Dealing with Bipolarism

[GoldenRivet]

My girlfriend of not quite a year is very likely bipolar. Her and i have both reviewed the signs and symptoms and given that it is even very difficult for a medical / mental health professional to diagnose - we accept that its impossible for us to know without a battery of mental evaluations.

In a nut shell:

Symptoms

MANIC EPISODE
* Elevated mood
* Reduced need for sleep
* Racing thoughts and low attention span
* Feeling of being "unstoppable" or on a "special mission"

With her - she does experience about a 14 day period of elevated mood, generally being happy, in a top of the world sort of attitude. She does exhibit a reduced need for sleep as in many cases staying up until very early hours of the morning and still able to rise by 9 or 10am. Her thoughts tend to race during this time period - i have observed serveral instances of her starting a project like a journal, a craft project or a writing project etc and then not seeing it through to completion because of the onset of a depressive episode - never to visit the project again (i have a stack of 5 or 6 journals with one entry). Her feeling of being unstoppable or on a special mission shines thru in her school work she attacks it ferociously and pours a great deal of thought into her work and works tirelessly on it - in spurts - throughout this period. The also invests a lot of effort into being a perfect girlfriend.

DEPRESSIVE EPISODE

It is important to note that a depressive episode may not necessarily mean "Depression or sadness" but it can. symptoms include...

* Loneliness
* Self Loathing
* helplessness
* irritability
* lack of motivation

This manifests in her for about a 2 week period as well: lonliness... despite us having plans or conducting social activities she will feel alone and saddened by this loneliness almost as if she is cut off from other people despite being physically present. Self loathing - she exhibits guilt about having to rely on others for help be it financially or through moral support. Helplessness - she feels that she cannot complete her school and all but officially removes herself from school. Irritability - her mood is punctuated by almost constant anger and frustration often times finding the smallest of triggers to fight about. Lack of motivation - she will not finish projects she starts, sometimes scrapping them altogether, She will either lose sight of her life goals or change all of her life goals completely during this time.

This has an intense negative effect on our relationship as we generally have two weeks of euphoric romance followed by two weeks of inconsistency and confrontation.

Her depressive episodes - once per month for the past 4 months - have resulted in her deciding she wants out of the relationship. Breaking up with me, un-friending me on facebook and making a scene there, drawing questions of friends and relatives id rather not have to deal with.

almost as clockwork, her manic episode returns and she invests a considerable amount of her energies into "winning me back"

let me just say i care for this person greatly, we have developed a bond in our relationship, its hurtful when she goes through these issues for a number of reasons.

I want the relationship to work... she is a cute bird, petite, with nice T&A, the sexual appetite of a rabbit tripping balls on ecstasy, is a kind hearted person, very attentive to my needs, expresses her affection well and good when she is not having a depressive episode.

Despite wanting it to work... i grow tired of this back and forth and hot and cold episodes she goes through. I'm honestly not sure i can do it any more.

suggestions?

she does not want injections and has an aversion to popping pills but may be willing to take a pill if it doesnt require a prescription.

I will see a witch doctor at this point.

Does anyone else have Bipolar relatives or friends or girlfriends ? any advice to offer if so?

[krashkart]

Get her in to see a doctor once a month. You mentioned that she has an aversion to taking medications, but it's the only way I can think of to get her stabilized. Having my own set of psychological quirks I can tell you that without treatment my life becomes a train wreck. With treatment I'm a stable and functioning person again. Sucks, but it's gotta be done. :oops:

[Skybird]

Bipolarity is a nasty thing, and you need professional help. By that I do not mean your house doctor, but specialists. Chemical intervention can help to ease the suffering, and should not be ruled out from all beginning, for some "principle reasons". I would even say it is a must.

I am sorry to say, but as far as I know there is no method known to "heal" it. But one can do some things to cope with the conseqeunces. The disease typically forms up during adolecense.

Without wanting to pressure you into something, i just say that that girl is in desperate need for close friends loyally staying by her and not leaving her in the dust.

I also want to remind that bipolar people can show remarkable talents and potentials if they get help in coping with the negative effects of their disease. Many people in arts and showbiz are known to have tendencies towards bipolarity. If they are lucky, they have loyal and good friends safeguarding them to not fall over the top in a maniac phase, and not to drown in blackness in a depressive phase. But have no illusions, it is an emotional burden you will need to learn to bear.

Check the health service environment in your country, look for centres and/or specialists specialising in treatement of affectional disorders, depressions, burnouts, bipolarity.

We should also be aware of that in a very very mild form we all tend to be bipolar, for a normal fluctuation of mood and motivation is quite natural for almost everybody of us. It turns into a disease when the natural amplitude and frequency - for whatever the reason is - exceeds the normal limits and leads to extremes.

The disease most likely will change the nature and fundament of your relation to her. If she is really that dear to you, you will understand that she needs the experience of loyal friends not turning away, but serving a bit like a rock in the surf. I know that this is very difficult and demanding.

Bipolarity has many ways to build symptoms of other close forms of affectional diseases. Differential diagnosis can be very difficult and tricky and is nothing the laymen should believe he can do by reading the internet. Even many ordnary house doctors make many mistakes here, ay not even recognise the basic problem at all.

Please understand that in general in these forms of diseases you have a dramatically increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse, and a very high risk of suicidal behavior. You need to watch for that and control her where her own control fails. And this also can be very difficult to aquire, and can lead to conflicts.

You both need professional help. And ASAP.

Again, I do not wish to pressure you for this or that choice of yours, but I again say: the desperately needs somebody staying loyal by her, and take control where she cannot, and who does not shy away when the nasty side of her disorder, depressive phases, show up.

It is very very difficult to bear.

GET HELP.

Sorry that I have no better news or perspective, but the general prognosis is negative. I do not know how to put it any less harsh, so I just speak plain and direct.

P.S.
If you do not know about me, I am telling you all this as a former clinical psychologist. My mum is slightly depressive, and I worked for short time in a specialised hospital station for depressive patients, so I know what you are in for if you decide to not leave her alone. I do not envy you, but it speaks great compliments for you if you at least try and stay with her. If you find out that it is beyond your power, then it must be that way and nobody will call you foul. But I ask you really, please, at least try. She needs a loyal friend and family.

[Sailor Steve]

I'm manic-depressive myself, and exhibit all the symptoms described, though not to the extremes of being bipolar. My swings usually last several months, and I tried some medications that only made it worse. That said, if this case is as extreme as you describe then she definitely needs to talk to an expert, and medication will probably be part of the answer.

[Herr-Berbunch]

I don't envy you, my wife has bouts of depression and used to take some drug (cipralex) but wasn't happy about taking them - no pun intended. Now she wakes up early and uses a light box during the darker winter months - I'm guessing they don't really happen in Texas (but could be wrong). Also she's taken up running - more of a jog really - but she's stuck with it and the combinations of being outside and getting exercise seems to have improved things for us. Don't get me wrong, she still suffers on occasion but it has vastly improved things.

She also sought help from a Mental Health charity, and they gave her a very good book called - Living with a Black Dog (http://www.amazon.com/Living-Black-Dog-Matthew-Johnstone/dp/1845297431/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1330446430&sr=8-4), it's basic but I found it quite helpful to begin to try to understand.

Regarding splitting up, it's a tough one to decide - I guess (but wouldn't like to be quoted) that when it really starts to be detrimental to you and your work that a separation may be a good idea - but that really is your decision, and you say you want it to work. The things we put up with for nice T&A :D

Good luck to you both.

[clive bradbury]

Hi Golderivet,

I do have considerable experience of people with mental health difficulties through my job (disability needs assessor in Higher Education), and listen to Skybird, he is right - seek professional help.

Your amateur diagnosis may be totally incorrect - a professional may reach a very different conclusion, and recommend appropriate treatment - who knows - her symptoms may be something physiological such as a brain tumour which could need urgent treatment or surgery. Bipolar patients often respond well to medication and CBT, but both must be carefully managed by an expert.

[GoldenRivet]

Her and i plan to set aside this entire weekend to talk about things.

I appreciate the replies... it is one hell of a deal let me tell ya:shifty:

[kiwi_2005]

Bipolar can be controled where the person can live out a happy life without any serious problems. My cousin has bipolar disorder, for years we thought she was just bad tempered crazy, she would out of the blue have you up for something and just rant for hours going off the edge kinda thing nothing threatening just extreme rants over issues you would never bother to argue about. She has never manage to stay in a relationship for too long cause of her sickness and has been like this since she was in her early 20s. About three years ago she was diagnosed with Bipolar and takes medication, and has never had a ranting episode since. Its good that she has got the help now but if she had went to see a doctor years ago it would of saved her and others a lot of heartache.

She needs to get the help as soon as possible GoldenRivet, all the best.

[Oberon]

She's not alone, quite a few famous people have bipolar disorder, including Stephen Fry who made a documentary on living with it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXkmb5s8Igc

I take similar tablets that Herr Bs wife used to take, and it's a bit of a bastard, when you feel good, it's great...but when you feel bad...it's terrible.
In regards to splitting up...I can't really say anything, nor do I really have the right to, however I would only echo what other guys have said and that's you and her should seek professional opinion and help, to be sure that you have all the ammunition you need to, to face this thing. :yep:

[Skybird]

Bipolar is not the same like bipolar - there is so huge a variety of possible variations and side.symptoms and different accents on different symptoms that it is difficult or better: verboten to compare the one case with the other and by the first conclude on the latter.

First step must be, and that is an ultimate necessity, a precise differential diagnosis, to learn what kind of disporder she really has. that will still interact with other characteristics of her personality, and these must be marked as well. And then, not earlier, we can talk about helpful livi9ng styles, medications, therapy.

Bipolarism can be contained somewhat, can be held in kind of a stasis, but if it really is bipoalrism in her case, it most liekly will be with here for the rest of her life. Sorry to say that, but that was status of science when I studied that stuff. Maybe there was progress being made in past years, I cannot say, since i am out of touch with the profession.

Courage, GR! ;)

[GoldenRivet]

It could very well be she is just a woman ;)

but its literally like dating 2 different people... they just both look exactly the same and spend a couple of weeks at a time with ya!

[Stealhead]

My sister is bipolar it was never diagnosed when she was a kid but later as a young adult.She was a very difficult person to deal with because one day she was very easy going and the next she was mean as all hell.Even after she got diagnosed and received therapy she had some difficultly she was married for a few years and got divorced but that rift was a two way fault for sure.

Now though she is much better she can fairly well manage her disorder and she got married again to a much better more understanding and none self centered husband.

I agree with Skybird though you can not "cure" being bipolar but a person suffering from it can if they chose to do so manage it and be a decent person to be around most of the time(hell no one is perfect right?).

That seems odd what your girlfriend said:

"she does not want injections and has an aversion to popping pills but may be willing to take a pill if it doesnt require a prescription."

That seems like wanting to avoid something to me she must know that any medication to help her would be prescribed.:hmmm:
Seems like she wants to avoid being labeled as something but to get any help she has no choice even if nothing is prescribed they are going to you are this or that.

Your friend needs to see a professional though she may be bipolar she may be something else.

[frau kaleun]

My father was severely bipolar - behavior that looked like paranoid schizophrenia when high, crippling clinical depression when low, and when I say 'crippling' I mean delusions of physical disability and paralysis resulting in the inability to get out of bed for weeks at a time. So believe me, I can more than sympathize with what you're going through.

This was many many years ago and the meds they had then unfortunately did not work all that well for him. But things have changed and in many cases bipolar disorder is manageable IF one gets the necessary help from those qualified to make a diagnosis and recommend/prescribe treatment.

I would not be surprised if she fears being labelled in the process but it's a treatable illness like any other and if it goes unchecked there are likely to be much worse "labels" that could come her way from those who do not care about or understand the situation. If she really is bipolar or something similar, it's not going to get better by itself and will probably get worse, which would be a tragedy for her and everyone around her.

Can't say much more than to echo Sky's words above about getting help from a qualified professional in both diagnosis and treatment. I wish you both the best. :DL

[krashkart]

It's like I mentioned to a friend once; at first I was afraid of being written off and tossed in the loony bin, but that's not what actually happened. And there hasn't been anyone yet to label me as a psycho or anything like that -- not that anyone in the neighborhood knows about the illness anyway. We're not psychos, we're just sick, and I think for the most part society understands that. :O: Don't worry about labels. Worry about your health instead. That's much more important. :yep:

[Penguin]

I had a friend who has schizophrenia. I want to mention it, because the symptoms do look very similar to a bipolar disorder - even the physical roots of both illnesses can be the same (a lack/abundance of certain neurotransmitters). If the cause is bodychemical, then there are afaik no non-prescription drugs there, that could bring the back the balance, which you can legally get. However to determine the disorder you need the help of an professional, I can't preach this enough with the choir here. I had to give up my own aversions against quacks when fighting with and for my friend. No matter how deep your relationship is, there is a point when you reach your own limits and it looks you are at this point atm.

A good first step is realization: that she realizes that she has a problem. A step further would be acceptance. I am mainly talking about her, because without her realization/acceptance and the will to change anything you'll be running against walls. I can relate to a hatred against injections or pills, have it myself. But the one thing you can try to get into her mind is that she has a malfunction in her body and just like a person with diabetis or high blood pressure can have a normal life with these little chemical crutches, she can have this too. Though it's very advisable to have an accompaning therapy.

It looks like have come to a crossroad in your relationship, the question you have to ask yourself and your heart is: are you willing to go through all this with her together? You have to answert this for yourself, but what I've read from you here is that you strike me as a fighting type who is not willing to go down easily.

With my friend, I went through a lot, invested a lot of time, sweat and nerves. We even managed to get him out of a mental institution to take care for him - my girlfriend is a social worker, so she could put in some weight there. Unfortunately, this all went to shambles, though we didn't give up after some backlashes, there was one time to put an end to the friendship, after some betrayal. Another reason is that he was not willing enoguh to realize his state and work on it, for example he did too many drugs which were quite contraproductive to the pills he took against his illness.

The morale of this little story: fight for her if you feel something for her, if you give up, no one has the right to judge you and throw the first stone.
Good luck and my best wishes! :salute:

[Skybird]

That seems odd what your girlfriend said:

"she does not want injections and has an aversion to popping pills but may be willing to take a pill if it doesnt require a prescription."

That seems like wanting to avoid something to me she must know that any medication to help her would be prescribed.:hmmm:
Seems like she wants to avoid being labeled as something but to get any help she has no choice even if nothing is prescribed they are going to you are this or that.

A bit late, this also got my attention.

GR, talk with her if there is something she maybe is afraid to reveal to you about herself. It probbaly is not the case, but stories like this have happened: that somebody denied to meet a doctor becasue it would reveal to a loved one something the person wanted to hide. Pregnancy? Drug abuse? Signs of violence experienced at home? A genetically inherited disease in her family?

Talk with her, but be indirect and careful when asking for these or other possible factors.

People also avoid doctors because they are paralysed by fear over a diagnosis of something bad. If so, she feels like a deer in a searchlight right now. I'm sure you know how to handle her in that case.

Go easy, but secure definite answers to above questions.

[CaptainHaplo]

Professional help is the first thing. However, with a "monthly cycle" - it may be more than just bipolar disorder. That's an extremely fast up and down swing. 4 cycles a year is considered "rapid" for a bipolar individual - your talking 12 cycles a year.

At the risk of complicating the issue - how does this coincide with her menstrual cycle? Its very likely this could be related to the hormonal changes she goes through, and if so - her OB/GYN would be a good first step to talk to. Especially since she seems adverse to being "stigmatized" with a diagnosis. If its not hormonally related, the door has opened so that it will be easier to get her more professional treatment.

If she is unwilling - and you are determined to help her through this - then you can also enlist the aid of a homeopath to start. A good one can provide her with a diet that will help "balance" some of those brain chemicals that cause the episodes you see. Its not as good as a professional in the field, but you can't MAKE her do what is needed - and its sometimes wise not to jump into mental health conclusions. You go see a Dr. with "we think she has XYZ" and they are likely to just confirm it and treat the symptoms - not the cause.

[GoldenRivet]

she has an aversion to traditional medication and injections

partly because she is scared of needles

party because her mother became an addict and she was removed from her home life at a young age and placed with other family members.

add those two together and you have a recipe for someone who is hard core about new age medicine

She wont even take Asprin or Tylenol... but im sure i can get her to do something when we spend some time talking this weekend.

who knows? its tough when you end up caring for someone who either has bipolar disorder - or just sort of seems like they do.

[CaptainHaplo]

GR - I went through a heart rending situation a couple of years ago because of the depression of someone I cared for. All I can say is stay strong, respect that the other person has a perspective you can partially understand, but never fully. Be supportive as you can be, but don't sacrifice who you are in trying to help them.

If I can offer support in any way, let me know.

[Skybird]

hard core about new age medicine


VERY BAD IDEA.

Stop her from depending on that exclusively. Even shoot her in the leg if that is needed to stop her from going there.

Esoteric dumbheads should be held responsible by penalty law code for what they write and tell other people.

[GoldenRivet]

VERY BAD IDEA.

Stop her from depending on that exclusively. Even shoot her in the leg if that is needed to stop her from going there.

Esoteric dumbheads should be held responsible by penalty law code for what they write and tell other people.

I agree

my motto is "better living through chemistry":up:

to my credit i did manage to get her to take a tylenol for a headache a few weeks ago.