2011 Subsim Fantasy Football PreSeason

[Gut Wrench]

Welcome back football fans, to another grueling season, as we head to the pinnacle of football monarchy, the Subsim Torpedo Bowl.

The lock out is over and the signatures are being penned as we get ready to see our coaching managers cross the continent, and several outlying countries, scouring out the best damm WR3 they can find for the notorious bye week. Yes, it's that time again, are you ready for some fantasy football.

Each week, well have our reporting team at every game, wherever it may be, as we head towards January in our search to find, the best fantasy football team. Will Portis be drafted in the first round? Will Favre be drafted...if he shows up? Will our defending champions the Takky Glue repeat? And most importantly, how many weekly reports will have to be rewritten in the final two minutes of the Monday night game?

This year, we'll be adding some new information, covering the preseason and the we'll be listening in on the draft August 27.

Get ready viewers, because Fantasy Football Is Back.

[Gut Wrench]

Week One of the preseason to the Subsim league, where 12 teams will fight it out to compete in the Subsim Torpedo Bowl.

With nominations opening earlier in the week, there are a couple of surprises already, and we haven't even made it to draft day. There are currently nine teams entered into the league, but the most surprising of the teams was Coach Mookie selling out his former team for the price of two lap dances at the Republican Headquarters Stripper Convention.

"Yeah, it was time to run their sorry asses out of town," Coach Mookie proclaimed in an exclusive interview. "They aren't the first team to be run out of Houston, and they probably won't be the last."

Ironically, Coach Mookie has announced the acquisition of one of the expansion teams, scooping out Donald Trump and Rupert Murdoch to take the first team, the Ghost Monkeys. The Ghost Monkeys will be wearing the reverse Raider colors of silver and black for home games, and Orangutang orange and ruby red as their away colors.

The second item of interest this week was the return of Plexico Burress, signing a new deal to compete in the Subsim league.

"Yeah, both Michael Vick and I have come through the junior ranks of the NFL and Penitentary Reform League. I saw what Michael did last year and thought I was ready to step up to the big league in the Subsim league," Burress said at a press conference at the Subsim Clubhouse.

When asked where he thought he might like to play, he said "anywhere they don't have an ATF bureau."

Next week, it is anticipated that the final line up up of managers and their teams will be in place, and we'll look at the newcomers to the league, and just what that means to a couple of international based teams.

For the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW), this is Gut Wrench covering the preseason of the 2011 Subsim League.

[Gut Wrench]

Welcome back football fans as the minor league NFL gets underway this evening, from a weird looking San Diego sky - at least it looks that way form the Seahawks box seats on the western side of Jack Murphy.

The big news in the Subsim League is that the Takky Glue...are not back. They have taken their Torpedo Bowl trophy, sold off the team and made like the Baltimore Colts and left town in the dead of night.

The gaping hole left by the defending Torpedo Bowl champions has seen new teams brought into the championship, and all four of the new comers have been placed in the same division, the obviously apparently weaker division of the two division league.

The first team in, the Dover Destroyers, are still without a state that can host a field big enough for the Subsim League, so they have two alternatives in place for the season. Their first option is to put a large plywood board over the Dover Delaware International Speedway and paint it green. Their second and preferred option, is to play on the deck on any visiting aircraft carrier.

The second team in are The Guns of Hoculi. The coach, Casey of another team in the past two years, has moved across to one of the expansion teams, and named their team in honor of a personal friend of my family. We'll take a closer look at the other two teams next week, as we try to work out why the games tonight is being billed as Monday Night Football.

No wonder the NFL is in turmoil and the Subsim League is the premier football league.

As the Chargers choke on 4th and 3, for the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW), this is Gut Wrench covering the preseason.

[Gut Wrench]

Welcome back football fans with the news that the draft is 5 days away.

This years draft will take place on the east coast in Atlantic City at Harrah's casino.

http://www.statescasinos.com/images/36.jpg

Commissioner McBee, when asked on his choice of venue, commented that "some friends of his in Chicago strongly suggested Atlantic City", and who was he to argue.

The 2011 draft will be full of pomp and circumstance, with an obvious "state" theme built into the celebrations. The draft will take place at 2pm this Saturday (est), Opening the draft event will be New Jersey native Bruce Springsteen, while another New Jersey native Bruce Willis will be the guest announcer for the draft.

"One up on you and your toy boy Demi," Bruce was heard to say when he was given the nod by McBee to be the host.

The draft order is still a closely guarded secret, and just who will be the first pick of this years draft is still a mystery. Almost as much of a mystery as this years Best of Subsim Awards...which I'm kinda hoping to get at least one nomination this year. :yeah:

Stay tuned football fans (that includes you Raiders too) as we get ready for some Fantasy Football.

[nikimcbee]

Before I totally forget.

Draft is same as last year. Please check/install necesary software from yahoo BEFORE the draft, not 10 before:doh:. Everything went smooth last year.

[Gut Wrench]

Football fans, in a rare pre-draft appearance, the Commissioner has called an impromptu news conference lasting exactly 12 seconds.

The Commissioner issued one statement.

"Neither hail, rain, sleet, hot chicks mud wrestling or some big fat stalker called Irene, will prevent the draft from going ahead."

[nikimcbee]

hot chicks mud wrestling

:hmmm:
Am I in the middle of that?

[Gut Wrench]

:hmmm:
Am I in the middle of that?

The video footage hasn't yet been released.

[Gut Wrench]

The Nighthawks have first pick of the draft!

[mr chris]

Again!

[Gut Wrench]

The draft is over for another year and the coaches have adjourned to the Commissioner's "private" suite for a full feature ligerie football demostration. Competing in the exhibition match are the Hooter Owlets against the Playboy Bunnies. Guest "referee" for the event is the Honorable Neal Stevens.

For the second year in a row the Helmand Nighthawks had first pick of the draft, and for the second time they attempted to trade away pick, unsuccessfully. The eventually were forced to take Adrian Peterson as the first pick of this years draft.

"Well I was kinda hoping to go a little later int he draft," Peterson said later. "I understand some of the 'other' teams have better looking cheerleaders."

Preseason is still underway in the Subsim League where the only thing that counts are injuries. Once we get to the regular season, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will have you covered for every game from every field in the league.

For the ASW, this is Gut Wrench reporting from the bottom of a pile of Owlets and Bunnies.

[nikimcbee]

Post draft party:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=EKmYlnQv_dg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txlXcJDtDwM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdnYzIxQUWE

[CaptainHaplo]

Post - Post Draft

*Parental Advisory Warning - Adult theme and language"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o&ob=av3e

[Gut Wrench]

The draft is over, practice is done, and the away teams are in flight making headwind towards the home teams who are looking for their first W of the season. But before the first fumble, before the first .01 loss (yes I am looking at you again Mookie) and before the first choke/injury/debauchery of the season, the Associated Subsim Writers will give you their 411 based on what they saw in the preseason.

THE BATTLE

Mark it down here and now, the Subsimmers is the strongest division. Of the six teams, there are potentially five teams which could make the playoffs. The division includes one former Champions and four of the divisional winners from the last two years. But your Torpedo Bowl Champion is not going to come from this division.

THE CHAMPIONS

This years prediction is for the Torpedo Bowl Champion to be our first foreign team. The Nighthawks, relocated to London from Cyprus, have blitzed the opposition in their first two years in the competition. Their opening match against the other foreign based team looks to be their toughest bout of the season, plus they only have to play the Dragons once.

SO CLOSE

The closest team to a Dynasty in the Subsim League, the Dragons have been the heavy favourite for their few years. Repeat champions and play off appearances, they are the A.S.W. prediction to meet the Nighthawks in the Torpedo Bowl, only to fall in the last quarter.

THE OUTSIDER

For the last two years they have back doored their way into the playoffs, sneaking past the supergiants of the league and taking their division, sometimes, not in the prettiest form, but as we have long known, Every Given Sunday there is one team to look out for. This year, EGS start the playoffs as the predicted wildcard.


THE LONG SHOT

Not the year they were looking for last year, the Wild Boston Terriers are looking to bounce back to their forms of years gone past. Competing in the stronger of the two divisions, the Terriers will struggle with the wins and losses within the division, and barely make the play offs.


THE WTF?

It may be their only trophy of the year, barely above .500% team last year, but somehow, they have been awarded the best drafted team of 2011, the Australian Taipans. Their only saving grave to getting into the play offs this year is as the #2 team from the Surface Skimmers Division - because the Subsimmers will take wins and losses from each other.

There you have it folks, 5 predictions, one champion and a lot of heart ache over the next 16 weeks. But the best part is - none of this means anything, cause the first kick off, the first fumble, and the first touchdown has yet to be scored.

We'll be back each week in another thread, as the 2011 Subsim Fantasy Football League races towards another Torpedo Bowl in January.

For the Associated Subsim Writers, this is Gut Wrench readying for the kick off tomorrow night.

[nikimcbee]

yay, the injury bug bites aready.:shifty: