The Ashes 2010

[JScones]

You missed one, Jim:

Q: What do you call an Aussie that is good with a bat?
A: A Vet

Caption time:
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs009.snc4/33823_481576437554_18429207554_6010397_2478954_n.j pg
"OK Clarke, watch me: this is how you pout when you don't get your way on the field."

Or

"Reporter: So have you boys given any thought to your future?"

[Jimbuna]

Q. What do Ponting and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

A Judge (J.) asks a little girl (LG): Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy hits me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy hits me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with Ponting ... he can't hit anything!!!

[Jimbuna]

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs009.snc4/33823_481576437554_18429207554_6010397_2478954_n.j pg

Ponting: What's Harris doing at fine leg?

Clarke: Which position is that then?

[STEED]

Mass suicide hits Australia!

Sorry I was watching the film...On the beach.

:03:

[TarJak]

Mass suicide hits Australia!

Sorry I was watching the film...On the beach.

:03:
'Cos that's what Australian's do when we go to the beach:

http://oursurprisingworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/australia_bondi_beach_1010_girls_01.jpg

As opposed to the pommy version:
http://cache1.asset-cache.net/xc/51226291.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=38FCB2103A208D77742D4E55FCF0B0C016D2B391F399E96B 4004F0E8AAFC27E0http://planetark.org/images/wefull/54025.jpg
Now which one would make you want to slit your wrists? :O:

[JScones]

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs009.snc4/33823_481576437554_18429207554_6010397_2478954_n.j pg
"I can't find any balls down there, can you?"

[TarJak]

You seen the football score?....the TOON thumped or should I have said 'hammered' West Ham 5-0 tonight.

Not your day is it :O:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x41/ross350z/nufc_8v526mxl.gif

Speak soon mate :sunny: Looks like the Toon got a touch up today mate. Who are Stevenage?:O:

[Jimbuna]

'Cos that's what Australian's do when we go to the beach:

As opposed to the pommy version:
http://cache1.asset-cache.net/xc/51226291.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=38FCB2103A208D77742D4E55FCF0B0C016D2B391F399E96B 4004F0E8AAFC27E0

Now which one would make you want to slit your wrists? :O:

I suspect the bottom picture but I honestly can't see it :hmmm:

Looks like the Toon got a touch up today mate. Who are Stevenage?:O:

Sat through it with grittrd teeth....three or four players injured/rested and the stark reality is the fact that the second string shouldn't be getting paid any wages at all.

[STEED]

'Cos that's what Australian's do when we go to the beach:

http://oursurprisingworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/australia_bondi_beach_1010_girls_01.jpg



A nation of women, no wonder you lost! :rotfl2:

[TarJak]

A nation of women, no wonder you lost! :rotfl2:
:har:

[bookworm_020]

http://oursurprisingworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/australia_bondi_beach_1010_girls_01.jpg


A nation of women, no wonder you lost! :rotfl2:

The fifth one from the left doesn't look like much of a woman!:hulk:

Must be an english backpacker who got lost!;)

[Jimbuna]

England women beat Australia women in the first twenty 20 match, can the men emulate that at Adelaide today?

Australia made 157-4 and England are currently 79-3 after 8 overs requiring another 79 to win.

Meanwhile: The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.

They want to ask their advice about how they managed to go downhill so fast....

[papa_smurf]

Currently listening to the match, and England are 96-3 off 11 overs.

8 wins in a row here we come:D

[papa_smurf]

England win by 1 run:woot: Was a close call though, 1 ball left, 1 run to win. Typical way of England to win a match.....

[Jimbuna]

England win by 1 run:woot: Was a close call though, 1 ball left, 1 run to win. Typical way of England to win a match.....

...and in so doing set a new world record for the most consecutive wins (8) in the history of the game.

The Aussies done themselves proud but Brett Lee couldn't reproduce the bowling form he had two years back ....twenty 20 is almost a lottery.

http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/692/ecblogo1.jpg

[STEED]

To much sex on the beach, thats why there all shagged out the Aussies. :DL

GO ENGLAND GO...SLAUGHTER THEM ALL!

[papa_smurf]

One of the best matches I've listened too for some time, hope rest of the series and the 1 day matches are as enthralling.

[Jimbuna]

You should seriously consider getting a Cable or Sky package installed for a couple of months....finances allowing of course.

[TarJak]

Or emigrate to Australia where the cricket is on free to air TV.:D

[bookworm_020]

To much sex on the beach, thats why there all shagged out the Aussies. :DL

GO ENGLAND GO...SLAUGHTER THEM ALL!

You can keep the ashes! We'll keep the women!:D

[JScones]

There's another one of those hit and giggles on tonight, isn't there? Might watch it...unless something better, like The Simpsons, is on...

[papa_smurf]

Bah! lost by a mere 4 runs. Time for the blame game, so I'll start: the outfield was too wet, so we couldn't get many boundaries:O:

[Jimbuna]

Congratulations to the Australians on tying the twenty 20 'series'....the law of averages dictates they would eventually get out of jail.

The 7 ODI's are starting to look a tad more interesting now.

I only wish the sad mackem would hop on the next flight to the UK. :DL

[Jimbuna]

You can keep the ashes! We'll keep the women!:D

You do realise they're getting a beating at cricket as well :DL

[TarJak]

Bah! lost by a mere 4 runs. Time for the blame game, so I'll start: the outfield was too wet, so we couldn't get many boundaries:O::har::har::har::har::har::yawn:

You do realise they're getting a beating at cricket as well :DL
Yes but ours are much better looking and more fun in bed.:O:

[Jimbuna]

:har::har::har::har::har::yawn:


Yes but ours are much better looking and more fun in bed.:O:

You'd never get one in the sack with you....you forget, I've been up all night on occasion as a result of your constant snoring :DL

[JScones]

Yes but ours are much better looking and more fun in bed.:O:
I think you're making this up. I don't think any male could comment on the sexual prowess of the Aussie women's cricket team. ;)

[STEED]

You can keep the ashes! We'll keep the women!:D

Feel free to have a great time with the fifth one along in Tarjaks pic. :rotfl2:

[papa_smurf]

Lets have some predictions for the one day series.....

I reckon it will be a close run thing, as Australia have shown in the last 20-20 with some really good bowling/fielding. But I'll stick my neck out and say England to win 5-2.

[TarJak]

You'd never get one in the sack with you....you forget, I've been up all night on occasion as a result of your constant snoring :DL
You're right. My missus would kick them out quick smart.
I think you're making this up. I don't think any male could comment on the sexual prowess of the Aussie women's cricket team. ;)But then again she might be more interested in my missus than me.

Lets have some predictions for the one day series.....

I reckon it will be a close run thing, as Australia have shown in the last 20-20 with some really good bowling/fielding. But I'll stick my neck out and say England to win 5-2.
It will be closer than that I think. 4-3 to the Aussies.

[Jimbuna]

For the Aussies to win 4-3 they will need the divine help of some partisan groundsmen in making 'special' batting and bowling conditions but that probably won't be that effective seeing as we are the stronger batting and bowling side.

Our one day team is still superior man for man but only marginally....and I'm including the mackem who shouldn't be playing in that assessment.

I'll go for the reversal of your 4-3 Aussie win prediction but much will depend on whether your 2009 International Cricketer Of The Year turns up with or without the YIPS :DL

[JScones]

6-1 England.

Yeah, I'm being optimistic...

[TarJak]

6-1 England.

Yeah, I'm being optimistic...:haha: You're probably right.:cry::cry:

[papa_smurf]

6-1 England.

Yeah, I'm being optimistic...

Yup:D

[TarJak]

Certainly game on in the first match. Good chase set by the poms. But the Aussies looking good in their inning ls with Watson showing great form.

[papa_smurf]

Looking very close, with some excellent batting from Watson.

[TarJak]

And that's one nil Australia. Record successful run chase and Watson 161 from 151 balls!!!

[papa_smurf]

And that's one nil Australia. Record successful run chase and Watson 161 from 151 balls!!!

Still 6 to go, so don't get ahead of yourselves:O:

[TarJak]

Still 6 to go, so don't get ahead of yourselves:O:
:har:

[Jimbuna]

Yep, Watson made all the difference....this series should be a close run thing.

Congratulations on first blood Australia.

[STEED]

We won the Ashes and stuff the rest!

England you better not adopt that attitude, get out there and win or I will kick your ass in to next week.

[papa_smurf]

We won the Ashes and stuff the rest!

England you better not adopt that attitude, get out there and win or I will kick your ass in to next week.

The way we played, it looks like we got that attitude. We better not carry it on when were at the Cricket world cup:nope:

[STEED]

The way we played, it looks like we got that attitude. We better not carry it on when were at the Cricket world cup:nope:

Indeed, the world cup is the big one.

[Jimbuna]

Excuse the interruption gents (and yes that includes you STEED :DL).....Any game against the Aussies IS A BIG ONE.

[Feuer Frei!]

Speaking of the World Cup, Australia's squad named:

Ricky Ponting (captain), Michael Clarke (vice-captain), Doug Bollinger, Brad Haddin, John Hastings, Nathan Hauritz, David Hussey, Michael Hussey, Mitchell Johnson, Brett Lee, Tim Paine, Steve Smith, Shaun Tait, Shane Watson, Cameron White.

What a joke! :down:
STILL no Brad Hodge! Steve Smith, is he the love child of A Hilditch? He can't bat and bowl.
Ponting and Clarke STILL there, no lessons learnt yet, selectors?
Mitchell Johnson, inconsistent.
Shaun Tait is nowhere near as fast as he used to be, before his elbow surgery. Another has-been.
Brett Lee? What?
The only good news out of that squad is Nathan Hauritz who was duped by the selctors for no reason, he deserves more., and Brad Haddin.
Australia, you will be roasted!
Good luck, you'll need it.

[Jimbuna]

Australia take a 2-0 lead after the second ODI....England need a little more effort from one or two of the so called 'superstars' such as Pietersen.

[papa_smurf]

No excuses this time, we were useless:nope:

[TarJak]

Still 6 to go, so don't get ahead of yourselves:O:
I think with the 2-0 lead we can afford a very small amount of smugness.:smug:

Mind you I thought our 230 was a crap innings with only Marsh and White showing any fight with the bat. Good bowling and fielding by both sides though.

The biggest issue for us will be the mounting injury toll. Hussey, Tait and Hauritz could spell real problems for the World Cup.

[STEED]

And next to beat the pants off England is the Australian all lesbian we hate cricket and rather be having it off womens cricket team.












Yes I was been sarcastic. ;) :rotfl2:

[papa_smurf]

Lost by 4 wickets, and now 3-0 down with 4 to play:damn:

[STEED]

F e c kless morons.

[TarJak]

Australia::har::har::har:
England::88)

If we win the next I don't give a rats clacker if we lose the last 3.:smug:

I'm liking the poms form in the lead up to the World Cup though. Mind you I don't think it will be them we need to worry about.

[Jimbuna]

Bloody glad I was at work and couldn't see it.

Another fine innings by the SMB I see :nope:

[papa_smurf]

Australia::har::har::har:
England::88)

If we win the next I don't give a rats clacker if we lose the last 3.:smug:

I'm liking the poms form in the lead up to the World Cup though. Mind you I don't think it will be them we need to worry about.

Seems England are happy to win the ashes, and don't give two monkeys about the one day series. They better buck their ideas up come the cricket world cup:doh:.

[Jimbuna]

Seems England are happy to win the ashes, and don't give two monkeys about the one day series. They better buck their ideas up come the cricket world cup:doh:.

I really don't see it like that.

I think it's more a case of having a good solid and balanced test side but insufficient numbers of quality ODI players to cover every department.

There is a greater emphasis on hitting the ground running in a one day match and we obviously don't have sufficient....I'll cite Pietersen, Prior and Collingwood for starters and it gets worse the further down the order you go.

[bookworm_020]

At least it's giving me something to cheer about before I go back to work! Go Australia!:woot:

[STEED]

To much sex, booze and late nights in the disco's.

[papa_smurf]

To much sex, booze and late nights in the disco's.

Thought "freddy" Flintoff had left the team:har:

[Jimbuna]

To much sex, booze and late nights in the disco's.

Much as I liked Freddie, he was little more than Bothams padawan when it came to cricket, women and drinking :DL

[TarJak]

I thought that was Warnie.:hmmm:

[STEED]

Thought "freddy" Flintoff had left the team:har:

He has, but his habits have not.

[Onkel Neal]

What the heck, isn't the ashes 2010 done yet? It's 2011 in this part of the world. :O:

[papa_smurf]

What the heck, isn't the ashes 2010 done yet? It's 2011 in this part of the world. :O:

Yes, but we still in Australia and any opportunity to beat them on home ground counts:D.

Update: England win 4th one day by 21 runs.

[Jimbuna]

I thought that was Warnie.:hmmm:

Warnie was the other padawan :DL

[papa_smurf]

We've lost the 4th ODI by 51 runs, and have been humiliated thanks to incompetent batting once again.

Only one thing for it:

TAXI FOR ENGLAND!

[TarJak]

Our batting wasn't up to much either but looks like we've found some bowlers and fielders that were AWOL during the Ashes series.:88) I reckon my predition may be right if we take our foot off the pedal after securing the series.

[papa_smurf]

Our batting wasn't up to much either but looks like we've found some bowlers and fielders that were AWOL during the Ashes series.:88) I reckon my predition may be right if we take our foot off the pedal after securing the series.

Seems like our best batsmen have gone AWOL:doh:. We need to get our act together and try not to lose 6-1.

[Jimbuna]

Our batting wasn't up to much either but looks like we've found some bowlers and fielders that were AWOL during the Ashes series.:88) I reckon my predition may be right if we take our foot off the pedal after securing the series.

We'll settle for what was obviosly both sides no1 priority....the ashes :DL

[STEED]

Bunch of s***s. :nope: :damn:

What next? Are they going to look at the world cup and say nuts to it we got the Ashes? You don't get to number one in the world just winning the Ashes you know, wake up England and get your ar*e in to gear.

[Jimbuna]

Too many injuries during the ODI series.

I don't expect us to win the World Cup but I'm confident we'll progress further than Australia.

[papa_smurf]

Too many injuries during the ODI series.

I don't expect us to win the World Cup but I'm confident we'll progress further than Australia.

We should at least get into the super eight.....:smug:

[TarJak]

Off to the game tomorrow. Looks like being a scorcher.

[Jimbuna]

Off to the game tomorrow. Looks like being a scorcher.

You have a goodun Grant, wish I was there with you mate....but drinking better grog than was served to us a few years back in Houston :DL

[TarJak]

You have a goodun Grant, wish I was there with you mate....but drinking better grog than was served to us a few years back in Houston :DL
:haha:Oh I will. My missus asked me how long it would take to get from the railway station to the ground. I replied that it would depend on how many pubs we stopped at along the way.:D

Looks like the weather might be a factor with showers forecast this afternoon. A bloody hot one beforehand though with temps in the mid to high 30's celcius.

[Jimbuna]

Simply enjoy the occasion...regardless of the result :up:

[TarJak]

Must remember to keep my fluid intake up.:D

[bookworm_020]

Must remember to keep my fluid intake up.:D

At least I don't have to drive you home. I've finished my shift already!

[papa_smurf]

Now 5-1 to Australia, and we've lost players to injury right before the world cup............:damn:

[Jimbuna]

Must remember to keep my fluid intake up.:D

Was woken at 0714 GMT this morning by the text message ringtone on my Blackberry located downstairs (tis usually at my bedside but seeing as I'm on holiday this week and had a canny session last night....I kinda forgot to bring it upstairs with me).

Jumped out of bed and ran downstairs thinking James had sent a message from Alaska.

Message was from you advising of current state of play LOL.

Went back upstairs and wife asks "Was it from James"?

I replied "No, just some mongrel from Australia"

Wife laughs and says "It'll be Grant, you told me he was going to the ODI"

Settled back down in bed and was about to doze off when approximately 20 minutes later the bugga chimes again.

Opens it up to see your picture.

Fell asleep soon after and as God is my witness I dreamt you'd turned up on my doorstep with your 'huge' family and I mean 'huge'....loads of kids, aunts, uncles and cousins, plus their families LOL.

I noticed the message asking me to check my email but I can't find anything from you....I've text you my private email.

Looks like you witnessed the best ODI of the series :DL

[papa_smurf]

Looks like you witnessed the best ODI of the series :DL

Yeah, for Australia.......useless England team. We improve our batting after the last ODI, but our bowling attack goes down the toilet:nope:.

[STEED]

Top Gear Vs Top Gear down under for the motor ashes and who won?

WE DID! :D

TOP GEAR RULES OK. :DL

Second chance to see it tonight folks of the UK.

[TarJak]

Was woken at 0714 GMT this morning by the text message ringtone on my Blackberry located downstairs (tis usually at my bedside but seeing as I'm on holiday this week and had a canny session last night....I kinda forgot to bring it upstairs with me).

Jumped out of bed and ran downstairs thinking James had sent a message from Alaska.

Message was from you advising of current state of play LOL.

Went back upstairs and wife asks "Was it from James"?

I replied "No, just some mongrel from Australia"

Wife laughs and says "It'll be Grant, you told me he was going to the ODI"

Settled back down in bed and was about to doze off when approximately 20 minutes later the bugga chimes again.

Opens it up to see your picture.

Fell asleep soon after and as God is my witness I dreamt you'd turned up on my doorstep with your 'huge' family and I mean 'huge'....loads of kids, aunts, uncles and cousins, plus their families LOL.

I noticed the message asking me to check my email but I can't find anything from you....I've text you my private email.

Looks like you witnessed the best ODI of the series :DL
:haha: Sorry about the wake-up call:zzz:. Was well lubricated by that stage of the game and England looked on top with a tough chase for the Aussies. I'll check what happened with the e-mail. Sent it from my phone and with the lubrication, may not have hit all the right buttons.:88)

The English opening bowling attack got decimated by Watson and Haddin but overall it was touch and go right up until the last couple of overs. Even in the last over I wasn't confident we would make it.

I'll have to organise the whole family to visit South Shields at some stage to make your dreams come true.:O:

[Jimbuna]

:haha: Sorry about the wake-up call:zzz:. Was well lubricated by that stage of the game and England looked on top with a tough chase for the Aussies. I'll check what happened with the e-mail. Sent it from my phone and with the lubrication, may not have hit all the right buttons.:88)

The English opening bowling attack got decimated by Watson and Haddin but overall it was touch and go right up until the last couple of overs. Even in the last over I wasn't confident we would make it.

I'll have to organise the whole family to visit South Shields at some stage to make your dreams come true.:O:

SINK EM ALL MATE....YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WELCOME!! http://www.psionguild.org/forums/images/smilies/wolfsmilies/thumbsup.gif

[JScones]

Talking about cheats... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqwEwS8cwzQ

Never known a bail to fall forward and five seconds later when someone gets bowled. :hmmm:

But then, when you are desperate, you do stoopid things...

Interesting that Mr Botham has remained quiet, given what he said about Hughes in a situation that was not quite as black and white as Prior's... ;)

[TarJak]

Talking about cheats... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqwEwS8cwzQ

Never known a bail to fall forward and five seconds later when someone gets bowled. :hmmm:

But then, when you are desperate, you do stoopid things...

Interesting that Mr Botham has remained quiet, given what he said about Hughes in a situation that was not quite as black and white as Prior's... ;)Watched it happen live and didn't think too much of it other than the poms were hard up for a wicket and were willing to try anything to get a win.;) Still it certinly wasn't cricket.

[Jimbuna]

It's certainly got me puzzled....all I can think of is the he saw the bail move and his instinct was to see it through.

But a very questionnable action regardless of which country you play for (apart from Pakistan) :O:

[TarJak]

Well another season down and the Poms looking shaky before the World Cup next month. I'd have been glad to swap honours though and get the Ashes back.

Will be interesting to see if we can retain the Cup and stop drinking out of these saucers.:D

[papa_smurf]

6-1 defeat, bah!

[Jimbuna]

Well another season down and the Poms looking shaky before the World Cup next month. I'd have been glad to swap honours though and get the Ashes back.

Will be interesting to see if we can retain the Cup and stop drinking out of these saucers.:D

On present form I reckon your in with a shout but prior to the ODI.....no chance.

[TarJak]

6-1 defeat, bah!Woot!:yeah::O:

On present form I reckon your in with a shout but prior to the ODI.....no chance.
Aye, we were looking very shaky after the Ashes defeat. What I wonder is whether it was the Poms putting all their eggs into the Ashes basket, or the Aussies finding some people who could play cricket when the OID's started.:hmmm:

[Jimbuna]

Woot!:yeah::O:


Aye, we were looking very shaky after the Ashes defeat. What I wonder is whether it was the Poms putting all their eggs into the Ashes basket, or the Aussies finding some people who could play cricket when the OID's started.:hmmm:

I reckon one thing we can agree on is the fact your lot simply aren't good enough yet to put in a consistent 5 day performance and my lot are lacking in the tenacity to be as ruthless in a 1 day performance as they have undoubtedly proven over the last two Ashes series to be over the 5 day hard slog/haul.

[papa_smurf]

I reckon one thing we can agree on is the fact your lot simply aren't good enough yet to put in a consistent 5 day performance and my lot are lacking in the tenacity to be as ruthless in a 1 day performance as they have undoubtedly proven over the last two Ashes series to be over the 5 day hard slog/haul.

True, plus now we got a ton of injured players in the run up to the ICC world Cup:nope:. I have to conclude that having the 7 ODI's after the Ashes was an example of bad planning. (Or was it a Aussie conspiracy:hmmm:?)

[Jimbuna]

True, plus now we got a ton of injured players in the run up to the ICC world Cup:nope:. I have to conclude that having the 7 ODI's after the Ashes was an example of bad planning. (Or was it a Aussie conspiracy:hmmm:?)

Afraid not....tis simply what has always happened (well in recent meetings) at the conclusion of an Ashes Series (the number of games might fluctuate but not too significantly).

Bottom Line.....I'd have settled for an Ashes victory before we arrived, as I'm sure the Aussies would have.