Capt. Teach
09-10-10, 01:43 AM
MY LIFE IN THE KRIEGSMARINE
Excerpts from the Memoirs of
Bernard Offalmann
[Entry not dated]
I work in a factory. I dream, no, I long to join the Kreigsmarine but at this time, working on torpedos was the best I could manage. My responsibility is to calibrate and insure the depth mechanisms for torpedos are properly set before installation. The swine on the assembly line always get the settings wrong and I find myself constantly re-calibrating every mechanism that comes across my station.
[Entry not dated]
I have finally had enough! I therefore took the initiative and re-calibrated the calibration machines in the factory last night! It took all night, but I made sure to take into account the standard errors they always make. With heavenly inspiration I have insured it will indicate their normal settings yet have my corrections secretly included! This sort of efficiency I am sure will be rewarded! I will not however lead my own parade into the foreman’s office. I am certain the foreman will see a sudden rise in accuracy and productivity and I will be promoted out of this position.
October 7, 1939
I hate the Foreman, I hate this factory, and I hate the swine working the line. It has been over four months since I improved the efficiency here and no promotion! In fact, it is as if they haven’t even noticed! I have decided it is time I joined the Kreigsmarine where men with initiative, innovation, and bold dispositions are properly rewarded. I will go down to the recruitment office tomorrow.
October 8, 1939
I went to the recruiting officer today. I spent a good part of the night thinking of clever ways to show him I am unique and will be a valuable asset to the Kriegsmarine. While he was talking to me I asked him what his favorite color was, I forget what he said but when he asked me the same question I stated boldly, “Clear”. I was excited as this was one of the questions I had prepared for and I knew choosing clear would show just how clever I am, the look of astonishment upon his face confirmed it was a wise choice. I must have impressed him as he asked that I take a test so that he could better determine what position I should start with. I took the test and shortly afterwards he came to me and said, “Bernard, I have found the job you are most qualified for, Cooks Assistant.” I was surprised that I scored so high for cooks assistant and I stated as much to the recruitment officer. He too said he was surprised that I was qualified for such a position and I could see by the look upon his face his feeling was genuine. (I must have done exceedingly well upon the chemistry portion of the examination!) Upon reflection however, I can see how I am uniquely suited for cooking. I mean, I enjoy eating, and I handle and eat food every day. So, I suppose it is safe to say I have had a lifetime of preparation for just such an appointment. I heard somewhere an army travels on its stomach so I will accept this honor as I am sure this also applies to the Kriegsmarine.
February 12, 1940
I have completed my training and have been assigned to a U-boat!!! I am to report to U-50 at Kiel in three days! I’ll leave instructions with Helga on how to get by without me during my absence. I am excited and looking forward to joining my shipmates and meeting my Captain. During my training I was unable to make journal entries as I did not have time to do so. However, I can sum up things quickly. I was rapidly recognized as a leader, of a sort, in the kitchen. It was made apparent to me that I was in charge because anytime there was a problem, they always held me accountable. Additionally, and I don’t mean to make the others look bad, but I could barely get used to the station I was at before I was rotated to a different station. My skills were obviously in high demand and I felt sorry for my comrades who constantly needed help. I know now what they mean by the saying, “It’s lonely at the top.” When I left the training facility I stopped by the Commandant’s Office to say goodbye and wish him well. He informed me that he was amazed at the things I had done while in training and commented he was excited to see me go on to my new assignment. He further commented that my progress during the entire training period was noted by a wide range of officers and often was the topic of conversation during mess. It is nice to impress one’s leaders.
**End of 1st Installment**
Excerpts from the Memoirs of
Bernard Offalmann
[Entry not dated]
I work in a factory. I dream, no, I long to join the Kreigsmarine but at this time, working on torpedos was the best I could manage. My responsibility is to calibrate and insure the depth mechanisms for torpedos are properly set before installation. The swine on the assembly line always get the settings wrong and I find myself constantly re-calibrating every mechanism that comes across my station.
[Entry not dated]
I have finally had enough! I therefore took the initiative and re-calibrated the calibration machines in the factory last night! It took all night, but I made sure to take into account the standard errors they always make. With heavenly inspiration I have insured it will indicate their normal settings yet have my corrections secretly included! This sort of efficiency I am sure will be rewarded! I will not however lead my own parade into the foreman’s office. I am certain the foreman will see a sudden rise in accuracy and productivity and I will be promoted out of this position.
October 7, 1939
I hate the Foreman, I hate this factory, and I hate the swine working the line. It has been over four months since I improved the efficiency here and no promotion! In fact, it is as if they haven’t even noticed! I have decided it is time I joined the Kreigsmarine where men with initiative, innovation, and bold dispositions are properly rewarded. I will go down to the recruitment office tomorrow.
October 8, 1939
I went to the recruiting officer today. I spent a good part of the night thinking of clever ways to show him I am unique and will be a valuable asset to the Kriegsmarine. While he was talking to me I asked him what his favorite color was, I forget what he said but when he asked me the same question I stated boldly, “Clear”. I was excited as this was one of the questions I had prepared for and I knew choosing clear would show just how clever I am, the look of astonishment upon his face confirmed it was a wise choice. I must have impressed him as he asked that I take a test so that he could better determine what position I should start with. I took the test and shortly afterwards he came to me and said, “Bernard, I have found the job you are most qualified for, Cooks Assistant.” I was surprised that I scored so high for cooks assistant and I stated as much to the recruitment officer. He too said he was surprised that I was qualified for such a position and I could see by the look upon his face his feeling was genuine. (I must have done exceedingly well upon the chemistry portion of the examination!) Upon reflection however, I can see how I am uniquely suited for cooking. I mean, I enjoy eating, and I handle and eat food every day. So, I suppose it is safe to say I have had a lifetime of preparation for just such an appointment. I heard somewhere an army travels on its stomach so I will accept this honor as I am sure this also applies to the Kriegsmarine.
February 12, 1940
I have completed my training and have been assigned to a U-boat!!! I am to report to U-50 at Kiel in three days! I’ll leave instructions with Helga on how to get by without me during my absence. I am excited and looking forward to joining my shipmates and meeting my Captain. During my training I was unable to make journal entries as I did not have time to do so. However, I can sum up things quickly. I was rapidly recognized as a leader, of a sort, in the kitchen. It was made apparent to me that I was in charge because anytime there was a problem, they always held me accountable. Additionally, and I don’t mean to make the others look bad, but I could barely get used to the station I was at before I was rotated to a different station. My skills were obviously in high demand and I felt sorry for my comrades who constantly needed help. I know now what they mean by the saying, “It’s lonely at the top.” When I left the training facility I stopped by the Commandant’s Office to say goodbye and wish him well. He informed me that he was amazed at the things I had done while in training and commented he was excited to see me go on to my new assignment. He further commented that my progress during the entire training period was noted by a wide range of officers and often was the topic of conversation during mess. It is nice to impress one’s leaders.
**End of 1st Installment**