The Tipsy Tale: An Oblivion Adventure

[Hottentot]

Yesterday, he was a hero. He was a knight in shining armor, savior of the damsels in distress. He fought dragons, demons, evil wizards and some obscure end boss that resembled a suspiciously Freudian fantasy. He charmed ladies with his wit, impressed kings with his bravery, was cheered by children and inherited half of the kingdom. That was quite a day, that Friday evening. But our story is not about who he was yesterday.

It's about who he once again became on the next Saturday morning...


The usual, more serious notes: ever since I started writing AARs with stereotypes, I have asked myself why I don't make fun of those that are most familiar to me. The answer so far has been that there hasn't been a suitable game. It has been a wrong answer, because the right game has in fact been right under my nose all the time. Oblivion with its infinite moddability and open ended nature...

If making the Fallout AAR taught me anything, it was that making a funny AAR from RPG with lots of dialogue was difficult. Therefore I'm taking a little risk here and going instead for an RPG with little dialogue. No idea how this turns out, but let's see. So once again, welcome! Sit back, preferably with some meady adult beverage, and enjoy the ride. Updates may be a little slower this time due to real life keeping me busy, but I'll try keeping up.

Edit on 13/07/12: Some pictures from the thread go missing from time to time, thus disturbing the story. This is (so I've heard from the Horse's mouth) a known issue with the image hosting site Imgur and nothing I can help. So far the issue has fixed itself fairly quickly by itself. So if you are a new reader and don't see stuff, come back later and the pics are probably back. If the issue persist, please notify me and I'll send you a PDF version.


- - - - - - - - - - - -

Hello! Pleasure to meet you! Have you got any mead?

My name is Lalthgroot Wunderbaumbackel Dragonslayer Demon Heart Blood Blade Crimson Axe Intestine Hammer Berdesborum Fifthzel Groom of Zeegestrorum IX. But my friends usually call me just Lalli, so you can too. I'm famous (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lalli)! Well, my namesake is. But I'm too! Everyone knows who I am back home! That's one of the major reasons I left, in fact...

I hail from the stereotypical, barren Northern land called Finland. Err, Skyrim! I mean Skyrim! I am proud to say I'm a Nord! Blue eyes and blonde hair!


http://i.imgur.com/wmrrv.jpg
Well, I'm sure my grand grand daddy at least had those. Then he sort of had to leave home too and couldn't pack a wife with him, so he had to improvise. But that doesn't mean a thing! Deep down I'm as proud Nord as Nord can be! Which maybe isn't much, but at least it's all mine!

Recently I too moved down South because Skyrim enacted repressive tax policies on traditional Nord liquids used to keep us warm in the freezing winters. They went on about this whole Empire Union thing and how we now have directives straight from above telling how we should live our lives. The fools obviously don't understand that a man needs at least a few litres per day to keep going. In any case, I felt it was opressing my cultural heritage too much, so I left. And don't let any bitter one night stand tell you otherwise, this is the truth and you heard it here first!

So I arrived in the Imperial City to look for the boss man of this Empire Union thing, with whom I could then have a constructive discussion. I was sure he would understand the delicate culture of the Nords much better if I personally introduced him to some of our finest nuances, such as big pointy metal objects and their special effect on thin necks of these Southerners.

But a man needs a drink when a man needs a drink, and I definitely needed a drink after the long trip. So I spent some time looking for a place where I could try downing at least one decent mug of ale. In fact I found it.


http://i.imgur.com/rxVAJ.jpg
And then I woke up in here with no idea what happened between these two points. Or where my clothes were, for that matter.


http://i.imgur.com/5R2e1.jpg
More to the point, there was this pencil neck next to me doing what the pencil necks always do: talk talk talk. Gah! Can't I get rid of soddy neighbors even here?!


http://i.imgur.com/Cyd9F.jpg
Hello? Hello! Anyone?! I'm innocent! You can't sentence me for something I can't even remember! Hello!

At least make the pencil neck shut up! I can do it for free if you open the door!


http://i.imgur.com/W7XTH.jpg
Finally, some sensible people! Darn right! You tell me what I'm doing here, okay!

Hey! Why aren't you paying any attention to me?! In case you didn't notice, there is a big, muscular, and sparsely clothed Nord man in here!


http://i.imgur.com/xmxdC.jpg
Well finally!


http://i.imgur.com/yerdR.jpg
Why don't I like where this discussion is going?


http://i.imgur.com/aSyT3.jpg
Err, I'd like to go back to not being noticed now...okay?


http://i.imgur.com/cfZFS.jpg
No really man, you can't convince me to swing that way just because you have a huge amulet hanging from your...

No! That's not how I meant it!


http://i.imgur.com/b2nLY.jpg
Whew. The old creep was dragged away by his guards to this totally well hidden secret door right in my cell. As much as I fear the possibility of bumping into him in the dark corner, I'd rather take my chances than spend anymore time listening to the pencil neck. Nyah!


http://i.imgur.com/d29cu.jpg
Oooookay, my keen Nord senses tell me they went that way. Mostly based on the fact that they locked the door.


http://i.imgur.com/XDYMK.jpg
Typical. No neat corridors and shiny lights for Lalli, but damp caves and dog sized rats. Well, at least I found something more manly to put on.


http://i.imgur.com/2wJkS.jpg
Gah! It's not just rats! I know those guys! They always come singing next to my bed on hangover mornings!


http://i.imgur.com/7c5bl.jpg
And they even dragged my Ex in here somehow! It's like the morning after, except I'm completely sober! I think...

[Dowly]

Excellent! :up:

[Takeda Shingen]

Love your AARs.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/SQya1.jpg
Whew! The Ex shut her trap just like the last time I hit her with an axe. Back to the shiny corridors and neat lights. And...ugh! Those guys!


http://i.imgur.com/gY1ks.jpg
No really, this is getting all too creepy now! I'm quite positive you can't have seen it! I would remember that!


http://i.imgur.com/7lw9y.jpg
Good thing he has these guards dragging him away all the time. Must be orderlies or something. And then there are these red robed guys who attack us all the time and scream. Maybe they are buddies of the creepo?

In any case, it seems I have no option but to follow them. Stupid railroad plot...


http://i.imgur.com/DSwAj.jpg
And naturally they can't find their way out of a phonebooth! Foreigners! They have no traffic culture in where they come from!


http://i.imgur.com/ZgDeR.jpg
OK, now I've had it! You can't touch it, no matter if you try to bribe me with your huge amu...nevermind! Forget I said anything!


http://i.imgur.com/Xbrdb.jpg
Well finally! I have no idea where that scary dude came from, but he arrived just in time! The old man's face was worth seeing when he realized that he is not going to get me after all.


http://i.imgur.com/w0yYR.jpg
Oh come on, it was just an over aged closet boy. You'll get over it. Unless...you are one of them?


http://i.imgur.com/qvkrs.jpg
Yeah, he might just be. See, I have no idea why, but the guy in metal suddenly wanted to know all about me.

I suppose it's still an improvement, so I gave him a few hints on how to be a real man. He could start by replacing that toy blade he stole from some anime series with a real puukko (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puukko).


http://i.imgur.com/vKP7W.jpg
Why do people keep asking me that?


http://i.imgur.com/WKXsf.jpg
That's it! My manhood has been insulted and now they are going after my delicate culture! I'll have none of this! I'm going home to sit around wearing only boxers and drinking beer!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/7Cxx6.jpg
Finally! I'm out of that creep hole! Ugh! I need a drink...


http://i.imgur.com/dQv0W.jpg
Not all of that was bad, though. I'm sure this baubble will buy me a few rounds.


http://i.imgur.com/RNdRX.jpg
Ah, it seems I'm back in the Imperial City again. The heart of the Empire Union. Good! Now I can try continuing my quest. But first the priorities...


http://i.imgur.com/gR9GJ.jpg
This looks like a decent place...


http://i.imgur.com/TDstx.jpg
Seems promising. I'm taking just one for dry throat and then continue my quest. Cheers!


http://i.imgur.com/cgWWH.jpg
Wow, good stuff!


http://i.imgur.com/6JLlp.jpg
I'm the king of the drawer, I am, I am, I...


http://i.imgur.com/3mHtD.jpg
Who the [beeb] pulled that drawer from under me?! Gah! Bartender, another one!


http://i.imgur.com/CXqdw.jpg
I want to drink from these fancy cups like those ci-vi-li-zed Southern people...


http://i.imgur.com/TxLc9.jpg
And eat their exotic foods that are not covered in mold. But [beeb] why those [beeb, beeb, beebetybeeb] dishesh won't stay in one place?!


http://i.imgur.com/lcupw.jpg
I'll teach you to stay put and be eaten properly you bloody little runts!


http://i.imgur.com/YqSoX.jpg
Wooooooo! Look at me!!


http://i.imgur.com/tKPQr.jpg
Whuh?! What do you mean "don't dare to jump from there"?! I'll show you, [beeb] it!


http://i.imgur.com/JkKLZ.jpg
Errr, falling on metal helmet didn't make my head feel any better...


http://i.imgur.com/AoYCQ.jpg
I'm the captain of the ship, I am, I am, on high seas I am...I am...I...


http://i.imgur.com/tspny.jpg
[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb] I'm druuuuuuuuuuuunk...

[Dowly]

Hahahaha :har:

[Safe-Keeper]

"And they dragged my ex in here somehow!" :rotfl2:

This looks hugely promising. I am all ears.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/HPrF2.jpg
Bleeeeeeeeeergh...


http://i.imgur.com/XPLMU.jpg
Ugh! My head! My chest! My liver! Where am I?


http://i.imgur.com/icKrp.jpg
And more importantly, why am I wearing a skirt?!


http://i.imgur.com/VsQNw.jpg
This black guy seemed to know something about it, so I asked, but he just laughed at me! I'll show him! Right now, behind the nearest sauna!


http://i.imgur.com/wvnmx.jpg
Apparently they don't even have Saunas on these southern barbarian lands, so the black man says we go up the stairs to some arena thing and fight. Fine by me. I just can't grasp why I need to wear the skirt to be allowed in there.


http://i.imgur.com/X7Eh2.jpg
This is so ridiculous.


http://i.imgur.com/oY8FJ.jpg
Hakkaa päälle! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hakkapeliitta)


http://i.imgur.com/Yri3C.jpg
Hey, that's no black man! Where is the black man?


http://i.imgur.com/X67Gl.jpg
On the other hand, does it really matter which pencil neck I hit first?


http://i.imgur.com/USfIr.jpg
On my way back to the black man I meet this especially ugly guy who, for some obscure reason, sees it necessary to tell me every detail of his sad childhood.


http://i.imgur.com/UaKvo.jpg
When I tell him to shut up, he writes me some directions and says I can go to this place to find this shrew Lady Lodovicus. Hooray!

What's a "shrew"?


http://i.imgur.com/rAzWY.jpg
No matter. Why would I travel, when there is a gorgeous rack right here in front of me. I'll just use my witty charm to woo her. Ahem...

Hey! You come here often? I can buy you a drink?


http://i.imgur.com/jc2YN.jpg
Ooo, hard to get, huh? That's okay. I'll impress you eventually.


http://i.imgur.com/nN073.jpg
The black man still refuses to fight me. Aha! I know! I fight so much in this arena place that I finally beat black man and then the gorgeous rack falls in love with me! Huzaa!


http://i.imgur.com/HJkcP.jpg
Bring it on!

[Penguin]

Älkää tappaa punapää!!! :o:huh::stare:

Great read so far! :haha:

[kiwi_2005]

:rock:

makes me want to go and reinstall Oblivion!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/F8LZO.jpg
So I spend a day fighting a few pencil necks...


http://i.imgur.com/Np0lr.jpg
They fall easily to my manhood...


http://i.imgur.com/NSOfD.jpg
But the gorgeous is still not impressed!


http://i.imgur.com/7NJcV.jpg
Nor is the black man. Okay! More pencil necks it is then!


http://i.imgur.com/JzWo0.jpg
So I meet this guy who is totally trying to copy my manly style...


http://i.imgur.com/zQlqj.jpg
And then I do it like I prefer it in home too...


http://i.imgur.com/M8yol.jpg
All this pencil neck killing makes me understand that deep inside I have always felt this to be my true calling.


http://i.imgur.com/HRtfA.jpg
The increased knowledge also makes me realize my helmet is not my size at all.


http://i.imgur.com/xMcKU.jpg
Yeah! Bloodletter! That should make a impression to the gorgeous!


http://i.imgur.com/hU4wS.jpg
No?


http://i.imgur.com/4aQQn.jpg
Well bugger this all then! I'm going home to drink beer on my underwear and play WoW!


http://i.imgur.com/7NRAM.jpg
On the other hand, why wait until I get home? Cheers!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/XboFj.jpg
OK, I really have no clue how I ended up here, how all these guys ended up dead or why I'm wearing an old man's vest with fur boots and no pants...


http://i.imgur.com/q8JAp.jpg
But I do know from experience that the authorities never believe that explanation. So maybe I'll just see where this road goes instead.


http://i.imgur.com/zyUyC.jpg
OK, that's it, I never drink a drop again! I'm sick of these little green men following me everywhere!


http://i.imgur.com/AeALI.jpg
But on the other hand I just found this peasant shack with lots of homeless beer in it...


http://i.imgur.com/3fJfa.jpg
...And decided to drink it in this respectable looking inn on the way. But first I'll find the proprietor. I know countryside inns like this always sell cheap local booze, so of course I'll have to try some of that too.


http://i.imgur.com/Nctfg.jpg
Hello! Beer and pretzels please!


http://i.imgur.com/1ii1m.jpg
What? No! Hands of the bling! The old creep in the sewers gave it to me and I'm keeping it!


http://i.imgur.com/XatTN.jpg
Uriel what? Look, I just want some booze! Do you serve any or not?!


http://i.imgur.com/Jtrx9.jpg
Oh great! Another life story!


http://i.imgur.com/JHESO.jpg
Look, whatever happened with your lover boy and you in your ancient youth is no my...


http://i.imgur.com/oyaut.jpg
I take it that means no booze for Lalli? Fine! Keep your establishment! I'm taking my money elsewhere!


http://i.imgur.com/dKDEk.jpg
[Beeb] yokels! Not only did they not serve any pretzels in there, they also robbed the amulet from me on the top of that! I'm going to tell the local watch in this castle! They'll get my bling-bling back! It's what these peasants pay taxes for!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/nRv0q.jpg
I was directed to this guy. As soon as I said the words: "Stole my bling bling..."


http://i.imgur.com/ociqb.jpg
...I was taken to this old hag who revealed I'm not the first victim of the devious yokel thieves! Since she seemed important and all, I told her she could find her stuff from that countryside inn right next to the castle.


http://i.imgur.com/5zk6a.jpg
She was overjoyed for the information and in return quite literally gave me the keys to the city. Now I can access critical places barred from those lowborn peasants!


http://i.imgur.com/aOBXJ.jpg
Such as the castle's wine cellar.


http://i.imgur.com/79Q4K.jpg
[Hick], yeah, that's right! I need something stiff while waiting for the old hag and her army to go take my baubble back. That's what I pay taxes for! Yeah!


http://i.imgur.com/cOgKq.jpg
Errr, it's taking them long. I bet I could do it better than they could. I'm big and strong and manly and all. I could have been a police officer...


http://i.imgur.com/sv3EH.jpg
Or a real officer...yeah...I seeerved six months...Fatherland! Errr, Winter War...!


http://i.imgur.com/KNsks.jpg
I cooooooould have been the preeeeeesident!


http://i.imgur.com/NENG7.jpg
Bleergh, [beeb] that! More beer...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/eMW8g.jpg
Bllbblblblblblbllbbb...uh...who the [beeb] is that?


http://i.imgur.com/v56Qu.jpg
GAH!!


http://i.imgur.com/YAQJW.jpg
Where the [beeb] am I? What is this place?!


http://i.imgur.com/iha9t.jpg
Why is that guy there next to me?


http://i.imgur.com/0zlKc.jpg
And what the [beeeeeeeb] am I wearing again?!!


http://i.imgur.com/zydUZ.jpg
I gotta get out! My, uh, back doesn't like cold, stony, skeletonish environment. Yeah, back, that's right...


http://i.imgur.com/n7NY8.jpg
Urgh, like this wasn't difficult enough with the key in mornings like this...


http://i.imgur.com/bEnEU.jpg
This complicated system is surely somehow related to the door. Maybe one of the shiny buttons opens it? Which one? The one from the right? Or left? Right? Left?!


[Beeb] it, I'll just press all of them!


http://i.imgur.com/M4hz5.jpg
Uh oh...


http://i.imgur.com/ZKO3M.jpg
Look, I'm sorry if I took your drinks and you all died of thirst because of that! I didn't mean to leave nothing for you! Or maybe I did, but just a little! Honest!!


http://i.imgur.com/xhvZc.jpg
Whew, I lost them. I still have no exact idea where I am, but I know it's at least one of my favorite places. The kind with a big, shiny baubble, that is.


http://i.imgur.com/ImphF.jpg
And not only one, but two! Honestly, I think that thing looks like someone took a piece of corn filled cow manure and sticked a propeller into it, but I'm sure I can sell it to some clueless fools (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiasma) as a famous piece of modern art. I know exactly where...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/3L9rW.jpg
It took a while, but I managed to find my way out of that place. Back to the Imperial City again.


http://i.imgur.com/WDZ4F.jpg
Mostly because as the biggest city in the area, it also has biggest amount of suckers. This one paid nicely for that piece of junk I found.


http://i.imgur.com/k7Tzn.jpg
And that, on the other hand, bought me lots of much more practical stuff. See man, this is how capitalism works: I sell junk and get booze. It makes everyone happy.


http://i.imgur.com/Pm0A2.jpg
I should have been an economist. Drinking always makes me understand deepest truths of life.


http://i.imgur.com/jO2Dn.jpg
Just as I'm in the middle of deep meditation...


http://i.imgur.com/Bcobc.jpg
This bald guy sits on my table and drags me outside for a talk. Good thing I'm too stoned to be worried...


http://i.imgur.com/B0KvB.jpg
He babbled some stuff about master and house, but finally just gave me this note and left in a huff. OK, fine, what's important enough to disturb my filosofizing?

Blahblahblah wordswordswords yadayadayada. What the heck does "renumerate" mean anyway?


http://i.imgur.com/UyaLa.jpg
Oh, now I get it. Dictionary says it means: "Lalli gets mucholotsof money". So next morning I decide to go to this guy's house, which turns out to be pretty impressive. Maybe he was serious after all?


http://i.imgur.com/OX5i2.jpg
OK, with hair style like that I can understand he might be touched enough in head to really mean what he wrote. On one hand, when I was a kid my mom said that pointing and laughing at handicapped people is naughty...


http://i.imgur.com/dmMgM.jpg
But she never said a word about getting paid for it, so I'm off to start my career as a modern art dealer.


http://i.imgur.com/TWGpl.jpg
But not before I help myself to some of his refreshments. My doctor always said going adventuring with dry throat is not healthy.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/kbptW.jpg


http://i.imgur.com/jdO4r.jpg
Eergh, why does every episode of my life have to start like this?

At least I woke up in bed this time. It's not my bed, granted, but a bed nevertheless. With any luck, there will also be a sparsely clothed gorgeous somewhere in here too...


http://i.imgur.com/KuH6F.jpg
Typical...

Well, who am I to look a gift excuse in the mouth when it comes calling? Yes, that's me: Lalli, the rat slayer! Fear my manly assets, you weasely rodents! I'm coming to get you! (And get far away from this hag while I'm at it too!)


http://i.imgur.com/at2rf.jpg
What the...?!


http://i.imgur.com/czdY5.jpg
If that's a rat, then I'm an absolutist! Screw this, I'm taking my chances with the hag after all!

[Beeb], the crazy [beeb] locked the door!


http://i.imgur.com/kB9GX.jpg
I'm outta here! Make way, rats! Do what lion appetizers like you are naturally supposed to do!


http://i.imgur.com/8ASEl.jpg
Freedom! Blue on white forever!


http://i.imgur.com/acysr.jpg
Or then not. The hag found me just when I was researching the local pub culture and demanded to know what happened. So I told her she'd better not go down there for a while...


http://i.imgur.com/0xsYQ.jpg
And then I found out I was out of booze and she promised to pay my next round. That makes it a completely different matter then. So I'm getting this hunter guy and we are going to do some excatmination nearby. And then beer!


http://i.imgur.com/sR3Ag.jpg
How does this hag always find me when I'm boozing?! It's like she's always homing on me, no matter where I am. Is there really no way of getting rid of her?!

In fact...I suppose there is...


http://i.imgur.com/vq4Ae.jpg
Before becoming an adventurer, I never had seriously considered the pros and cons of being eaten by a lion. OK! Here I come! Not afraid at all!


http://i.imgur.com/jooR0.jpg
After having a constructive discussion with my friend Mr. Axe, the over grown kitten agrees that it would be much more sensible for it to bite dust than biting my arm off. Victory is mine! And as the saying goes: to the victor...


http://i.imgur.com/RJ8T8.jpg
...go the spoils. What a glorious sight! This situation just demands me to prove how great singers all the Nords naturally are. I know exactly the tune too. Now how did it go again...OK, here we go...

Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall...


http://i.imgur.com/OClOY.jpg
Ninety-nine bottles of [hic] beer!


http://i.imgur.com/QKYlp.jpg
If...ooone Noord like...meee...


http://i.imgur.com/Rnl5Q.jpg
Comes into the...ball...[beeb]...haaaaall...


http://i.imgur.com/RUEva.jpg
Theeeres no longer any beeeeer heere at aaaaaall...


...Glxblt...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/Fe5ak.jpg
I'm a little misty on details of what happened after the last bottle of wine had been emptied. But I remember finding myself in front of this church with very slippery stairs. And with a burning torch in my hand too.


http://i.imgur.com/Rw2G2.jpg
I decided to go inside and see if they would have any Eucharist wine for my headache and found these three jolly fellows there having a party. Being naturally funny and charming guy, I of course joined the fun!


http://i.imgur.com/kfp2E.jpg
The food was great, but a little under cooked for my taste. I prefer potato chips with my beer anyway.


http://i.imgur.com/YkqDE.jpg
But despite of that, we had a lot of fun with my new friends. Who knew the church folks could party like that when not wearing all white?


http://i.imgur.com/4jsXq.jpg
The light effects were great too and wow, did they have some great booze that got even my head spinning around the ceiling!


http://i.imgur.com/7VKOB.jpg
As the party went on, I also met some of their friends. I didn't want to insult my hosts feelings, but man, those guys should really see from dictionary what the words "personal hygiene" mean.


http://i.imgur.com/G9sYJ.jpg
It was all fun and great, until I decided to go for a little refreshing swim in the nearby river.


http://i.imgur.com/l99GX.jpg
My next memory is me waking up in this little fishing village's main street. I'm sure there is a good and natural explanation to this all, but no time to dwell on it now. Time to act like a man and get up.


http://i.imgur.com/ajoaT.jpg
And naturally check out the local pub while I'm at it. Maybe these yokels serve some of that famous countryside moonshine I've heard about.


http://i.imgur.com/FT2rB.jpg
The bartender and I are immediately on the same wave lenghts. So I ask her about this local wine of theirs. She really likes giving me all sorts of details about it, but there is only one thing I want to know...


http://i.imgur.com/k4r2w.jpg
That's good enough for me! My infallible nose will take care of the rest!

Sniff sniff sniff sniff...


http://i.imgur.com/hux39.jpg
...Sniff sniff sniff sniff...There!


http://i.imgur.com/VSYYp.jpg
Onwards on glorious quest for better refreshments! Huzaa!


http://i.imgur.com/CebVn.jpg
For it, however, I need to fight some of the unfortunate guys who succumbed to the thirst before finding it...


http://i.imgur.com/285Gq.jpg
And then these folks who smell like me after sleeping in my own vomit...


http://i.imgur.com/f0meS.jpg
But I bravely wade forward in the plumbers nightmare...


http://i.imgur.com/yx8eH.jpg
...And no bone leaves unturned. It's here somewhere! I can smell it! It's getting closer! It's calling me...


http://i.imgur.com/O1ZjJ.jpg
BINGO!!!


http://i.imgur.com/dBBFs.jpg
Wow man, this stuff is incredible! More!!


http://i.imgur.com/OItoX.jpg
I need more!!

[Crécy]

:har:

[TarJak]

Brilliant AAR.:salute::har:

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/tqB8x.jpg
My epic quest takes me to another mysterious ruins, this time filled with over grown doggies...


http://i.imgur.com/6GHke.jpg
Rats...


http://i.imgur.com/hGqRM.jpg
And a local junkie suffering from one serious hangover.


http://i.imgur.com/NfS2g.jpg
It all went well with him, until we ran out of booze and I was forced to assert my right to the last drops...


http://i.imgur.com/jcJcN.jpg
...Based on me having bigger axe at hand.


http://i.imgur.com/fo4xh.jpg
Ugh, no wonder he was such trouble. Turns out the guy was a real emo. I think I did him a favor by putting him out of his middleclass misery.


http://i.imgur.com/0XzWL.jpg
He had some boring books...


http://i.imgur.com/Ne3vX.jpg
Was queer enough to wear baubbles...


http://i.imgur.com/LRIsx.jpg
Apparently kept the inheritance from his honorable warrior father stuffed in one chest...


http://i.imgur.com/Xrhz0.jpg
And even kept a diary about his miserable failures with the opposite sex.

But those are not the worst offences. No. The worst thing is...


http://i.imgur.com/F7oWW.jpg
HE DRANK ALL THE MAGIC BOOZE!!!! :wah:


http://i.imgur.com/1Y6Af.jpg
Sigh. There is only one bottle of normal left. I suppose it will do. I'm sure I can find some friends for this lonely bottle in tavern nearby...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/wqgNd.jpg
[Grumble, grumble] stupid ruins [mumble, grumble] stupid quests [Murmur, rant, beeb] stupid emo kids drinking my booze...

And stupid Southern pubs. I've been here for ages and haven't even once got laid! That's going to change right now, perkele! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perkele)


http://i.imgur.com/VTwbJ.jpg
Eeww, no! I'm not drunk enough!


http://i.imgur.com/BZZLC.jpg
Hmm, better. Hello, gorgeous!


http://i.imgur.com/e3Bsr.jpg
I tell you of when I was in the army. I remember when we once went to the forest and it was so [beeb] cold...


http://i.imgur.com/HErgT.jpg
...and so we ended up in forest and it was so [beeb] cold...


http://i.imgur.com/QPLUE.jpg
...So we burned down our tent in forest and it was so [beeb] cold...


http://i.imgur.com/hxPfD.jpg
...And then we tried to [beeb] in forest...


http://i.imgur.com/lmg7X.jpg
But it was...too...[beeeeeeeeeeeeb] cooooooold...


http://i.imgur.com/kuwv9.jpg
...so [beeb] co...whuh? Where did she go?


http://i.imgur.com/QexCu.jpg
Glxblt stoooopid foreigners...soo...impoolite...so...[beeb]...cold...

[kiwi_2005]

:har: :up: Keep it up.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/y6v83.jpg
Uhh...erg...whuh?


http://i.imgur.com/OhUxb.jpg
If I'm dreaming, don't wake me up now!


http://i.imgur.com/wyUnD.jpg
Woot!! Make way! Lalli coming through!!


http://i.imgur.com/2KF2z.jpg
Knock knock...


http://i.imgur.com/tIuN6.jpg
Hey! That's the impolite [beeb] I met earlier in the bar! Where's the cutie?!


http://i.imgur.com/l6Et1.jpg
Oh yeah, that's how it always goes. First they insult your manhood and then play all innocent! Not working, sister, I wasn't born yesterday!


http://i.imgur.com/MCfL4.jpg
Er, wait, you never said you had company?


http://i.imgur.com/8XmGG.jpg
Oh, so we go three ways then. Well, in that case! Just leave the creepy cat out of the picture, I'm not one of those anime losers.


http://i.imgur.com/n1hIU.jpg
Um, in my country we usually do this with far less clothing than these chicks have on...


http://i.imgur.com/XTHpC.jpg
...But on the other hand, big knives make me feel like home.


http://i.imgur.com/ldwXy.jpg
This too. It usually ends like this. So if everything goes the same way in here as back home, then the next step is...


http://i.imgur.com/2pEgQ.jpg
PIGS!!!


http://i.imgur.com/kGnY2.jpg
Run away!!


http://i.imgur.com/b5fGI.jpg
Keep running!!


http://i.imgur.com/xVEux.jpg
Oh [beeb], they are still after me! Make way, pencil neck!!


http://i.imgur.com/VQ0st.jpg
A tenty village! Great!


http://i.imgur.com/s17xw.jpg
I'll hide in one of these. They can't be any smarter than the pigs back home, so me disguising as a tent pole should fool them.

Whew. Sheesh. I haven't ran like that since high school. Boy, did all that sprinting make me tired, nervous, and most of all...


http://i.imgur.com/R5ZA2.jpg
...Thirsty...

[Hottentot]

So then: apparently bunch of my pictures have randomly disappeared from Imgur and therefore also from this thread.

Updates to continue once I sort this mess out.

Random cursing and swearing to occur much sooner and on more regular basis.

[Dowly]

Yeah, noticed that too. :hmmm:

You could go with Photobucket?

[Hottentot]

I contacted Imgur to see if they would have an explanation for this. From the lost pictures I could see no violation of their terms of service or anything like that, so I'm at the moment willing to believe it's a bug or something. Let's see how it goes. :)

[Hottentot]

It was either the magic fairy, a random bug or Imgur staff being nice, but all my pictures are now back. Either way, it's time for updates again and lots of hoping that nothing fishy will occur.

A small request: in case you happen bump into something missing somewhere in the earlier parts of the story in the future, please notify me. I don't browse through them, because frankly, after editing the texts many times before posting them, I'm really not capable of laughing at my own jokes anymore.

Anyway: beer and chips for everyone! We are back!


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


http://i.imgur.com/0gx8i.jpg
Err, lalalalaa...Sun kainaloosi käperryn, ja jos sallit, yöksi jään... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hz47lsS528s)[/URL]
(I snuggle with you and if you let me, I'll stay over night...)


http://i.imgur.com/J79IR.jpg
Ja kun aamu on...
(And when it's morning...)


http://i.imgur.com/QJLtk.jpg
En tiedä missä herään...
(I don't know where I'm waking up...)

Wow...


http://i.imgur.com/LCQXK.jpg
You know, I've woken up in some interesting places, including under a palm tree, but this beats it all. When the preachers said drinking would condemn me to Hell one day, I didn't think they meant it literally.

Impaled heads, big red spikes, black rocks, lava...


http://i.imgur.com/omrxM.jpg
And a huge glowing tower. I think I'll head there and ask the devil what kind of beverages they serve in here.


http://i.imgur.com/u95xA.jpg
So on my way I get familiar with the local fauna...


http://i.imgur.com/IqGks.jpg
...Fascinating plants...


http://i.imgur.com/MytpY.jpg
...And chat with the locals too.


http://i.imgur.com/a5rbE.jpg
After doing some good old sight seeing...


http://i.imgur.com/lsi6l.jpg
...It's time for a creative pause.


http://i.imgur.com/USbsX.jpg
Until finally I'm at the door of the big man himself. Hello? Anybody home?


http://i.imgur.com/P7UAf.jpg
He seems to be out, but I found this huge, glowy stone in the main hall. I wonder if I could touch it just a little?


http://i.imgur.com/ihurF.jpg
Oops...


http://i.imgur.com/Itkkb.jpg
For the record, I totally didn't mean to break it and my immortal soul can't be held accountable for things I do while drunk.


http://i.imgur.com/afHz3.jpg
This dude I don't remember seeing is overjoyed to see me and goes on about some heroic fight and reclaiming and stuff. And promises a reward too if I help him, so...


http://i.imgur.com/sZJX2.jpg
For booze!


http://i.imgur.com/8fdAF.jpg
The heroic assault begins. [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karelian_question_in_Finnish_politics"]Give back Karelia! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hz47lsS528s)


http://i.imgur.com/rRDW3.jpg
Err, come to think of it, maybe I need a little something to encourage me on the way...


http://i.imgur.com/hpy5F.jpg
Riiight behind youuu guys...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/4PlXP.jpg
Wooooo! Look at me!!


http://i.imgur.com/7sqXP.jpg
[Beeb!]


http://i.imgur.com/Capav.jpg
I'm king! King Lalli the Great! All hail me...


http://i.imgur.com/B9yJd.jpg
Blrrp, where am I again? This place stinks like...

Someone's soles?


http://i.imgur.com/5QnzJ.jpg
Oh...


http://i.imgur.com/I3kQk.jpg
Umm...


http://i.imgur.com/LZeZe.jpg
I think this is the part where I whistle innocently and walk away. Quickly.


http://i.imgur.com/0YP6A.jpg
On my way to someplace far far away else I meet this angsty guy who wants to share his life story with me.


http://i.imgur.com/ijTib.jpg
I'm all ears until it turns out he is one of those! I should have known from the relatively cute chick behind him! I'm not falling for that trap for the sec...thir...manyeth time!


http://i.imgur.com/dgwEH.jpg
Help! It's following me! And there aren't even any frozen lakes around here!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/ERt4I.jpg
I stole this horse too, but it's still after me! Somebody do something!


http://i.imgur.com/w1qbJ.jpg
Run, stupid horse, run! It can't follow us until the end of the world. Or if it can, we'll find out soon!


http://i.imgur.com/yVh3d.jpg
Great! A fortress with a big door! I'll seek asylum there. Quickly, before it finds me!


http://i.imgur.com/izBb9.jpg
Help! I'm a victim of fundy assault! Help! Open the...


http://i.imgur.com/kStqH.jpg
Great, tha...hey! I'm here!


http://i.imgur.com/z1Fjp.jpg
No idea why that guy is so interested in the preacher, but at least it gives me a minute to find a hiding place. Run, Lalli, run!


http://i.imgur.com/GzGnb.jpg
Whuh? Are all these guys standing in attention here for me?


http://i.imgur.com/49wRk.jpg
Why is no one paying attention to me in this place?


http://i.imgur.com/ochWx.jpg
Whuh? Hey! Over here, idiots! I'm the victim here! Stop hailing the fundy like he's your next Messiah or something!


http://i.imgur.com/LGTg7.jpg
Typical liberal green-leftist flower hat society pampering the criminal. Disgusting! I'm out of here!


http://i.imgur.com/fkJ3G.jpg
Stupid horse...


http://i.imgur.com/NzhFW.jpg
Well, not all is lost. That place looks like it's still based on manly medieval values like gallows, servile women and good booze.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/nCqWT.jpg
Sure enough, as soon as I open the gates, I'm greeted as a hero. My masculine fame must have impressed the Countess even before I've met her. Off to the castle!


http://i.imgur.com/xffn4.jpg
Ready! Then you can bake me a pie, woman!


http://i.imgur.com/ek8q0.jpg
Yesyesyes, let's get to the point...


http://i.imgur.com/r6zxJ.jpg
Look, I'm not interested in you, I just want sex!


http://i.imgur.com/7wJ38.jpg
So is that a "no" then?


http://i.imgur.com/khJjJ.jpg
Typical woman. They don't appreciate my traditional honesty.


http://i.imgur.com/1wPb8.jpg
It's the fault of the society...


http://i.imgur.com/Ch4Z4.jpg
And the fault of those academic nancy boys who made the society like that!


http://i.imgur.com/D5Jwz.jpg
I'll beat you up, shtoopid wimp! I bet you didn't even sheerve in the aarmy!


http://i.imgur.com/6Iwyg.jpg
Shtop in oone plaace shoo I caan hit youuu...I'll show youu...what they taught meee...in the aarmyy!


http://i.imgur.com/OMirl.jpg
Blp, I'm shleepy...


http://i.imgur.com/NdMG5.jpg
Ugh...a bed made out of hays...candle...wet stones...smells like old piss...

Yeah, I know a drunk tank when I see one. That stupid coward must have called the pigs. But if this is a drunk tank, then who is the other...


http://i.imgur.com/lJ0TC.jpg
What? Oh no! Nononononono!


http://i.imgur.com/rKguI.jpg
I'm not dropping the soap this time, don't even try!


http://i.imgur.com/6HEsX.jpg
But after a while of me being fortified in the corner, we start chatting. Turns out this guy and I have a lot in common...


http://i.imgur.com/c7BzO.jpg
And he promises me gold for making things better between him and his spouse. Well, since I already made my bed and am getting out soon...


http://i.imgur.com/5uszB.jpg
...then why not go back to use it too?


http://i.imgur.com/r4V7w.jpg
Turns out no one was interested in a cheating hag vanishing, but my cell mate was overjoyed. What wouldn't I do to help a fellow opressed male in this anti-patriotic hippie society that the Empire Union brought us?


http://i.imgur.com/FXMb9.jpg
Or to get lots of money, for that matter. I'm sure he'd like some of this too, but since he is in prison, there is no way he'd be able to come after me before I have already drunk it all.


http://i.imgur.com/oR5zt.jpg
Better not waste any time, though...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/wzB3Q.jpg
Just as I'm sleeping off the hangover I got because of that stupid Jorundr stashing away too much money...


http://i.imgur.com/4nHnJ.jpg
This pencil neck comes wake me up and demands to know what's going on.


http://i.imgur.com/c9yxq.jpg
He quickly learns the same thing as my two former neighbors: no one disturbs my hangover mornings.


http://i.imgur.com/nGClv.jpg
No, not even cute red heads filled to brim with clichéd RPG one-liners...


http://i.imgur.com/ysmqn.jpg
As I'm walking out of the pub, yet another guy stops me. I try frightening him away by telling what I did to his pals, but unfortunately he turns out to be a mathematician...


http://i.imgur.com/sGM3Z.jpg
Finally, there is this chick with a sword she shouldn't be able to even lift with those rope arms of her. Did I accidentally wake up in a bloody videogame?


http://i.imgur.com/n4UdB.jpg
Well, I was hoping at least that there would be an accordingly beautiful damsel in distress too after all my trouble, but all I get is a hippie boy with horrible hairstyle. Typical! If he says a single word about my princess being in another castle, I'm going to mash his face in.


http://i.imgur.com/htJPo.jpg
That bar just plain sucked! I need to vent off some steam by hitting pencil necks. A lot!


http://i.imgur.com/gobNO.jpg
It would be easier if they finally found me a helmet that suits my noble form.


http://i.imgur.com/H5ycO.jpg
After lots of pencil neck hitting, the black man starts calling me with names! Typical! All tough words, but still refuses to fight me himself! Well, I'll show him!


http://i.imgur.com/GlP7w.jpg
Mr. Angsty Lifestory is more impressed by my prowess and realizes how empty and meaningless his life has been compared to mine.


http://i.imgur.com/zDWdv.jpg
But most of all, the rack is still not impressed! Argh! [Beeb], woman, you live in a celibate or something?!


http://i.imgur.com/P0HAY.jpg
At one point I get tired and need to cool off a little between the matches. So instead I decide to observe how some other poor fools get maimed.


http://i.imgur.com/CEQS2.jpg
Hey, no one told me they served free refreshments for the audience!


http://i.imgur.com/VIW32.jpg
Cheeeeersh...wonderful, Lions, wonderful! Never forget 1995! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1995_Men%27s_World_Ice_Hockey_Championships)

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/GUt3o.jpg
Öörrr, den glider in!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTZkqoDYa78)


http://i.imgur.com/nBbkB.jpg
Den glider in i mål igen!!!


http://i.imgur.com/LAd3a.jpg
Vou, vou, vou...ugh...Best! Party! Ever!!


http://i.imgur.com/aRKwY.jpg
What are those guys staring down there?


http://i.imgur.com/osPEI.jpg
What? Is it something I said?


http://i.imgur.com/El1OO.jpg
Did...did that [beeb] statue just...talk?!!


http://i.imgur.com/lf39J.jpg
Delirious or not, when a huge scary statue tells you to do something, I know it's more healthy than not to just nod your head. So before I knew it, it popped me to this little village in the middle of nowhere and told me to go scare the [beeb] out of some local redneck.


http://i.imgur.com/rvAC1.jpg
Easy enough. That boy is the only guy within 10km radius.


http://i.imgur.com/PR6g8.jpg
He also turns out to be a real loser. So I'm sure scaring him will be easy. So...boo!


http://i.imgur.com/i0zQE.jpg
Melus Petilius?! Heehehehehheheee, really?! And I'm Biggus Dickus!


http://i.imgur.com/CzEsF.jpg
Sissyyyy! Pansyy! Nyah nyah nyah!!


http://i.imgur.com/xuq3K.jpg
What, not crying yet? Well, nancy boy, give me your lunch money then or I'll beat you up!


http://i.imgur.com/KAGGu.jpg
[Beeb], missed!


http://i.imgur.com/kogWv.jpg
Stop being so annoyingly polite!!


http://i.imgur.com/73FVt.jpg
Ha! Hit you!


http://i.imgur.com/60jCr.jpg
Stop that!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/Gsbom.jpg
Screw this, I'm getting a headache from those overly talky academic guys. I'll go drink the apple juices from his fridge soon, but first I need to take a dump. That statue can't deny me my constitutional right for self-relieving on employer's time.


http://i.imgur.com/qu3Kk.jpg
This looks like a suitably remote place. That stone will make sure no one comes peeking too much . OK now:


http://i.imgur.com/87qXR.jpg
Hnngh!

Should have taken some toilet paper (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helsingin_Sanomat) here too, but can't get it all...


http://i.imgur.com/BEKyy.jpg
Hey, it's the nerd again. Why does he look so upset? Did someone throw his cap into dog poo or flush his head in toilet?


http://i.imgur.com/2AKjR.jpg
Ooo, is the little sissy going to hit me with a club? Yeah right, like he could...


http://i.imgur.com/elDzS.jpg
Hey! Stop that!


http://i.imgur.com/Oc4yF.jpg
At least let me put my freaking pants back on!


http://i.imgur.com/vqu6p.jpg
Well great! Now the stupid statue decided to teleport me back here! My pants are still in there, and I don't even know where that village is!


http://i.imgur.com/iB9tx.jpg
The talky statue is happy and promises me a great reward.


http://i.imgur.com/AKdtG.jpg
But even when it's a freaking huge statue that can talk, it can't conjure me new pants. Some god. It can't even make the mosquitoes go away from my legs...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/tJlx6.jpg
My glorious quest for new pants takes me to all four corners of the world, until finally I arrive to another talking statue and tell it what its colleague did to me.

It tells me I should have a talk with this guy nearby, who is using some Ogres or something as slaves and convince him to set them free. Typical. It's an almighty god-like entity, and it still needs me to do its dirty work.


http://i.imgur.com/QAxf7.jpg
The dude I'm supposed to convince is not convinced at all. In fact, he has convinced me that Ogre slave labor is the way to save us from depression.


http://i.imgur.com/ZtIIO.jpg
But me getting new pants is more important than solving the global economical problems, so I decide to have a chat with his employees instead about releasing the Ogres.


http://i.imgur.com/jU1EH.jpg
The Ogres themselves make some very convincing arguments about their poor working conditions, and the guards as fellow proletarians quickly join their cause. Well, the ones that are left anyway.


http://i.imgur.com/V5L9X.jpg
Even the owner of the Ogres is now willing to renegotiate the details of their contract.


http://i.imgur.com/QPNvI.jpg
And this talky statue is happy again.


http://i.imgur.com/6QoyL.jpg
So am I. One of the guards of those Ogres gave me new pants. Or at least didn't complain about me taking them after the Ogres had smashed his head into paste. Back to adventuring!


http://i.imgur.com/VGDJS.jpg
Hmm, this is what I like in travelling. New and exciting cities!


http://i.imgur.com/YoWYK.jpg
Culture!


http://i.imgur.com/1wlob.jpg
Cheerful locals!


http://i.imgur.com/vLxVh.jpg
Pubs I haven't been banned from yet!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/aCDHQ.jpg
Maaaan, yeah! I just love culture! Just as I'm admiring the architechture of this church from behind...


http://i.imgur.com/x5s5j.jpg
A tiny man with huge ears approaches me. I know what that is! I've seen them before! A tooth fairy!


http://i.imgur.com/jC6Bb.jpg
I think it's the Swedes. They always bribe the hockey judges.


http://i.imgur.com/R1qBE.jpg
Gold! Yes!! It really is the Tooth Fairy!! I knew it existed all along!!


http://i.imgur.com/Ud8VU.jpg
Truth be told, I'm sure it asked me to do something, but I somewhat lost my concentration after the "I pay you" part. So in the morning I decide to follow my motto, as to not disappoint the kind fairy: when in doubt, drink booze.


http://i.imgur.com/g1pS5.jpg
So I spend another culture filled day hoping the Tooth Fairy would come to me again...


http://i.imgur.com/PFyKo.jpg
And of course it does. It asks some silly questions and since I have no idea, I just nod and smile.


http://i.imgur.com/eA9d8.jpg
That seems to make the fairy happy and it promises me some more gold. Yay!


http://i.imgur.com/jQ92T.jpg
It's the beest...tooth fairy...ever!


http://i.imgur.com/KXAoL.jpg
I'm not sure what it asked me to do again, but I think it said: "Go sleep in grape vats and wait for further instructions."


http://i.imgur.com/ybOjZ.jpg
The pigs don't find my excuse believable so I also get to know the back alleys of this city quite well on this day.


http://i.imgur.com/uBeya.jpg
Since the haven't found me boozing behind this church for the last two nights, I'm sure they won't find me here now either.

Which reminds me...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/vMt4g.jpg
Urg...whuh? How looong did I...er, sleep? Yeaah, that's it...sleeep? Riiight...

Heeey, it's my frieeeend... the Tooth Fairy again! Hooray! I love the Tooth Fairy! I love everyone!


http://i.imgur.com/9xKRd.jpg
No idea what the fairy asked, so again I just nod and smile and it pays me! Yaay! Thank you, Tooth Fairy! But this time Lalli is good boy and listens to friend Tooth Fairy. Tooth Fairy says I should spy...


http://i.imgur.com/6Ybub.jpg
The local wine brewers! Yippee! Tooth Fairy really knows all the best stuff!

So I spend a day behind this rock, carefully watching them...


http://i.imgur.com/ZEIpx.jpg
...When I'm not assessing the quality of their products, that is...


http://i.imgur.com/z0cRz.jpg
Wow, how the time flies when you are having fun. Before I even notice it, the Tooth Fairy wakes me up again to ask funny questions. But I know how to answer this time!


http://i.imgur.com/ey56i.jpg
Yep, nodding and smiling did the trick again. More gold for Lalli! Lalli is good boy!


http://i.imgur.com/7JT5t.jpg
And not just gold, but the Tooth Fairy also gives me this paper saying what I should do. Now I'm a little insulted. Does the Tooth Fairy suspect I don't remember otherwise?


http://i.imgur.com/F8uPE.jpg
Anyway, I make a few visits to some locals.


http://i.imgur.com/4XJEu.jpg
And the Tooth Fairy again rewards me generously. We laugh together until the Tooth Fairy walks away never to be seen again. Bye, Tooth Fairy! I love you! I love...

I love...I...I...wow...


http://i.imgur.com/TsdA0.jpg
My [beeb] head. How long have I been drinking? Three days and nights or what? I wonder if I have again done something embarrassing while drunk?


http://i.imgur.com/7Up1p.jpg
Well, when in doubt...

[Biggles]

I think it's the Swedes. They always bribe the hockey judges.


:timeout:

Why would we do that?

We don't need to, we win anyway! :haha:

[Hottentot]

We don't need to, we win anyway! :haha:

Just you wait until...er...until...uh...

(2011 - 1995...er, I add that, then divide this with it...)

Give me a moment OK!

(2000 minus 1000 times the square root...syntax error? Um...)

2027! We'll show you then!

- - - -

In addition to banter: Imgur ate my recently uploaded images again and I have no idea when I'm going to have them back. So no promises about tomorrow's update or the imminent future.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/lWZLq.jpg
Err...my head hurts...and my mouth tastes...salty?


http://i.imgur.com/Ynpkm.jpg
Whuh?! Bleergh! What have I done?! And more importantly, why am I getting paid for it?!


http://i.imgur.com/udvBT.jpg
No I'm not! Whatever happened last night was strictly buddy-like and you can't prove otherwise!


http://i.imgur.com/FfEYt.jpg
Must regain masculinity! Must kill many pencil necks! Skirts be darned!


http://i.imgur.com/Sfyma.jpg
What the [beeeeeb] is that?!


http://i.imgur.com/2pimE.jpg
Whatever it is, it's no pencil neck. I need to try new fighting tactics. I saw this being used in one old film so here goes nothing!


http://i.imgur.com/2U6uV.jpg
Stop swinging that axe around! Do you have any idea how straining it's for muscles?! My neck muscles, especially!


http://i.imgur.com/PyVGU.jpg
Let me ouuuut!


http://i.imgur.com/uNtoV.jpg
If I survive this, I'll find the guy who designed the invisible walls around here and have a chat with him!


http://i.imgur.com/kUny1.jpg
Huff! Puff! Must...keep...running...he...is...

Where, actually? I can't help noticing my neck sweating when the swinging axe isn't creating refreshing breezes.


http://i.imgur.com/PzWa3.jpg
Hm? I suppose he had a cardiac arrest. Come to think of it, this happened in the film too. Who says the TV makes you dumber?


http://i.imgur.com/5tOg9.jpg
The rack apparently saw my match, which doesn't improve my mood at all.


http://i.imgur.com/6ylUo.jpg
Look, just because I'm wearing a skirt doesn't mean you can laugh at my face and then ignore me.


http://i.imgur.com/21FlO.jpg
Nor does it give this guy a right to make shady suggestions all the time. I swear, if he uses this whole gladiator theme as an exuse for telling me to strip down to my undies and start oiling my muscles, I'm out of here for good!


http://i.imgur.com/RcZXv.jpg
Since everyone is laughing at me, I'll go beat up some pencil necks again. At least my mace understand my deepest feelings if no one else doesn't.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/JgS68.jpg
Ooo, OK, now we're talking! That's OK, I don't mind if you want to do it in public.


http://i.imgur.com/XPkSA.jpg
To hasten the important process of me getting laid with hottie rack, I challenge these three idiots for a pencil neck beating match all at once. That should show her how great endurance I have!


http://i.imgur.com/cOFGn.jpg
Then this cat dude learns that those big claws and teeth are no good if you don't have the reach as well.


http://i.imgur.com/siDGE.jpg
Yeah! I'm the hero! I showed them all! Even the blackie isn't mocking me anymore! Eat your heart out Russell Crowe!


http://i.imgur.com/vcsFz.jpg
So? How about it, huh? Huh?! I'm the hero now! Hero always gets the dame, huh? Huh?!


http://i.imgur.com/pNQ9M.jpg
Yeah, exactly! "Going through you" is what I've been about all the time. So what are we waiting for?


http://i.imgur.com/cYJWm.jpg
Finally. The moment of truth. The big moment of my life.


http://i.imgur.com/68Vpj.jpg
This arena has seen me facing off with many pencil necks, but these encounters pale compared to the epic adventure I'm about to start now.


http://i.imgur.com/UAuRm.jpg
She has brought some friends to share the fun. I'm a little disappointed that one of them is a man, but I suppose it's fair for the ladies in the audience.


Whereas with me comes...


http://i.imgur.com/QDNGY.jpg
...Sir Oinksalot?


http://i.imgur.com/ylxiN.jpg
Whatever! Let's get started! I'm not sure when these stupid rules finally let us take these idiotic skirts off, but I'll play along until that. No skirt is going to stop me after all I have done for this very moment!


http://i.imgur.com/Lf1C0.jpg
Hey, look sister, just because I accidentally killed both of your buddies and the pig is no reason to give me looks like that. You're here for me anyway, aren't you?


http://i.imgur.com/RjqcG.jpg
Hey? What's the matter? Are we going to have horizontal mambo or not?


http://i.imgur.com/B871q.jpg
[Beeb] foreigners and their [beebbeebbeebetybeeb] frail bodies not used to [beeb] real Northern [beebbeeb] man! That's it! I'm going home to drink beer! Lots of it!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/28Bj1.jpg
On the way somewhere else the black guy stops me saying there is still one thing I might look into.

Gray Prince? Who the heck is that?


http://i.imgur.com/4VGQq.jpg
This encouraging lady gives me a little more details, but still refuses to tell me who actually is queer enough to have a nickname like that.


http://i.imgur.com/Sd4Tu.jpg
I suspect it's the angsty lifestory dude, but when asked directly, he denies being "Gay Prince".


http://i.imgur.com/L9Gvy.jpg
Apparently I still somehow managed to challenge the Pinky Prince into a fight, because the encouraging hag wants me to choose a theme music for the upcoming match. So I naturally go with...


http://i.imgur.com/c9XU9.jpg
Raargh! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZfeTb9fhA4)


http://i.imgur.com/NtqO5.jpg
However, after listening through my whole Manowar collection, I realized I'm no teenager anymore. So I changed it into something more manly in a strictly masculine and not-queer-way. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BhAN95VtaA)


http://i.imgur.com/RQG10.jpg
Less talk, more skull bashing! Me and my enemy approach each other with blinding speed...


http://i.imgur.com/LuhHS.jpg
...Get closer and closer...


http://i.imgur.com/vhuE0.jpg
...And stop for a split second to see which of us will bat eyes first just before we...


http://i.imgur.com/qEL3j.jpg
...Start angsting like preschool girls?!


http://i.imgur.com/legsu.jpg
Gah! Must my manly exploits always be upstaged by sudden absurdity when the ladies are watching?! I'll kill that guy extra much just for doing that again!


http://i.imgur.com/CA0tw.jpg


http://i.imgur.com/BodFc.jpg
Stop staring me and die when I hit you!


http://i.imgur.com/mfPYk.jpg


http://i.imgur.com/EmVmL.jpg
Will you (huff)...die before I (puff)...run out of (wheeze)...refreshments or (pant pant pant)...not?


http://i.imgur.com/YKbiN.jpg


http://i.imgur.com/MeIL4.jpg
(Whew) finally (groan)...the victory...is...mine...

Or then he just (huffpuff) fell (wheeze)...a...sleep...


http://i.imgur.com/MEPKr.jpg
Either way! Make room, man!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/ZAVRP.jpg
Mmh...cold...wet...and round, stony sky...like I've seen this somewhere before...


http://i.imgur.com/mUYxz.jpg
Eh? I suppose one benefit of being in South is waking up under a bridge and not having to hack your ankles out of the frozen water. And the convenient torch light, that helps me find my way out of here without slipping and breaking my neck.

There is some paper in my pocket. I wonder what it says?


http://i.imgur.com/MuDYH.jpg
Well, my doctor did tell me it would be good idea to keep a diary to help the sudden cases of amnesia I tend to suffer from. I suppose this counts. And how easy it is to read in this light.


http://i.imgur.com/pifoZ.jpg
Yep, that torch sure is convenient. I should suggest they get some of these in home too. They'd be huge success in the dark winter days!


http://i.imgur.com/b2vOc.jpg
I mean, if it wasn't following me around, I could slip on this bridge and...

Wait a second?


http://i.imgur.com/8cPQA.jpg
Who the [beeb] is that?


http://i.imgur.com/dIvix.jpg
Oooookay, this is a little too creepy even for yours truly.


http://i.imgur.com/MyHLw.jpg
I think that boy needs to be reminded of how soft his skull is.


http://i.imgur.com/Wuvzi.jpg
Ha, look at him run away! And I barely even touched him!


http://i.imgur.com/DcR2Y.jpg
Huff! I need something stiff after that shock. I think I'll go find a local pub somewhere in here.


http://i.imgur.com/pD78q.jpg
Or then not. I barely have enough privacy to put my clothes back on before this dolt is tailing me again. And that expression on his face doesn't make me feel any better.


http://i.imgur.com/4oyCz.jpg
Since he seems dumb, I tell him to wait while I take a leak in the forest. Then I hide in these bushes and wait. With any luck, some random monster will soon enough wander here and eat him.


http://i.imgur.com/dItlA.jpg
Ha, sure enough! I bet that torch doesn't feel such a great idea now, does it!


http://i.imgur.com/lLPPw.jpg
So, as I was saying: booze.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/voUzX.jpg
Hello. This is Humphrey the Hamster. I interrupt your regular broadcast to inform you that today is time for another miserable mini-update, because that dolt Hottentot can't do math and messed up the sequence yesterday. I have made him write 1,000 times: "I will learn to count 1 + 1", but honestly don't expect him to have mental acuity for it. In any case, I hope the knowledge of the incredible pain suffered by Hottentot's wrist brings you some satisfaction. I will personally make sure that tomorrow's update will be extra long to make it up for you.

Sincerely:
Humphrey H. Hamster, Super Genius.

Regular broadcast continues in
3...(The hamster is your friend, citizen)
2...(You will feed the hamster, citizen)
1...(Obey!)

- - - - - - - - - - -

http://i.imgur.com/DUBsV.jpg
"Inn of Ill Omen", huh? Well, I just got rid of mine, so I'm confident nothing can ruin my night in this fine establishment. In we go!


http://i.imgur.com/3dP9N.jpg
See? Nothing wroong heere! I can get druuunk like aaalways! Cheersh!!


http://i.imgur.com/Ywf4I.jpg
Whee, fireplace!! I love fireplaces!! Must get close to fireplace!


http://i.imgur.com/0eB8B.jpg
Hmmmm, waaaaaaarm...


http://i.imgur.com/QVW5C.jpg
Closeeeeeer...


http://i.imgur.com/p0fXV.jpg
Ow [beeb, beebebeebebeeeeeeeeeb]!!!!!


http://i.imgur.com/E6pMq.jpg
Heelp! I'm on fiiiire!! In no good waaay!! Water!!!


http://i.imgur.com/qx0T9.jpg
Aaaaaahh...


http://i.imgur.com/oE4Qw.jpg
Fire bad! I need some magic sleep to recover my hitpoi...health! To recover my health!


http://i.imgur.com/un64T.jpg
Eeerr? Did he say "Up" or "Down"? Stupid foreigners and their stupid accents!


http://i.imgur.com/WeEQ6.jpg
I think it was down. Those stairs look slippery...


http://i.imgur.com/lQpVV.jpg
Hurr, looks cozy. Except...


http://i.imgur.com/HTGxa.jpg
There is some codger sleeping in my bed!


http://i.imgur.com/2KHF3.jpg
Blahblahblah, not interested in your excuses! My bed! Not yours!


[WHACK!]


http://i.imgur.com/G4x1O.jpg
Nighty night!


http://i.imgur.com/LPkxV.jpg
After a well slept night, I'm leaving before that body starts to stink. Time to find...


http://i.imgur.com/5meJc.jpg
Why, another fine cultural establishment to suit my refined tastes of course.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/Znw8m.jpg
While I'm getting familiar with the local cultural nuances, this fancy pants disturbs my learning experience by trying to sell me some useless junk. Damn it, man, I left my telephone home just because of this!

Usually I wouldn't buy chocolate pudding from a man wearing clothes like that...


http://i.imgur.com/4LCvE.jpg
But since it was so cheap, how could I refuse?


http://i.imgur.com/y27Od.jpg
Err, a little gray for my tastes. Maybe I could paint it?


http://i.imgur.com/ocqlx.jpg
The interiors take some work too, it seems. I'd hire talkoo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talkoot) aid, but prefer to drink all the beer myself. Besides, I'm a real man, so I know how to use a hammer for something else than bashing someone's skull in. A little at least.


http://i.imgur.com/P7oqM.jpg
But before I start renovating, I'm going to take a good nap. Can't start hammering when my head still spins from learning too much at once...


http://i.imgur.com/Jg0zF.jpg
[Snooore]...Whuh? Hey! Who invited those guys in?!


http://i.imgur.com/YV5RI.jpg
That cheating rat who sold me this shack never said anything about additional tenants. Or how they'd leave their hands lying around my property!


http://i.imgur.com/bUqwn.jpg
Not to mention their stupid diaries! That does it!


http://i.imgur.com/TOyuS.jpg
I'm going to complain and demand half of my money back!


http://i.imgur.com/0TK9K.jpg
Oh typical! Just like that guy I bought my last horse from: as soon as I check its legs and teeth, the dude vanishes like a fart into the Sahara desert!


http://i.imgur.com/sDGlN.jpg
Imperial City, huh? If he thinks he can fool me by hiding in a huge city, he is utterly wrong. I just have to think...


http://i.imgur.com/V3jAM.jpg
...if I was new in town, where would I go first?

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/kjjeZ.jpg
Bingo! Well, after ten taverns and one furniture shop later, but anyway...

He of course has an explanation for everything...


http://i.imgur.com/gr0fn.jpg
But after I grab his neck and walk him back to the house he sold me, he agrees to come inside to see for himself how bad shape it's in.


http://i.imgur.com/hnpvc.jpg
So I show him the ugly living room.


http://i.imgur.com/P0gJ4.jpg
The annoying tenants that have already come back.


http://i.imgur.com/p6NLx.jpg
As well as this stupid goo they leave all around the place.


http://i.imgur.com/5lNRX.jpg
The fancy pants tries to convince me of the great shape of the wine cellar. I'm insulted! Does he think I can be bribed with booze?!


http://i.imgur.com/F4yBn.jpg
On the top of everything else, some local teenagers have already ruined my walls! Based on all this, I want at least 75 % refund. In money or in intestines.


http://i.imgur.com/MQaLt.jpg
The fancy can't be blamed for not trying. Before I can even demand anything, he is already trying to show me how easy this stupid tag is to clean away.


http://i.imgur.com/ufGY3.jpg
Well great! Now he broke my wall while demonstrating!


http://i.imgur.com/mlw6e.jpg
And there he already runs away, realizing it's not wise to ruin my property.


http://i.imgur.com/BVYrB.jpg
[Grumble grumble grumble], you just can't trust anyone these days. What is this place anyway? A glorified bomb shelter?


http://i.imgur.com/sMKKy.jpg
No, it turns out to be a junk storage room, where the fancy pants has stored his old coloring books...


http://i.imgur.com/2edzY.jpg
Then there is this very uncomfortable looking bed...


http://i.imgur.com/ngpXQ.jpg
As well as its owner. He seems to be missing a bodypart here, so maybe I could give him a hand?


http://i.imgur.com/8TEXC.jpg
Whuh? I never imagined giving an old skeleton his right hand back could make him so happy. I mean, it's not like he wasn't still missing something essential to use it with...


http://i.imgur.com/CWR4r.jpg
As he realizes it, he tries to take mine. So I have no choice but to whack him dead again.


http://i.imgur.com/NjgJ5.jpg
The fancy pants is now very sorry for all the trouble he has caused and promises to hire me some prefessional renovation help for my new house. In return I promise not to bash him.


http://i.imgur.com/V81hf.jpg
Hmm, they did pretty good work. Not as good I would have gotten if I had hired some privateer to do the job, but decent nevertheless. And best of all, they didn't take their wages from my booze.


http://i.imgur.com/RLLOT.jpg
I'll drink to that!

[Oberon]

ALL GLORY TO THE HAMSTER

I mean, good update as always! :rock:

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/UwMgM.jpg
Uuugh...OK...admit it, Lalli...you're not young anymore. The last time may have been a little too much for my old head. I wonder how much alcohol I had in my blood? Must have been at least 4 per milles...

But it's all in the past now! I'm going to change! I will never again torment my liver! I will start a healthy life, eat herbs and go jogging with the dog!

As the first step of my new life, I have arrived to Imperial City again. I have a job interview!


http://i.imgur.com/jdh4D.jpg
I bought new fancy clothes for the occasion too. I hope they will make an impression!


http://i.imgur.com/DldJn.jpg
This is where I'm supposed to meet my contact person. Hmm, the temptation...


http://i.imgur.com/WGJTg.jpg
And he hasn't even arrived yet? Maybe it's test? Maybe he is watching me from the dark corner? Or has disguised as a bar stool?


http://i.imgur.com/R2jVf.jpg
Or maybe he is just late. Bartender! A bottle of beer!


http://i.imgur.com/TlaRb.jpg
Finally, my contact person arrives, and I'm not even very drunk yet. So I show him my CV and he is very impressed. Great! Maybe now I should ask what kind of job I'm applying to?


http://i.imgur.com/n5b7u.jpg
He promises to tell it to me right after we have arrived to this shady side alley...


http://i.imgur.com/X5364.jpg
Err, not that I'm in situations like this often, but why are we going into the sewers?


http://i.imgur.com/55DZd.jpg
No seriously, do I have to come in there? My shiny new pants are getting wet, and I ran out of money before I could even take a look at the shoes!


http://i.imgur.com/octCN.jpg
These guys have some interesting decorations in their office. I wonder what business they are running?


http://i.imgur.com/DSFCE.jpg
And this contact person guy seems to be very interested in all the dead critters in the sewers. Maybe he is a health inspector?


http://i.imgur.com/TiM2S.jpg
Finally we arrive to this little office, where I'm told to sit down behind the table. The big boss man is going to interview me himself.


http://i.imgur.com/PM8nx.jpg
OK. Ready for anything. But since he is not here yet, I'm going to take a leak in that corner. That beer sure went down quickly...


http://i.imgur.com/PYEs2.jpg
Uh oh, the boss man came, and I'm only in the middle of the thing.


http://i.imgur.com/1BfK3.jpg
Sheesh, can't you see I'm in the middle of something here dude? Could you look somewhere else and give me a freaking moment?


http://i.imgur.com/Sberw.jpg
Hey, no need to get so worked up about it. Look, I'm already putting my pants back on. Have a look at my resume while waiting, OK?


http://i.imgur.com/AYmiz.jpg
He and his buddies turned out to be very stuck up, so this interview ended like things in my life usually end. Except I'm not drunk yet.


http://i.imgur.com/rBZ8N.jpg
But then I tried finding my way out of the sewer and ended up in some dude's toilet. After I had knocked him unconscious and locked him inside, I was on my way out, but then saw he had forgotten some refreshments on the table. So why not celebrate my first day back in my old life then?

[Hottentot]

Another mini-update, because I don't know where to put these otherwise. I think the Finns will get the ending reference. Sorry, rest of the world. :03:

- - - - - - -

http://i.imgur.com/EZU48.jpg
Working sucks. Job interviews suck. Cities suck. City people suck. Wine in cities sucks. I want to be alone! I want to go walking in great forest, wear ridiculous clothing, grumble, swear and kick pine trees, like is customary to my people!


http://i.imgur.com/0ZXU1.jpg
I want to eat suspicious wild mushrooms in forest, like is typical to my culture.


http://i.imgur.com/Aaswj.jpg
I want to swim naked and not be repressed by stupid civilization stuff that isn't part of my culture.


http://i.imgur.com/H9Jqo.jpg
And most of all, I want to use my cultural right to get wasted on beach! Cheers!


http://i.imgur.com/4Vjtf.jpg
Bleergh...good thing there is a flowing river right next to me...but hey? What's that in there?


http://i.imgur.com/lGjqv.jpg
A CHIP! A CHIP MADE BY A HUMAN BEING IN MY RIVER!! OUTRAGEOUS!


http://i.imgur.com/iAZbZ.jpg
It came from this direction...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/WS01f.jpg
Whew. That was one seriously long river, but I think I finally found its source. The cursed chip came from here! There is another two legged being in here, and I'm going to tell it something about respecting my private space!


http://i.imgur.com/W5XKk.jpg
Here. Wolves and bears don't make doors, so they must be close. So close I can almost hear them breathing be...


http://i.imgur.com/1hv5c.jpg
...hind me?

What?! How is that guy there again?! I saw the [beeb] monsters eat him!


http://i.imgur.com/rVhyI.jpg
Well, if the monsters can't do the job, then I...

Hmm, wait a minute. If he still has that torch...


http://i.imgur.com/bvvSZ.jpg
...Then I can take him with me to this dark cave and hope all the possible monsters living in here will eat him while I'm having conversation with the chip makers. Good idea!


http://i.imgur.com/oEv78.jpg
Yeah, see that? What did I tell you! A human being! And obviously some weird RPG LARP loser on the top of that.


http://i.imgur.com/QbPd9.jpg
So is your head!


http://i.imgur.com/Rbea7.jpg
So me and my mace teach these LARP nerds about my delicate culture's idea of socially acceptable distance between my alcohol and them.


http://i.imgur.com/2mBod.jpg
Until finally I enter this huge chamber, which is echoing from some sort of chants. Maybe they are again praying their weird LARP gods they would get laid before they turn 45?

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/zNvdW.jpg
Yup, look at that. Altar and all. I have to say, for dirt poor high school students they always find some impressive stuff for their sick games. Must be their rich parents paying it all.


http://i.imgur.com/mYg64.jpg
Eh, they seem to have this whole "ritual sacrifice in front of a huge statue" thing going on as well. For self-proclaimed "more intelligent than average" folks they sure lack imagination. I mean, what if for once they would...

Hey!


http://i.imgur.com/E5UIB.jpg
That nerd got my bling!!


http://i.imgur.com/8cwIs.jpg
Raaah!! A moment ago it was my culture obligating me! Now it's personal!!


http://i.imgur.com/cZo3r.jpg
Perkeleee!


http://i.imgur.com/XAwU6.jpg
An epic fight scene occurs. While I'm distracted with dodging their light show and teaching these kids why metal is better material for weapons than foam, their brave leader opens up some sort of big ball of light...


http://i.imgur.com/7IRLX.jpg
And poof! Disappears with my bling! Grah!!


http://i.imgur.com/klnQI.jpg
Hmm. Maybe I too could make such ball, if I knew how. I think it's related to that statue. I saw something similar in a movie once. There was this guy with a funny hat and a whip, and then there was this cult and lava and...


http://i.imgur.com/4oREA.jpg
...A dumb blonde they tried to sacrifice.


http://i.imgur.com/41poj.jpg
I wasn't sure how I should have put him in there, but maybe they'll cut me some slack as a first timer.


http://i.imgur.com/2jq9c.jpg
Not that I'm an expert on dark sacrificial rituals, but I think this could be interpreted as some sort of sign of disapproval...

On the plus side, the statue crushed the moron too while falling, so I probably won't meet him again.


http://i.imgur.com/RLgmn.jpg
In retrospect I should maybe have offered one of their own. I mean, I killed them all by myself. Doesn't that count?


http://i.imgur.com/sFr4i.jpg
Well, can't get it all. That will teach them to throw chips in my river!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/KJugs.jpg
After paying respect to my culture and healing my homesickness, I'm starting a long trip back towards the civilization of these Southern lands...


http://i.imgur.com/Z59Mb.jpg
...One fine establishment at a time...


http://i.imgur.com/iEPU9.jpg
Finally I end up in this house drinking booze with big green man. I like big green man more than the little green men. The big green man doesn't try to hit me with axes all the time.


http://i.imgur.com/vNj3W.jpg
However, it still doesn't save me from this nagging granny, who makes my head hurt even more.


http://i.imgur.com/MWw7n.jpg
After she is done with me, I try getting some refrehments from the shelf, but am instead interrupted by this ugly guy, who tells me to go speak to some moron called Maglir. His speech reminds me of my golden army days, so I almost instinctively reply: "Sir yes Sir" and get on with it before he decides to make me do pushups.


http://i.imgur.com/T1quV.jpg
"Maglir" turns out to be as stupid as his name. I always wondered if someone really answered "yes" to all those "do you hear voices" and "are you being followed" questions in the P-tests, and now I've finally found the answer.


http://i.imgur.com/r17Ak.jpg
I decide to leave before he starts telling me about his plans of opening a flower boutique.


http://i.imgur.com/sRcFB.jpg
The Sarge is happy in any case and sends me on next mission for the Fatherland...


http://i.imgur.com/tpq4M.jpg
Namely talking to some guys who have been causing trouble in a pub nearby. Weird. Last time I experienced this, I was the guy sought by the MP.


http://i.imgur.com/PZZKa.jpg
So I go inside to see what's this all about and see that the boys are just getting familiar with best products of our fine Northern culture.


http://i.imgur.com/oRobH.jpg
And since they have ordered to much educational material...


http://i.imgur.com/wL6gN.jpg...I offer to show them a few pro-tricks.

http://i.imgur.com/bTzPL.jpg
Shee kidsh?! You keepsh oone leeg on the taablee and it doeshn't huurt so [beeb] much when you faaallsh down on your heead...


http://i.imgur.com/ril4Y.jpg
Woooo I'm the shuper maan!


http://i.imgur.com/ViBCp.jpg
I can flyyyy!


http://i.imgur.com/owm0R.jpg
Ow, my [beeb]!


http://i.imgur.com/dcnCO.jpg
Well heyyy there, gorgeoush! Want to shee shome of my shuper powersh?


http://i.imgur.com/2byrP.jpg
To [hic] my place or [hic]...


http://i.imgur.com/M2ugU.jpg
Yoooour plaaace...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/ot1Nw.jpg
Mmm...no honey, I don't think that skirt makes your tail look long...


http://i.imgur.com/aPiHx.jpg
Yuck! Phoot! Why do I have hairs in my mouth?!


http://i.imgur.com/xB9oH.jpg
Well, whoever she was, she has already left. So I suppose it's just time to pack up my stuff and start another day in my carefree bachelor...


http://i.imgur.com/vCciR.jpg
...life?


http://i.imgur.com/inpRm.jpg
Go away you little runts! I'm trying to drink! Shoo! And stop calling me "daddy"!


http://i.imgur.com/ujpZL.jpg
Doesn't it state somewhere that I'm entitled to 9 months for running away? Stupid foreign lands not playing by the rules.


http://i.imgur.com/qrVch.jpg
I try asking from the local church if they have an orphanage dedicated to weird offsprings of a real man and some kind of whatever it was I banged last night.


http://i.imgur.com/WXkaO.jpg
Instead of helping me, the preacher starts recounting disturbing details from last night. So I quickly leave before I hear something I can't erase from my brain with just booze.


http://i.imgur.com/wzxYx.jpg
Instead I try finding the chick and explaining to her biological facts about bees and flowers. And women traditionally taking care of the byproducts.

Was it this one?


http://i.imgur.com/mheTY.jpg
Or this? They all look the same to me.


http://i.imgur.com/nZUXh.jpg
This one looks familiar. I'm sure it had a fur and a tail.


http://i.imgur.com/cGniz.jpg
Or maybe it was a lizard?

Dammit!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/rw5Oe.jpg
[Grumble grumble grumble...]


http://i.imgur.com/MiQqr.jpg
Hello. Thirty packs of diapers please. And your biggest axe.


http://i.imgur.com/uL7rP.jpg
Since I'm a responsible daddy, I'm going to teach my kids an important lesson about survival in the world.


http://i.imgur.com/3p0v8.jpg
Oh? None of them passed the exam? Too bad.


http://i.imgur.com/NnYCV.jpg
Well, I think my career as a parent ended then. I mean, what could ever undo...


http://i.imgur.com/9Lu2K.jpg
This?

Sigh.


http://i.imgur.com/YSPu7.jpg
OK. Time to get creative. Lesson number two, lads...


http://i.imgur.com/2Cnsl.jpg
The manly ways of spending spare time.


http://i.imgur.com/T5p00.jpg
Wow, these boys are quick learners. I'm so proud of them!


http://i.imgur.com/QcWBg.jpg
Specifically, I'm going to be proud of them somewhere far away else.


http://i.imgur.com/5bQhw.jpg
Like here. Since they drank all my beer, I need to restock before returning to my happy, carefree bachelor life.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/Ha6ww.jpg
[Buurb!] Yeah! That sure hit the spot! Time to resume adventuring!


http://i.imgur.com/XEfZK.jpg
Why do I walk everywhere? I'm rich, I can afford a horse! A private horse, not one of those public ones! Public transportation is just for crazies, hippies, junkies and other foreigners!


http://i.imgur.com/VL0yK.jpg
Stay put and let me mount you, stupid horse! I'm a man! Master of the nature! I own you! And women too! It states so in that boring fundie book I never read!


http://i.imgur.com/tDA74.jpg
Yeeehaaaa!


http://i.imgur.com/mvcmU.jpg
I can ride without hands!


http://i.imgur.com/TR8vf.jpg
Err, where did the road go? It was right there, I swear!


http://i.imgur.com/v9wEf.jpg
[Censored!]


http://i.imgur.com/nXEQ2.jpg
Ooo, are those people there on the way? Yeah, I think they are!


http://i.imgur.com/fvjqG.jpg
Terribly sorry everyone! Good thing these things don't have license plates!


http://i.imgur.com/4crcG.jpg
Oh, a bridge! Must concentrate! I'm going to hit the bridge, I'm going to hit the bridge, I'm going to hit the bridge...


http://i.imgur.com/ntpt6.jpg
Aww maaan...


http://i.imgur.com/YWcKb.jpg
Blblblblblblbl...


http://i.imgur.com/oJ7zC.jpg
Just to be clear on this: my insurance does cover stuff like this, right?


http://i.imgur.com/WO2GE.jpg
[Hic!] Finally! That was one labyrinth for a river! And my stupid clothes got all wet too. I must ask some local to help me in finding new ones!


http://i.imgur.com/V8J0u.jpg
Aha! A police officer! I'm going to stop her. Her job is to help me. I'm a taxpayer!


http://i.imgur.com/cfyiv.jpg
Uh, stop!


http://i.imgur.com/Q8f84.jpg
Oh wow, it actually stopped. This has never happened before. I wonder what I should do next?


http://i.imgur.com/GrTtM.jpg
Heehee, I'm going to sleep here so she can't move any further! Teehehehehee!


http://i.imgur.com/IcOWz.jpg
Hey, I was just joking! It was a joke, alright! No need to get so angry about it! Women shouldn't be allowed as cops with their short temper and monthly mood changes anyway!


http://i.imgur.com/sobGm.jpg
Help! Police brutality! Beating a naked man on the ground! Why isn't anyone filming this?!

[Dowly]

:rotfl2::rotfl2:

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/YK9Yj.jpg
Mmh...no...no...go away...


http://i.imgur.com/8rbQf.jpg
Go away! Stop following me!


http://i.imgur.com/nGmxt.jpg
Shoo! I don't want to be your friend!


http://i.imgur.com/mr3f0.jpg
Leave me alone already!


http://i.imgur.com/VCNwP.jpg
What do you want from me anyway?! Just go somewhere else! Please!


http://i.imgur.com/F5qRG.jpg
Saved! I'm saved!


http://i.imgur.com/WCiSr.jpg
Wh...what?!


http://i.imgur.com/YWXeb.jpg
No...no, this can't be real...this can't be happening...no...


http://i.imgur.com/dar6F.jpg
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!


http://i.imgur.com/To2Ef.jpg
NOOOOOO...Whuh? Where am I?

A nightmare! It was just a nightmare!


http://i.imgur.com/tS9xl.jpg
It seems I'm again in prison eating old bread and paying my debt to the society, but somehow this time it doesn't piss me off. Locked door and four sturdy walls around me. What more could I really ask for? I'm safe here. It can't find me from...


http://i.imgur.com/78jMl.jpg
...Here?

No...no, this can't be real...this can't be happening...no...


http://i.imgur.com/7n6AX.jpg
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/arJr2.jpg
[Grumble grumble grumble]


http://i.imgur.com/aejj5.jpg
No wonder the sentence was so short. I'm filing a complaint to the ECtHR (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ECtHR). Clearly this idea of "community service" is violating my rights. I'm not sure which ones, but I know I'm supposed to have them in any case.


http://i.imgur.com/B0R0p.jpg
Since I got out of the prison, I tried offering that moron to some more talking statues, but every single one I found turned me down before I even got to the "I pay you" part.


http://i.imgur.com/zDxk0.jpg
Then I tried teaching him some cliff jumping and selling him off as a stuntman to the next James Bond film. Unfortunately he survived.


http://i.imgur.com/k8N3e.jpg
I also tried testing on him all the weird magic stuff I have found during my adventures, but the bugger is faster than he looks!


http://i.imgur.com/UG2y7.jpg
Even the Arena wouldn't accept him after the disgrace of a test match. They wouldn't listen to my suggestion of making him the official circus clown either.


http://i.imgur.com/HwRY5.jpg
So here I am and the dolt is following me to everywhere I go. I can't even have a drink without him asking if he can shine my bottle. If this won't stop, I'm either going mad or dying of thirst, whichever comes first.


http://i.imgur.com/PlBPW.jpg
Hmm...I think I just got a great idea...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/X9IkD.jpg
So the kid wants an adventure? Fine! I'll take him on an adventure! Never thought I would step back to this place willingly, but no sacrifice is too big in this case. Onwards towards the Big Man's house!


http://i.imgur.com/QT5pz.jpg
No dark and scary, sulfur filled tunnels...


http://i.imgur.com/RzTlP.jpg
No angry locals...


http://i.imgur.com/cVHaT.jpg
And no amount of repetitive cookie cutter corridors is going to stop a determined Finn trying to save his right of getting wasted in peace and quiet.


http://i.imgur.com/lXw3i.jpg
You see, I have a theory. I don't think feeding him to these monsters would work...


http://i.imgur.com/9Fuwg.jpg
Nor am I going to throw him off this narrow bridge into the lava below...


http://i.imgur.com/eUBvX.jpg
Even these huge guillotines won't do the trick (I tried).


http://i.imgur.com/VRjWy.jpg
But I happen to remember that last time I touched this huge shiny stone, I was kicked out of this place, and all the angry monsters on my heels were left behind...


http://i.imgur.com/hyoxZ.jpg
So...


http://i.imgur.com/1hG1z.jpg
SUCCESS!!!


http://i.imgur.com/S3dXQ.jpg
I should probably feel bad for leaving him in that place. I should maybe feel some guilt over letting all those monsters eat him in there over and over again. And maybe I should feel just a little evil for abusing his child-like trust like that.

But right now I feel just thirsty.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/IW1bN.jpg
Ah! A quaint little village, with fine countryside inn, no doubt. Just what I needed! And how interesting architechtural choice with these beautiful stairs acting as a sort of main street of the hamlet!


http://i.imgur.com/qN2OX.jpg
[Grumble beeb rant] stupid stairs! Whose dumb idea was building them here! They are dangerous, I'm telling you! [Rant rant rant]


http://i.imgur.com/xFHdD.jpg
Err! Why does my mouth taste like sheep urine? And more importantly, where have I learned what the sheep urine tastes like in the first place? Stupid amnesia!


http://i.imgur.com/3rrlp.jpg
Hee, cheese! Someone had forgotten all this free cheese here behind the tightly locked vitrine.


http://i.imgur.com/g7sIJ.jpg
Look at me, Southerners! I'm civilized too! I know cheese goes together with wine! Look at meee!


http://i.imgur.com/9Myt3.jpg
Umgh, what a night. I need something for my hangover. Good thing I still have this piece of cheese. I'll cook it here for breakfast.


http://i.imgur.com/5H8i2.jpg
Whuh? Hey? Where did my cheese go? Why aren't these local cat folks doing anything?


http://i.imgur.com/KgFeC.jpg
Yeah, just like I have always said: when the cat is a wimp, the rats...eat all my cheese? No, that't not how it goes...


http://i.imgur.com/NdHBM.jpg
Screw that! I'll take care of this hangover using the traditional Finnish way!


http://i.imgur.com/oNtXb.jpg
Blllb...feels better already...but maybe I should find some other place? Those clouds tell me it's soon starting to rain...


http://i.imgur.com/0OK1D.jpg
Err, burning dogs?


http://i.imgur.com/7xj4W.jpg
You know, the best part is that I'm actually sober enough to know this is really happening. Wow.


http://i.imgur.com/gJmU7.jpg
I don't know what drinks they are serving around here, but if I get kicks like that while sober, I'll just have to go take a few more rounds in this neighboring village too.

[Takeda Shingen]

:haha:

And no amount of repetitive cookie cutter corridors is going to stop a determined Finn trying to save his right of getting wasted in peace and quiet.

Best line in the whole AAR!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/bNT2o.jpg
Wow, that countryside moonshine is working! I'm seeing little brown men instead of little green men!

No, wait, this seems too real again to be delirium. Apparently this "Fighter's guild" I don't remember joining has again found me and dragged me back to work for the Fatherland. Fine. I'm sober enough and again out of beer money anyway.

Find thieves, bash their skulls, come back. Anything else?


http://i.imgur.com/tLAlx.jpg
Lesson number one: never ask that question in the army.


http://i.imgur.com/IPCXK.jpg
Seeing Maglir's expression feels like staring into a mirror.


http://i.imgur.com/CxKMn.jpg
I mean, I got rid of one annoying little man following me around just one episode ago, and now I get another like it's a completely new thing. Who the heck writes these? The same guy who does "The Bold and the Beautiful"?!


http://i.imgur.com/dA0IF.jpg
This guy seems to know something about those thieves. Blahblahblah lifestory background angst angst angst you lost your heirloom...


http://i.imgur.com/lW6GW.jpg
...magic booze cup?

Where did you say these robbers were again?


http://i.imgur.com/I9TwW.jpg
In this highly original, boarded up cave again? Good! Time to go get the magic booz...err, I mean, punish the law breaking villains and all that holier-than-thou stuff. Huzaa!


http://i.imgur.com/3PZiA.jpg
So I bash a few pencil necks, but see no trace of...err, their villainous leader.


http://i.imgur.com/Qx0eu.jpg
He is not here either. I know. I checked the belongings of this one, and there was no trace of...uh, the "I'm a bandit ringleader, please arrest me" -club's membership card.


http://i.imgur.com/SiUl8.jpg
These guys wouldn't answer my questions either, so I just had to bash them too. But since this is the last room I haven't yet searched for, er, the innocent damsel in distress, then it must mean...


http://i.imgur.com/6xn0m.jpg
JACKPOT!!!


http://i.imgur.com/7xO8x.jpg
Wow. That football-for-face wasn't lying. This cup really makes the booze taste better. I'm of course going to return it to him, but first I must verify that this is the right one.


http://i.imgur.com/4TBko.jpg
Yeeeesh, it takesh loooots of field teshtink! Lalli ish scientishtic...


http://i.imgur.com/iX7G0.jpg
[Hic] Mishsh...tasshskksh...job done bosshmaaan!


http://i.imgur.com/vwZGW.jpg
Yay, protector! I'll protect the wine cellar with all my might! ¡No pasarán! [Hic!]

[Hottentot]

Since Dowly is not updating his AAR in weekends, I'll try keeping you military types amused with three thematically appropriate updates today. And also since I have too many pictures in backlog and don't want to leave it to my grand children to wrap this story up.


- - - - - - - -


http://i.imgur.com/6o55O.jpg
Just as I'm concentrated on my new duties [hic], I'm directed to the Sarge again. Apparently he has a problem only a real man like me can solve: some little wimp is more interested in flowers and flute playing than doing manly stuff, so I need to set him straight.


http://i.imgur.com/5XP8Q.jpg
Oh wow. It's worse than I thought. This boy needs extra many lessons in masculinity.


http://i.imgur.com/uPrGu.jpg
So not coming up with any other method for such a serious case, I take him into the forest. And try to ignore his questions about sentient life existing outside the Ring III (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_III).


http://i.imgur.com/9ITQr.jpg
I teach him to kill cute, fuzzy animals and eat meat...


http://i.imgur.com/UzHSK.jpg
To annoy city dwelling wolf huggers...


http://i.imgur.com/CFRnk.jpg
To get the best kicks out of mushrooms without getting himself killed...


http://i.imgur.com/ruwK7.jpg
And doing it underground too...


http://i.imgur.com/kIKR0.jpg
To beat up pencil necks and to hide them after the looting...


http://i.imgur.com/gZUZX.jpg
And to use improvised keys after the most important lesson...


http://i.imgur.com/W7lE2.jpg
Namely the joys of camping!


http://i.imgur.com/7FJTM.jpg
It worked! Look at that killer's look in his eyes! He even grew moustache and extra pair of eyebrows to show his new, manly nature! I'm so proud!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/idn3h.jpg
The Sarge is also happy. Gee, it always looks so weird when the army guys smile. And it usually means...


http://i.imgur.com/tUkQ6.jpg
That they have bad news.

Sigh.


http://i.imgur.com/gIl3V.jpg
So I go find that Maglir moron again. He is not too difficult to find. Just ask for a stubby mouth breather wearing old frying pan.


http://i.imgur.com/Lmwnz.jpg
And in the bar I just have to enquire the guy who passed out after a pint of carrot juice.


http://i.imgur.com/Hq1lv.jpg
So Maglir is now hanging around with one of those overgrown lizards. And he got a new suit of armor too. Not that it's any more stylish than his previous walking kitchen instrument -look.


http://i.imgur.com/luYFo.jpg
Oh, but does it make him make him oh so bold. Reminds me... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MEs6uRpqBc)

So he isn't happy to see me and starts shouting.


http://i.imgur.com/5EfCi.jpg
The Sarge isn't happy to see me and starts shouting.


http://i.imgur.com/qBwg7.jpg
The original job giver isn't happy to see me and starts shouting.

That does it!


http://i.imgur.com/digRw.jpg
[Grumble grumble grumble] shouting [grumble grumble grumble] always [grumble grumble grumble]...


http://i.imgur.com/KadwL.jpg
[Grumble grumble grumble] beer [Grumble grumble grumble]


http://i.imgur.com/O3mXy.jpg
[Grumble grumble grumble] life sucks [Grumble grumble grumble]

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/u5ERO.jpg
Eventually the Sarge comes to find me. After I buy him a few drinks, he agrees that it was a stupid job and that we go tell that stuck up wizard to stick her magic wand where it would make her smile for a change.

After that is done the Sarge is still a little tipsy and suggest I'll meet him later at his home. I don't know. I mean, this is military and all, but, uh, this came so suddenly...


http://i.imgur.com/kKa8G.jpg
I still decide to go and the Sarge takes me to these old ruins to do just some pencil neck bashing together. Uh, I mean, not that I was looking forward to anything else!


http://i.imgur.com/tdCIm.jpg
Pencil neck bashing would be easier, if the Sarge didn't manage to trigger every single trap we come across along the way. You'd think a professional soldier would know tactics other than "charge straight ahead even when there are no enemies around."


http://i.imgur.com/HaY1y.jpg
Eventually he gets bored of being maimed...


http://i.imgur.com/fSqPh.jpg
And so we take a ro...round walk in the forest together!


http://i.imgur.com/I8HvR.jpg
I show him what they taught me in the army: I cover him as he crosses this empty road. All clear, Sarge! Lalli is watching your back! Closely!


http://i.imgur.com/SLZXH.jpg
I'm a trained killing machine. I know the forest like my own pockets (from which I, incidentally, can't ever find my keys!) Here I'm camouflaging as a rock.


http://i.imgur.com/4zD57.jpg
The forest trip ended so soon. We are back in ruins, which closely resemble the ruins we just left, but the Sarge keeps assuring me it's just a popular architechtural style around here.


http://i.imgur.com/M36za.jpg
Apparently even the traps are exactly the same and in similar places too. Sarge? Where did you go?


http://i.imgur.com/LJrJT.jpg
Well, since he isn't around, it's more pencil neck bashing for me. Whee!


http://i.imgur.com/lhUk3.jpg
The Sarge comes back only when we kill the nondescript end boss guy, whose life until our arrival has consisted of sitting on a throne in big stone hall, looking menacing.


http://i.imgur.com/2Y2qy.jpg
Well hey and happy good morning to you too. Sheesh. This is just like my basic training.


http://i.imgur.com/0ikfP.jpg
Except that they confisticated all my booze while arriving to the garrison for the first time. That taught me to hide them in places they wouldn't search in fear of losing their masculine identity. Hehe! Cheers for clever me!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/Xb7Hq.jpg
Ebebebebebebeee...this recurring joke is really becoming a strain on my poor head and back...is this another stupid dungeon where I'm again thrown into the middle of the punchline?


http://i.imgur.com/7urc9.jpg
Woot! No! It's heaven, and I have woken up next to an angel! Arroooooo!


http://i.imgur.com/oxIir.jpg
Hehee, green boobs...


http://i.imgur.com/eC9fz.jpg
Whuh? No! I swear I wasn't staring them!

Hey, listen cutie, I'll tell you a joke. I have a great sense of humor and know all the best jokes!


http://i.imgur.com/qhxy1.jpg
So a Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian...


http://i.imgur.com/8EpvZ.jpg
Err, they walk into a bar...or are on an uninhabited island...which has a bar, in which they are in...and so a Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian are on a plane...I mean, they flew to the uninhabited island to walk into the bar...


http://i.imgur.com/B8fKr.jpg
And then the Finn says...err...uh...look, the point is that the Swedes are dumb and we can point and laugh at them! Hahaha!


http://i.imgur.com/bJetH.jpg
Hahaha...haha...ha...ha? Ha...

You...you don't...you won't...you mean...you...you...


http://i.imgur.com/2FXEN.jpg
Waaaaaaaaah! Nobody loves me!!


http://i.imgur.com/Z5q1e.jpg
I'm all alone in the world! I'm going to jump into this river and drown!


http://i.imgur.com/r29iB.jpg
Goodbye, cruel world!


http://i.imgur.com/Tyru8.jpg
Hey! Look at me! I'm drowning, OK! Isn't someone supposed to save me? I mean, before I catch cold here!


http://i.imgur.com/tSNsk.jpg
Fine! Be that way! I can look miserable in the middle of the road without you paying attention to me! I didn't want your stupid attention anyway!


http://i.imgur.com/TxuYr.jpg
Finally! Someone who understands me!


http://i.imgur.com/ZRmG7.jpg
Yo, give it up, bro! Screw the treacherous women! Let's get drunk together!


http://i.imgur.com/6pS1v.jpg
Err, pigs suck! Women pigs suck extra lot!


http://i.imgur.com/O2kFM.jpg
Bllb...Tired...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/2alJM.jpg
This place...it looks...familiar.


http://i.imgur.com/APnih.jpg
What? Hey! We already did this scene! I swear, if I'm forced to go through the "old man making very unsubtle approaches to question the protagonist's sexual orientation" thing again, I'm going to call my agent for a better deal!


http://i.imgur.com/gyMQE.jpg
Everything is the same! My old bread and can of water are right there where I left them.


http://i.imgur.com/z63ZE.jpg
The old shackles are still there.


http://i.imgur.com/DiEq5.jpg
The old secret escape tunnel is still there.


http://i.imgur.com/BmZ74.jpg
My old piss stain is still in the same corner. Haven't they heard of cleaning maids in this prison?


http://i.imgur.com/ZFmT7.jpg
The lighting conditions still suck.


http://i.imgur.com/oFjtN.jpg
And even the same annoying pencil neck is still in the cell next to me. Oh, what I would give, if only the old door in my cell wouldn't still be...


http://i.imgur.com/Dpqf4.jpg
...locked?


http://i.imgur.com/y8QzT.jpg
Yoohoo!


http://i.imgur.com/AO1yy.jpg
Stupid pencil neck hasn't learned a thing, it seems.


http://i.imgur.com/RNp5M.jpg
Namely that I don't like talky people in my hangover mornings.


http://i.imgur.com/fzAEi.jpg
Howdy.


http://i.imgur.com/iRv0r.jpg
Ah, sweet freedom! I even got my stuff back after the guards couldn't stand comparing their tiny daggers to my personal claymore. Life is good!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/yaRRB.jpg
I was born innocent...to this cold and Northern land (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VBPS4JoT9o)...[/URL]


http://i.imgur.com/5UBlt.jpg
I didn't want to do like my daddy...I'll never drink booze...and never buy an axe...


http://i.imgur.com/CT1wU.jpg
But it's because the employment agency won't give me work...and the fate's hand gives me booze to drink...err...


http://i.imgur.com/eUR4D.jpg
You know, Eppu was right. The dirty government never gives me a chance to get back on my feet.
Screw the government!
I'm a do-it-yourself kind of man!
I'm a man who has seen the life and everything what's wrong with it!
I'm a man with a mission!

I'm a man who is soon going to have his own TV show! And it's going to be called...


http://i.imgur.com/fzQfu.jpg
Any [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpolla_on_asiaa"]copyright infringements (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VBPS4JoT9o) purely coincidental. Enough of that already: music, please (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OPc7MRm4Y8).


http://i.imgur.com/yfutR.jpg
Good day, TV people! You are watching my show on the Lalli channel, and it is quite possible that you won't ever see it on any other channel, because every TV boss turned me down already. According to them I'm a drunken lout with no information value.


http://i.imgur.com/1yjBS.jpg
Our society is in disgraceful shape. I have decided to interview this poor beggar lady, whom the society has forgotten, but Lalli has not.


http://i.imgur.com/Gp69L.jpg
Simplicia is only asking money to feed her children.


http://i.imgur.com/ouazs.jpg
Err, and to buy new shoes...


http://i.imgur.com/xXnud.jpg
Um, okay, we get it, thank you...

For this invaluable information I gift Simplicia 100kg of smoked reindeer. She has lots of kids.


http://i.imgur.com/P2IOk.jpg
The reason for Simplicia's plight is that the roads are full of armed robbers, who have ambushed and robbed many citizens blind.


http://i.imgur.com/uZtto.jpg
I think this is disgraceful and demand to know why isn't anyone doing anything.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/bIe7K.jpg
Therefore I decide to interview a member of the law enforcement to find out what the people get for their tax money.


http://i.imgur.com/pu5iF.jpg
Can you tell me exactly, what the law enforcement is here for?


http://i.imgur.com/2sWPl.jpg
Do you have any idea how do you serve?


http://i.imgur.com/wkBvI.jpg
Can you explain me more precisely why is it that you help people?


http://i.imgur.com/IA4Mp.jpg
Would you now elaborate, how can citizens expect you to serve them?


http://i.imgur.com/81PSo.jpg
So do you have any answer to how...er, wait, are we just repeating the same questions? Do you see any possible theory for why we are repeating the same questions?


http://i.imgur.com/CpcUu.jpg
Then can you further satiate my thirst for knowledge about what this duty means.


http://i.imgur.com/ONfNx.jpg
Will you give me more information if the duty uses Nokia or Motorola phone to call?


http://i.imgur.com/0BPHp.jpg
Will you reply to my enquiry about what exactly do you mean by that?


http://i.imgur.com/BSAUu.jpg
When trying to find out what the tax payers get for their money and interviewing a law enforcement officer, vital information surfaced.


http://i.imgur.com/lLCdQ.jpg
Namely that the law enforcement is in league with the criminals and doesn't like sharp and observant reporters like me asking them questions.


http://i.imgur.com/p8XhK.jpg
Because the law enforcement turned out to be in league with the criminal elements, I decided to conduct some journalistic investigation and find out, what makes people become armed robbers and spend their lives sitting in bushes.


http://i.imgur.com/v2Ica.jpg
Of course I first had to get some more smoked reindeer, because the corrupt police had eaten all I had left before. I couldn't find a reindeer nearby, so I had to improvise.


http://i.imgur.com/iUtbL.jpg
However, despite of my offer of free food, the robbers refused to give an interview.


http://i.imgur.com/9l14H.jpg
Therefore I decided to camp nearby and see what, in fact, motivated them to these foul deeds that are the bane of our society.


http://i.imgur.com/iTX7U.jpg
Soon enough my sharp observations revealed that the motivation for killing citizens on the roads...


http://i.imgur.com/SUhV6.jpg
...is that it is very lucrative in more than one way.


http://i.imgur.com/HGMvR.jpg
So being a professional and ethical journalist, I next had to find out if all the citizens on the roads were as rich and loaded with fine beverages. Clearly in unequally shared booze is a bane in our society and a sharp journalist like me has to investigate it further to bring the injustice into the light of day!

[Dowly]

Just gets better and better :rotfl2:

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/x3JF6.jpg
[Hic!] Yes! My journalistic observations reveal without a doubt that when it comes to refreshing beverages, there is no equality in our state. I demand a change, and have therefore done my best to ensure that I'm a little more equal than the others.


http://i.imgur.com/NEh6j.jpg
However, the travellers quickly learned to go around my ambush spot and on the top of all, said they could sniff me from kilometres away after a while. So I'm again back to do some honest work to my friend the Sarge.


http://i.imgur.com/mUQK4.jpg
And he apparently has some too! That wimp I tried to help with becoming a man has managed to go missing. My guess is he is just doing what a young man should be doing in the long summer nights...


http://i.imgur.com/N9rhf.jpg
But the Sarge suspects he has instead become a nerd and ended up wasting his time in the Internet fighting with the trolls. So I'm to find him and tell him about girls whose surname is not .JPEG.


http://i.imgur.com/G4Fvx.jpg
My gut feeling says it's here. The decorations really gave this forum away.


http://i.imgur.com/wXwL0.jpg
Oh. One member found in a pool of her own blood so soon already? Maybe she didn't get past the dreaded "please fill in the numbers you see in the picture" test?


http://i.imgur.com/KEBZA.jpg
Another poor sod, who fell to the rats and other carrion eaters, so common in any forum after someone first gets beaten in a debate.


http://i.imgur.com/dmGaz.jpg
These ones seemed to be on each others' friend list. But where is the wimp?


http://i.imgur.com/YmH4B.jpg
Holy cow, a troll! Ugh, it stinks! Smells like a herring swimming through some waste disposal gate!


http://i.imgur.com/ih0eC.jpg
But no troll can stand against my famous blunt arguments.


http://i.imgur.com/4m5g3.jpg
More of them! I never knew these guys had enough social skills to team up even temporarily. Then again, since there are always new ones, apparently they somehow manage to mate once in a lifetime.


http://i.imgur.com/2EQOj.jpg
Banhammer is still the bane of every troll, and I wield it like a master.


http://i.imgur.com/0tY5N.jpg
Hmm, a trail of blood. I'm nearing the GT...


http://i.imgur.com/j5IE5.jpg
Oh noes! I found the wimp! And it looks like he did the oldest mistake in the book: trying to win a troll by attrition and logic.


http://i.imgur.com/75iif.jpg
My sorrow knows no bounds. He had forgotten everything I told him! Only one bottle of booze, and not any good real beer either, but girly wine! And a bloody journal on the top of that to really underline his failure!


http://i.imgur.com/lvMvP.jpg
What is this about anyway? What?! A diary depicting his adventures with the same sex! That's it! I'm going to puke right now.

However, I'll be keeping this book until I can give it to the Sarge. Maybe it will make him happy. You never know about those military types in their lonely work.


http://i.imgur.com/mAKFn.jpg
Yes, he is very eager to see it, but doesn't seem too happy. As an old veteran of this game, I already know now it's a good time to bugger off before he tells me to find Maglir again.

[Geno_Mariner]

:rotfl2::rotfl2:Loving this, keep it up :up:

[Takeda Shingen]

So I'm to find him and tell him about girls whose surname is not .JPEG.

Oh. One member found in a pool of her own blood so soon already? Maybe she didn't get past the dreaded "please fill in the numbers you see in the picture" test?

Another poor sod, who fell to the rats and other carrion eaters, so common in any forum after someone first gets beaten in a debate.

These ones seemed to be on each others' friend list.

Holy cow, a troll! Ugh, it stinks! Smells like a herring swimming through some waste disposal gate!

But no troll can stand against my famous blunt arguments.

Banhammer is still the bane of every troll, and I wield it like a master.

Hmm, a trail of blood. I'm nearing the GT...

Oh noes! I found the wimp! And it looks like he did the oldest mistake in the book: trying to win a troll by attrition and logic.

It took me about 10 minutes to pick myself up off the floor. Brilliant.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/eOoM6.jpg
I feel I have lost the focus here. This adventure has been going on for weeks now, and I still haven't done what I originally came here for: meeting the Empire Union's bossman and demanding him to start respecting my cultural individuality.

But that's going to change right now! I have just arrived to the headquarter's of the Empire of Evil, and I'm going to march in!


http://i.imgur.com/6u9FY.jpg
Ooo, a big door. Well, they won't impress me with it. I have twice as big in my own house. Or at least that's what it feels like every Saturday morning.


http://i.imgur.com/xxWNk.jpg
At first I am greeted by an armed soldier. That's Empire Union for you! Trying to keep the concerned citizens away with force and violence!


http://i.imgur.com/3GXkj.jpg
And not surprisingly the bossman refuses to see me. I knew this! They give speeches about democracy and equality, but in reality all this is is just communism, fascism, liberalism and empirism!


http://i.imgur.com/hZJPY.jpg
Well they won't stop me! I know I'm not alone. I represent the deep lines of the people, and the people know the best! I'm going to get them to help me and together we shall bring down this monster!


http://i.imgur.com/qMAid.jpg
I'm going to buy a suit and become a politician! My party is called "the True Nords"!


http://i.imgur.com/X8gPT.jpg
Citizens! Hear me! Err...the Empire Union sucks!


http://i.imgur.com/bu8u4.jpg
The Empire Union...uh...sucks really really much and...um...my friend's son is working on the border, so I know, OK!


http://i.imgur.com/47nkW.jpg
So if you won't vote for the True Nords (that's me), then, uh, they are going to send all your tax money to the Redguards and, err...


http://i.imgur.com/f8sR9.jpg
And then...uh...WE IS ALL GOING TO DIE IN OUR BEDS AND IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME, YOU ARE STUPID AND EASILY MISLED SHEEP! TYHMÄ!


http://i.imgur.com/AXcXY.jpg
Why isn't anyone listening to me? Didn't they hear me imitating the Breton prayer call? Ayalalaloolaaloo!


http://i.imgur.com/fqDgj.jpg
Aha! That's it! I'm doing it all wrong! Instead of preaching on the corner, I'm going to be technically savvy and start one of those new fashioned blogs. I will write walls of text in the Internet and have people become enlightened. My blog's name is going to be: "Plok".


http://i.imgur.com/V8Smj.jpg
Yes, fast! I like it! All over the place! I want my voice everywhere! Sign me in!

But then, after further consideration, I look at what this company has done before and am not so sure anymore...


http://i.imgur.com/tGFiv.jpg
I mean, fanfic?


http://i.imgur.com/WvO9f.jpg
Empire Union's propaganda?


http://i.imgur.com/aSxJj.jpg
Myths and fairytales?


http://i.imgur.com/kMhAt.jpg
My genius is not appreciated enough in here. I'm going to express my literary abilities elsewhere...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/6YlRp.jpg
Hehehehee...


http://i.imgur.com/S7htS.jpg
That will show them!


http://i.imgur.com/lDzot.jpg
Uh oh...


http://i.imgur.com/VtokK.jpg
Err, hello. Have you per chance voted already?


http://i.imgur.com/WGPGg.jpg
Gee, don't you people understand a joke? Sarcasm? Irony? Anagram? Pun? Palindrome? Are you dumb? I'm never going to give you an interview again! Besides, you photographed me in a sweater!


http://i.imgur.com/NiYLZ.jpg
This looks like a nice place. I'll hide here.


http://i.imgur.com/vU0bS.jpg
Oh? It's inhabited already? Maybe I have just accidentally stumbled into a club house of one of those outlaw horse gangs?


http://i.imgur.com/ETcFW.jpg
Hi guys. Have you got any booze?


http://i.imgur.com/JAnXK.jpg
[Beeb] yeah, these guys know how to party! Look at me! Grooving without a shirt!


http://i.imgur.com/dNikm.jpg
Hard! Rock! Hallelujah! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAh9NRGNhUU)


http://i.imgur.com/GTbss.jpg
Woo! Jytky!! Remember to vote True Nordsh! For the shmall maan and hiish [hic] boozhe!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/HYUcS.jpg
Eh? I have no idea how I ended up here in these clothes again, but I was hoping you wouldn't notice it if I pictured myself in front of this beautiful scenery.


http://i.imgur.com/dkPSB.jpg
Oh noes, my backbag! I must have forgotten my backbag to the clubhouse of those horse gangers! I need a new one, can't do anything without a magic backbag.


http://i.imgur.com/GQT4T.jpg
This looks like a decent place to get one.


http://i.imgur.com/PDph6.jpg
The salesman is quick to give me all the fluff words, trying to convince me about something I came to buy in the first place.


http://i.imgur.com/zeigy.jpg
Whereas his colleague would rather insult me, but still agree to help. I'm a paying customer, after all.


http://i.imgur.com/wDMIE.jpg
Ooo, a secret underground base. Do you have atom bombs in here too? A doomsday device? No wait, wrong AAR...


http://i.imgur.com/vRbp8.jpg
It appears all they have is an emtpy room, and some other customers have been fooled into coming here as well. Their business model doesn't seem very solid to me.


http://i.imgur.com/qYX1s.jpg
But the purchaser's gifts are awesome! A bottle of weird foreign beverage I have never seen before! Cheers!


http://i.imgur.com/mCOIW.jpg
Um, whuh? How did I end up in here again? I swear, I took only one sip of the juice! I didn't get to deliver even one drunken foolishness joke this time!


http://i.imgur.com/lSZhN.jpg
These guys are obviously trying to drive me out of comedy business, so I'll go have a word with them. Plus find some more of that awesome drink.


http://i.imgur.com/WsnW2.jpg
Ooo yeah, that's so typical! First they play so nice, but after they make me drunk and find out I don't have any money to steal, it's Mr. Gnarl for Lalli! Grr!


http://i.imgur.com/kYUvV.jpg
No one...


http://i.imgur.com/q4YQN.jpg
Makes fun of my drinking habits!


http://i.imgur.com/oDSra.jpg
Hmm, this must be their distillery. And since I killed them all, it's all mine now, right? So how does this work? If I press this button and turn that switch, then I...


http://i.imgur.com/FltKR.jpg
...cause a huge fire, apparently. Bah! My career as a booze baron was short and inglorious. This whole episode is feeling like a big disappointment. I have only got a headache and not been allowed to do anything fun.


http://i.imgur.com/utH7r.jpg
I'm taking that comment back.


http://i.imgur.com/hOl7c.jpg
Too bad the censorship on that thing didn't let you see how much fun I just had. Must think of the children too.


http://i.imgur.com/90uyw.jpg
The Sarge is also happy to see that I have saved the world again. As a reward, he promises to give me a new helmet. And he says it's going to be a very special helmet too. Ooo! Could it be...I mean, it's a lot to hope for, but could there finally be...


http://i.imgur.com/zGmCy.jpg
Crap.

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/LaEqj.jpg
It has finally come to this. I never thought it would.


http://i.imgur.com/XOfTG.jpg
I mean, I've done some crazy stuff in my days, but there are some things even I'm still afraid of. But I must do this. There is no other way. This must end.


http://i.imgur.com/NIMu7.jpg
Sigh. Wish me luck.


http://i.imgur.com/E3wIN.jpg
Dear almight god guy. I come to you in search for help. Oh sure, you now ask yourself: "Why should I help that guy?" Yes, it's true I haven't always been the best of your flock...


http://i.imgur.com/nRCi1.jpg
I may have occasionally brought some of my own refreshments to church to get through the dull sermons. I can't grasp how people stand them sober.


http://i.imgur.com/U7J8f.jpg
Maybe a few times I have tried to throw rocks at your house's shiny windows. But it has been just to prove how great your craftmanship is!


http://i.imgur.com/Ku9yt.jpg
I may have passed out in the eucharist wine storage a few times...


http://i.imgur.com/DJv3k.jpg
...And eaten all the food you had given to your ascetic servants, because I had a horrible hangover and couldn't find any kebab nearby...


http://i.imgur.com/Pda0e.jpg
After that I may have taken a few of your valuable dishes and sold them to get some more drinks...


http://i.imgur.com/OLrXw.jpg
I may have punched the priest...


http://i.imgur.com/k1wfp.jpg
And had fun with the choir girls...


http://i.imgur.com/uyJZn.jpg
And yes, I may have done all that within the 30 minutes I have been here now, but it's all in the past now. You are merciful and stuff, so you're supposed to forgive me and so on and so on...

So please, god dude, hear my prayer here in your house: grant me a head that isn't too small for all the helmets that, you in your might and stuff, have created to this world in order to shield the stupid, whiny pencil necks' skulls from my mace.

Pretty please?


http://i.imgur.com/2vrRc.jpg
No?


http://i.imgur.com/tnHdL.jpg
Well, you shuck!

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/T2Dua.jpg
Heehee...hee...Heavenly father and the Son Ltd. Is selling love for cheap today... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbDqrMJpN2s)


http://i.imgur.com/xaWE1.jpg
Huh? What is this place? It's no ordinary forest, I can tell. No bears trying to eat me.


http://i.imgur.com/JtC4r.jpg
What a picturesque, endless ocean...


http://i.imgur.com/Pwk2z.jpg
And such a perfect white path in the middle of the wonderful trees...


http://i.imgur.com/qbOYq.jpg
So serene architechture...like some kind of intelligent design in the middle of a...


http://i.imgur.com/ozKSQ.jpg
Paradise? Is this Heaven?


http://i.imgur.com/45022.jpg
Wow. If I knew it was so easy to get in here, I wouldn't have always promised to change my ways after doing all that preacher annoying stuff. Heehehee, and to think those suckers are living without alcohol, good food, boobs and...


http://i.imgur.com/AEkFp.jpg
Whuh? How come these charcoal for faces are here too instead of hot angel chicks? Does god outsource to China?


http://i.imgur.com/puf1G.jpg
Apparently my question amuses it, whatever it is. I never knew Finnish and Infernal cultures had so much in common.


http://i.imgur.com/w4NFp.jpg
But when I go to "beat each other up while drunk" part, the redblack dude doesn't want to play anymore. So much for finding a soul mate in here.


http://i.imgur.com/dHwxA.jpg
Eww. This must be God's cellar. And by the looks of it, it seems all the blumbers are condemned to damnation.


http://i.imgur.com/wWDa2.jpg
Which, incidentally, I seem to have just found.


http://i.imgur.com/39VQu.jpg
Huh? I mean, it's very convenient to have these two places so close to each other, but you'd think God could afford his own apartment without renting his cellar to the Devil?


http://i.imgur.com/JRwgy.jpg
And he seems to be home too! Hi! I've been meaning to ask about your beer ser...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/fhED2.jpg
Hmhp. He was till better for that tower thingy and kicked me back to this boring place again. I thought it was the holy beard guy who did the "eternal judgement and disturbingly sadistic punishment" stuff?


http://i.imgur.com/iogUK.jpg
Hmm, a huge tree. I wonder if it has any apples? I mean, if I could eat one, I would finally know who drank my last keppana two years ago and wouldn't have to stab all my friends to death by blindly guessing...


http://i.imgur.com/lz8PT.jpg
Oh noes! A trap! A talky-chatty plot character! I knew this was too good to be true!


http://i.imgur.com/ZKefN.jpg
OK, fine. Let's go see your father.


http://i.imgur.com/Jn1uG.jpg
Yeah, yeah, and you too. OK, your father must be a really nice guy, but...


http://i.imgur.com/ynWoJ.jpg
...Could you stop repeating that already?!!


http://i.imgur.com/LcZye.jpg
Whew, it's a good thing these two told me it's their father they kept yakking about. I mean, otherwise I would have lived in doubt for the rest of my life.


http://i.imgur.com/rgKdF.jpg
Hey! It's the nerd with my bling!


http://i.imgur.com/dOvSP.jpg
Raaaaaargh!


http://i.imgur.com/FO9R4.jpg
Finally someone who isn't talky! Let's get to the point already!


http://i.imgur.com/p5XtR.jpg
Namely me beating up pencil necks...


http://i.imgur.com/SysDo.jpg
...Getting what is rightfully (if a little shadily) mine...


http://i.imgur.com/ybW8J.jpg
And making a heroic escape, as the whole place collapses around me. Huzaa!


http://i.imgur.com/6qREC.jpg
Whuh? How did I end up in here? I didn't even drink anything this time!


http://i.imgur.com/nLjyM.jpg
More importantly, why is the fundy here?! I thought I lost him, like, gazillions of episodes ago. And why is he looking at my bling?


http://i.imgur.com/S7SuK.jpg
Yeah, like I didn't know. It keeps slipping off my neck. That still doesn't mean I can't sell it to buy some...


http://i.imgur.com/f9iZp.jpg
[Censored!]

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/GtQI1.jpg
OK! Enough is enough! I've had it with these locals who keep stealing my bauble all the time! I'm going back here to complain and demand justice.


http://i.imgur.com/aqgpJ.jpg
Hmm, the door was open this time. They must have a visitor day.


http://i.imgur.com/PHVrO.jpg
That guy is standing alone in this huge hall. He is even the big boss man or a local bum.


http://i.imgur.com/zcIMT.jpg
[Beeb] right you have been expecting me! You have no idea how many hoops I had to jump through to get here, but now I can finally tell you about...


http://i.imgur.com/BwuEV.jpg
Hey? I'm here! Me! Not the fundy who keeps following me!


http://i.imgur.com/yNtgn.jpg
Stop ignoring me! Where are you going?!


http://i.imgur.com/ymPUZ.jpg
Hey! Where did the sun...


Oh...oh no...oh perkele no...


The sky is red...


http://i.imgur.com/bCDHC.jpg
It's dawn...


http://i.imgur.com/mDTbP.jpg
And faceless hordes in silly clothes are swarming the streets! The day has finally come!


http://i.imgur.com/YIVBn.jpg
RUSSIA IS ATTACKING!!


http://i.imgur.com/lOib8.jpg
Huff! We beat up the first wave! But there will be more! And I know where...


http://i.imgur.com/SOX5L.jpg
Remember, kids: the enemy always comes from the East. It can come from the West too, but that means it has made one serious flanking maneuver!


http://i.imgur.com/Xo0qr.jpg
See! Told you so! There are more of them here!


http://i.imgur.com/osUQ7.jpg
Ohmyfreakingvodka, they finally found a way to resurrect Lenin too?!


http://i.imgur.com/Xxs9w.jpg
Screw this, I'm not taking my chances with four armed giant socialist! I'm out of here!


http://i.imgur.com/t0FGq.jpg
This looks like a nice hiding place.


http://i.imgur.com/7iMHz.jpg
You again?! Stop following me! You attract the...

[Hottentot]

http://i.imgur.com/brkz4.jpg
The...the...the...


http://i.imgur.com/ZSXaf.jpg
Mommy...


http://i.imgur.com/r8UHE.jpg
Whuh? What's happening now? Since when have we even had a special effects budget like this?


http://i.imgur.com/dMyQf.jpg
Where the [beeb] did that come from then?!


http://i.imgur.com/TeYkW.jpg
You know, I'd do something totally manly if I wasn't busy soiling my pants...I think I'll just...


http://i.imgur.com/kp1o0.jpg
Erg...faint? Did I faint? My head hurts nevertheless, so I can't really tell...was it all just a...


http://i.imgur.com/1KDgd.jpg
Uh, a dream?


http://i.imgur.com/KKQLI.jpg
It appears it wasn't. I'm told that with my invaluable contribution we achieved another heroic defensive victory (stop laughing!) and these gloomy gates apparently are no longer ruining the scenery...


http://i.imgur.com/DlyDy.jpg
The big bad monsters that came out of them have been banished back for good...


http://i.imgur.com/QGBcn.jpg
The people are again living their lives happily....


http://i.imgur.com/XCy8I.jpg
The great artists are making my epic tale immortal. And as for me...


http://i.imgur.com/Urs9O.jpg
I'm leaving mopping up the remains of those devil spawns to someone else and going to have a drink. They won't need me for it. After that huge red guy there really is nothing worse that could have come out of those gates during the invasion.


http://i.imgur.com/8YENT.jpg
Bartender! Boy! A mug of your finest ale for the hero of the day!


http://i.imgur.com/3ZbZC.jpg
[...]


http://i.imgur.com/m4h9K.jpg
[Blink blink]


http://i.imgur.com/vQbHN.jpg
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! !!!!

- - - - - - - - - -

DRUNKEN KARAOKE TIME! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dGY_AWcD64)

[Oberon]

:har::har::har: Fantastic, as always. Well done that man! :rock:

[Takeda Shingen]

This was your magnum opus, hott. Wonderful!

[Hottentot]

Aww. :oops:

While this may have certainly been the longest and most followed, I'd hate to think I wrote my best story...well, ever. There is room for improvement always and I'd hate to start comparing my future brain farts to this one.

That being said, I still had a fairly long list of ideas I just couldn't implement properly. So there is a good chance that Lalli will return. Probably not in Oblivion (unless I finally get Shivering Isles), but as a character. Like my other recurring morons who always somehow manage to do exactly the right thing in a completely wrong way. Or was it the other way around?

Time will tell.