Thank you all for your support

[frau kaleun]

I didn't want the Werewolf thread to get too bogged down with it, so I just want to say here: thanks to everyone for their kind thoughts and words regarding the death of my mother.

I am doing okay, we were estranged for many years due to a host of issues (as was the case with most everyone else in her life, sadly) but things had eased up as her health went into rapid decline over the past six months. It is still difficult to deal with, in some ways maybe more so because of that. It's hard to grieve the loss of the kind of relationship you never really had, especially when you've long since made your peace with that fact - but there's also the part where you know there will never ever be any chance to have it. C'est la vie, I guess.

She got very good care during that time both from the wonderful people who work for the local hospice program and from one of my aunts and her daughter, who fortunately were available and willing to take extended turns as daily caregivers so she always had someone around that she recognized as family. They all made it possible for her to spend the time she had left in her own home and not in a hospital or nursing home.

In the end both my sister and I got to spend some "quality time" with her within a few hours of her passing overnight, and even though she couldn't say anything we are certain she knew who we were and that we were there with her. We are immensely grateful for whatever extra measure of peace that may have given her in her final hours. She seemed to have made her mind up several days ago that she was "done" and went quietly in her sleep; something else for which to be thankful.

Again, thanks so much, your support is very much appreciated, more so than words can ever express. As I mentioned to someone privately earlier today, it turned out to be a good week to stock up on the Beethoven. So now I will turn again to the marvelous Ninth, one of my happiest of happy places (even in moments such as these), and maybe have a good solid cry somewhere around the middle of the third movement. The maestro will be there at the end to remind me, as he always does, that happiness and sadness may come and go, but the joy he celebrates is always with us.

Froh, froh! Wie seine Sonnen fliegen
durch des Himmels prächt'gen Plan,
laufet, Brüder, eure Bahn,
freudig, wie ein Held zum Siegen.

Seid umschlungen, Millionen!
Diesen Kuss der ganzen Welt!

Gladly - gladly! Like his suns fly
through the heavens' glorious map,
run your course, brothers,
joyfully, like a hero to victory.

Be embraced, you millions!
This kiss to the whole world!

[Dan D]

http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/9847/kerzet.jpg

[August]

My sincere condolences to you and your family Frau.

[Castout]

You have my sympathy. Losing any family member is never easy, no matter how it had been. My condolences to you and your family.

[Torplexed]

Over the river they beckon to me,
Loved ones who've crossed to the farther side,
The gleam of their snowy robes I see,
But their voices are lost in the dashing tide.

http://zompus.com/wallpaper/preview/dashing-tide.jpg

My deepest condolences on your loss Frau. :cry:

[Reece]

Very sad to hear of your loss Frau, please accept my condolences, hopefully you have close friends there to comfort you.:cry:
All the best.:oops:
Reece.

[AVGWarhawk]

My condolences.

[Chad]

FK, I've seen you posting here for quite awhile, and while I may have indirectly replied to a few of your messages I never wrote you personally.

I want to say I'm sorry for your loss, and I'll be thinking of you and your family for the next few days. I can't imagine what you're going through losing your mother, but I'm here for a shoulder.

My condolences, and God bless.

[Buddahaid]

I'm sorry for your loss. Take care.

[RedMenace]

I didn't get along very well with my mother either, she's pretty stressful and is a three-time divorcee, but I still love her and respect all the effort she's put into making me come out as well as I have. I'm always worried she'll die before I get a chance to make peace with her. :(

I'm sorry for your loss, frau, but it's so nice that she was in good care and in good company before she went.

[Schroeder]

I'm sorry for your loss Frau Kaleun. My thoughts are with you.

[Snestorm]

I too, am sorry for your loss.

[Platapus]

Very sad. I hope your mother died with some dignity and little pain.

[Feuer Frei!]

My Condolences and best wishes to you and your loved ones in this time of Sorrow and Distress.

[Betonov]

My condolences and hang in there.

[Jimbuna]

Deepest sympathy.

[frau kaleun]

Thanks again, everybody.

@Red Menace: I hope that someday you will be able to make peace with your mother. But one thing I have learned is that there are some people you can never "make peace" with because doing so requires their cooperation in the endeavor, and they may not have it in them to provide that. And this is something that, in the end, you can't change or force or control.

What you can do - and what you MUST do - is make peace with yourself, with your memories of the other person, and with the lasting effects that your relationship with them may have as you work to become the person you want to be. And also with their continued influence on your life, whether they are physically present or not.

When it comes to a parent, this is especially difficult because as children we are so dependent on them and often have no choice but to "make do" and try to survive an abusive or dysfunctional family situation as best we can. It creates a fear of the person and what havoc they can wreak on one's life that stays with us even when, as increasingly independent adults, their real power over us fades away (if we let it).

It can take years to get past that. It may take years of deliberate separation from that person to figure out what you can be and want to be once you are free from the need make mere survival your top priority. You may find that even when you get away from that person, you will have other people come into your life whose presence recreates in some ways the same type of dysfunctional situations you've already been through. If - or I should say, when, because it is almost inevitable - you realize this has happened, DON'T FREAK OUT. Don't think that you are irreparably "broken" and can only have "broken" relationships. One thing I know for sure is that destiny, God, the universe, something inside you that requires you to grow and evolve, whatever you want to call it... it will keep giving you the same lesson over and over again until the lesson is finally learned so well it does not need to be repeated. Accepting that is all part of making peace with yourself. You will always be a work in progress, and knowing that is half the battle.

[GoldenRivet]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

i hadnt heard of this since i dont really venture into the werewolf game.

again - my condolences :cry:

[yubba]

Sorry for your loss. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkaV_5wSsKE&feature=related:salute:

[kiwi_2005]

Death is just a passing over. Your mum is now free from any pain.

All the best Frau

[Alex]

My sincere condolences and sympathy to you and yours, FK. Stay strong.
http://img638.imageshack.us/img638/6358/22545360.jpg

[vienna]

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I too had a very difficult to near impossible relationship with my parents. My father was a merchant marine and I saw very liitle of him when I was young. My mother deeply resented my father's profession and made his life, when he was home, a living hell. When he wasn't home, my sister and I became her targets. My parents divorced when i was about thirteen and I was a very angry, messy divorce. My father and i met for the last time in about 1975 or 1976 when I was in my mid-20's. We had the first and only long converstaion in our lives and addressed some differences we had and resolved them. We never spoke to or saw each other again; no animosity invloved; we both just realized we were more strangers than family and really had no compelling connections other than the accident of birth. He died in 2000; I found out about his death in 2002 by accident when I was helping a co-worker navigate around a geneaology site and I put in his name as an example and found his death listed in a government database. My heart dropped and I felt great sadness, but I was also comforted by the thought I had made my peace with him long ago. My mother, on the other hand, grew more and more difficult as time went on and, in 1980, in an effort to save whatever sanity I had left and to get on with my life, I broke off all communication with her. The last time I talked to her, she called me to find out why I had stopped calling her or seeing her. I told her I had had enough and just wanted some peace in my life. She, quite out of character for her, quietly replied she understood and we said goodbye. Earlier this year, I was again helping someone with a genealogy search and, out of curiosity, I did a search of her name and found she has passed away in January of 2010. I did not feel the sadness I felt for my father; it was more of a relief. Her demons were now laid to rest and, if there is an afterlife, perhaps she has found peace there. They say you can't miss something you never had; in some cases, that is not true. I am glad you were able to make your peace with your mother and hope that whatever lingering troubles you may have had will soon fade and give way to better memories.

By the way, I am a huge fan of Beethoven (we share the same birthday [not the same year]). The Ninth has also been a great comfort to me in difficult times.

Life goes on; it is for us; the living to go on with it...

[FIREWALL]

It is said the first 72 hrs are the hardest. Take some time to reflect and find at least one fond memory and just remember that one. And put the rest behind you.

In closeing know your not alone in the " Not so Wonderfull Parent " dept.

[Onkel Neal]

http://fineartamerica.com/images-medium/amazing-grace-jim-cazel.jpg

[Madox58]

After nearly 54 years of living on the edge in many ways?
I came to a mindset change.
I grew very tired of hateing past enemies as it was draining me mentally.
I can not tell you how to do it, but you need to let that type hate go.
Once you do? Things just seem brighter and easier everyday.

My parents were great and I've never had a problem with them.
The rest of the family is a different story and for years I held onto those problems.

When my Mother passed, I decided that many of those problems were based on what she held onto as offenses.
And I buried them with her.

That makes me an outcast with some family members, but makes me much more at ease with myself and others.

I hold onto one thing I learned long ago:
'No one can make you feel a certain way unless you give them the power to do so.'

[Growler]

Frau -

I wish I knew words that would be some ease to your heart, hon. Having been there myself all too recently, I can remember all too well the pain and the sense of unreality to it all.

It will, somehow, get easier to bear; it seemed unbelievable to me then, but I know it to be true now. We are resilient creatures, we humans, and even in the face of our grief, our pain and loss, we somehow find and hold a quiet dignity and strength that carries us forward.

For whatever value you find in it, and for whatever worth you take from it, you have my heartfelt and deepest sympathies, and my best, truest wishes for you and your entire clan through this painful time.

[Flaxpants]

Hi Frau,

Sorry to hear of your loss, my deepest sympathy.

F

[Takeda Shingen]

You have my condolances and you and your loved ones will be in my thoughts.

[Penguin]

Sorry to hear about your loss, Frau! I wish you and your relatives much strength for the next days. All my best wishes!

[frau kaleun]

I know I've said it before but it bears repeating: thanks again to everyone here for all your kindness and support. It really does mean a lot and as always I'm continually impressed by the level of camaraderie and genuine goodwill that prevails here. It really is a thing of beauty and everyone involved from Neal on down needs to pat themselves on the back at least once a day for being a part of what makes Subsim the great community that it is.

So... she's in the ground as of this morning, next to dad. I looked at my sister as we were leaving the cemetery and said, "Well, at least we won't have to do that again."

My brother - who is not on the family's Top Ten Nice Guys list, to make a very long story short - made it in for the service and the thing we were really concerned about was whether or not he was going to be a complete tool about settling the estate (our mother made one of our uncles the executor and gave him power of attorney a few years back specifically to keep our brother from having, or getting, any control over how it was done). So far, it hasn't turned out that way which is both a surprise and a blessing. There are still a lot of things, including the house, that will have to be sold or given away - and certain things that mom specified were to go to certain people - but so far there has been no acrimony over who gets what or whether or not some particular item "means more" to this person or that.

But the sheer enormity of going through everything is just wearing us all out right now. If nothing else it may cure me of any packrat tendencies I may have, good grief that woman kept EVERYTHING. I now have a full record of all the immunizations I received as an infant, so in case anyone was wondering, yes I've had all my shots. :smug:

Anyway - thank you all again SO MUCH.

[Dowly]

My condolences, Frau.

[Bakkels]

Well it's sure good to hear the 'aftermath' is coming along in a dignified manner. On the one hand, the fact that she kept everything might be a problem, but I'm sure you stumble upon lots of things that'll make you smile, or that are in some way dear to you.
Of course I don't know the backstory, but it seems to me that despite problems you might have had, her keeping all your stuff including vaccination papers, shows you meant a lot to her.
Once again, I wish you much strength, and cherish those good memories.

[Jimbuna]

Had the same experience about eighteen months ago when I lost my father.

Even though my mum is still alive she was unable to help because of the onset of early dementia.

I hope it goes as smoothly with your family as it did between my younger brother and I.

[stoppro]

Keep it surreal as you can.Estates are a long drawn out process. the only thing that went fast is I ended up with a with a little dog. everything else is still going. stay strong and good luck.

[joea]

Very sorry to hear about your loss Frau.

[Onkel Neal]

Thanks for letting us know how you're doing. I don't envy you, but you are a strong woman.

[Herr-Berbunch]

If nothing else it may cure me of any packrat tendencies I may have, good grief that woman kept EVERYTHING.

So you don't plan to keep your printed GWX manual in triplicate any more? :hmmm:

Thanks for letting us know. This site really is the best.

[RickC Sniper]

Thoughts and prayers to you and your loved ones.

Losing a mother is tragic and it hurts, no matter how close you were.

Hang in there.