3RD Patrol (BALZ)

[Brag]

Note: The whole patrol will be posted on this thread.
(smaller posts, more often) :DL


From Lt- Schmenk's diary:

Bored. waiting for something to happen, we sat in the officers' nook- Balz played on the concertina The Balz Walz Hoochie Woochie. He'd been playing it every day since we left Cork.

"Message received," The Funker came up and handed Balz a flimsy.
Balz read it out loud. "Large convoy 70 miles SE 8 kts heading NW xx Intercept and attack." Finished reading, he said, "Schmenk, plot intercept as close as possible to this guy´s position. Don't give em time for any fiddle-doodle."
I gave the order for full speed ahead for an intercept three hours later. Before arriving, we did a sound check. The convoy had changed course to west. I had to replot. Two hours later revealed another course change by the convoy. Now it was heading south-

"If this comodore knew how annoying he is, he would be writing long letters of apology in the London Times," Balz grumbled.

The next intercept worked. We stayed at PD and waited. Balz raised the scope. "Schmenk, I'm happy to inform you that the convoy has changed course again. But never mind, I have this grosser Frachter by the short hairs anyway. Set range three thousand meters, flood tube one. Bring my bunny tea cozy."
Bernard handed the tea cozy he had been using as a coffee filter- "Want milk with it?"
Concentrating on his target put on the tea cozy and let coffee run over his ears. I wondered what would happen next.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gifhttp://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif

[Jimbuna]

Bernard handed the tea cozy he had been using as a coffee filter- "Want milk with it?"


LMAO :DL

[raymond6751]

Right !

Off you go then.

[Gerald]

Note: The whole patrol will be posted on this thread.
(smaller posts, more often) :DL


From Lt- Schmenk's diary:

Bored. waiting for something to happen, we sat in the officers' nook- Balz played on the concertina The Balz Walz Hoochie Woochie. He'd been playing it every day since we left Cork.

"Message received," The Funker came up and handed Balz a flimsy.
Balz read it out loud. "Large convoy 70 miles SE 8 kts heading NW xx Intercept and attack." Finished reading, he said, "Schmenk, plot intercept as close as possible to this guy´s position. Don't give em time for any fiddle-doodle."
I gave the order for full speed ahead for an intercept three hours later. Before arriving, we did a sound check. The convoy had changed course to west. I had to replot. Two hours later revealed another course change by the convoy. Now it was heading south-

"If this comodore knew how annoying he is, he would be writing long letters of apology in the London Times," Balz grumbled.

The next intercept worked. We stayed at PD and waited. Balz raised the scope. "Schmenk, I'm happy to inform you that the convoy has changed course again. But never mind, I have this grosser Frachter by the short hairs anyway. Set range three thousand meters, flood tube one. Bring my bunny tea cozy."
Bernard handed the tea cozy he had been using as a coffee filter- "Want milk with it?"
Concentrating on his target put on the tea cozy and let coffee run over his ears. I wondered what would happen next.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gifhttp://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif If there was alcohol in tea or coffee to drink with pleasure Balz.... :hmmm:

[papa_smurf]

Concentrating on his target put on the tea cozy and let coffee run over his ears. I wondered what would happen next.

Nothing bernards going to like.....:har:

[Jimbuna]

Concentrating on his target put on the tea cozy and let coffee run over his ears. I wondered what would happen next.

Nothing bernards going to like.....:har:

http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/5653/coffeegroundfacialscrub.jpg (http://img819.imageshack.us/i/coffeegroundfacialscrub.jpg/)

[Brag]

"Loooos," Balz bellowed. The torpedo launched and ran true. Balz ripped Bernard´s shirt off and wiped his face. "Chief take the boat down to one hundred fifty meters. I´m not wasting more torpedoes on this target. Take Bernard, raise him one meter and hang him with the bananas."

The torpedo hit its target and exploded.

"Another great example of my superior torpedoship," Balz said. "You may all pause for a minute of admiration of your superb commander." He assumed a heroic pose. After the minute was up , he continued. In Wili I was told I we get enough similar tonnage of our previous two patrols, we'll transfer to a type IX boat. The IX has better acoustics for the choir and lots of twirling space on deck." He then turned to me. "Plot another intercept . We need more tonnage from this convoy."

I got busy immediately, not realizing I was plotting my own doom.


http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gifhttp://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif

[papa_smurf]

Take Bernard, raise him one meter and hang him with the bananas."

He fully deserves it:D

[Herr-Berbunch]

I got busy immediately, not realizing I was plotting my own doom.



C'mon Balz, get a grip man!

[Brag]

From Lt- Schmenk's Diary (continued)-
Balz lowered the scope and shook his head. "Schmenk," he said, "You did it again, very consistently you get us exactly five thousand meters from the edge of a convoy. Close enough for me to watch the English parade. You incompetent piece of pre-cadet. I am a ship sinker not a parade watcher. From now on, I will plot intercepts so that we can cover ourselves with glory."

Once the convoy vanished to the west, Balz ordered, "Surface!"

I came on the bridge and scanned the horizon. Nothing. "All clear, Herr Kaleun."
Balz did not answer. An explosion raised a column of water to port and heaved the boat.
A shell whistled overhead.
"Alaaarm, creash dive, full speed ahead." Balz yelled.

Below it was dark and water poured all over the place. The smell of burned electrical cables and smoke made breathing difficult.
We shook with another explosion.
"Port and starboard diesels damaged, flooding disel compartment.
Flooding aft torpedo room. Forward battery compartment damaged.
Flooding electric engine compartment."
The reports were coming in like a cacophony from hell. Each one revealing the situation more desperate.
"Damage control crews to all damaged compartments. Emergency pumps on. Dive to one hundred meters, not one centimeter below that'" Balz gave orders above the infernal din inside the U-boot.
Flickering emergency lights came on, exposing a stream of water coming from the aft part of the boat.
"Two warships approaching very fast," The soundman announced.
"Thank you very much," Balz said. "It was getting lonely here."
The chief came into the Zentralle. Both diesels jumped off the mounts. "About twenty minutes to control flooding," he reported.
"Thank you. Have the choir members working in the Zentralle and forward crew compartments sing Who´s Afrais of The Big Bad Ship Hoochie Woochie. And someone bring me the duckie tea cozy."

Thinking of the approaching destroyers, I was sure we would die to the sounds of a silly song.

:shifty::dead::dead::dead: :nope: :cry::shifty::dead::dead:

[Herr-Berbunch]

Keep it coming! :o

[Brag]

One did not need the hydrophone to hear the engines of a destroyer- With all the repair noise we were easy to find. U-45 was at 40 meters when the first depth charges began exploding.

"We've got the green banana," Bernard said. For once he was right.
"Rubbish. It is a poetic moment before we present ourselves for the parade in Valhalla." Balz adjusted his yellow duckie tea cozy.
The destroyer was coming for another pass, its screws accelerating.
"This is my latest inspirational poem." Balz climbed on top of the chart box. "The destroyer on top, dropped charges, plop, plop, plop.
As they descended into the ocean gloom, their plop turned into kaboom. How´s that for heroic poetry?"
His voice was drowned by the crash of explosions and broken glass. The Englanders had us bracketed. Our boat was sinking out of control.
"Seventy meters," the Chief'said in an unusually strained manner.
"We've got the green banana," Bernard repeated.
The noise coming from the engine room was enough to attract every destroyer in the Royal Navy and every depth charge salvo caused more damage. The only relief was the thought that death in a submarine is swift. When the hull is crushed the pressure heats up the atmosphere to two thousand degrees and everyone is incinerated in a fraction of a second.

:shifty::dead::dead::dead: :nope: :cry::shifty::dead::dead:

[frau kaleun]

When the hull is crushed the pressure heats up the atmosphere to two thousand degrees and everyone is incinerated in a fraction of a second.



:hmmm:

Yer prolly gonna wanna put some Bactine on that.

[Brag]

:hmmm:

Yer prolly gonna wanna put some Bactine on that.

Good call, Frausie. I´ll check the first aid box. :D

[papa_smurf]

Sounds like its brown trousers all the way.....

[Gerald]

follow apparently Balz & Company,but it is a promising continuation :yep:

[Pisces]

:eek: Quick, Jimbuna!!! Find us an image of a pressure-hull tea cozy before it is too late.

[Brag]

Looking like something the cat brought home, the chief entered the Zentralle. " Herr Kaleun, leaks are fixed, electric motors are on line, defective batteries isolated. We can fix the port diesel later."
"Very well. Give the repair crew a couple of beers to share. Now that that we are fixed we'll be able to give Tommy the dodge."
"We're not fixed we are in a fix," said Bernard.
"We are fixed enough to get out of the fix," Balz answered.
"How can we get out of a fix by being fixed? Bernard tapped his temple with his finger.
"It´s the fixe hoochie. We fix the boat and we fix ourselves out of the fix we are in by fixing our way out of the fix we were in by fixing our way out of the fix."
"But the ba ba ba basserbomben."

"Observe how the great master of submerged warfare hoochie woochiewinks Royal Navy Tommie." Balz assumed a heroic pose. "soundman, keep reporting relative bearing of that destroyer coming for us."
"See, the bearing is steady. This means he will go right on top of us."
"Ja, we´re going to die," Bernard said.
A ship rumbled overhead.
"Wasserbomben." The soundman reported.
"Rudder midships, ahead flank together." Balz turned his duckie tea cozy to face backwards.
The U-boat accelerated to seven knots.
Like the base drums of of an infernal concert hall, a large barrage of depth charges exploded some distance from us.
We returned to silent running.
Each bombing pass the enemy made was further off the mark.
Balz returned his duck tea cozy to facing forward. Taking the cue from their captain, the personnel in the Zentralle twirled silently. This time we have survived.


http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gifhttp://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif

[Gerald]

or tea,there are probably some great mix :hmmm: But They Are one move,it is important :DL

[Sailor Steve]

We're all so glad you fixed your computer.

Except maybe Schmenk. Isn't he kind of young to have his hair graying like that?

[Brag]

Once we jacked the port diesel back into place and aligned the shaft, Balz said, " This sumbie has taken enough damage, we´re done with convoys on this patrol. We´ll just head quietly back to Wili.

The following day, the sound man, reported a convoy coming our way.
"Course three six zero," Balz ordered to get out of the way. The convoy changed course also and rumbled overhead.

Scheisse happens," Balz said. Since we are in the middle, we may as well sink a Tommy. He raised the periscope. "Aha! A large freighter is approaching its doom. Flood tube one."
Whoosh, the sound of a torpedo departing surprised everyone.
"What was that?" Balz asked.
"Tube five, Herr Kaleun," The chief said.
Mystified, Balz looked at the gauges.
"Woo hoo!" Bernard ran into the Zentralle. " I fired a torpedo, woo hoo."
"You bastard," Balz grabbed Bernard by the throat. You have wasted a good tor--"
"Torpedo treffer," the sound man announced.
Surprised, Balz let go of Bernard.
"I sunk a ship, woo hoo, I sank a ship!"
Balz looked into the scope lens. "Incredible, a large freighter is sinking." Balz turned the scope forward. "Einz los!"

Balz´s torpedo also found its mark. That is how we got twenty thousand tons that day.

Everyone is still scratching his head trying to figure out how Bernard fired that torpedo.




http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gifhttp://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif

[Gerald]

how can it be explained otherwise :hmm2:

[Sailor Steve]

Brag, did you have the wrong tube clicked? Maybe you need to 'fess up here.
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=147983

But, as an old friend of mine once commented when I accidentally outshot him at the target range, "If you can't be good, be lucky!"

[Schroeder]

*coughitszentralewithonlyonelandeinsnoteinzcough*

Spelling Nazi at work.....:D

[papa_smurf]

You patrol is doomed now Bernard sunk a ship.......

[Sailor Steve]

*coughitszentralewithonlyonelandeinsnoteinzcough*

Spelling Nazi at work.....:D
A warning: If you insist on correcting Brag's spelling you're in for a lifelong career, unpaid, and your hair will end up grayer that Scmenk's (or more nonexistant than Jimbuna's).

[Brag]

Brag, did you have the wrong tube clicked? Maybe you need to 'fess up here.
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=147983

But, as an old friend of mine once commented when I accidentally outshot him at the target range, "If you can't be good, be lucky!"

Steve, no wrong tube selected. But there is a way to fire a torpedo without pressing the fire button (I discovered). :88)

[Brag]

To BDU
From 7th Flotilla
03 February 1940

U-151 (Balz) returned from patrol (29 December 1939 to 03 February 1940)
11 ships sunk for a total of 65812 BRT.

During the patrol U-boat received extensive damage to equipment. Hull integrety is estimated at 88%.

Balz is recommended for IC 2nd.

His request for a type IX boat has been denied.

[Jimbuna]

A warning: If you insist on correcting Brag's spelling you're in for a lifelong career, unpaid, and your hair will end up grayer that Scmenk's (or more nonexistant than Jimbuna's).


I'll have you know I resemble that latter remark http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/1853/angry8ro5.gif





*photoshopping a picture of Steve to make him look balder than a billiard ball* http://www.psionguild.org/forums/images/smilies/wolfsmilies/greywolftail.gif

[Sailor Steve]

*photoshopping a picture of Steve to make him look balder than a billiard ball* http://www.psionguild.org/forums/images/smilies/wolfsmilies/greywolftail.gif
I have one that doesn't need to be 'shopped. Unfortunately I've never been able to get it off my phone and onto my computer. It hates me.

[Jimbuna]

I have one that doesn't need to be 'shopped. Unfortunately I've never been able to get it off my phone and onto my computer. It hates me.

LOL :DL