Two old men...

[mookiemookie]

Two old men, Cecil and Merle, haven't seen any action for years. One night they decide to drive to a brothel and check it out. The madam of the place opens the door, takes one look at the old coots and decides she doesn't want to waste any of her girls on the two, so she puts a blow up doll in each of their rooms. They do their thing and leave. On the car ride home Cecil asks Merle how his time was:

Merle: It was good, but I think my girl was dead.

Cecil: Why?

Merle: Well, she just lay there. Didn't move, didn't breathe and had a dead look in her eye. How was your girl?

Cecil: It's funny you say that, because I think mine was a witch.

Merle: Why's that?

Cecil: Well, when I nibbled on her nipple, she farted and flew out the window.

[the_tyrant]

:rotfl2:
we need a joke thread

[UnderseaLcpl]

I don't get it. None of my blow-up dolls have ever done that, though there was this one chick who jumped out the window........:hmmm:

[TLAM Strike]

...though there was this one chick who jumped out the window........:hmmm: Thats why I keep my women locked in the basement... :smug:




:O:

[frau kaleun]

Just for Sailor Steve:

Two ladies were talking at the water cooler one Monday morning at work.

"So, how was your weekend?" asked one.

"Kinda weird. I did something a little crazy," answered the second. "I went out to a club and had a few drinks and ended up taking home some guy I'd never met before."

"You're kidding!" exclaimed her astonished friend. The other lady just shook her head, slowly, as if she couldn't quite believe it herself.

"Come on then," the first woman continued, "let's have all the gory details. What's his name, where's he from... and are you going to see him again?"

"I don't know. I didn't even get his name. But I think he was a bass player."

The first lady looked confused. "Really? What makes you say that?"

"Well, he started late, kept losing his place and slowing down, never finished, and when he left he went out through the kitchen."

[Gargamel]

:rotfl2:
we need a joke thread

Apparently there has been many......


Very funny FK LOL

[GoldenRivet]

I think he means "Joke sub-forum" instead of "joke thread"

many forums have joke sub-forums that are for jokes only

[Feuer Frei!]

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'
http://img23.imageshack.us/img23/1792/710269so0.jpg

[Sailor Steve]

:rotfl2:
we need a joke thread
We've had them. After awhile they die out and slip down the pages.

They're down there somewhere.

[Betonov]

A young couple have a passionate night in a motel room. They check out in the morning and an elder couple check in at the evening,
they find a used condom under the bed and the old man sais:

We used to ******* when we were young but never so intense our penises peeled off

[Betonov]

A sailor walks into a bar. On a wall it sais, 10 litres of beer for anyone who completes the challenge.
''what's the challenge ??''
''well, first you have to drink a liter of rum in one sip, then in the backyard there's a crocodile with sharp teeth and you have to tie it up. And third, on the second floor theres a woman that never had an orgasm and you must make her come.''
''Ehhh, not worth it'' sais the sailor and starts drinking. After a while the alcohol starts speaking from him
''I accept the challenge !!!! ''
Gulps down the rum, runs outside and everybody hears the crocodile roar and then whine and then silence.
The sailor runs back in and and sais: ''where's that woman with sharp teeth I have to tie up''

[papa_smurf]

:har:

[Gargamel]

A woman wants to surprise her husband, and knowing he likes her in very sheer lingerie, she goes and buys some.

That night, he looks at her, and says "Meh, not sheer enough", rolls over and goes to sleep.

The next day she buys something even more sheer, but with the same results.

The next night she just crawls into bed nude, and says "Is this sheer enough for you dear?"

He looks at her, and says, "For the money you've spent, they could have at least ironed out the wrinkles first!"

[Sailor Steve]

Just for Sailor Steve:
Dang! The truth hurts! :oops:

[Catfish]

It is around Christmas time, and two old men sit on a park bench.


One says "Christmas is nice."

A minute silence, then a young woman walks by ..

The other says "Sex, is also nice !"

Two minutes silence.

The first one: "But Christman happens more often."

[Fish]

Woman Jewish President


The year is 2016 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldfarb. She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, 'So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.'

'Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'

'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I wear?'

'Oh Mom,? replies Susan, 'I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York .'

'Honey,' Mom complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.'

The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Mom, I really want you to come.'

So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her. 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States??

The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.'

Mom says proudly, 'Her brother is a dentist.