XabbaRus
01-08-10, 04:03 AM
*New Year brings rise in Security Alert State*
>
> Recent terrorist threats have caused the English to raise their
> security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security
> levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
> The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
> tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from
> "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the English issued a
> "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the
> Spanish Armada.
>
> The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
> the Bastards". They don't have any other levels.. This is the reason
> they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
> 300 years.
>
> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
> terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
> France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender.." The rise was precipitated by
> a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
> paralysing the country's military capability.
>
> It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy
> has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
> "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
> Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
>
> The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
> Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
> have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
>
> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
>
> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
> deploy. These beautifully designed craft have glass bottoms so the new
> Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
>
> Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes
> on all of their allies, just in case.
>
> And in the southern hemisphere...
>
> New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
> "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a
> squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
> toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more
> level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue
> us".
>
> Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
> to "She'll be all right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain:
> "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
> "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use
> of the final escalation level.
>
> Recent terrorist threats have caused the English to raise their
> security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security
> levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
> The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
> tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from
> "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the English issued a
> "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the
> Spanish Armada.
>
> The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
> the Bastards". They don't have any other levels.. This is the reason
> they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
> 300 years.
>
> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
> terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
> France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender.." The rise was precipitated by
> a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
> paralysing the country's military capability.
>
> It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy
> has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
> "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
> Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
>
> The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
> Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
> have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
>
> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
>
> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
> deploy. These beautifully designed craft have glass bottoms so the new
> Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
>
> Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes
> on all of their allies, just in case.
>
> And in the southern hemisphere...
>
> New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
> "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a
> squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
> toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more
> level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue
> us".
>
> Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
> to "She'll be all right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain:
> "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
> "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use
> of the final escalation level.