Romance On Shore Leave (BALZ)

[Brag]

Bored, Lizette Pomfrite sat at the bar of the Poison d'Or playing solitaire.
A German officer entered carrying a briefcase. "Champagne," he ordered, opened the briecase, pulled out a smoking jacket, shook it making medals pinned on it tinkle.
Pascal, the barman placed a bottle of Vieuve Cliqot on the bar, opened it and poured into a champagne glass.
The German put on the burgundy jacket on, poured the whole glass of champagne into his mouth and gargled. "Aaaach," he said after swallowing. He then turned to Lizette. "Would you care to gargle with me?"
"Merci monsieur, I don't gargle while drinking."
"Would you like to admire me?"
"What?" Lizette asked, thinking she had misheard.
"Voules vous admire moi. Je suis the beaucup biggest hero de la Kriegsmarine. Observez, I also have le tea cozy." The German removed a yellow ducky tea cozy from his briefcase and put it on as a hat.
Lizette could not contain her laughter-
"Voila, vous see how le admirable le hero I am?"
"Are you suffering combat fatigue?"
The German refilled his glass and gargled. This gave Lizette time to think. "Masterful, you are a member of la Resistance making fun of the Germans."
"I am a hero, a true Teutonic hero, a poet, musician, opera writer, inventor of the hoochie woochie." The German interrupted his impassionate speech when another officer entered the establishment. "Oh, no. Here comes Bernard."

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif

Stay tuned for the next instalment. On your screen, soon. :DL

[frau kaleun]

And he said the ducky was for my eyes only! :wah: :wah: :stare: :O:

[Brag]

And he said the ducky was for my eyes only! :wah: :wah: :stare: :O:

He he, the plot thikens :D

[Gerald]

he German removed a yellow ducky tea cozy,wonder what is meant by then :hmmm:

Note:tea cozy is a form of dependency which has consequences,I think

[Jimbuna]

Could be duck for supper then :DL

[frau kaleun]

http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk283/dkt_rdt/odds_ends/elmer_fudd.jpg

[HW3]

Be wary wary quite, I'm hunting wabbit...er I mean duck.:03:

[PhantomLord]

Kill the Wabbit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHP49lJEkiM)

[papa_smurf]

"Oh, no. Here comes Bernard."

That can't be good:har:

[Jimbuna]

http://clouddragon.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/deadduck.jpg

[JokerOfFate]

"Merci monsieur, I don't gargle while drinking."
lmao I don't know if I'm getting the wrong idea with this....hey my songs on :DL

[Brag]

"Do you have le bucket?" Balz asked
"Mais oui, monsieur," Pascal answered.
"Quick, let me have it." Balz reached into his briefcase and pulled out a lead pipe. Pascal handed him a bucket.
Balz greeted the new arrival, "My dear Bernard, what a joy it gives me to see you." Balz placed the bucket over Bernard's head and hit it with the lead pipe. "Einz, hoochie woochie."
he hit the bucket again. "Haha, plus hoochie woochie. He then drummed fast. "Le beaucup hoochie woochie." After a minute, he stopped and removed the bucket.

With glazed eyes and his tongue hanging out, Bernard stared into space. Balz led him to the bar. "Have seat, my dear Bernard and enjoy a quiet beer."

Balz turned to Lizette. "Now, we can quietly continue your session of admiring the great Balz."
"Vous etes an fou."
"No, no, mademoiselle, I am le grand Balz, no foo foo."
"You are a noisy bucket-banger."
"That was self defense. Let me show you how I play the piano." Balz went to the upright at the back of the bar. He sat down and played Shuman´s Claire de Lune.

"That was beautiful," Lizette said when Balz finished.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif
Will balz impress Lizzete?
Will Bernard come out of his trance and ruin everything?
Will Frau Kaleun come in and make a scene?

Stay alert for the next Balz. :D

[Jimbuna]

It's been awhile...I thought you'd kicked the bucket :DL

[frau kaleun]

Will Frau Kaleun come in and make a scene?



Frau Kaleun doesn't get angry. She gets even. :D

[Sailor Steve]

Frau Kaleun doesn't get angry. She gets even. :D
So the wailing about the ducky was just a ploy to divert our attention so we would think you were only hurt, and not vindictive?

Poor Lizette. :rotfl2:

[frau kaleun]

I can't blame Lizette... she doesn't know any better. She's been taken in by the great man's overwhelming charisma and distracted by the display of shiny decorations on his uniform. Not to mention his superb musicianship.

No, Lizette deserves only our sympathy.

It's the Balz that will be busted. :O:

[Gerald]

Good luck, in the future Balz :salute:

[Brag]

I can't blame Lizette... she doesn't know any better. She's been taken in by the great man's overwhelming charisma and distracted by the display of shiny decorations on his uniform. Not to mention his superb musicianship.

No, Lizette deserves only our sympathy.

It's the Balz that will be busted. :O:

More, serious plot thickening as the plot thickens :dead:

[Brag]

"That was beautiful," Bernard added. " He plays the same piece to Frau Kaleun. that is just for you my dear, he tells her."
"Really?" Lizette answered.
Balz stood from the piano and said, " I see the nitwit needs another bucketting." He placed the bucket on Bernard´s head and banged it with the lead pipe. "That was just for yuooooo, my dear."
"What, the bucket noise?"
"No, no, le piano piece. Le Clair de Lune in French." Balz gargled some champagne.
"You probably say that to all the ladies."
"No, no, no, not moi. Je play le tune just pour vous, mon amour."
Still wearing the bucket on his head, Bernard said. "He lies like a hoochie woochie."
"Hoochie woochie," Balz exclaimed. With an expression of extatic happines, he asked Lizette. "do you hoochie woochie?"
Lizette slapped his face. "French Girls don´t do that!"

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif

What will happen next?
Will Frau Kaleun appear and carry out her threat?
Will Lizette hoochie woochie?
Stay tuned for the developing drama.

[frau kaleun]

:rock:

I've been officially mentioned in a Balz story. I can die happy! :D

[bookworm_020]

:rock:

I've been officially mentioned in a Balz story. I can die happy! :D

And Bernard has yet to die from concussion! :88)

[Brag]

Sorry for delay in getting next episode out. Been busy covering the Chilean miners rescue. Now catching up with sleep. :yawn:

[Jimbuna]

I hear they've used Bernard to cap the hole :hmmm:

[Brag]

Balz took a step back. "I see you need le more romancing avec le piano." He spread his arms and twirled toward the upright. After plinking a few keys, he played Tchaikofsky´s First Piano Concerto.
"That was masterful." Lizette applauded.
Balz twirled on the piano stool, then stood and bowed. "Would you like to visit my chateau?"
"You have a chateau?"
"I rent a small one. Barely suitable for a great Teutonic hero such as myself."
"Mmmmm," Lizette said.
"You can watch me wear a smoking jacket."
"A smoking jacket. Will the butler set it on fire?"
"No, no. It´s le smoking jacket. Not a smoking jacket."
"So it is a smoking jacket."
"Yes, it's a smoking jaket."
"And you wear it while it is smoking?" Lizette crossed her arms and tilted her head to one side.
"The jacket doesn´t smoke."
"But you said it is a smoking jacket."

The squealing of tank tracks interrupted the conversation.
A Mark IV tank stopped outside the door of Les Pecheurs Miserables.
The turret rotated and the tank gun pointed inside the bar.
Frau Kaleun opened the turret hatch and jumped off.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif

Is this an oh oh moment?
Is romance in the air?
Stay tuned for another exciting Balz episode.

[frau kaleun]

:rotfl2:

http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/themuzzleofatankp1.jpg

[Brag]

"Ach." Balz exclaimed and opened his arms. "I surrender to you, my lovely Frau," Balz sang. "I´ll twirl for youuuu."
"You double timing underwater scum," Frau Kaleun stood in front of Balz, her arms akimbo. "I´m taking you out of this den of inequety for a romantic ride."
"I like romantic rides." Balz said.
"He was going to show me a jacket that smokes," Lizette protested.
"I´m gonna make him smoke." Frau Kaleun pointed at Balz.
"Okay." Balz took out a panatela and lit it. "I´m smoking." He then asumed a heroic pose.
Frau Kaleun rolled her eyes. "Come on, sweetie. quit stalling and climb into the tank."
Balz said to Lizette, "Keep Bernard busy. I don´t want him anywhere close to this romantic buggy."
"Quit stalling and don´t forget your tea cozy."
"Wasserbomben," Bernard said, "Balz will wish Wasserbomben were raining on him."

Balz followed Frau Kaleun and disappeared inside the tank. The turret started twirling and the tank roared down the street.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif
Romance is in the air
Will Frau K really make Balz smoke?
Stay tuned for the next hot episode.

[frau kaleun]

Romance is in the air
Will Frau K really make Balz smoke?
Stay tuned for the next hot episode.

:haha:

I can't help thinking of the old joke:

"Do you smoke afterwards?"
"I don't know, I never looked."

;)

[Brag]

Bwa ha ha :haha:

[Brag]

Good thing I am always prepared to help, Bernard thought. He picked up the piece of pipe Balz had left lying on the bar and ran outside where he had left his motorcycle. The motorcycle was useful to follow Balz and make sure to be helpfully at hand.

###
Frau Kaleun drove out of town and into a forest where there was a grassy glade. The perfect spot for a picnic.
Balz was having a great time twirling in the tank's turrest.
"Hoochie woochie, I need to instal a tank turret on my sumbie. This is fine, relaxing twirling."
Frau Kaleun brought the tank to a halt.
Balz kept turning the turret.
"I brought caviar, champagne, truffles, oyster, pate and smoked salmon. "She yelled. "Now, stop twirling the turret so sI can get out."
Reluctantly, Balz stopped.
Frau caleun spread a chackered table cloth on the turret floor and laid out the food and poured champagne.
Balz accepted the offered glass, drank deeply and gargled. "This is very hoochie woochie. Would you like to admire me while I eat?"
"I will show you something to admire," Frau Kaleun said and smiled enigmatically.
Balz began munching a salmon snadwich. "This is yummiferous. And what is you´re going to show me?"
"Just eat and wait a bit."
"Sounds good," Balz said politely. Anything a woman was going to show would be interesting.
"Wasserbomben," Balz´s musings were interrupted by Bernard´s voice. This was followed by loud banging on the tank´s armor.
Frau Kaleun took a grenade from a rack, pulled the pin and tossed the potato masher out the turret hatch.
"Here comes a most satisfying kaboom," Balz said.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif

Will there be peace in the romantic glade?
What will Frau Kaleun show Balz?
Stay tuned for another romantic episode.

[frau kaleun]

:yeah:

I was just wondering when/if this was going to continue!

What will Frau Kaleun show Balz?



Possible choices include, but are not limited to:

something naughty
something nice
the back of her hand
the door
the way to San Jose (via Stalingrad)
Stay tuned for another romantic episode

Like potato mashers through a turret hatch, these are the days of our Balz. :O:

[Brag]

A loud kaboom resounded throught the forest.
Haji Baba Jimbuna stopped picking mushrooms and asked Ali Baba, "Are your forty thieves fishing again?"
"Not that I know."
The Forty Thieves materialized from the undergrowth. "Are you fishing again?" the forty thieves asked in unison.
"That´s illegal," Haji Baba Jimbuna answered.
Out of the bushes staggered a man wearing a bucket on his head. His naval uniformed was scorched, smoke came out of the collar and button holes.
"Fancy meeting someone wearing a smoking jacket in the forest," said Ali Baba.
"That´s not a smoking jacket, but a smoking uniform," said Haji Baba Jimbuna.
"Must smokers wear uniforms in France?" asked Ali Baba.
"Why are you smoking?" Haji Baba Jimbuna asked the man under the bucket.
"I don´t smoke," Bucket Man answered.
"Ah," Haji Baba Jimbuna said with understanding.
Bucket Man pointed in the direction he had come from. "Balz is having a romantic interlude there."
"Really? We must call the belly dancers. The girls just loooove romantic stuff."


###

"I think the grenade did it," Balz yelled down the tank hatch, "He is gone."
"Good," said Frau Kaleun. "Romance and Wasserbomben don´t combine well."
"What are you going to show me?"
"I´m gaing to show you something naughty."
Balz started going down the hatch to see what naughty thing Frau Kaleun was going to show him.
"Have you been fishing?" Haji Baba Jimbuna came out into the glade.
"Are we having fish for dinner?" The cook of U-123 came out on the other side. He was followed by Balz´s choir and the twirlers.

The forty thieves followed Ali Baba and the belly dancers appeared behind the forty thieves.

Balz and Frau Kaleun stood on top of the tank. Belly dancers danced the Shak el Shark Belly hoochie woochie. Twirlers twirled. The Forty Thieves did their saber dance. The choir sang Hoochie Woochie Boom Boom.
Ali Baba set off fireworks and star shells.
Balz decided to make this scene the grand finale of his opera My Road to Vallhalla.


http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif


The next day U-123 set sail for the southern reaches of the North Atlantic.

[Jimbuna]

Crazy brilliant stuff :DL

http://www.worldofstock.com/slides/PAB2150.jpg

[frau kaleun]

http://www.worldofstock.com/slides/PAB2150.jpg

Unauthorized hotlinking... oddly enough, that's exactly what I had in mind when I borrowed the tank. :O:

[Gerald]

Balz need to go to a rest home, it begins to trace out, :timeout:

[Herr-Berbunch]

Unauthorized hotlinking... oddly enough, that's exactly what I had in mind when I borrowed the tank. :O:

Jim's got his websites confused, he wanted World-Of-Stock.com - it's one about stocks and soups :rotfl2:

C'mon Brag, write a proper full length Balz book. It's what your public want :yep:

[frau kaleun]

Balz need to go to a rest home

Sadly, I tend to have that effect on men. I think it's all the unauthorized hotlinking.

Either that or the grenades. :O:

[Gerald]

Sadly, I tend to have that effect on men. I think it's all the unauthorized hotlinking.

Either that or the grenades. :O: which has left its mark here and there, which is a credit of course, :D

[Jimbuna]

Unauthorized hotlinking... oddly enough, that's exactly what I had in mind when I borrowed the tank. :O:

I don't even recall what it was I posted now :doh:

[frau kaleun]

I don't even recall what it was I posted now :doh:

http://www.worldofstock.com/slides/PAB2150.jpg

[Jimbuna]

http://www.worldofstock.com/slides/PAB2150.jpg

Yeah, that was it :DL

[Brag]

The personnel officer, Frigaten capitan Melzig, entered Doenitz´s dispatch." Herr Admiral, This must be mistake." He waved an order sheet. U-123 been in port only three days."
"That was long enough!"
"But--"
"I will not tolerate unnauthorized hot linking. The Fuhrer will not have unauthorized hot linking. Unauthorized hot linking is like a desease. It will spread like wildfire. Kaleuns will practice it, the U--bootwaffe, the Kriegsmarine, it will even infect Subsim. So I´ve sent Balz to vacation in tropical waters."

[Gerald]

"Vacation in Tropical Waters", it sounds like a good idea, :O:

[frau kaleun]

"I will not tolerate unnauthorized hot linking. The Fuhrer will not have unauthorized hot linking. Unauthorized hot linking is like a desease. It will spread like wildfire. Kaleuns will practice it, the U--bootwaffe, the Kriegsmarine, it will even infect Subsim. So I´ve sent Balz to vacation in tropical waters."

:wah:

:stare:

:hmmm:

*dials phone*

"Hello, Erwin? Ja, it's me again. Wassup, mensch? Na, you know, drinkin' champagne, sinkin' some Tommies... just chillin'. So, listen, I'm going to need a lot more tanks..."

[Jimbuna]

:wah:

:stare:

:hmmm:

*dials phone*

"Hello, Erwin? Ja, it's me again. Wassup, mensch? Na, you know, drinkin' champagne, sinkin' some Tommies... just chillin'. So, listen, I'm going to need a lot more tanks..."

LOL :DL

http://www.psionguild.org/forums/images/smilies/weapons/80.gif http://www.abfnet.com/forum/images/smilies/tank.gif http://msnsmileys.net/m/smileys/Military/Tank.gif http://www.battlegroupsouth.com/images/tank_animated_120.gif http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/3208/tank1.gif (http://img169.imageshack.us/i/tank1.gif/)

[Sailor Steve]

Tanks for the memories.

[Brag]

Thanks everyone for the comments and participation. :yeah:
Special thanks go to Frau Kaleun. :salute:

Balz is now at sea. There[s a war going on, you know.

His adventures will be reported anon. :D