Why Submarines Are Better Than Women

[Gerald]

By Mike Hemming


1. A submarine will kill you quickly. A woman takes her time.

2. Submarines like it done at all angles.

3. Submarines can be turned on easily anytime.

4. A submarine doesn’t mind if you smoke, drink, tell dirty jokes or cuss.

5. A submarine does not object to being rigged for dive.

6. Submarines come with manuals.

7. A submarine is built for going down

8. A submarine once down is quite willing to say there as long as you want.

9. Submarines are always in trim.

10. You can dive a submarine any time of the month.

11. Submarines don't whine unless something is really wrong.

12. Submarines don't care how many other subs you have sailed on.

13. Submarines don't come with in-laws.

14. When sailing, you and your submarine arrive at the same time.

15. Submarines don't mind if you look at other submarines or if you buy books and magazines about them.

16. Submarines don’t complain if you sleep somewhere else.

17. Submarines don’t mind if you stop off for a few beers on the way back.

18. It's OK to tie up a submarine

19. You can leave your submarine but it will never leave you.

20. You get paid extra money for riding on a submarine.

21. Submarines don’t mind if you sit up all night eating and talking loud with your friends.

22. Submarines always smell the same all month long.

23. A submarine doesn't get mad if you fart, belch or scratch in public.

http://www.olgoat.com/substuff/mik12.htm

[TLAM Strike]

Not the first time this has been posted here. :03:

Actually I think this was in the last subsim almanac. Whatever happened to the 3rd installment of that? :hmmm:

[Gerald]

Thanks, I was hesitant to post because I had a Felling that it has been here before, but that's easy to delete :yep:

[CaptainMattJ.]

we should expect frau kaleun to reply shortly.

[Flaxpants]

In defence of women I would add that all submarines look dreadful in stockings & suspenders. They're also incredibly difficult to get into your bed and require cranes etc...

[antikristuseke]

18. It's OK to tie up a submarine


It is also ok to tie up women, some like it, the rest you keep chloroformed.

[Gerald]

What I do not I keep my word (about #18), there's one other advantages to the list

[Castout]

Nah a submarine can't possibly love me, a women could. :DL

In defence of women I would add that all submarines look dreadful in stockings & suspenders.

But most women too LOL

[antikristuseke]

What I do not I keep my word (about #18), there's one other advantages to the list

What does that sentence even mean?

[papa_smurf]

We still waiting on a comment from Frau.........

[the_tyrant]

is there even a single hardcore female sub simmer?

[antikristuseke]

Never use the words female and hardcore in the same sentence with me around, now i need to change my pants again.

[frau kaleun]

is there even a single hardcore female sub simmer?

You must be new here. :O:

[frau kaleun]

We still waiting on a comment from Frau.........

:yawn:

Satisfied? :O:

Seriously, this list or variations of it has been posted, what, 3-4 times since I've been here?

I mean, really, I could sit down and make up an analogous list of why submarines are better than men, but that would be silly. We all know that what's really better than a man is a dildo, primarily because there's no man attached to it. :D

[antikristuseke]

All you need to do is sow on a pocket and put a wallet in it, then it would be everything a woman could ever desire:D

[frau kaleun]

All you need to do is sow on a pocket and put a wallet in it, then it would be everything a woman could ever desire:D

You are clearly meeting the wrong kind of women. :nope:

[Sailor Steve]

You are clearly meeting the wrong kind of women. :nope:
The right kind of women will have nothing to do with him. :D

[frau kaleun]

The right kind of women will have nothing to do with him. :D

That's not true! I myself stalked him with Google Maps for, like, an hour one night a while back. You see what happened was, I had a little too much to drink and...

...

...

:hmmm:

Okay, I see your point.

:O:

[Sailor Steve]

Okay, I see your point.
Only because I forgot my hat today.

[Gerald]

:yawn:

Satisfied? :O:

Seriously, this list or variations of it has been posted, what, 3-4 times since I've been here?

I mean, really, I could sit down and make up an analogous list of why submarines are better than men, but that would be silly. We all know that what's really better than a man is a dildo, primarily because there's no man attached to it. :D :yep:

[CaptainMattJ.]

:yawn:

Satisfied? :O:

Seriously, this list or variations of it has been posted, what, 3-4 times since I've been here?

I mean, really, I could sit down and make up an analogous list of why submarines are better than men, but that would be silly. We all know that what's really better than a man is a dildo, primarily because there's no man attached to it. :D
yea.......buuuuut. a dildo doesnt have a fist, fingers, or.............hmmmmm. i guess thats the only advantages :(. now im ashamed of what i am.

But as for submarines being better then men, its not much different. Its long hard and often full of seamen, and thats basically the entire male mentality right there so i dont think it IS better. You can also push it beyond what it was built to do and break it, itll go as deep as you want, itll whine when your pushing it to hard, when its oiled it works better, it can take quite a bit of abuse, and its noise level can be reduced so you cant hear a damn thing.

Thats Basically Like If Chuck Norris was encased in steel and had torpedoes shoved inside him. Submarines are manly men till the end. Not to be sexist, of course.

[antikristuseke]

The right kind of women will have nothing to do with him. :D

I'll take two fire breathing whores over 72 virgins any day of the week.:03:

[frau kaleun]

My best advice to young men (well, any men really) in this regard is to never forget that the primary difference between what they've got (at least, the one thing they've got that some of them seem so obsessed with) and the inanimate substitute for it, is that the first item has a man attached to it.

Whether or not the first item is preferable to the second has a lot to do with the quality of the attachment. :O:

[antikristuseke]

I want to make an argument about quantity being preferable over quality, but if there was more than one attached to the penis, this would quickly develop onto a level of weirdness I am not equipped to deal with.

[frau kaleun]

I want to make an argument about quantity being preferable over quality, but if there was more than one attached to the penis, this would quickly develop onto a level of weirdness I am not equipped to deal with.

:hmmm:

You may have hit on the one way in which the inanimate substitute is always superior, lol. More than one "attachment" on the organic version would certainly tend to limit its appeal IMO. I don't mind making one sammich every now and then, but the line's got to be drawn somewhere. :O:

[Gerald]

Can you tell folks about the goats instead,which was the subject of a clear get-togethers :cool:

[the_tyrant]

You must be new here. :O:
Usually my failed dates end up failing because of simming or hacking

[the_tyrant]

yea.......buuuuut. a dildo doesnt have a fist, fingers, or.............hmmmmm. i guess thats the only advantages :(. now im ashamed of what i am.


dude, a JSDF submariner once claimed that submarine models are being used as dildos for girls who are ashamed of buying the real thing
he recommends removing the diving plains and avoiding the conning tower for newcomers

[TLAM Strike]

dude, a JSDF submariner once claimed that submarine models are being used as dildos for girls who are ashamed of buying the real thing
he recommends removing the diving plains and avoiding the conning tower for newcomers

I don't believe it...


...the Japanese are not ashamed of anything...

...well anything sex related that is... :haha:

[yubba]

Aw, they like the propellers

[CaptainMattJ.]

Aw, they like the propellers
or maybe the torpedoes.

[frau kaleun]

Usually my failed dates end up failing because of simming or hacking

Do you mean dates, or relationships? Because unless you actually made a date to do some simming and hacking with your special someone, then I can see where you deciding to do some simming and hacking while on said date would be a problem. :O:

[frau kaleun]

Thats Basically Like If Chuck Norris was encased in steel and had torpedoes shoved inside him. Submarines are manly men till the end.

Interesting. I once read something about the movie Das Boot where a woman was trying to explain why it was a film that she (as a woman) found so profoundly moving.

She said that she felt like the u-boat was like a womb, because it was a temporary home for these humans who depended upon it completely for their survival, and so the story brought out all her maternal instincts and made her feel fiercely protective of the characters.

[the_tyrant]

Do you mean dates, or relationships? Because unless you actually made a date to do some simming and hacking with your special someone, then I can see where you deciding to do some simming and hacking while on said date would be a problem. :O:

common excuses for being late to a date:
"Sorry, i was busy evading the billions of depth charges"
"My A10 was shot down by a sam, i needed revenge on that sucker"
"Sorry, I was busy Dog fighting(they sometimes understand it as fighting with a dog)"
"i just sank the yamato on 100 realism you idiot!"

Phone calls during a date:
"my IP is XX, ill face you in victoria 2 asap"
"WHAT!!!!!, DDOS those *********s. mobilize all the hacking cells!"
"you say you can soot me down with your su27? wait until i get in my f15!(I usually pull out my laptop arount this point)"


also, i though it would be a good idea to know what she likes.
so i use some "hacking tricks"
but my stupid jealous friends usually tell her after our third date or so


so now i love my computer
don't you think duel xeons+ gtx 470*2 is sexy?

[frau kaleun]

common excuses for being late to a date:
"Sorry, i was busy evading the billions of depth charges"
"My A10 was shot down by a sam, i needed revenge on that sucker"
"Sorry, I was busy Dog fighting(they sometimes understand it as fighting with a dog)"
"i just sank the yamato on 100 realism you idiot!"

IMO this is less about simming and hacking than about not understanding that other people's time and attention is something of value. It may not be valuable to you, but it is to them if they have any self-respect at all. They've agreed to set aside some of their time and attention for you, and you keep them waiting because you've got things you'd rather do than show up at the time you presumably agreed on. Sure, sometimes a person is late, by accident or for reasons beyond their control. It happens. But when it's habitual? It's disrespectful and indicates, accurately, just how little interest you truly have in the other person and how little actual value you place on their willingness to set aside time for you. Being with them is clearly not a priority for you, at least not compared to whatever it is you've decided to do instead while they're wasting time waiting around for you to show up. So sooner or later, being with you will no longer be a priority for them either.

Phone calls during a date:
"my IP is XX, ill face you in victoria 2 asap"
"WHAT!!!!!, DDOS those *********s. mobilize all the hacking cells!"
"you say you can soot me down with your su27? wait until i get in my f15!(I usually pull out my laptop arount this point)"

Once again, if this kind of thing is habitual, it has nothing to do with the fact that you are getting calls about simming and hacking and everything to do with the fact that you made plans to spend time with another person, during which they are presumably expected to devote their time and attention to you, and meanwhile you're giving your time and attention to other people and other things that are clearly more important to you than focusing on the person you're with and the reason you're with them.

It's not wrong to have priorities other than spending time on a date or being in a relationship. That's perfectly fine. But if you make a date with someone and then consistently behave like something else is far more important to you than showing up on time or giving them anything resembling your full attention when you do show up, then I'm not surprised when it doesn't work out. Most people have better things to do with their time than waste it on someone who by all indications isn't all that interested in being there.

I'm not trying to be harsh here, just pointing out some things I've learned from experience - having been on both sides of the issue at various time in my life. The main point is: don't expect someone else to keep giving you their time and attention if you're not willing and able to show up and do the same for them.

also, i though it would be a good idea to know what she likes.
so i use some "hacking tricks"
but my stupid jealous friends usually tell her after our third date or so

This is creepy and very disturbing. The way to find out what someone else likes is to spend time with them and get to know them. This means showing up when you have a date and focusing your attention on them during your time together. Which is something you don't seem to want to do, given what you've written above. Sorry, that's how it's done, and cyber-slinking around behind someone's back is not an appropriate substitute. Hacking someone's privacy in order to "know" them isn't appropriate, it's not flattering, it's not clever - it's disgusting and manipulative. If some "jealous friend" told me a guy was doing this as a means of getting to know what I like, the guy in question would not only never get within arms length of me again, he would probably have a cop knocking on his door. So STOP IT. RIGHT NOW. I'm not kidding. It's over the line, totally and absolutely unacceptable. :nope:

[CaptainMattJ.]

Interesting. I once read something about the movie Das Boot where a woman was trying to explain why it was a film that she (as a woman) found so profoundly moving.

She said that she felt like the u-boat was like a womb, because it was a temporary home for these humans who depended upon it completely for their survival, and so the story brought out all her maternal instincts and made her feel fiercely protective of the characters.
well, its a manly creation, but all get to enjoy its brutality. It does not discriminate, hate, take sides, or go easy on any particular person. To the sub, you are all equally Targets and will all equally be blown to hell.

[frau kaleun]

To the sub, you are all equally Targets and will all equally be blown to hell.

Try telling that to BdU after you sink a hospital ship. :haha:

[CaptainMattJ.]

Try telling that to BdU after you sink a hospital ship. :haha:
talk about soft targets. sinking hospital ships isnt just illegal its just plan sad. I mean, you got half your face blown off by a mortar, and youve been shot 2 times. You miraculously survived and are on your way home to endure life of being a freak, and all of a sudden theres a spine snapping sonic boom and your ******* drowning after having Endured and survived ALL that. or maybe you managed to stow away or catch a ride back home because you saw brothers in arms getting crushed by tanks or blown in half or being decapitated or getting your best friend's brains all over your gun, causing it to jam which you were going to use to shoot the german holding the panzerschreck which he in turn used to kill 8 more of your comrades. all that to drown because some guy 600 yards away just got up and said to himself, IMA GO BLOW UP A SHIP WITH A BUNCH OF HALF DEAD SOLDIERS WITH NO WAY TO FIGHT BACk! YEEHAW!

[TLAM Strike]

Try telling that to BdU after you sink a hospital ship. :haha:
I thought the big red cross on the side was my aim point... :hmmm:

[Castout]

Usually my failed dates end up failing because of simming or hacking

Umm user name: The tyrant
Hobbies: simming and hacking(and that includes boasting?)

Made a thread seemingly about banning another user even though a newcomer on subsim? And didn't bother to post it through PM and only did so under other user requests. . . .

Since I rely so much on my hunch I must ask you whether you're a troll? and which country are you from?

If not I apologize and I bid you welcome but you do make yourself look rather suspicious ;).