on a serious note [Archive] - SUBSIM Radio Room Forums

Harvs

08-01-15, 07:45 PM

To everyone on this site, if you know of someone suffering from depression i urge you to get them help, if they refuse help please do all you can to override their decision, my sister in law lost her battle last night, it has absolutely devastated all who loved her, she continually refused our attempts to help her or to get her help, we all feel we have failed her, if only we could have done more she might still be with us so please try your hardest.

Torplexed

08-01-15, 07:54 PM

Oh man. That's crushing news. Condolences for your family's loss.

u crank

08-01-15, 07:58 PM

So sorry for your loss Harvs. An all to common affliction of this present age.

My condolences to you and your family.

Sailor Steve

08-01-15, 07:59 PM

As someone who lives with depression myself, I can understand how she felt. That said, I'm sorry it went this far.

Oberon

08-01-15, 08:01 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that Harvs, depression is an absolute...well, it's a horrible thing, and I'm sorry to hear that your sister lost her fight.
Don't blame yourself though, blame the illness that took her from you, but don't blame yourself.

Commander Wallace

08-01-15, 08:49 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss Harvs. I'm sure you and your family did everything you could do but depression and bi polar illnesses are horrible for those afflicted and those who can only stand by and try to help. Prayers for you and your family.

fireftr18

08-01-15, 09:02 PM

Sorry to hear about your loss Harvs. True depression is a terrible, and devastating affliction. I've seen way too much of the result myself. I know it's terrible on the family. You and your family did all you could, and as a loving family, you did not fail her. Like cancer, it was the disease that took her. Prayers for you and your family.

Eichhörnchen

08-02-15, 02:49 AM

So sorry to hear about this, Harvs. I can only echo what's been said, especially by Oberon.

So many of us have a close relative suffering from this. Perhaps the worst thing about it is that they often don't know why they feel the way they do, so they try to hide it because they don't think their family will understand either: it's a "black dog" which comes of its own accord, and an illness which you couldn't have cured for her. All you can ever do is try to be understanding. Don't blame yourself, mate.

Wolferz

08-02-15, 04:20 AM

Very sad to hear of your loss, Harvs.

I don't know how they do things down under but, here where I live, if we have a person suffering from this awful malady, we do have recourse to get them the help they need. A family member need only make a trip to the hospital ER and request to fill out a 302 intake form. Then a county social worker comes to review and sign off on the form, which is then hand delivered to a law enforcement officer for patient pick up and delivery to the medical facility for a mandatory ten day stay in a psyche ward. The wife and I had to do this for her Bi-polar son. He's still with us today because of that. I know most folks would feel like doing that would be betraying the trust of their loved one but, it's better than the alternative. My stepson actually thanked me for it.

Hopefully this info might help to save a life.
When in doubt, call your local emergency room, law enforcement or crisis hotline.

Schroeder

08-02-15, 04:37 AM

Depression is really nasty. It keeps you from functioning properly which leads to more failures in every day live which then strengthens the depression. A vicious circle that one must break. It really doesn't help that a lot of people underestimate depression and tell you to "just pull yourself together" and dismiss it as just being in a bad mood or even lazy and weak.:/\\!!

Lionclaw

08-02-15, 04:40 AM

Sorry for your loss. :/

I have my ups and downs. It's the worst during the winter months though.

STEED

08-02-15, 05:45 AM

As someone who lives with depression myself, I can understand how she felt. That said, I'm sorry it went this far.

I'm the same as Steve, had this condition for over 20 years now the medication does not work for me as I react badly to it, counseling helps to agree but when you go though NHS channels here in the UK it take time. Statistics in the UK show Depression is on the up and there are people who will not except it, I went to a job interview and as you do answer their questions and when it came to my depression the guy said oh that old chestnut dodge to get out of work! Made me go down couple more notches for that week.

Harvs you and all who tried to help must not blame yourselves you tried to help and that something was better than nothing.

Nippelspanner

08-02-15, 07:35 AM

Terrible news :/

Oberon

08-02-15, 07:57 AM

Sorry for your loss. :/

I have my ups and downs. It's the worst during the winter months though.

Aye, you poor sods up north have it pretty bad during winter because of the daylight hours. Even worse the further north you go in Scandinavia.
SAD (which has the most apt acronym I can think of) is a pretty significant feature in depression, but I think that some elements of society itself can be blamed for the rise in depression these days, trying to get the human body to do thing that it's not evolutionary used to. I suppose, in short, trying to be machines in order to compete with machines in this fast paced world we live in.

I would say to anyone with depression, try to find joy in small things, obviously on a bad day there's nothing that will bring you back up from the slump that you're in, medication can help reduce the depth of the slump (but the downside is that it also reduces the heights of euphoria, since it is designed to reduce how far the emotional swings go either way and plateau them out, it also...somehow, seems to reduce creativeness a bit...I don't know how, but it's something that has been noticed) but it won't bring you out of it, only time will do that. But on a normal day...watch the birds, look at nature, even if you're in the city, look at the grass growing through the concrete cracks in the pavement and think of how nature prevails, stroke a pet if you have one, watch youtube videos you find funny, listen to music that you like, find something that makes you smile and hold onto it, because it is precious.

Of course, someone could tell me 'physician heal thyself', because it's easy for me to say these things to other people, but less so to remember it myself...but I try, and I've made it this far.

Jimbuna

08-02-15, 08:49 AM

Deepest condolences for your loss.

Eichhörnchen

08-02-15, 01:20 PM

Catfish

08-02-15, 02:49 PM

Very sorry to hear that, Harvs. My condolences.

Oberon

08-02-15, 03:03 PM

Someone reminded me yesterday that laughter is the best medicine; I was going to PM this Oz-orientated link to Harvs to cheer him up, but having given everyone a chance to say their piece (and very kind you guys have been) I'm thinking some of you might appreciate a laugh too (so no disrespect to the seriousness of the thread):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8hF45fiAqQ

(Warning: Aussie language)

The Fast Show, good stuff. It's strange how some of the funniest people you meet suffer with the biggest depression. People like Stephen Fry, Kenneth Williams, Tony Hancock, Spike Milligan, the list goes on. People with brilliant minds and such sharp wit, but who hate themselves so deeply and cannot see how fantastic they are.
In fact, it's the same with a lot of very creative minds, singers, songwriters, artists, actors, writers, perhaps it is something about their reality that seeks them to create or become part of another? :hmmm:

Aktungbby

08-02-15, 04:07 PM

People with brilliant minds and such sharp wit, but who hate themselves so deeply and cannot see how fantastic they are.
Robin Williams comes to mind.

Oberon

08-02-15, 05:05 PM

Robin Williams comes to mind.

Ah yes, how could I have not mentioned him, so recent too. Such a shame.

Eichhörnchen

08-02-15, 05:38 PM

Did you see him in the movies Jakob The Liar and 24 Hour Photo? Oddly, I liked him most when he left the comedy behind.

Harvs

08-02-15, 06:42 PM

Thank you all for your kind words at this time, her battle was lost but our fight will go on.

Earlier in the week she tried self harm and we got her taken to hospital on the understanding that they would help her this time but she asked the doctor if she could go to the toilet and from there she escaped, the doctor rang my wife and told her to bring her back but as usual she could not be convinced, then the doctor told my wife that if anything happens it would be on her head. You can now imagine what this has done to my wife.
I soo want to find this " doctor " and headbutt him into the next century.

My sister in law lost her battle in a room not 5 metres from where i was sitting, i heard nothing and there was nothing to indicate that she was going to do this, she could have talked to me but kept silent.

After she was found we blamed ourselves for failing her but now understand that we did all we could and it was the system and her illness that failed her.

I consider all on here my friends and ask that you would raise a glass to my sister in law Carolyn Tait, hopefully your demons are now vanquished and you are in a place you wanted to be. We will miss you dearly.

Eichhörnchen

08-02-15, 06:52 PM

Good to hear from you again, Harvs. I'd be wanting to make a formal complaint against that doctor; I'm pleased that you all realise he was plain wicked to say such a thing.

Onkel Neal

08-02-15, 07:51 PM

I'm sorry to hear that Harvs.

Wolferz

08-03-15, 05:11 AM

To Miss Carolyn Tait.:Kaleun_Cheers:

May you be at peace in the loving arms of the creator.

Commander Wallace

08-03-15, 09:30 AM

So upsetting to hear of a physician with so little empathy or respect for a patient and their respective families and what they are going through.

To Carolyn Tait and her family and yours and while I'm at it, to Laufen Zum Ziel and Kiwi too

May they all know the sunshine of God's love

Schroeder

08-03-15, 11:42 AM

Raises glass.
May you find the peace in death that you could not find in life Carolyn.

Wolferz

08-03-15, 04:46 PM

Eichhörnchen

08-03-15, 05:38 PM

Yeah it was a pity about that:haha:

Platapus

08-03-15, 05:39 PM

I am very sorry to hear of your loss

if only we could have done more she might still be with us

For your sake and the sake of your family, you need to get past this line of thought. You were there for her and you offered help. Worrying about what you could have done more will only bring you more sorrow.

BrucePartington

08-04-15, 08:54 PM

My condolences.

I've had my moments too, so I can relate too. It's a very dark place, and we only recognize it as such after we start to see a bit of outside light.
You did what was humanly possible. You shouldn't blame yourselves for not being with her 24/7. That would be impossible for all of you. We all need rest, and we all need a bit of privacy.

This is becoming an all too common problem these days. As I see it, it is a side effect of the ferocious, unbridled capitalism our civilization is being plunged into. This creates a number of inhumane problems for the working class. We have to be strong and endure a nihilistic way of life for much too long, to the point of depletion of the necessary chemicals the brain needs to maintain emotional balance.
At the individual level, we need to stay alert, for ourselves and those near us.
Collectively, we need to change course and reclaim humanity.

She's in a better place now Harvs.
And don't beat yourself up anymore. You did everything right in my book.