Excuses for Missing Work

[The Third Man]

We've all been there. It's a beautiful day, and you can't bear the thought of going into work. So you call in with some excuse about feeling ill, but you know in your bones that your boss doesn't buy it.
The feeling ill excuse is a short-term solution that won't win you any fans at the office -- someone else will have to pick up the slack, or you'll miss deadlines. And it won't help your career any. Here are 10 excuses -- five smart and five not-so-smart -- to help you save face and your sanity.

Smart Excuses

I've Earned It: No one can argue with performance. Come in two or three hours early -- or stay late -- for a week or two. Then negotiate a day off in advance. "Really work when you're there, so you'll be able to feel good about taking time off," says Andrea Nierenberg, president of The Nierenberg Group, a management consulting and personal marketing practice.
I'm Playing Golf with a Client: For this one to work, you've got to have a job that requires you to meet and court current and prospective clients. Neil Simpkins, an account executive at Oxford Communications, has used this one successfully. One note of caution: Meet the client; don't just say you did.
I Have a Doctor's Appointment: This excuse will get you out of work for a half-day or so. Make the appointment first thing in the morning or late in the day, say around 3 p.m. You can leave the office by 2:30 p.m. and get home (hopefully) by 4 p.m. The shortened day will help you recharge, especially if you schedule it on a Friday afternoon.
I Have Cramps: Before you dismiss this one, think about it: Who can argue? "It's such an embarrassing topic that nobody will ever challenge it," says Jennifer Newman, vice president of Lippe Taylor Public Relations. She has used this excuse -- and had it used on her -- successfully. "It's one of those things that men honestly have no clue about, and women can sympathize with." One important point: Don't use this one if you're a man. It'll never work.
I'm Working from Home: This is an excellent way to give yourself a break if your company allows it. Although you'll need to do some work, you can generally get away with a shortened day. And you'll eliminate your commuting time.
Not-So-Smart Excuses

There's a Death in the Family: Don't ever use this excuse if it's not true. Your employer will lose all trust in you. "I had an employee whose mother died -- twice," says David Wear, a Virginia PR executive. "He also had the misfortune of losing all his grandparents -- 12 of them -- during a two-year period."
I'm Too Sleepy: When she was a manager at IBM, Marilynn Mobley heard it all. This one still makes her laugh: The employee apparently took Tylenol 3 with codeine instead of a vitamin, because the bottles looked alike.
I Can't Get My Car Out of the Garage: This is another one that Mobley didn't buy. An employee said that a power failure was preventing him from opening his power-operated garage door. "I reminded him that there's a pull chain on it for just such cases," she says.
I Can't Find My Polling Place: Mary Dale Walters, a communications specialist at CCH, couldn't believe this one. A former employee needed an entire day to figure out where she had to go to vote in the presidential election.
I Have a Personal Emergency: This one is so vague that it rarely works. It could mean anything from fatigue to an appointment with your hairdresser, and your boss knows it.
Don't lie, no matter which excuse you use. "I'm not a believer in playing hooky, because it always comes back to you," Nierenberg says. "Don't lie to your boss, your supervisor or your clients. You're guaranteed they will be the ones you'll run into while you're walking down the street in your jeans."


Another copy and paste post without comment. :wah::rotfl2:

http://career-advice.comcast.monster.com/in-the-office/work-life-balance/excuses-for-missing-work/article.aspx?WT.mc_n=comcast801

[Sailor Steve]

But this one is funny. :sunny:

[AVGWarhawk]

I like my boss. He often says to take a day off for sanity reasons. Works for me. I think......:doh:

[Sammi79]

Yes I have heard nearly all of those more than once. Most commonly I get 'Me and my girlfriend just had an earth shattering row, I can't leave the house just yet' or 'I've been at the hospital all night, my girlfriend had a [insert dangerous female only condition of your choice here]' and of course the standard no phone call, which means I have to call you, and mostly get 'This is the O2 answering service, If you'd like to leave a' *click* why you gutless...grrr.. which annoys me more than blaming your girlfriend which is also pretty lame.

My favourite of all time has to be 'But it's still dark outside!' - 'Yes, [name], it is still dark, so I take it you're still in bed then?' - 'I err... Oh sorry I thought you meant 5pm...' The first bit slew me though I just couldn't bring myself to be angry after that.

[The Third Man]

What ever happened to..'I'm not feeling well, I'm not comming to work today'?

[GoldenRivet]

My lamest yet true "cant make it to work excuse"?

Well here goes.

At the time that i was working for the airlines i had a 90 mile road commute that required me to dedicate 2 full hours to driving if i was going to make it to work on time for the required sign in time 45 minutes prior to departure.

I was living in a duplex and our driveway asphalt had been eroding away quite steadily for about a year.

Well a hurricane that had been downgraded to a tropical storm when it made land fall passed through our area and we had some very very hard rainfall for about 3 straight days without breaks (on my days off of course). Concerns had arisen about the possibility of floods, but the storm subsided and the city's storm water drain system was not overwhelmed thankfully.

At the time, my duplex i lived in was situated atop a small hill, all total about 6 feet above street level as were the other homes on my street which were arranged side by side. The fact that i was on a hill would have been good news if there were floods but at any rate, as im sure you can imagine, my driveway formed sort of a valley between "my hill" and the neighbor's hill.

When i headed out to the car at 6am to make my 2 hour commute I discovered that about a 2 ft wide section of my driveway had been washed out, and the "ditch" that had now formed in the middle of my driveway was about 18 inches deep (i measured it to see how deep it was as it was full of water)! This "ditch" spanned the width of my driveway from one side to the other where water had been rushing down the street for the past 72 hours.

I couldnt drive the car through the yard as it was a near vertical incline from the driveway into either mine or my neighbors yard and besides that im not driving my car in my yard after 3 days of rain even if i could as it would likely get stuck.

of course the tropical storm had mostly unaffected my "base" about 90 miles away other than perhaps a few clouds and sprinkles here and there so when i called to report this unusual set of circumstances they thought i was crazy and would not allow me to drop my trip, or even a portion of it.

I called around for about 30 minutes and located a vehicle i could borrow, my dad let me use his truck. He drove it to the house and parked in the street and i loaded up my bags and headed out dropping him off on the way out of town.

I averaged about 90 mph on my way to work, and managed to make it to work about 5 minutes late assuring them over the phone that i was in fact inside the airport terminal but not quite to a computer where i could "sign in" for my trip.

I wish i had my iPhone at the time... i would have taken several pictures and e mailed them instantly to my chief pilot asking him for either a solution to the problem or a PVD, PO or a dropped trip sequence.

The insurance company that handled our property informed us that the area had been officially labeled as a "disaster area"... we had no out of pocket expenses and the entire driveway was replaced.:up:

[Jimbuna]

I can't make it in today, I'm too busy working at the competitors across the town.

[bookworm_020]

Your late because I'm driving your train!:D

[SteamWake]

Jury duty... :yep:

[TLAM Strike]

I like my boss's excuse for not having me come in to work last week.

"The sales tax is due, so I don't have the money to pay you this week..."

:doh:

[The Third Man]

I have to campaign for the losers....

[Jimbuna]

I was beamed aboard an alian spaceship who then performed medical experiments on me.

http://planetsmilies.net/alien-smiley-126.gif

[antikristuseke]

My lames excuse for not showing up to work has got to be calling my boss to tell him that I wouldn't show up to work because a party had gotten out of hand and I was still inebriated, his reply was: "I know you stupid *******, I am in the next room feeling as bad as you are."
I had forgotten we had started our night together and everything escalated from there, neither of us went to work that day.

[sharkbit]

Eye problems......




I just can't see coming into work.

:)

[antikristuseke]

http://siking.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/snow.jpg

[August]

I like my boss's excuse for not having me come in to work last week.

"The sales tax is due, so I don't have the money to pay you this week..."

:doh:


Time to find a new job. Sounds like this one is getting ready to go belly up.

[TLAM Strike]

Time to find a new job. Sounds like this one is getting ready to go belly up.

Naw she just likes spending money, she has taken four or five vacations this year alone. She is quite well off financially, and stands to split a million dollar inheritance (estate and finances) with her brother in around 10-20 years.

But I am getting a new job soon, end of January I'm going to college and will be getting a new job on or near campus.

I still haven't told her yet, saving that as my Christmas present. (End of January = just before Superbowl = biggest Pizza day of the year).

[Garion]

Son to Fathers Boss "My dad can't come in to work today becuase he has been burnt."

Boss "Oh, is it serious?"

Son " Yes sir, they dont muck about down the crematorium."

I'll get my coat :timeout:

Cheers

Garion

[Tchocky]

Last time I missed work on purpose was in my last job, when I was skipping off to travel to the interview for my current one. I tried the traditional "I'm sick" approach over the phone. I got my boss' voicemail. I also picked a bad time to leave a message.

"Hey, Raj, it's Tchocky here. I'm not going to be able to make it in this morning, gastric flu is keeping me home. If things are better in the after- *TANNOY* FINAL CALL, AER LINGUS FLIGHT EI634 FOR AMSTERDAM BOARDING AT GATE C35" ...seeya tomorrow Raj"

[Jimbuna]

LOL :DL

[Ducimus]

I don't take time off.

Most paid time off i've accrued is 240 hours because i hit my limit and couldn't earn anymore.

I then used THAT as an excuse to take time off, so i woudln't be cheated out of hours i don't normally use. Nobody had a problem with it. :har:

[Marcantilan]

Not exactly work related, but a true story.

A very good friend of mine (stock exchange broker) worked with a guy who dissapeared one thursday evening. His wife started calling the office, friends, then hospitals, police, so on. No one knows about the guy.

Then, on monday morning he ringed the bell of his house, said his wife he was really tired because ... he was abducted by aliens.

His wife was firstly surprised, then angry but the guy kept repeating the same story. At the end, the wife swallowed it.

Years after the "abduction", my friend was partly drunk on a party, so the guy. He took the guy apart and asked "What really happened that weekend? Girls, drugs, what?" - Aliens, was the answer.

So, he is a good lier (to the end!) or he is the living proof about aliens visitin our planet...

[antikristuseke]

Or he believes that aliens abducted him, but actually something completely different took place.

[Marcantilan]

Or he believes that aliens abducted him, but actually something completely different took place.

Like a gang of midgets dressed as frogmen kidnapped and abused him? In that case, shame for blaming the aliens!

[August]

Last time I missed work on purpose was in my last job, when I was skipping off to travel to the interview for my current one. I tried the traditional "I'm sick" approach over the phone. I got my boss' voicemail. I also picked a bad time to leave a message.

"Hey, Raj, it's Tchocky here. I'm not going to be able to make it in this morning, gastric flu is keeping me home. If things are better in the after- *TANNOY* FINAL CALL, AER LINGUS FLIGHT EI634 FOR AMSTERDAM BOARDING AT GATE C35" ...seeya tomorrow Raj"


Sounds like what happened to a buddy of mine. We're at the dock waiting for the first ferry and my buddy decides to use the dock side phone to call in. This was before cell phones. Anyways the dock side phone was a payphone mounted on a wooden dock piling. Just as he gets his bosses voice mail and starts with the "i'm sick in bed" routine a huge seagull lands on top of the piling and lets out a series of screeches that I swear could be heard in the next country.

So his boss heard all that AND me laughing my ass off in the background. I don't think he bought it... :D

[Chad]

Well my manager didn't let me have one Saturday off, and my friends and I had been planning on going to the Renaissance Festival that day, so since I had some sick-time built up, I decided to call in about an hour before my shift at 1.

Well we got to the festival around 9, and after 3 hours it was about time to call, and eat. So we sat down at one of the festive tables after ordering our food and I dialed him up.

Me - "John, I won't be able to come to work today, I think I have mono."

Mgr John - "Chad, that sucks. I had mono once before too, get lots of rest and stop kissing all those girls."

Me - "I know John, I'm taking it easy and.."

Barbarians and other actors from festival - "Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!"

Mgr John - "Chad, what was that?"

Me - "I'm watching Braveheart."

Mgr John - "No you're not, you're at the Renaissance Festival."

Me - "...."

Mgr John - "[long sigh] I'll see you Monday"

Me - "Thanks John! You're the best :haha:"

Mgr John - "Good bye Chad [chuckles]"



Monday, he was totally cool with it! :D

[Sailor Steve]

:rock:

I once worked at a place that gave us seven vacation days the first year, and added one every year after that. They gave us four personal days per year, one every quarter. And they gave us seven sick days every year, and they were cumulative, not "use them or lose them".

When the warehouse manager was explaining all this to me, he said "If you ever plan to use a sick day to buy yourself a three-day weekend, please tell us in advance, so we know how many people we'll be missing that Monday. If it's going to hurt operations, we may ask you to put it off until the next weekend, and we'll make sure you're at the top of the list."

I really miss that place.