Battleship

[GoldenRivet]

I haven't seen any posts here about the recently released movie Battleship

Perhaps thats because i was the only one of you duped into seeing it (took some kids... thats my excuse).

overall - ok time waster / popcorn muncher / blowy things up flick if you are into the Micheal Bay type stuff (I'm not)

plot holes?

yes, several, each one larger than the pacific ocean itself.

Bernard was the naval adviser on this film... im convinced of it.

I wont ruin the ending for anyone of you unfortunate enough to go endure this flick. Given the nature of our group, suffice it to say we will all easily spot the inaccuracies of the film.

for example, here are a few:

Stoner alcoholic bar hopping jersey shore material moron joins navy as his last chance to clean up his act - cut and scene - next scene - whoa great job dude you made officer faster than anyone in navy history! way to go! - - - - - WHAT?!:doh: Im confused... at what point did he go from drooling drunk, to college grad, to OCS candidate etc??? all of this is omitted and the other "back story" scenes going on simultaneously make it seem like this all took place in about a month.

Running out of ships to fight the aliens with and discovering all the secondary armament on the USS Missouri is fully operational, locked and loaded with live rounds (oops, must have forgot to unload all that when she was set up as a museum) i wonder how many 12 year olds shat themselves when squeezing those triggers playfully and their cute "pew pew pew" noises were drowned out by loud - very real BANG BANG BANG sounds as 50 caliber tracers screamed past grandma's face? this is the sort of thing the navy doesnt forget when setting up a museum ship.

discovering 25 rounds of 16" HE stored on a museum ship in usable condition along with a supply of powder bags sufficient enough in number to fire all 25 rounds. NOT HAPPENING

4 guys picking up a 2200 lb 16" shell and carrying it from the aft turret to the forward turret in about 2 minutes. seriously... thats over 500 lbs per guy. maybe they were running on pure adrenaline.

Igniting the steam turbine boilers on the USS Missouri and 2 minutes later ordering ahead flank right at the pier. When i make crawfish in the 10 gallon pot... it takes like 2 hours to get the water bubbling. they had enough steam in several minutes to turn screws? :doh::doh::doh:

An officer - third in command of a ship in this case - after having been informed that the commander and XO were killed having to look to a petty officer to ask "who's in command now?" HE WOULD KNOW THAT!!!! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT SIR!? WHO DID YOU SCREW FOR THIS JOB!?

Dropping port anchor at flank speed to "wake board" or "drift" (as in car racing if you will) the battleship into turning suddenly to bring the guns around faster. :-?

All the destroyers sounding like Trans Ams with flowmaster exhaust. seriously, they went from dead stop to ahead flank and i was reminded of smokey and the bandit.

and after i've mentioned all that - the "Mighty Mo" the battleship for which the movie is named... makes an appearance for all of like 20 minutes at the very end of the movie.

skip it.





dismissed :salute:

[nikimcbee]

Thanks for being film fodder.:salute:

What about the video game?:haha:

[Reece]

Advise taken GoldenRivet!:up:

[BossMark]

My mate was rather foolish and took his son to see this and he said it was a load of "$^&*&^%$ :yep:

[antikristuseke]

Changing one letter in that movies title would make it much more appropriate

[Jimbuna]

Thanks for the heads up John...you've now got my curiosity aroused :DL

:03:

[Onkel Neal]

Thanks, John, your review was probably more entertaining than the movie. :shucks:

[Oberon]

Running out of ships to fight the aliens with and discovering all the secondary armament on the USS Missouri is fully operational, locked and loaded with live rounds (oops, must have forgot to unload all that when she was set up as a museum) i wonder how many 12 year olds shat themselves when squeezing those triggers playfully and their cute "pew pew pew" noises were drowned out by loud - very real BANG BANG BANG sounds as 50 caliber tracers screamed past grandma's face? this is the sort of thing the navy doesnt forget when setting up a museum ship.

discovering 25 rounds of 16" HE stored on a museum ship in usable condition along with a supply of powder bags sufficient enough in number to fire all 25 rounds. NOT HAPPENING


Not in the Navy perhaps...but in the air force...


RAF Scampton

In the late 1950s, as a preliminary to road widening work by Lincolnshire County Council, the gate guardian – then a Grand Slam bomb – had to be moved. Efforts to lift it with a small crane proved futile, as it was much heavier than expected. Upon closer examination, it was found to be still filled with live explosives. It was carefully removed on an RAF low loader and detonated on a test range. It is unclear how a live bomb managed to be put on display, but it seems that it was in place for well over a decade.

[Penguin]

Changing one letter in that movies title would make it much more appropriate

Cattleship? :know:

http://img855.imageshack.us/img855/6168/89617997.png

[mookiemookie]

Igniting the steam turbine boilers on the USS Missouri and 2 minutes later ordering ahead flank right at the pier. When i make crawfish in the 10 gallon pot... it takes like 2 hours to get the water bubbling. they had enough steam in several minutes to turn screws? :doh::doh::doh:

...

All the destroyers sounding like Trans Ams with flowmaster exhaust. seriously, they went from dead stop to ahead flank and i was reminded of smokey and the bandit.


Hey it worked that way in the Silent Hunter games... :know:

[TarJak]

Saw the ads saw it was bad decided to steer clear. Thanks for the review though just confirmed my thoughts on what I saw in the advert.

[Garion]

I will watch it on DVD with beerz and cheesy biscuits.. Oh and popcorn to throw at the telly :up:

Cheers

Garion

[Platapus]

Thanks for taking one for the team. I think I will wait until it comes out on DvD and then not buy it.

[Falkirion]

Ah good so I didn't miss anything during its run here in Australia. Thanks for the review GR. Glad I skipped it.

Tired of Hollywood's idea that any movie with military things needs Bay type explosions to sell itself.

[Sledgehammer427]

Being a total sucker for CGI Battleships, me and the wonderful girlfriend are going to see it this weekend in a double feature with Men In Black 3.

I plan on being very dissapointe---waittaminute, I'm going to see them in one of the last drive-in movie theaters in the midwest!

not so bad anymore :D

[CaptainHaplo]

me and the wonderful girlfriend

drive-in movie theaters

:D

this about sums it up.....

[Platapus]

me and the wonderful girlfriend

+

one of the last drive-in movie theaters in the midwest!Who cares about the movie? :yeah:

[kiwi_2005]

I seen it, over the top action flick. 5/10

[Overkill]

Thanks for suffer'n through it so the rest of us can save 2 hours of our lives. :salute:

[asr]

Running out of ships to fight the aliens with and discovering all the secondary armament on the USS Missouri is fully operational, locked and loaded with live rounds (oops, must have forgot to unload all that when she was set up as a museum) [...]

discovering 25 rounds of 16" HE stored on a museum ship in usable condition along with a supply of powder bags sufficient enough in number to fire all 25 rounds. NOT HAPPENING


That part pretty much made me remember Battlestar Galactica (2003) :rock:

[krashkart]

Dropping port anchor at flank speed to "wake board" or "drift" (as in car racing if you will) the battleship into turning suddenly to bring the guns around faster. :-?


Just like they did at Midway! The Navy was all like "Lookit this Hiro! No hands!" And the IJN was all like "LOL Wut?". And the Brits were all like "Brilliant!". And the Canadians were all like "Beer?". And the KM was all like "Vy cannot our ships do zat?! Schmetterling!!!" And the Navy was all like "Nya nya! Bet you guys can't hang ten off the bow, either. Losers!" And then the shells started flying (American shells. No Japanese shells because the Japanese were totally amazed by our genius and couldn't shoot back.) and we sank, like, the whole fleet and saved the world. LOL That was awesome. :yeah:



:o

[joegrundman]

Dropping port anchor at flank speed to "wake board" or "drift" (as in car racing if you will) the battleship into turning suddenly to bring the guns around faster.


This maneuver is called "Club Hauling". It was on occasion used in the age of sail. It generally meant losing an anchor since after you had turned the required amount you had to cut the anchor free to regain control.


CLUB-HAULING

This method of going about is resorted to when on a lee shore, and the vessel can neither be tacked nor box-hauled. Cock-bill you lee-anchor, get a hawser on it for a spring, and lead it to the lee-quarter; range your cable, and unshackle it abaft the windlass. Helm a-lee! and Raise tacks and sheets! as for going in stays. The moment she loses headway, let go the anchor and Mainsail haul! As soon as the anchor brings her head to the wind, let the chain cable go, holding on to the spring; and when the after sails take full, cast off or cut the spring, and Let go and haul!


From The New Practical Navigator (1814).

http://www.psych.su.oz.au/vbb/woronora/maritime/working.html

[yubba]

It has to be better than U571

[Sailor Steve]

It has to be better than U571
Does it? Reminds me of the old joke: They told me to cheer up; things could be worse. So I cheered up and sure enough, things got worse! :dead:

[yubba]

I remember going to a freinds house, whom was at odds with his wife, came in sat down for a couple of minutes, and got up and left, on my way to the door they asked why I was leaving, I said, "when I came here I was really down in the dumps and lonely, man I feel much better now."

[tippership]

Hey, that anchor trick(it's known as Club Hauling and is a REALLY old trick) at least shows they did their homework..


I for one enjoyed the movie and would say it's a solid B ,movie, B+ if you are paying attention to the scattered details.

The acting was good from all, although the main character actually was not far from pulling the next Chris Pine IMO. Rihanna had superb acting for her debut- her role in the plot could have been enhanced but it was not bad.

As for the Aliens- they needed more done with them, as they show a human-side to them, through one's flashbacks- their engagement decisions, etc.



What got my gears? None of the Destroyers or the Kongo-Class ship bothering to get some Standard Missiles going at the enemy artillery. Phalanx sure had no trouble engaging- where's the rest?

Where were the SSN's?

Aside from that, you know this movie is looking like there will be a sequel.

The love-story plot is an attempt at the type of humor Transformers tried- Not sure how they can adjust that.

There were a few huh's ? Plot wise, but it had moments when it shone- such as hammering out the message that you can serve your country even when your condition would stereotypically make others assume otherwise- or that you can step up to a role, even if you yourself never thought you could(the main character).

Besides, I wasn't going to miss this one-sure it's made by Hasbro, but we need more live-action films showing the extent of the modern US navy(hard to do when you need to find an opponent, and the Russians and Chinese aren't options due to the international market for films.)

You can turn your brain off for this movie, or you can do what I do and try to see through it all- you might find some substance. Battleship isn't completely devoid of it, and that shocked me.

For the Sequel though, it'll all be script-dependent, I can say that right now.

[nikimcbee]

So is the movie based on actual events?:haha:

I saw someplace it was based on the game Battleship.:dead::haha:

I can't wait for the movie based on "Chutes and Ladders." That should be a thriller.:hmmm: