Brag
12-09-09, 02:44 PM
The water hissed as it turned into steam. “You filthy swine!” Captain Hawkins, yelled. Covered in wet ash, his face had turned black. “This bridge is a mess.”
Balz lit a cigar. “Captain, you will have plenty of time to amuse yourself cleaning your bridge after we leave.” He then turned to the urchin. “Bernaaard, go to a quieter place to make coffee.”
“Aye, aye, Herr Glorious Pirate.”
“Get off my ship!”
Balz smiled. “We shall swiftly depart after we have satisfactorily looted your ship.” He extended his hand, palm up. “The keys to your safe, please.”
“Never!”
“Now!.”
“Never!”
“Now!”
“Never!”
“It’s now or never. A good title for a hoochie-woochie song.” Balz shrugged. “We have ways for ripping off safes without keys. First we attach steel cable to the safe. We then attach same steel cable to port anchor. Then, I the great pirate, give the nautical order: Let go!” Balz chuckled. “The anchor goes down, it pulls the safe. Craaack, safe makes noise. More crack, the safe with the money and the gold cracks like a kracken cracking the bulhead. Then the big craaack cracks the bulkhead and the safe crashes like a Krakatoa erupting into the wheelhouse. It devastates the wheel and karashes through the front of the wheelhouse dragging the splendid edifice of the front of the superstructure into a shambles of wood and metal onto the forward well-deck.” Balz shook his head. “A terrible, shocking, sorry, unruly mess, which looks bad on a ship that should look neat on entering port.”
“You will pay for this,” Hawkins roared.
“Do you accept checks?” Balz asked.
“Never in my nautical career have I seen such an outrageous clown as you.”
Balz shook his head. “We are original and I am the greatest nautical show manager. Where else do you get robbed by belly dancers, Seven Peelers of Wisdom, an idiot like Bernard, the Forty Thieves, Aladin the lamp rubber and me? The Great Balz.”
“Not even on a Christmas pantomime.” With dread, Hawkins watched Ali Baba drag a steel cable and go into the chart room, where the safe was.
“Abra kadabra is the magic word, like open safefami,” Balz said. “This is your last chance to kindly surrender the key—by the way, do I look good and heroic in my elegant garb?”
“You look, like a cheap, shwitty pirate.”
“Do you speak Japanese?”
“No, why?”
“You may want to say sayonara to your safe.”
“If I say sayonara it will be in English.”
“You can’t say sayonara in English,” Balz retorted.
“I can say sayonara in any language I jolly choose.”
“You must say Sayonara in Japanese.”
“Will you proceed with your robbery, spare me your wit, and get it over with?”
Balz spread his arms in an expansive gesture. “ Roberies at sea must be done with feeling and creative spirit. After all, it isn’t every day you meet a pirate. I make sure your experience is a memorable one.”
“You’ll have a memorable experience when they hang you.”
“Sorry, but not much memory is left after being hung.”
Hawkins waved his fist. “I will be the one with the joyful memory of your hanging.”
“Before we proceed with freeing the safe from its location, would you like to sign up for the walking the plank event?”
“I’m signing nothing.”
“Liberate the safe—let go port anchor,” Balz commanded.
The cable sang as it tightened.
“Clear the wheelhouse,” Balz bellowed.
The safe crashed through the chart room door, dragging the bulkhead. It crashed through the front of the wheel house.
The belly dancers stopped dancing and flew over the rail into the water.
The safe crashed through the deck into the number two hold. It flew back out and sped across the deck, leaving debris behind. It banged into the forecastle, It smashed the paint locker bulkhead, climbed up and came to a stop at the hawse pipe. In slow motion a crack opened in the hull. With the screech of metal the bow of the ship separated itself from the rest of the hull. In a few seconds, the bow and the safe disappeared under bubbling water.
“Main gold!” Balz roared. “Your stinking, badly built English ship lost my gold.”
http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif
Balz lit a cigar. “Captain, you will have plenty of time to amuse yourself cleaning your bridge after we leave.” He then turned to the urchin. “Bernaaard, go to a quieter place to make coffee.”
“Aye, aye, Herr Glorious Pirate.”
“Get off my ship!”
Balz smiled. “We shall swiftly depart after we have satisfactorily looted your ship.” He extended his hand, palm up. “The keys to your safe, please.”
“Never!”
“Now!.”
“Never!”
“Now!”
“Never!”
“It’s now or never. A good title for a hoochie-woochie song.” Balz shrugged. “We have ways for ripping off safes without keys. First we attach steel cable to the safe. We then attach same steel cable to port anchor. Then, I the great pirate, give the nautical order: Let go!” Balz chuckled. “The anchor goes down, it pulls the safe. Craaack, safe makes noise. More crack, the safe with the money and the gold cracks like a kracken cracking the bulhead. Then the big craaack cracks the bulkhead and the safe crashes like a Krakatoa erupting into the wheelhouse. It devastates the wheel and karashes through the front of the wheelhouse dragging the splendid edifice of the front of the superstructure into a shambles of wood and metal onto the forward well-deck.” Balz shook his head. “A terrible, shocking, sorry, unruly mess, which looks bad on a ship that should look neat on entering port.”
“You will pay for this,” Hawkins roared.
“Do you accept checks?” Balz asked.
“Never in my nautical career have I seen such an outrageous clown as you.”
Balz shook his head. “We are original and I am the greatest nautical show manager. Where else do you get robbed by belly dancers, Seven Peelers of Wisdom, an idiot like Bernard, the Forty Thieves, Aladin the lamp rubber and me? The Great Balz.”
“Not even on a Christmas pantomime.” With dread, Hawkins watched Ali Baba drag a steel cable and go into the chart room, where the safe was.
“Abra kadabra is the magic word, like open safefami,” Balz said. “This is your last chance to kindly surrender the key—by the way, do I look good and heroic in my elegant garb?”
“You look, like a cheap, shwitty pirate.”
“Do you speak Japanese?”
“No, why?”
“You may want to say sayonara to your safe.”
“If I say sayonara it will be in English.”
“You can’t say sayonara in English,” Balz retorted.
“I can say sayonara in any language I jolly choose.”
“You must say Sayonara in Japanese.”
“Will you proceed with your robbery, spare me your wit, and get it over with?”
Balz spread his arms in an expansive gesture. “ Roberies at sea must be done with feeling and creative spirit. After all, it isn’t every day you meet a pirate. I make sure your experience is a memorable one.”
“You’ll have a memorable experience when they hang you.”
“Sorry, but not much memory is left after being hung.”
Hawkins waved his fist. “I will be the one with the joyful memory of your hanging.”
“Before we proceed with freeing the safe from its location, would you like to sign up for the walking the plank event?”
“I’m signing nothing.”
“Liberate the safe—let go port anchor,” Balz commanded.
The cable sang as it tightened.
“Clear the wheelhouse,” Balz bellowed.
The safe crashed through the chart room door, dragging the bulkhead. It crashed through the front of the wheel house.
The belly dancers stopped dancing and flew over the rail into the water.
The safe crashed through the deck into the number two hold. It flew back out and sped across the deck, leaving debris behind. It banged into the forecastle, It smashed the paint locker bulkhead, climbed up and came to a stop at the hawse pipe. In slow motion a crack opened in the hull. With the screech of metal the bow of the ship separated itself from the rest of the hull. In a few seconds, the bow and the safe disappeared under bubbling water.
“Main gold!” Balz roared. “Your stinking, badly built English ship lost my gold.”
http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif