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View Full Version : Men, i give you a warning...


GoldenRivet
03-19-15, 05:01 AM
Planning a wedding? Or know someone who is?

Here’s my advice on something to avoid based on my recent personal experience…

Lots of folks think it’s a cute idea to put a disposable camera at every table during the reception. An event filled with joy for the bride and groom and the idea is that each guest at the table will pass around the camera and try to capture an image of the evening that the bride and groom will forever cherish in their hearts.

This is a huge mistake for a number of reasons.

Professional photographers capture images that invoke specific feelings in the viewer. Their images are crisp and clean utilizing natural or artificial light in ways that capture vivid color, and sharp contrasts. The subject of the images is almost always taken from a flattering angle that make even the most wrinkled up old leper take on an artistic, poetic and dignified look; the wisdom in their leathery, toothless face forever emulsified in immortality. Not only do they have an eye for their art, they are usually carry equipment worth thousands of dollars, purpose built for the single objective of capturing the very best images possible. Thankfully we hired one, and she did a wonderful job on all fronts. But we also chose to put the little disposable cameras at each reception table because someone – and I’m not naming names here – but someone who is a female and had an awful lot to do with marrying me decided it would be artsy fartsy cute to do that.

Now, the images captured by the disposable cameras on the reception tables have two things going against them. First, they are not worth thousands of dollars, they are worth about $6 a piece at Walmart and when it comes to image quality, you get what you pay for. Second… 8 year olds.

Yes I said 8 year olds. Picture this scenario, seated at every table at your reception are 6 to 10 adults. Aunts, uncles, cousins, moms, dads… all seated there enjoying their choice of chicken or beef engaged in adult conversation. Now, when I say adult conversation, I don’t mean your aunt and uncle are working out the finer scheduling details of a swinger’s swap with your maid of honor and your friend from work… Or… I mean they could be, I don’t know your aunt and uncle. I just mean they aren’t talking about hoops on a stick or hop scotch or SpongeBob – you know, whatever the hell 8 year olds talk about at the dinner table. Throw a margarita or a glass of champagne or a beer in front of them. They are having a good time. In between shoving Beef Medallion Filet into their mouths, one or two members of the table have managed to successfully snap a decent picture of you shoving Beef Medallion Filet into your bride’s mouth for the first time ever. Now the problem with aunts and uncles and cousins and moms and dads all thrown into a table is that the odds favor at least one of them having a kid or two.

So, when the kids try to join into the adult conversation with their constant pestering about this weird food, or complaining about the fact that they have been detached from their PlayStation or internet for more than an hour and a half, what’s the first thing the parents at the table are going to do to complete “operation: go away kid you bother me”?

For you slow guessers I’ll just go ahead and tell you… they grab the camera, hand it to little Billy and little Sally, and tell them to piss off and go find something to take a picture of. So, this is exactly what they do. Unbeknownst to you and your bride, every little Billy and little Sally multiplied times about 80% of the tables at your reception has now absconded into obscurity into locations unknown with a camera on a mission to take pictures of everything they consider significant.

You go on, not knowing this for weeks… or maybe it’s been busy since the honeymoon, perhaps you had a lot of work to catch up on with your time off and your honey do list item of getting this film developed sits on the back burner for a while, until one day you take all 15 or 20 of these disposable cameras to the 1 hour photo and have them developed. An hour passes and you go back to the 1 hour photo and eagerly collect the dozen or more envelopes of film, you swipe the bank card to the tune of $200 snatch the receipt and hurry home to join your bride in looking through the envelopes filled with hidden treasures that surely wait.

Your smile turns to a grin as you file through the first few images. Slowly this grin becomes just a mouth, finally the mouth evolves into an outright lip synch to that hit song “you gotta be kidding”. What you have here is $200 worth of pictures from a disposable camera capturing such artful images as:

“the grass” – a thought provoking look straight down toward two size 3 feet standing on a patch of brown grass.

“human eye” – a cunning, cerebral reimagining of the extreme close-up of someone’s eyeball.

“icky Bug” – a scientific and technical adventure into the slightly out of focus world of a random insect.

“moon” – an otherworldly image defined by complete blackness punctuated by a pea sized, blurred glowing dot

“Night on Bald Mountain” – bringing forth images of the fantasia short by the same name, we take a detailed look at the top of great gam-gam’s head

“Rover” – an introspective view of a pile of dog crap that will change your take on the world

Should I go on? Yes, you just spent a third of your car payment this month for a 3 inch high stack of pictures of bugs, elbows, eyes, lips, dog turds and random lights stretched across the image because some kid thought he could make a movie by moving the camera fast. For every meaningful picture of your grandmother, your mom and your bride group hugging in front of a massive rose bush with the clock hanging in the back ground reminding us of what little time we have left with these people… you get eight or ten extreme close-ups of some fat kid’s wiggly tooth.

So when your bride to be suggests that you put these cute artsy fartsy disposable cameras at the tables for the reception guests to snap a picture… read her this little story and tell her how much more meaningful it would be to do the opposite of putting cute artsy fartsy disposable cameras at the tables for the reception guests to snap a picture.

Torplexed
03-19-15, 05:46 AM
Funny stuff. :D

Even in the hands of adults most wedding guests will probably forget to turn the flash on rendering about half of the exposures taken so massively underexposed that you get no image at all.

Possibly a blessing in disguise.

Jimbuna
03-19-15, 06:24 AM
You should consider yourself lucky John, in my day (wedding-wise) there were no such things as disposable cameras, just the scurrilous rumours and innuendos about what went on in the background when most peoples attention were drawn elsewhere :smug:

Our way of dealing with such matters went something like "Pictures or it didn't happen" but then again, that is probably the last thing you'd want to say these days :)

d@rk51d3
03-19-15, 07:02 AM
Sounds like Facebook.

Wolferz
03-19-15, 07:45 AM
Consider the cameras as the lesser of two evils. My stepsons' best friend and his bride gave out books of matches with their happy day details printed on the cover.

nikimcbee
03-19-15, 09:42 AM
Second… 8 year olds.



Say no more!:har::har::har:

Eichhörnchen
03-19-15, 10:35 AM
Can we see the photos?

GoldenRivet
03-19-15, 11:13 AM
I suppose you could i'll have to take a few minutes to scan them, put them on my computer and uploade them and link them into the forum. but they really arent worth the trouble LOL

nikimcbee
03-19-15, 11:55 AM
I suppose you could i'll have to take a few minutes to scan them, put them on my computer and uploade them and link them into the forum. but they really arent worth the trouble LOL
:haha:

Now, if you want TRUE chaos, give the 8 year olds cheap digital cameras.


:o:har:

MH
03-19-15, 11:57 AM
Look at the bright side...every one had their share of fun without annoying each other.
There must be some funny ones , no?

kraznyi_oktjabr
03-19-15, 12:26 PM
:har::har::har:

Have to keep this in mind! :D

Wolferz
03-19-15, 01:05 PM
RUN!!!

August
03-19-15, 02:58 PM
With the prevalence of smart phones out there now a days it might be better just to put a line in the wedding invitation encouraging folks to take pictures on their own devices and just send them to you later.

You'd get much better resolution and won't have to pay for mistakes and pictures of eyeballs or icky bugs. :)

The Dark Wolf
03-19-15, 02:58 PM
As a Pro Photographer myself for 36 years (Glamour/Artistic/Erotic)
I can agree. :woot:

I don't shoot weddings but two of my associates do and are excellent wedding photographers.

Shooting Weddings/Family Portraits/Kids/Pets is a formula for insanity.

It's a lot of work for the photographer before, during and after the wedding.

"usually carry equipment worth thousands of dollars, purpose built for the single objective of capturing the very best images possible."

When it comes to image quality, you get what you pay for.

Both VERY TRUE staements.

If you needed a Surgeon would you call the pizza delivery guy to operate on you?

GoldenRivet
03-19-15, 03:08 PM
Disposable cameras on the tables is a hold over from the 1990s that just has not died out quite yet.

i dont really get it.

with instagram etc where someone can just hashtag your ass why not just do that.

Eichhörnchen
03-19-15, 04:49 PM
I suppose you could i'll have to take a few minutes to scan them, put them on my computer and uploade them and link them into the forum. but they really arent worth the trouble LOL

No need: we'd maybe rather see TDW's bongo pictures.

Rhodes
03-19-15, 06:11 PM
At least they used film! And some of those pictures could be works of art, if some kid will became a great photographer in the future!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v434/laimelady/emoticons%20and%20such/Smiley_Camera-1.gif

Eichhörnchen
03-21-15, 10:34 AM
As a Pro Photographer myself for 36 years (Glamour/Artistic/Erotic)
I can agree.

How come there isn't a nice album for us to leer at on your Profile Page??

NeonSamurai
03-21-15, 11:41 PM
Even with out kids, the results probably would not have been much better... when you factor in all the alcohol available for the adults.

Platapus
03-22-15, 07:14 AM
when it comes to image quality, you get what you pay for.

Actually you should get what you pay for, but there is no guarantee. With the plethora of people claiming that they are wedding photographers, it is becoming a crap shoot unless you can see their previous work (and trust that what they show you is *their* work).

And then it depends on what the couple is looking for. Some couples like the more formal photography, others prefer the more candid. It is really up to the couple... or to be honest, the bride's mother. :D

A candid shot, despite the warts, from a close friend may be more precious to the couple than a perfectly formulated photograph by a stranger. That is because the picture is linked not only to the experience but to a close friend.

There really is no "one way" to photograph a wedding. The key is for the couple (and the Bride's mother) to understand what they want and how they will get it. If they are expecting to get what a good professional can do from amateurs, they will probably, but not always, be disappointed.

It is a matter of playing odds against the expense and in how the individual couple wishes to link memories to the event and the people involved.

The important point is that these days, people may have different criteria for how they wish an event to be recorded. One size does not fit all.