So...I've been dumped.

[Sledgehammer427]

While I was away from home nonetheless. I saw it coming, as always, and as always I thought I could do something to fix it.
I don't want to explain anything, but apparently my psychological profile says I'm basically emotionally dependent on a girl. I just need some support, I consider you all my good friends and right now I could use some help.

[Gerald]

sorry to hear it, can you give a short briefing about what happened

[Sledgehammer427]

she and I liked each other for about 3 years, I could never conjure up the cajones to ask her out or even tell her that I liked her, and back in November I asked her out while she was in Finland on foreign exchange (some members may recall I mentioned her "ferret hunting") and she and I got close on skype until she came home in july.

She apparently loves me and one of her host brothers (in that sense, no she didn't cheat on me and apparently I asked her out before they did anything) It's tearing her apart it seems, and she just needed to be single so she can figure things out.
her mom pushes her to do so much, I wasn't going to see her often, and it's ingrained in my her to find a guy who has something he's going to do with his life, I just got my high school diploma and I'm taking a little break before moving on to college. things like that don't happen overnight and I can't do anything to prove it.

[Gerald]

It sounds like she is in a crossroads in life, and I do not mean that she does not love you but she might want to think about what you want together, and need some time to think, but do not jump to conclusions now

[Gerald]

Do you live together, or in the vicinity?

[Takeda Shingen]

While I was away from home nonetheless. I saw it coming, as always, and as always I thought I could do something to fix it.
I don't want to explain anything, but apparently my psychological profile says I'm basically emotionally dependent on a girl. I just need some support, I consider you all my good friends and right now I could use some help.

Hi Sledge. Right now you're at a crossroads. The next 12 months are going to involve a large series of changes. Your old friends are going to slowly slip away to be replaced by new ones. By next September, you're going to be in a new place, surrounded by new people who will see the world in ways that you have not thought of. Really, it is a magical time, and I mean that sincerely.

What the most important thing for anyone at your age to do is to learn to be happy with and by yourself. I know that this advice sounds quaint, like a Hallmark card, but I feel the advice is sound. We spend so much of our young lives being connected and dependant on the other that we become uncomfortable with solitude. True self-comfort will never remove the sting from love gone bad, but it will give you the strength to endure, and will serve as a platform to show off your best self, your most attractive traits. In other words, people are always the most comfortable with the people who are the most comfortable with themselves. This relationship was not the one, but you set the stage for that future connection.

Of course, Mrs. Takeda would argue that what I wrote was a load of nonsense and that I was a shallow, meager loser before she met me. She might be right, and she'll probably smack me if she reads this.

[Happy Times]

So her mom has no objection for her to date a Finnish guy and maybe move here?
Being so young you would think it would be important to keep her close to home.
These things usually come and go at that age, not saying sometimes they do last.

[Castout]

3 years eh :hmmm: You must have loved her so much. You remind me about myself. Once I loved a girl for over than 3 years and never able to tell her. The closest thing I got to that was staring into each other eyes for about a minute when we were next to each other.

The thing with me is I love too much so much so I wouldn't try to get close to a girl I love unless I consider myself steady and able :damn:
I even promised myself to help her out someday in the future when I'm able and the situation presents itself. I'm an idiot LOL. But I'm a happy idiot LOL.

[Sledgehammer427]

HT,she loved it up there (mostly the lax drinking standards)

He's a good guy and he's got a lot more going for him than me.

Vendor, she lived in the same town as me, but I live about 5 minutes out of town.

Takeda, I'm kind of a recluse by nature, other than being a musician, I really spend a lot of time with myself, I have no siblings and my father, who I usually live with, doesn't really enjoy being around me (I guess I'm more gaseous than I know or something)

[Gerald]

So how do you act now, when you got some distance to the entire of different views from us, at Subsim

[Happy Times]

HT,she loved it up there (mostly the lax drinking standards)

He's a good guy and he's got a lot more going for him than me.



The sex is also lax so i would be surprised if there wasnt any, that gives him an advantage.

Takeda wrote wisely and i would also just move on.
But if you intend to have any chance for her you have to toughen up your attitude and grow some self esteem.
Your current attitude makes you a good friend to a girl but not an interesting boyfriend.

Romantics is all fine but it really is something reserved more for women, men usually have to pursue and compete for what they want.
This is a common mistake made by younger men and reason many sensitive men never get the girl they want.

Just my opinions, not ment to offend in any way.

[jumpy]

It would seem that one reason that Tak is a mod is because he is more magnanimous than I -

If she can't make her mind up, either way... or needs 'time' to think things over, my advice to you is to get the hell out of dodge. Don't decide what to do based on what she may or may not do or say, decide what to do based on what you want - if it's making you feel bad then it's probably not right.

Don't waste your life on someone who's stringing you along for the attention, it's not worth it.
This doesn't mean you can't be friends still, if you can deal with that - I know I couldn't.

Beware of people who say one thing then do another. It's a dead give away and will only cause you grief if you have anything more than a passing acquaintance with them.

It's easy in these situations to let you heart rule your head. Don't.

Think and be a little ruthless with your feelings and you can save yourself more emotional trouble.


ps. giving advice is easy, following it is quite another matter :oops: I know this all too well for my liking.

[Chad]

Sledge, I'm sorry to hear this. I remember you talking about her a couple months ago.

I've gone through a very similar situation, and trust me it is hard. Listen to Tak and others, as what they say is true.

And a few years ago, trust me I HATED this saying but I'll say it now because I agree,

There's always other fish in the sea.


BTW: Check your PM

[Sailor Steve]

Given the life I've led I'm in no position to give advice on this subject. I will back up what others have said, though: No matter how hopeless things seem now, things will get better, and often in ways you can't anticipate. You might end up with her. You might end up with someone else. You might end up alone, but learn that it's not as bad as it seems. You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, and tomorrow is where the adventure lies. Never give up hope. :sunny:

[Castout]

Geeesh Steve it's today where adventure lies..tomorrow is wishful thinking and yesterday is but a memory :O:

Good thing Sledge is young just prevent him from getting anywhere higher than 2 storey and from cutlery and he'll be fine...I hope.
love above all should not be selfish if it's to be a true love and should not fade either with time and condition. Most men just settle with lust though.

Cheer up Sledge and be strong. Love finds its way. Mine did I just didn't know where it came from :rotfl2:. . . . because it was no where near :damn: but then again my lifer is tragic pfffftttt

[Flaxpants]

Sound advice from the Ancient Mariner.

For me I would say don't let yourself get wound up by this kind of thing too much, it's better to just 'get on with your life' ('your life' being the operative words). Plenty of other women will surely come your way in the future. Don't dwell on it as it's a waste of your time.

"but apparently my psychological profile says I'm basically emotionally dependent on a girl." Don't believe this for a minute! Who says? You know your pschological profile better than anyone else- you can be how you want to be, it's your choice. If you tell a woman that, they're likely to run a mile....

Alternatively book yourself a week in Bangkok!

[frau kaleun]

Don't decide what to do based on what she may or may not do or say, decide what to do based on what you want

Oh true, so true. I can't tell you how much time I've wasted over the years trying to figure out, adapt to, or make decisions based on whatever it is someone else says they want, instead of asking myself what I want and what I need and facing the hard fact that the two things simply aren't compatible any more.

In a healthy, committed relationship - of course you consider what the other person needs and wants. But in cases where the other person doesn't seem to know what he/she wants, or gives conflicting signals about it, or obviously doesn't want what you consider to be the bare minimum necessary to meet your own need for happiness and contentment... that's a different story.

What the most important thing for anyone at your age to do is to learn to be happy with and by yourself.

This is most important at any age. Until you figure this out, you'll almost always be at the mercy of the whims of someone or something else that you're counting on to be the secret ingredient that will finally make you happy. But the real secret ingredient is to get there on your own. :up:

[AVGWarhawk]

Hi Sledge. Right now you're at a crossroads. The next 12 months are going to involve a large series of changes. Your old friends are going to slowly slip away to be replaced by new ones. By next September, you're going to be in a new place, surrounded by new people who will see the world in ways that you have not thought of. Really, it is a magical time, and I mean that sincerely.



Tak nailed it here Sledge. You said you are going to college. A total transformation of what you know and what you used to do will take place. No doubt in my mind. As far as be recluse as you describe yourself....that will change in college. I too had a high school sweety but going off in two different directions changed all of that. After seeing my old high school sweety not long ago...IT WAS FOR THE BETTER! But all kidding aside...college was nothing short of friggin awesome for me. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. There was plenty of wine, women and song...along with classes but that comes with the territory. Brush your shoes off man...go enjoy!

[DarkFish]

I'm sorry to hear that, Sledge

plenty of wine, women and song...AVGWarhawk's right. That should keep you distracted for a while:O:

[Sledgehammer427]

Thanks guys, I've been doing a lot of reading to keep myself occupied

[Takeda Shingen]

Thanks guys, I've been doing a lot of reading to keep myself occupied

Time with a book is always time well-spent.

[Highbury]

Thanks guys, I've been doing a lot of reading to keep myself occupied

Good plan at the start, it passes the time well and the only sure fire cure is time. I haven't been in that position in a long while, but the last one was at the end of a 14 year relationship. I was at a complete loss in every way a person can be, but time fixed it.
:sunny:

[Jimbuna]

I can't add much to what Tak, Jumpy and Chad have already written/advised.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move onward and upward.....you owe it to yourself.

I wish you every success in your efforts http://www.psionguild.org/forums/images/smilies/wolfsmilies/thumbsup.gif

[Sailor Steve]

Geeesh Steve it's today where adventure lies..tomorrow is wishful thinking and yesterday is but a memory :O:
So if today sucks we should just give up hope? I would have killed myself long ago if that were the case.

[ajrimmer42]

Some damn good advice on here. Hope things work out for you Sledge mate. :salute:

[DarkFish]

So if today sucks we should just give up hope? I would have killed myself long ago if that were the case.No because once you're 100% sure today sucked it's tomorrow already:O:

[Rockstar]

It in times like these one must ask. What would Dowly do?

Get your WWDD wristband today!

[kiwi_2005]

Don't worry to much Sledgehammer, your find someone else sooner or later. Stay pessimistic or is that optimistic:hmmm:

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. ~Chauncey Mitchell Depew :)

Yea sorry not much help if that was me i did be out on the bottle with mates - get drunk, have a ''why me" moment, deal with it, then move on.

[nikimcbee]

Good thing, you'll be having such a good time at the subsim meet, you'll forget all about her!

[Sledgehammer427]

Good thing, you'll be having such a good time at the subsim meet, you'll forget all about her!

:yeah: