochuli have had a shocking run of luck, which unfortunately, continued this week. The Gunners David Johnson (RB) failed to cross for a single touchdown this week, which is indicative of the Gunners season. The Nation, having stayed out east following last weeks game, were able to take an early lead and just continue to march their way forward, staying in front of the Gunners. The Guns of Hochuli fall to the visiting Who Dat Nation 168 - 149 and set up our second play off scenario of the week.

Now, having completed all games, the Surface Skimmers Division this week was in part decided by the Sub Simmers. The Drunk Monkeys win over the Australian Taipans keep them at the top of the league at 7-1. The loss by the Australian Taipans and the Guns of Hochuli keep them at below .500% respectively at 3-5 and 2-6. With a four game lead over the Taipans, the Drunk Monkeys are just one game away from clinching a play off berth. At the same time, the Guns of Hochuli remain in contention for the Championship Division sitting two games back of the Helmand Nighthawks.

In the Sub Simmers division the wins by the Who Dat Nation and the Helmand Nighthawks lift both teams respectively to 5-3 and 4-4. These two teams still have to play each other late int he season and may end up deciding the fate of the division. The Black cats, after what can only be described as coughing up a massive fur ball this week, slip back to 3-5, but loose the count back to the Australian Taipans for the #4 seeding. The Black cats are in the harder division but the Taipans still have to play everyone else in the Surface Skimmers division. These positions, which include the Divisional Champion, are still available for the Black Cats to claw their way in. Wild weeks ahead in the Sub Simmers division.

Next week we go across the pond again as the Helmand Nighthawks host the Drunk Monkeys. the Monkeys can clinch a play off berth with a win, but the Nighthawks who are tracking one game behind the Who Dat Nation need the win to help their chances of the Divisional Champion. This game has all the makings of a shoot out, as the Monkeys get ready to go for eight wins in a row. Should be exciting, if everyone shows up on time. Remember, games at Wembley start early. And lets not forget that next weekend Daylight Savings time ends in the Northern Hemisphere.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 219 passing yards for 2 touchdowns and rushing for 52yards and 1 touchdown, for a total score of 31.96 points, the ASW are proud to present Cam Newton (QB) of the Who Dat Nation the Week Eight MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

11-05-18, 11:17 PM

MONKEYS AND NIGHTHAWKS BRAWL
The League Lead Race Continues

Week Nine in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. A week is a long time in this league. Last week the Cats were obliterated, this week they claw out an impressive victory. Last week the Nighthawks decimated their opposition, this week....well let's find out in just a moment, after this most important message.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Our match of the week was across the Pond at Wembley with the Nighthawks hosting the Drunk Monkeys. Nighthawks just seven days ago, decimated the Black Cats and looked to have returned to their powerhouse offense team. The Nighthawks welcomed in the Drunk Monkeys, this years "surprise" upstart with Coach Gargamel in private conversation, suggesting that the Monkeys are the team to beat. The Monkeys have always been the best darn sub .500% team - when they didn't show up. Now, their fortune has reversed, they have their bus schedule down and have put together an impressive seven (7) wins in a row. Could they really consider themselves a powerhouse if they defeated the Nighthawks at home? The Nighthawks started with the record equaling Bears (DEF) with 28 points. :doh: With Matt Ryan (QB) putting up another 42 points this was going to be a shoot out. The Monkeys potential year end MVT Patrick Mahonnes (QB) rose to almost equal Ryan with 38 points, and the lead went back and forth with each pass and run. The horror started late Sunday afternoon when Nighthawks player Gronkowski (TE) was ruled out 60 minutes before the start of the game, having over eaten on party cake. With no other player available to fill the specialist position, the Nighthawks played a man down and this was captured in the final score. Drunk Monkeys outscore the Helmand Nighthawks 203 - 175 to stretch their winning streak to 8 in a row. Bad news for the rest of the Surface Skimmers division, the Monkeys are now within a half a game of clinching a play off berth

I don't know what happened in Carolina this week weekend but the Guns of Hochuli are playing chameleon - you never known which team is going to show up. This week it was their pitiful team - they traveled without, not one, but two missing running backs. There was only so much that Russell Wilson (QB) could do to carry the Gunners. Coach FYC started two running backs, who recorded modest scores, but it was their wide receiver corp of Julio Jones, Amari Cooper and Keenan Allen who combined for over 75 to hand the Cats a much needed win to stay in touch with the middle pack of contenders. Black Cats shock the Guns of Hochuli in the biggest blow out of the week 177 - 105.

In Oregon, the Who Dat Nation welcomed in the Australian Taipans. The Taipans have the second highest scoring team in the league and have not had a break as yet. The Nation led by Cam Newton (QB) went back and forth throughout the week with the Taipans. It was not until late Sunday when Mark Ingram (RB) was benched for falling asleep at the line of scrimmage after another late night out with the boys, that the Nation slipped behind the Taipans. Taipans QB Jared Goff scored 43 points alone, but with Ingram (RB) being benched the Taipans just had to continue to play with the full strength team to put this one away by Sunday night. Australian Taipans put the Who Dat Nation into a league tie by defeating them 164 - 139.

We're getting close to the first team clinching a play off berth, but, we already have our first team eliminated from the Divisional Title. Let's take this apart and look at the league as a composite picture before we work out the match of the game for next week.

The Drunk Monkeys lead the league and the Surface Skimmers division at 8-1. The Monkeys are half a game from clinching a play off berth, and the numbers needed to win the divisional title outright are falling. Drunk Monkeys hold a three game lead over second place. They can loose some games and still make the playoffs.

The Who Dat Nation after sustaining a loss to the Australian Taipans this week drop to 5-4 and hold second place outright in the league. The Nation lead the Sub Simmers division (barely) but they are the closest team to the Drunk Monkeys. The Nation needs to win almost all of their remaining games if they are going to unseed the Drunk Monkeys from the #1 playoff berth.

Now it gets a little tricky.

There are three (3) teams at 4-5 spread across the two divisions. The Nighthawks and the Black Cats from the Sub Simmers Division and the Australian Taipans from the Surface Skimmers Division are all squabbling over seeding. Much like we did a few weeks ago, these teams are into the count back.

The Australian Taipans win the first count back and elevate to the #3 position. They are trailing the divisional leader the Drunk Monkeys by three games. The Taipans not only need to win all of their remaining games, but, they also need help in other games, and they need the Drunk Monkeys to loose several games. It's probable that the Divisional Title is already over, the Taipans are only playing for minor seeding.

The Helmand Nighthawks at 4-5 are only one game behind their divisional leader the Who Dat nation. They win the second count back and move into the #4 playoff position. The entire Sub Simmers division is only separated by one game. The Nighthawks hold the middle position of the three teams. This division is anything but decided.

The Black Cats lose the two prior count backs and become the #5 seeded team and out of the championship - at this time. They only trail the divisional leaders the Who Dat Nation by one game, and as alluded to, this division is up for grabs. The Black Cats will need to score some points, they have had a couple of the lower scoring games in recent weeks. The Black Cats are a former League Champion, don't count them out just yet.

Bringing up the rear, the Guns of Hochuli are the first team to be eliminated from the divisional title race. At 2-7 the Gunners have let the Drunk Monkeys get away from them too far. At best, the Guns of Hochuli are playing for the #3 seed, which is only two games in front of them. Gunners need to win everything and have some results within the Sub Simmers division go their way to get into the championship playoff.

Next week we return to the continent to watch the Drunk Monkeys host the Black Cats. The Monkeys are on the verge of securing a divisional, and potential championship berth, but they will have to do it against a former league champion. While the Cats have been playing like kittens, they need to show up next week to stop the Monkey's swinging away with the league, and keep in contact with their divisional opponents.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of receiving 1 reception for 50 yards and a touchdown, and rushing for 91 yards yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total score of 33.10 points, the ASW are proud to present Kareen Hunt (RB) of the Australian Taipans the Week Nine MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

11-12-18, 11:24 PM

DRUNK MONKEYS CLINCH A PLAY OFF BERTH
Show Their Bright Red Rump to the League

Week Ten in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. It was only a mater of time before we started announcing post season appearances, and one team gets handed a gift horse by the dismal failure of another team. Behind their bright red rumps, the remainder of the league is a disaster area. Former champions barely get a win, and in one case a loss. What does all this mean?

We'll get into the details right after this message.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

The Australian Taipans make that long trek into the British Homeland as they visited the Helmand Nighthawks for the second time this year. The Nighthawks are locked in a close battle within their division, while the Taipans are looking at daylight between them and the divisional leader. Nighthawks opted to bench Ben Roethlisberger (QB) this week. Incensed by the snub, the franchise QB went out and played in another league scoring over 51 points. The shock loss of that many points to the bench would always be a concern, particular when the Taipans at the last minute changed from Jared Goff (QB) to Aaron Rodgers (QB). The decision would have playoff implications as the Taipans loose their third players for the season Cooper Kupp (WR). Alvin Kamara (RB) once again held place of honor for the Nighthawks to give them a low score of 134 points, but a 50 point lead over the Taipans going into Sunday night. Somebody forgot to tell Zac Ertz (TE) who single hand scored 46.50 points - but it wasn't enough to catch the Nighthawks. Nighthawks advance within their division narrowly defeating the Taipans 134-130 - making this the third game that the Taipans have lost this season by less than 10 yards.

Our match of the week was the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Black Cats. The Cats have been noticeably absent in the past few weeks. Indeed, it could be said that the Cats were doing a Drunk Monkeys appearance of the last few seasons. The Monkeys after losing their first game have just steamrolled their way to an impressive eight wins in a a row, looking to make it nine. The Monkeys didn't even look like losing this game after the Black cats started both Houston (DEF) and Anthony Collins (RB) who were all away making celebrity appearances at the California Fires. While the Monkeys were somewhat stunned by a poor performance of the NYJ (DEF) for -3 points, the result of this game was foreshadowed. Drunk Monkeys run out convincing winners 159 - 118 over the Black cats.

The biggest upset of the week was in Oregon as the Who Dat Nation hosted the Guns of Hochuli. The Nation prior to this week were the #2 ranked team and looked to have an easy victory over the Gunners. Someone forgot to tell Coach Casey in who recently has appeared to phone in some of the results. Not this week however as the Gunners came out and absolutely thumped the Nation. While both teams had players still on the field Monday night, this game was already looking shaky for the Nation on Thursday night, and was over by late Sunday afternoon. Gunners get one back and mess up the entire league by annihilating the Who Dat Nation 200 - 151.

So now we have some work to do.

The Drunk Monkeys after their win and the loss by the Australian Taipans clinch the Surface Skimmers division. They will enter the post season as either the #1 or the #2 team. Their current winning streak is 9 games in a row. While fans of the Drunk Monkeys would like to see 10 in a row, it the 11 wins that will clinch the #1 seeding and home field advantage.

The rest of the league is still a mess, so we'll take it apart piece by piece.

The Helmand Nighthawks with their narrow win over the Taipans finally reach 5-5. They hold the tiebreakers against the Who Dat Nation, which catapults them into the #2 seed - this week. This seed has changed hands almost every week and is the first unsettled position in the league.

The Who Dat Nation also at 5-5 loose the first count back to the Nighthawks and drop into the #3 position. The Nighthawks and Nation are within the same division so these two teams still have to play each other. Neither team is yet assured a play off berth.

The Australian Taipans loss drops them back into sub .500% position. At 4-6 the Taipans win the first count back and assume the #4 position within the league. The Taipans cannot advance any higher than the #3 seeding for the post season.

The Black Cats also at 4-6 lose the count back to the Taipans and drop out of the post season seeding; for the time being. At one game back from the Taipans, the Black Cats can still end the season as the #2 seed, but they have to play both of the divisional opponents in the finals weeks of the regular season.

The much longed for return to winning form of the Guns of Hochuli elevates them to 3-7, and the #6 seed within the league. The Gunners can still reach the playoffs as high as the #3 seed which is only two wins in front of them.

With the exception of the Drunk Monkeys who can rest assure and begin preparations for the playoffs, the remaining teams are locked in an incredible positional battle that we have not seen for a number of years, where even the current # 2 and #3 seeds could miss out on the post season.

Next week we stay at the Drunk Monkeys home field for a top of the table clash. The Monkeys will be hosting the Helmand Nighthawks in the league post season #1 seeding. The Nighthawks will need to win the game - and win the game convincingly, in order to run down the Monkeys for the #1 seed. A loss by the Nighthawks will ensure the Monkeys have home field advantage throughout the play offs, and, drop the Nighthawks back into a four way race for a post season appearance. There is a lot riding on this game.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of receiving 20 rushing yards, 7 receptions for 177 yards and 2 receiving touchdowns, for a total score of 38.70 points, the ASW are proud to present Tyree Hill (WR) of the Guns of Hochuli the Week Ten MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gargamel

11-13-18, 07:35 PM

DRUNK MONKEYS CLINCH A PLAY OFF BERTH
Show Their Bright Red Rump to the League

Yeah! Pbbbbbbbsssst!

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.
Has this not been done yet?

The Drunk Monkeys after their win and the loss by the Australian Taipans clinch the Surface Skimmers division. They will enter the post season as either the #1 or the #2 team. Their current winning streak is 9 games in a row. While fans of the Drunk Monkeys would like to see 10 in a row, it the 11 wins that will clinch the #1 seeding and home field advantage.http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

One the few head coaches in Cleveland to keep their job! Woohoo!

Gut Wrench

11-20-18, 12:25 AM

MONDAY NIGHT THRILLERS
...and the first multiple rewrite of the season

Week Eleven in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. We've waited all season long for a Monday Night close game to cause not one, not two, but three complete rewrites of the Fantasy Football Report.

Oh....and there was some decent football along the way to cause that rewrite. So look out, as the type writer does another carriage return, the correction fluid comes out and the carbon copy goes under yet another piece of typing paper as we get ready to go around the grounds, right after this message.

Which apparently has not been done by YOU.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Let's go down under where the Australian Taipans are hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners have upset the Taipans run to the post season in three of the last five years and certainly become the bogey team for the Taipans. The Taiapns, despite having a losing record, have the second highest total points score of the year. But, they also have the highest point scored against them. They could easily be so much better than their record, and they needed to show it. Gunners traveling across the dateline and into a 16 hour time difference packed most of their team into Thursday night where they opened up a sizeable 37 point lead. Greg Kittle (TE) of the Gunner failed to make the connecting flight out of San Francisco Airport (SFO) due to the California Wildfires. Tarik Cohen (TE) Had traveled with the First Team but failed to suit up in time for Sunday night and the Gunners were playing a man down. Taipans have found something in their offense - and they are a little offensive as they silence the Guns on Sunday evening. While they didn't have to play anyone on Monday night, their win was always going to be "by how much". The Gunners storm back under Tyree Hill (WR) with 49 points, and the Taipans have to pull out the stops with Jared Goff (QB) and Kareen Hunt (RB). Taipans get one over their divisional opponents by winning 207 - 168.

And now it gets a little tricky. With so many players still on the field Monday night, with the lead changing in the first fifteen minutes three times, and in the last four (4) minutes changing three times, and the Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) moving, this was always going to be a long scripted report.

In the Carolina's, the Black Cats were hosting the Who Dat Nation. The Nation and the Cats are divisional opponents, with the Nation currently 5-5 to the Black Cats 4-6. The Nation were in a two game losing streak which handed the Divisional Lead to the Nighthawks, while the Black Cats had lost one game and two count backs to put them out of the Championship bracket. With just a handful of games remaining in the regular season, the Cats needed the win to keep pace and improve their winning percentage for the next count back. Phillip Rivers (QB) finally lead the Nation with an impressive 401 passing yards, to help the Nation to an huge166 points by the end of Sunday. The Black Cats responded with Drew Brees (QB) but their WR and RB duo's of Amari Cooper and Anthony Collins failed to score a touchdown. The Cats cause was not helped when Graham Gano (K) only scored 0.25 points. The Cats held Travis Kelce (TE) Back for the Monday night and needed at least a hundred yards and one touchdown to give the Cats the win. When Kelce (TE) finally crossed for a touchdown, he only had 90 yards - Kelce only need another 7 minutes to earn those 10 receiving yards, and give the Black Cats their only lead of the entire weekend. Kelce's much needed reception came in the last three (3) minutes of play. Black Cats upset the Who Dat Nation to narrowly win 179 - 166.

Mark this game now - if the Black Cats make the Championship or the Who Dat Nation don't make the championship, this is the game that created that situation.

Our match of the week was the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. The Monkeys have already secured a play off berth and are only playing for home field advantage. The Nighthawks, arguable one of two teams with the potential to go one on one with the Monkeys high scoring offense made the trip across the Atlantic and went out early. While Mike Evans (WR) was impressive for the Nighthawks scoring 36 points, it was the failure of Matt Ryan (QB) which made this game tighter than it needed to be. When Greg Zuerlein (K) missed a point after touchdown, all the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) put their pencils down and just waited out for what was going to be the best game of the season. The Monkeys had stacked their team with five (5) players on Monday night and before the game started, were 102 points in the hole. This was going to be the epitome of running down the championship. And a beauty that it was too. With just 60 minutes to make the gap, the Drunk Monkeys have made up 40 of the points with 30 minutes remaining. Zuerlein (K) had however redeemed himself by adding to the Nighthawks score, but it was clear, this was going down to the last pass. With just 13 seconds to go in the game Patrick Mahones (QB) needing only 10 yards, threw an interception to come up short, and end the nine (9) game winning streak. The Helmand Nighthawks hang on by the skin of their teeth to win 163.54 - 161.32.

So what does all of this mean for the league. We'll take it apart division by division and look at the implications.

The Drunk Monkeys streak comes to an end and they finish at 9-2. The Monkeys have already won a play off berth, and are about half a game away from clinching the #1 seed. Nothing changed for the Monkeys this week, other than pride at not getting ten (10) in a row. The Taipans win advance them to 5-6 but drop the Guns of Hochuli back to 3-8. The Gunners can still make the play offs and have not yet been eliminated.

In the Surface Skimmers Division it's just as muddled as it was last week. The Helmand Nighthawks lead the division at 6-5 but, we're into count backs again for the Who Dat Nation and the Black Cats. The loss by the Nation has them equal with the Black Cats at 5-6, but, you also have to factor in the Taipans also at 5-6. The Taipans win the first count back and elevate to the #3 seed. The Black Cats have the better divisional record at 2-2 to the Nations 1-3, but, the point scored count back has the Nation in front, and they take the #4 seed. The Black Cats need to finish the season with more offensive points that the Nation or be a game up to reduce the possibility of the Consolation series. Both the Who Dat Nation and the Black Cats can still miss out on the Championship Series if the #6 team, the Guns of Hochuli return to their winning ways.

Next week is Week Twelve, It's the longest week of football in the season as we start early Thursday and go right through until late Monday night. We go up to Oregon for our Turkey Day extravaganza as the Who Dat Nation hosts the Helmand Nighthawks. This game is pivotal to deciding the Divisional winner, and, with the remainder of the table so clustered, the loser of this game may still miss out on a play off position. There is nothing assured from this game other than a divisional win - loss record - which may be all that is needed to advance to the Championship. Gobble up folks, this one has all the trimmings and a little Black Friday thrown in as well. If it's half as good as this weeks game, it's worth having a long weekend for.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

So many players were on the field Monday night this was a split decision. Using the unofficial count back rules of the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) - draw a card from a deck and high card wins, - we came up with the following eventual winner

For the effort of 363 yards and 4 passing touchdowns, for a total score of 44.52 points, the ASW are proud to present Drew Brees (QB) of the Black Cats the Week Eleven MVT. This is the second MVT Brees has won this year.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gargamel

11-24-18, 05:44 PM

At worst I'll do a decent draft and y'all will have a decent ghost team to play against.

Sometimes, I even surprise myself.

Gut Wrench

11-26-18, 11:13 PM

DRUNK MONKEYS CLINCH HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE
...and everything else is still a mess.

Week Twelve in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. It's been a long time coming, but finally, a Cleveland based football team has won the regular season and will have home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

But let's not forget the rest of the league. We'll get the largest offensive score this year, we'll get the details on the mid game suspension of a player, we'll get the miracle in Oregon and then we'll go to the count backs, again, to make sense of the league.

And we'll do all of that right after you do this.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Ahh, Thanksgiving. There's nothing like the start of the holidays with all the edibles. Turkey, green beans, pecan pie and a serving of skinned cat. The Australian Taipans came to the Carolina's and put an absolute hiding of Coach FYC and the Black Cats. The Cats started Amari Cooper (WR) Thursday who put an impressive 44 individual points up. The Cats had listed starters Anthony Collins (RB) and Travis Kelce (TE) who both had notes from their mommy they had to stay home Thanksgiving Day weekend. The Taipans came to town and despite their sub .500% record, have been the highest scoring team for most of the year. The Taipans receiving corp of Juju Smith Schuster (WR) TY Hilton (WR) and Adrien Thielan (WR) showed the way through the air to combine for 103 pints. The Taipans collectively as a team came together and put up the highest score of the year to win by a mile. Taipans annihilate the Black Cats 220 - 147

In Cleveland, the Drunk Monkeys were looking to lock up the #1 seed through the playoffs with a win over the Guns of Hochuli. Now in fairness, I looked at the program for the starters of the Gunners on Wednesday and didn't come back to it until Monday. I had to check to see when the Gunners acquired Corey Davis (WR). They didn't, they drafted him. Monkeys started early Thursday with the Gunners and this was a close game as it continued into Sunday. The lead went back and forth and the line in Vegas began to sway. Bookies made their mark Sunday night when the Monkeys finally brought out the starting QB, Kirk Cousins and WR Stefon Diggs who put up a combined 60 points, The Gunners were let down by Green Bay (DEF) for allowing so many points that it came down to Monday night (again) with Corey Davis (RB) Left to shoulder the load. Davis was going to need a career night with over 100 receiving yards and two touchdowns. . He only managed to earn 96 receiving yards and one touchdown. Drunk Monkeys hold off the hard finishing Guns of Hoculi to win the game 160 - 139.

Our marquee game of the week was a balltearer. The two powerhouses of the league were fighting for a .500% record and each individually trying to win the division. The Who Dat Nation Rises were hosting the Helmand Nighthawks in a "do or die" match. Matt Ryan (QB) came out and lit up the scoreboard for the Nighthawks, but, he had way too many turnovers and interceptions to give justice to his heroic efforts. The Nighthawks were marching towards a convincing win when finally, the Who Dat Nation Rises brought the crowd to life. Cameron McCaffrey ran and received over 100 yards in each category, and scored two touchdowns for an individual points haul of 58 to put the Nation back in the game late Sunday.The game was not without incident though as Leonard Fournette was ejected from the game in their third quarter for a breach of the Fantasy Football Conduct Code Section 8 - Being An Idiot in a Public Place. The behavior by Fournette leaves him inactive for a week and put the balance of the Nighthawks game in the hands of Deandre Hopkins. Needing 17 points in a come from behind win, Hopkins (WR) achieved the goal early in the last quarter of the game, to give the Who Dat Nation a much needed win over the Helmand Nighthawks. Final score in Oregon, Who Dat Nation 167.36 narrowly defeat Helmand Nighthawks 165.28.

So where does that leave the league. We'll start with what we know, then we'll get into the count backs.

#1 Seed: Drunk Monkeys.
The win over the Guns of Hoculi today moves the Drunk Monkeys to 10-2. The win assures them the league #1 seeding and home field advantage throughout the playoffs. The Monkeys are not, however, the highest scoring team in the league.

#2 through 4 seeding.
The Australian Taipans with a 6-6 record are the highest scoring team in the league and normally, would have the #2 seeding. However, with the Drunk Monkeys securing the #1 seeding, the remainder of the Surface Skimmers Division are considered ineligible for the #2 seeding, which must be awarded to the leader of the Sub Skimmers Division.

So now we look at the Sub Simmers Division for the (current) divisional lead. The win by the Who Dat Nation over the Helmand Nighthawks elevates them to 6-6, but their divisional record is 2-3. The Helmand Nighthawks who lost today, are also 6-6 but their divisional record is 3-2. The Helmand Nighthawks at the end of this week, assume the #2 seed. The Who Dat Nation then return for the second count back against the Australian Taipans, as we have documented, have scored more points than any other team so they assume the #3 seeding. The Who Dat Nation, despite their win over the Nighthawks this week, loose two (2) count backs and fall to the #4 seed.

The Consolation Series

The Black Cats loss to the Taipans drop them into a sub .500% record and they have sole ownership of the #5 seed. The Cats are only one game away from winning the division however.

The loss by the Guns of Hochuli result in a 3-9 record, and the Gunners become the first team eliminated from the Championship Series. The Gunners remaining games will still determine the top four play off positions, and who the Gunners will meet as the #6 team in the league.

So where do we go next week. While the Australian Taipans and the Drunk Monkeys game looks like a shoot out, it's the Helmand Nighthawks hosting the Black Cats which has the most implications. A win by the Nighthawks will lock up the #2 seeding for the post season, but a win by the Black Cats will muddle the Sub Simmers division even further, leaving the entire division up for grabs in week fourteen. A lot on the line for both teams, and while the Nighthawks are early favorites, the Black Cats have one win and one loss against the Nighthawks. A win by the Black Cats and one other favorable result will see the Nighthawks drop out of the Championship Series. A lot to play for next week.

A lot still on the line in the Sub Simmers division.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 342 yards and 3 passing touchdowns, and rushing for an additional 17 yards, for a total score of 38.38 points, the ASW are proud to present Kirk Cousins (QB) of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Twelve MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gargamel

11-27-18, 07:57 PM

For the effort of 342 yards and 3 passing touchdowns, and rushing for an additional 17 yards, for a total score of 38.38 points, the ASW are proud to present Kirk Cousins (QB) of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Twelve MVT.

And he earned it! Riding the bench all year, coming in to play when needed, and he performed. But back to the bench he goes!

Gut Wrench

12-03-18, 11:20 PM

BLACK CATS UPSET THE NIGHTHAWKS
...and everything else continues to be a mess.

Week Thirteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. We picked it. We told you that if the Black Cats got a win that the entire league would still be a mess. We told you that the Monkeys and Taipans could be a shoot out. And we told you that that Gunners were still here to play.

Ok, so we didn't tell you about the last one, but we did tell you to this.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Holy crap. Have you seen the league this year?

The Drunk Monkeys have been the pretentious upstart from the start of the season and are now hot favorites to win the Torpedo Bowl. This week they were matched up against the highest scoring in the league that was barely, BARELY able to keep a .500% record. Thursday night and the Monkeys looked like they might be in trouble when their #1 receiver Michael Thomas (WR) failed to score. Now while there is no video evidence of the incident(s), there has been rumor lately of Coach Pioneer using the "motivation stick" to get his team above .500%. Well, he may have used the stick once too often as his entire starting offense went down. Kareen Hunt (RB) on whose coattails the Taipans have ridden, was suspended by the Commissioner for the second breach of the Fantasy Football Conduct Code Section 8 - Being an Idiot In A Public Place. Unfortunately, Hunt's discretion elevates him to a Major Idiot and the Commissioner yanked him for the season. Taipans were in trouble scrambling for a replacement and signed Matt Breida (RB), who went out with a season ending injury. A third Taipan, Greg Olsen (TE) was also lost and the Taipans were scrambling to stay level with the Monkeys. They needed over 50 points on Monday night and just ran out of players. For the third time this season, the Drunk Monkeys beat the Taipans 161 - 130.

In Oregon, the Who Dat Nation were hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners, having been eliminated from the Championship Series, were still in a position to play spoiler, and their last two games would decide the final seeding in both divisions. While Cam McCaffrey (RB) ran for over 106 yards for the Nation, pairing with Nick Chubb (RB) combined for 53 points, outscoring the Gunners by more than 30. Gunners starting QB, Russell Wilson, while not passing for a lot of yards, did throw 4 touchdowns to close the differential with some respectability. Who Dat Nation easily accounts for the Guns of Hochuli 163 - 120.

We called it. Last week, we said if the Black Cats could get the win the entire league would still be a mess. And, there was a lot of money riding on this game too. The Nighthawks, playing in their home stadium Wembley, have been almost unbeatable in England. Coach FYC doesn't care for such beliefs and showed it with a thumping of the Nighthawks. But the Cats didn't have it all their own way though. When Drew Brees (QB) only scored 9 points, and Julio Jones (WR) had only two receptions, the Black Cats were getting eaten alive. However, world class and season high performances were needed, and both Keenan Allen (WR) and Travis Kelce (TE) delivered for the Cats. The Nighthawks needing the win to secure a play off position, were let down by their entire wide receiver corp of Julian Edelman, Josh Gordon and Mike Evans who only amounted for one touchdown between the three of them. In a shock late season upset, the Black Cats steal a win from the Nighthawks, in England no less, and go home still alive for the Championship Series. Final Score, Black Cats 152 Helmand Nighthawks 117.

This weeks game upset the count backs, so we need to take it one team at a time and look at each prospect.

#1 Seed: Drunk Monkeys.
The win over depleted Taipans moves the Drunk Monkeys to 11-2. This is a historical turnaround for the team given their recent mediocre performances. The Monkeys own the league and wait for their opponents.

#2 Seed: Who Dat Nation Rises

The win over the Guns of Hochuli, and other favorable results, elevate the Who Dat Nation to the #2 seed and the current divisional leader. However, they are neither assured the divisional lead or a championship play off berth. They Nation needs a win to claim both.

#3 through #5 seeding.
The Australian Taipans with a 6-7 record and the highest scoring team in the league earn them the #3 seed. They win the first count back over the other two teams. The devastating injuries and suspensions make them the most precarious team in the league - to loose.

The Hlemand Nighthawks and the Black Cats are in the same division and go to the count back rules. The Nighthawks are 3-3 within the division while the Black cats are 3-2. The Cats have scored significantly less points than the Nighthawks and lose the second count back. The Nighthawks, for the time being, assume the final position in the Championship Series with the #4 seed, while the Black Cats with the same win/loss record as the Taipans and the Nighthawks, drop out, into the #5 seed.

#6 Seeding
The Guns of Hochuli own the #6 and can still play spoiler

What Does the Big Picture Look Like

This is where it gets a little tricky on who advances and who doesn't. Never before have we had four teams vying for not only the divisional lead, but a Championship Playoff berth. We'll take it apart one game at a time.

Drunk Monkeys are only playing for pride, but, the result of their game will determine their divisional opponent in the Championship Series. The Who Dat Nation can still be bundled out of the Championship Series, they need a win which will secure the Division and the #2 seed. They can fall as far as the #5 seed. The Taipans after a shocking week are precariously poised to be eliminated from the Championship Series. The Helmand Nighthawks are in "must win" situation to advance to the Championship Series, and perhaps, the most difficult path to the Championship. The Black Cats while on equal record as two other teams, need a win and at least one favorable result to advance. The Black Cats, can still win the Division from the #5 position.

Next weeks game, it wasn't hard to choose. We got back to the cold of Cleveland where the Drunk Monkeys are hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. In what could be a match up repeated in the first week of the Championship. The Nighthawks must find a way to beat the Monkeys to ensure their position in the Championship Series. If they loose, they fall back and must wait out the count back on other matches.

A lot still on the line in the Sub Simmers division.

Next weeks, the weekly report may be delayed in transmission. The Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) have scheduled their Christmas party that night, and well. with an open bar, who knows how llong the ramblings may take to compose.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 12 receptions for 168 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total score of 44.80 points, the ASW are proud to present Travis Kelce (TE) of the Black Cats the Week Thirteen MVT. This is the second MVT that Kelce has won this year.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gargamel

12-04-18, 07:37 PM

I haven't been this excited since I discovered they put rumble strips on the side of the road.........

Gut Wrench

12-11-18, 01:42 AM

HOLY CRAP, WHAT HAPPENED?
Who's In? Who's Out?

Week Fourteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and the final week of the regular season. If you were ever wanting to have a ball tearing mathematical equation with count backs and surprise elimination, have we got the league for you. We'll go around the grounds and cover the two upset wins, then we'll look at the last and final game of the regular season where the lead change with each pass, as two quarterbacks combined for a low score. Once we've done all that, we'll get back up and try to work out who's in, who's out, and who's still in the hospital writing this on honky wifi.

But before we do anything else, lets get some clarity on the one thing you should do now.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Let's start the recap with our match of the week with the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. The Drunk Monkeys are already in, they have home field advantage throughout the playoffs. This weeks game held no advantage for them, but was the first card to fall over if the Nighthawks, and two other teams needed to make the playoffs. The Monkeys have been the most improved team from prior years - it's amazing what you can achieve when you show up. But their biggest obstacle was always going to be former Champions the Nighthawks. Patrick Mahonne (QB) of the Monkeys and Ben Roetlisberger (QB) of the Nighthawks battled back and forth in an equally matches passing game. Monkeys RB, Todd Gurley has been the steamroller this year but the Nighthawks were able to limit him to under 10 points. Nighthawks countered with Stefan Barkley (RB) rushing for over 35 points. the differential of the RB scoring positions put the Nighthawks ahead but was sealed when Rob Gronkowski(TE) crossed for a late touchdown. Helmand Nighthawks do the impossible and hand the Drunk Monkeys only their third loss of the season by the comfortable margin of 179 - 124.

The second game in the improbable equation was the Black Cats hosting the Who Dat Nation. The Cats have been ghosting along this year, but still they have managed to keep pace with the league with some improbable wins when injury within games has removed their opposition. Who Dat Nation started nicely with an early 30 point lead, and were cruising to victory when they basically sat down and took a dump. The Nation forgot that there was a week of football to be played and not just an early Sunday and the Black Cats would make them pay a hefty price. The Cats, still operating with two players absent (A. Collins and G. Gano) had no business even being in the hunt, but someone forgot to tell the Cats wide receiving corp who collected over 100 points and six touchdowns. The Nation, suddenly facing the possibility of dropping from the Divisional Winner to elimination, hurriedly try to mount a counter offensive that just smelt bad. The Nation failed to break the century of points mark and the Black Cats just scratched their way into playoff consideration. Final score, Black Cats take the biggest blow blow out of the week and the biggest shock win of the season by stuffing the Who Dat Nation in the kitty litter. Final score Black Cats 155 defeat the Who Dat Nation 97.

Our third and final game of the week was a divisional match up between the Australian Taipans and the Guns of Hochuli. The Taipans, facing the prospect of of being eliminated or going on the road through the playoffs were hosting the divisional rival for several years which has previously kept them out of the playoffs. The Taipans were looking like heavy favorites when Odell Beckham (WR) was ruled out of the game moments before kick off and a substitute was not available. Taipans came out and were marching along towards victory when the Guns of Hochuli put the ball in Greg Kittle (TE) Hand for 40 points. Late Sunday night, Jarred Goff (QB) had a career worst day for the Taipans and suddenly the race to the playoffs was on. The Gunners still had Russell Wilson (QB) to start and the Taipans only had Adam Thielan (WR) left. If the Gunner could pass for two touchdown or throw for 300 yards - two targets not difficult for Russell Wilson, the entire league would be thrown wide open. Russel Wilson was playing on the same field as Jarred Goff (QB) and also struggled, not throwing one touchdown despite running for 61 yards. Thielan (WR) also was not able to score but was able to receive enough yards to get in front of the Gunners late Monday night. The Gunners failed at the QB position, and the Taipans were able to steal a win by the narrow margin of 162 - 157.

WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US

Calculators out, let's break this down one count back at a time. We will start initially with the Surface Skimmers Division where we only have one unknown.

REGULAR SEASON CHAMPIONS

The Drunk Monkeys have been the best comeback team, ever, to finish the season at one of the best records of 11-3. The Drunk Monkeys get to stay at home throughout the playoffs. They are probably not the favorites to win the season, but, they were also not favored in week one to make the playoffs. Drunk Monkeys are playing for the clean sweep to win the league. Drunk Monkeys are the #1 seed.

ELIMINATED

The Guns of Hochuli had been eliminate from the Championship Season prior to this week. They start the Consolation Series as the #6 team.

SUB SIMMERS DIVISIONAL CHAMPION.

Holy crap. Let's do this one step at a time.

With the unexpected win of the Black Cats over the Who Dat Nation, and the less plausible win by the Helmand Nighthawks, the entire Sub Simmers Division finish out the season at 7-7. We've been in the middle of tiebreaker discussion for the past few weeks, and it continues this week.

The tiebreaker for the Divisional Title is awarded to the team with the best divisional percentage. The loss by the Who Dat Nation puts them at 2-4, the win by the Helmand Nighthawks puts them at 3-3, but the unexpected win by the Black Cats puts them at 4-2. For the first time this season, the Black Cats win their first count back which enables them to steal the Divisional Title. Black Cats head into the playoffs as the #2 seed.

Nobody would have picked that several weeks ago.

Championship Seeding

Now that the Divisional Title has been established, we have to go into the tiebreakers again for the #3 and the #4 seeding for the Championship. In addition to the Helmand Nighthawks and the Who Dat Nation, the other team that also finished at 7-7 is in the equation - the Australian Taipans. But unlike the Divisional Champion, a different count back is used. Total points scored.

The Helmand Nighthawks and the Who Dat Nation Rises have been the powerhouses of scoring in recent year - but not this year. This year the highest scoring team was the Australian Taipans who amassed 2392 points. The Taipans have also had the most points scored against them, accounting for their .500% record, but that's enough for them to take the #2 seed.

We're down to one last Championship Playoff position and it's a tiebreaker between the Helmand Nighthawks and the Who Dat Nation. The Who Dat Nations hopes always rested on both a win and a high score in the final week of the regular season, which did not eventuate. The Helmand Nighthawks win the #4 seeding, relegating the Who Dat Nation to their first Consolation Series since joining the league. It is also the biggest single week fall since the league began.

The Black Cats not only stole the Divisional Title in the last week of the league, but they also relegated one a former champion team out. The Black Cats are also the first Ghost team to make the playoffs, and the first ghost team to win the divisional championship.

No body would have picked that.

Next week we go back to Cleveland where the Drunk Monkeys host the Helmand Nighthawks. These two teams matching up represent the best of the league. The other game, the Black Cats in North Carolina hosting the Australian Taipans may, may be a foregone conclusion. The Cats have ghosted their way here, how improbable is it they could ghost their way to the Torpedo Bowl?

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 170 rushing yards for 1 touchdown and 4 receptions for 0 yards (those receptions count), for a total score of 35.70 points, the ASW are proud to present Stefan Barclay (RB) of the Helmand Nighthawks the Week Fourteen MVT.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

12-17-18, 11:32 PM

DRUNK MONKEYS STUMBLE FROM CHAMPIONSHIP
Guess Who's Hosting the Torpedo Bowl?

Week Fifteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League and it's the first week of the playoffs. And what a low scoring week it was. We'll find out which team should have gotten in, which team cruised in, which team is returning to the Championship, where the Torpedo Bowl is being hosted for the first time, and we'll find what the other teams did.

But before we do anything else, lets get some clarity on the one thing you should do now.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Let's start with the game that we thought would end the way it did. The Black Cats in the final week of the regular season ghosted their way into the Championship playoffs with an unexpected and unpredictable win to take the Sub Skimmers Division. This was the only way that the Black Cats were going to advance as they were the lowest scoring team in the league. This week they were matched up against the highest scoring team in the league, the Australian Taipans. The Taipans were without Coach Pioneer who advised late last week they he would not be attending the game due to international travel. We are aware that the Coach made about three changes, and judging by the the IP address, called those in from three different continents. Not countries - continents. Despite being the gunslinger of points scoring, the Taipans came up with their lowest score of the year, barely managing to reach triple digits. With Anthony Collins (RB) and Geno Gano (K) still on the vacation list for the Black Cats, and Coach FYC ghosting, this was a lot closer win for the Taipans than expected. By Monday night the Taipans held a 40 point lead, but the Cats still had Drew Brees (QB) to play, who previously had scored over 50 points in a game, twice this season. It was not to be a third as Brees struggled for both yardage and touchdowns. The Taipans lowly score, would be enough to achieve the biggest blow out of the week, and advance the Taipans to their first appearance in a Torpedo Bowl. Taipans account for the ghost Black Cats 102 - 61.

Our second game and match of the week was also another low scoring affair, but this one was going down to the wire. Last week, these two teams met and the Nighthawks handed the Monkeys only their third loss of the year. Could the Nighthawks do the impossible and go into Cleveland and beat the one team that has lead the league for the entire season? Even with Saturday games these two teams were evenly matched through Sunday that it was apparent both teams were resting their entire season on the two players who had carried them this far, Alvin Kamara (RB) for the Nighthawks and Michael Thomas (WR) for the Drunk Monkeys. Early in the fourth quarter Kamara (RB) crossed for a touchdown for the Nighthawks, and the two point conversion was successful by Thomas (WR) for the Monkeys. This game was going to come down to the last possession of the week, and accordingly, so would this column have to sit and wait to be written. When Kamara peeled off a 25 yard run with under 2 minutes to play, it was apparent that the Nighthawks would hold on by the narrowest margin of the week, to ensure a berth at the Torpedo Bowl. Final Score Helmand Nighthawks narrowly defeat the Drunk Monkeys 119 - 109.

Elsewhere in the league, both the Who Dat Nation and the Guns of Hochuli sat out on byes in the first week of the Consolation Championship. Both Coaches were heard to be muttering "I could have beaten all those teams this week."

And they could have as well.

WHERE'S THE TORPEDO BOWL AT?

Where are we going?

Both the #1 and the #2 seeds fell this week to the lower ranked teams. Change your airline tickets folks, you're going on the longest trip of the year. What this means for the Australian Taipans, is that next week, they get to make their first Torpedo Bowl appearance as a home game.

The Helmand Nighthawks will be making the long trek to the penal colony where we will have our first all international Torpedo Bowl. Despite the Taipans having home field advantage, summer weather and being the highest scoring team in the league, the Nighthawks actually enter this one as the favorites having knocked off the Regular Season Champion in back to back weeks, and three times through the entire season. In the regular season, the Nighthawks and the Taipans met twice, splitting the series 1-1, with the visiting team winning on both occasions. If the Taipans want to win against a former Champion and regular Torpedo Bowl attendee, the Taipans are going to have to score a lot of points.

The bronze medal game will be back in Cleveland where the Drunk Monkeys will be hosting the Black Cats. The Black Cats have all but checked out till next years draft, so the Monkeys, having suffered a shock departure in the first play off game, should account for the Cats easily.

In the Consolation Series, the Guns of Hochuli travel north west to meet the Who Dat Nation in Oregon, after both teams have had a week to rest and recover.

If you had thought two teams that were .500% on the regular season would be playing in the Torpedo Bowl, you're a better judge than me. The line in Vegas all year has been the Drunk Monkeys, who were one win away from the Championship.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Not a lot of scoring this week, but the one position that did score was successful in getting their team into the Championship game. For the effort of 67 rushing yards for 1 touchdown and 7 receptions for 23 yards , for a total score of 23.30 points, the ASW are proud to present Alvin Kamara (RB) of the Helmand Nighthawks the Week Fifteen MVT. This is the second week in a row that the Nighthawks have won the MVT and the second MVT for Kamara this season.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gargamel

12-18-18, 07:12 PM

Friggin refs......

*kicks over podium during press conference*

Gut Wrench

12-24-18, 11:22 PM

TAIPANS WIN TORPEDO BOWL
...in a Nighthawk shootout.

Week Sixteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. The last games of the year. The Torpedo Bowl between our two internationals. The Consolation Bowl between with the Regular Season winner, and the final game where two past champions meet for the wooden spoon. We'll go around the grounds. wind up the games in multiple timezones and give you all the details of the winners, the not so winners, and the celebrations which ensured.

Right after we give you the most important thing to do tonight - aside from set out the milk and cookies.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

The Consolation Series. After losing almost a dozen count backs this year, the one count back that the Who Dat Nation Rises needed in their favor did not happen, propelling them into the Consolation Series. Hosting the former champions, the Guns of Hochuli have, once again, for the third year straight, had the hardest schedule of the year. The Gunners met all the powerhouses teams of the year when they were at their best, and high scoring. This week they traveled to Oregon hoping for a mediocre performance from the Who Dat Nation. It wasn't to be. The Nation, after stumbling with Phillip Rivers (QB) for yet another sub par performance, was going to need a hero to come through to avoid the bottom of the ladder. And the Nation's hero was Antonio Brown (WR), who took 8 receptions for 194 yards and two touchdowns to amass a personal score of 50.50 points. The Gunners, very dependable and stout in the trenches, lost their way when David Johnson (RB) and Joe Mixon (RB) failed to cross for any touchdowns. Gunners lost the lead on the back of the Antonio Brown (WR) performance and were never in the hunt after that. Guns of Hochuli fall on their sixth straight loss to the Who Dat Nation Rises, who finally salvage some self esteem. Final score Who Dat Nation defeat the Guns of Hochuli 163 - 124.

The benefit for these two teams is that should they return next season, is that one of them will face an advantageous move if both of this year Torpedo Bowl contenders are in the division. The higher seed will move in order to split the Torpedo Bowl opponents.

The Consolation Series. After we picked up the podium, make a few repairs, filled in the gouge marks, Spackle where Coach Gargamel had carved obscenities, we put it back on a plane for Cleveland for the Consolation Bowl between the Drunk Monkeys and the Black Cats. The Black Cats, somehow, ghosted their way into the play offs by the most precarious of situations, to meet the Monkeys who backdoor their way out of the Championship, after leading the entire league since week four. The Monkeys, hell bent on revenge after slipping on that banana peel, came to play and were set to skin the Cats. When the Cats, for about the fifth straight week, started their players already on vacation, the Monkeys had done just enough work to that point to put the win away. The game though was not without a scare as Todd Gurley (RB) was benched by Coach Gargamel moments before the start of the game - and the Coach failed to replace him in time. Playing one back down, compared to the Cats two players deficit, opened the path for redemption as the Drunk Monkeys showed that they were the team who should have won the season this year, but for their last game. Patrick Mahonnes (QB) put the Monkeys team on his back as he carried them to a comfortable win, to earn the Bronze Medal this year. Final score in Cleveland, the Drunk Monkeys defeat the Black Cats convincingly, 135 - 89.

Despite the color of the medal, it can not be understated that the Drunk Monkeys turn around this year is nothing short of phenomenal. Branded the best damn sub .500% in recent years, the Monkeys this year showed up, played like League Champions, and but for one game, probably should have been. No doubt we will see several of the Monkeys in this years all star team.

And now, the Torpedo Bowl.

After the shock loss by the Drunk Monkeys and the expected loss by the #2 seed Black Cats in the previous week, the Torpedo Bowl was moved to the home field of the highest ranking seed, the Taipans in Australia. Taking them on was the perennial favorite and the other international team, the Helmand Nighthawks. Playing down under during the summer heat, beside the beach, bikini cheer leaders, and, the final player of the week at lunchtime on Christmas Day this was going to be shoot out. Mister Chris, coach of the Nighthawks, a tough opponent has owned the Taipans in recent years. The Nighthawks had Alvin Kamara (RB) show his form and confirm his status for the All Star Team with another outstanding performance. The only downside to the Nighthawks game was when Rob Gronkowsi (TE) failed to make a catch. Nighthawks Ben Roethlisberger (QB) turned this into a gun slinging shoot out with the Taipans by throwing for over 300 yards and 3 touchdowns. If the Taipans were going to win this, it would have to come from the hands of a champion. And the Taipans had two of them. The first, Aaron Rodgers (QB) exceeding the work of Roethlisberger (Nighthawks), but the nail in the coffin was the work of Zac Ertz. After seeing Gronkowski (nighthawks) not receive one catch, Ertz went out and caught 12 receptions for 110 yards and 41 points. That disparage between Ertz (Taipans) and Gronkowski (nighthawks) would allow the Taipans to coast away, taking the need to win away from their final player, Phillip Lindsay (RB) who had to forgo Christmas lunch to play through. For the first time in their history, the Australian Taipans win the Subsim Torpedo Bowl, defeating the Helmand Nighthawks 197 - 151.

The Taipans first league championship has come from no where. As a .500% team all year, they didn't even figure into the play off equation until 3 weeks from the end when you stopped and looked at the amount of points they had scored and thought they might be a chance. Congratulations to Coach Pioneer on your first Championship.

Tomorrow, after the dust has settled and the Christmas meal has been washed down, we'll be back to announce this years All Star team. The All Star Team is the highest honor in the League, not for the players who make their appearance, but for the name whom they honor. But before we get to the All Star team, we have to find our last star of the year.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Hard to go past the performances in this years Torpedo Bowl. For the effort of 442 passing yards, 2 touchdowns, 32 rushing yards and 2 rushing touchdowns, and a 2 point conversion, for a total of 50.88 points, the Week Sixteen MVT is awarded to Aaron Rodgers (QB) of the Australian Taipans.

http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

Gut Wrench

12-26-18, 02:02 AM

2018 ALL STAR NAMED
...remembering a Prez.

The Post Season is in full swing. The holidays are upon. The Post Mortems of what went wrong are occurring. And my personal Subsim Page has had more visitors in the last three weeks than in the last few years.

Yes, you stalkers, I see you checking out my profile. :03:

Without further ado,the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) are proud to present this years team, named after those who served the United States.

2018 GEORGE H. BUSH CABINET
https://s-ec.bstatic.com/images/hotel/max1024x768/657/65745390.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0f/George_H._W._Bush%2C_President_of_the_United_State s%2C_1989_official_portrait.jpg/220px-George_H._W._Bush%2C_President_of_the_United_State s%2C_1989_official_portrait.jpg

Starting Line up:

QB: Patrick Mahonnes (Drunk Monkeys)
WR: Devonte Adams (Guns of Hochuli)
Adam Thielan (Australian Taipans)
Antonio Brown (Who Dat Nation Rises)
RB:Christian McCaffrey (Who Dat Nation Rises)
Todd Gurley (Drunk Monkeys)
TE: Zac Ertz (Australian Taipans)
K: Kaini Fairburn (Australian Taipans)
DEF: Chicago (Helmand Nighthawks)

Bench:

Drew Brees (Black Cats)
Julio Jones (Black Cats)
Sayquon Barclay (Helmand Nighthawks)
Greg Kittle (Guns of Hochuli)
Greg Zuerlin (Helmand Nighthawks
Baltimore (Drunk Monkeys)

There you have it folks, as voted by your writers covering the greatest fantasy sport in the world.

It's Christmas night in the US, Boxing Day as the Australian Taipans continue to celebrate. . We'll put this column to bed and dust it off in July next year when we'll welcome you back to sixteen of the most frustrating weeks of the year - where anything can happen, and where as we saw this year, anyone can come from no where and win this thing. But you gotta show up and be part of it to win.

We look forward to see your for the 2019 season.