View Full Version : D@mn, I shoulda married Tiger
nikimcbee
12-03-09, 12:51 AM
wow, with a payout like that, where do I sign up?
http://wcbstv.com/sports/tiger.woods.affair.2.1346199.html
:o:hmmm:
With money like that, I could fly to Neal's house every monday so I could tease him about the raiders.:haha:
Weren't you shagging him? Everyone else seems to have been.:haha:
nikimcbee
12-03-09, 01:10 AM
Weren't you shagging him? Everyone else seems to have been.:haha:
I was next in line when they closed the gate!:har: There goes the big payout.
Ah well a day late and a dollar short eh?:D
I dont understand why superstars ever get married, I know my theoretical marriage as a theoretical superstar would end in tears, as there is no way i would be able to withstand the temptations.
Torplexed
12-03-09, 06:14 AM
Golfers...they're born swingers. ;)
Going by their Christmas photo for this year, Tiger's image is indeed a bit tattered....
http://s3.amazonaws.com/twitpic/photos/full/46857089.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=0ZRYP5X5F6FSMBCCSE82&Expires=1259839620&Signature=YfQi%2BXa28L4gacK5ZKGrvgXNUH4%3D
HunterICX
12-03-09, 06:15 AM
:haha::har: Nice!
HunterICX
AVGWarhawk
12-03-09, 08:36 AM
Get'in more than the old golf balls polished and seeing if his shaft is straight on the club.
For a guy who has done a lot to keep his image clean certainly went the entire opposite direction.
SteamWake
12-03-09, 08:48 AM
Why wont this story just go away..
This is nothing you dont see in any trailer park or walmart on a friday night.
Its just that its a celibrity.
Really who gives a crap.
AVGWarhawk
12-03-09, 08:56 AM
Because generally speaking the public like to see celebrities fall from grace. Something mental about it all really.
Torvald Von Mansee
12-03-09, 02:56 PM
http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee141/achtung_album/King%20tiger/King_Tiger_zimmerit_03.jpg
*DROOL*
Yes, a Tiger is quite sexy!!!
Onkel Neal
12-03-09, 03:55 PM
wow, with a payout like that, where do I sign up?
http://wcbstv.com/sports/tiger.woods.affair.2.1346199.html
:o:hmmm:
With money like that, I could fly to Neal's house every monday so I could tease him about the raiders.:haha:
For that money you could buy me a nice house in Seattle and then just walk over.
Jimbuna
12-03-09, 06:05 PM
This could end up being one of the worlds most costliest shags/transgressions :o
What do you mean one? From what I've read the girlie from Vegas was around for several months and there are apparently others yet to come out of the woodwork. Seems O'l niki missed out big time.:D
Jimbuna
12-04-09, 01:07 PM
A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
AVGWarhawk
12-04-09, 01:48 PM
Sent that one off to the boss! :up:
nikimcbee
12-04-09, 02:17 PM
Weren't you shagging him? Everyone else seems to have been.:haha:
What was your number in line?:haha:
Jimbuna
12-04-09, 03:59 PM
Sent that one off to the boss! :up:
Your employed by Tiger Woods!! http://imgcash6.imageshack.us/img231/1076/shockedvi8.gif
:DL
AVGWarhawk
12-04-09, 04:03 PM
Your employed by Tiger Woods!! http://imgcash6.imageshack.us/img231/1076/shockedvi8.gif
:DL
Nah, but he is an avid golfer.
What was your number in line?:haha:I don't queue mate.
:har:
Onkel Neal
12-07-09, 11:53 PM
Woman's claim: I was NOT Tiger Woods' mistress (http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/books/blog/2009/12/womans_claim_i_was_not_tiger_w.html)
Daphne Czechtowika, hostess for a German-themed restaurant in Racine, Wis., revealed today that she did not have an affair with Tiger Woods -- a claim that set off a rush by book agents for her memoir. If true, the claim would make Czechtowika the only hostess or waitress in America whom Woods did not hit on.
Man, this is getting outta control. :o
bookworm_020
12-08-09, 01:43 AM
Nah, but he is an avid golfer.
So is Tiger Wood's wife now!:O:
Takeda Shingen
12-08-09, 08:06 AM
wow, with a payout like that, where do I sign up?
http://wcbstv.com/sports/tiger.woods.affair.2.1346199.html
:o:hmmm:
With money like that, I could fly to Neal's house every monday so I could tease him about the raiders.:haha:
I don't know about that. Sounds like someone with blonde hair was just wheeled out of there on a stretcher this morning.
AVGWarhawk
12-08-09, 10:08 AM
So is Tiger Wood's wife now!:O:
I'm not sure if she is a golfer but she will be single very soon. :doh:
Do you know what is the difference between a golf ball and a Cadillac Escalade?.......
Tiger can drive the golf ball 400 yards!
-----
Tiger Woods bangs these nine bimbos, goes home, and then invites two of his buddies over to the house. The phone rings. It's Johnny Miller. Johnny asks Tiger how his game is coming along. Tiger says; not too good. I just had two over after nine ho's.
-----
Now Elin knows what Tiger meant when he said is was just popping out to play a round.
-----
Tiger tried to explain to Elin that oral sex and intercourse are not really the same. "
"That's ridiculous" she said.
"Tiger said, "Well then why do they have different prices?
-----
Thank you very much! I'm here till tuesday. Try the Veal.
:D
Platapus
12-09-09, 07:10 AM
Thank you very much! I'm here till tuesday. Try the Veal.
:D
Good thing you did not ask us to tip our waitresses, as I believe Tiger all ready slipped each of them a big tip.
(rimshot)
(Crickets chirping)
(I will sitting over here)
:D
AVGWarhawk
12-09-09, 09:04 AM
So, we have text messages and apparently some pictures of Tiger in compromising positions have surfaced. Someone must show Tiger how to cover his tracks.
nikimcbee
12-11-09, 08:23 PM
It's the chicks fault!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiHz9iK_HZg&NR=1&feature=fvwp
Blood_splat
12-13-09, 05:19 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxJYAOYngCw&feature=popular
:haha:
conus00
12-13-09, 06:06 PM
-Do you know what is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
-Santa Claus stops after three HOs.
Jimbuna
12-15-09, 10:49 AM
After crashing his car into a tree and fire hydrant, Tiger Woods has now came out and said "Crash was my fault"
Thanks so much for clearing that up, i was under the impression that it was the trees fault. :doh:
I just asked my girlfriend the big question!
She said no; she's never slept with Tiger Woods. :smug:
New Gillette Ad! Tiger Woods appears and says "F**k me! That was a close shave!" :dead:
Stevie Wonder was having a meal with Tiger Woods when he challenged Tiger to a round of golf.
"You can't be serious," said Tiger, without sounding rude. "You're blind, how do you know where your ball is?"
"I play with a ball with a bell in it," said Stevie. "I bet you $10 million that I can beat you."
"Okay then," said Tiger, "but we'll do it for charity. When do you want to do it?"
"Any night next week," says Stevie. :cool:
Sailor Steve
12-15-09, 04:41 PM
Geez, Jim, that last one reminded me of one I heard years ago: I can beat the top Olympic sprinter with a three-foot head start, as long as I get to choose the course.
The course? Up a ladder.
Jimbuna
12-15-09, 04:50 PM
Geez, Jim, that last one reminded me of one I heard years ago: I can beat the top Olympic sprinter with a three-foot head start, as long as I get to choose the course.
The course? Up a ladder.
Rgr that mate....I remember a good few years back when the centre forward of my football team (who was known to have repeated difficulty in staying trim like an athlete) boasted he was quicker than Linford Christie....over one yard :DL
AVGWarhawk
12-16-09, 11:57 AM
Twas the night of Thanksgiving
and out of the house,
Tiger Woods came a-flying
chased by his spouse.
She wheeled a nine iron
and wasn't too merry,
cause a bimbo's phone number
she found on his Blackberry.
He been cheating on
poor little Elin,
and as each day went by
another woman came out squealing.
He'd been on Holly, on Jamie,
on Rachael, on Corrie,
on Joshlyn, Lalieka
TMZ had the story.
From the top of the world
to above the fold,
Tiger's evermore sordid tale
it was told.
With hostesses, waitresses
he had lots of sex,
and when he wasn't hosin' 'em
he sent 'em hot texts.
He crashed the Caddy
but didn't call OnStar,
yeah, he played "spank me Daddy"
with a skanky ole porn star.
He's been naughty
so with Santa he hasn't a chance,
'cept a big lump of coal
to match the lump in his pants.
But despite all his cryin
and beggin and pleadin,
Tiger's wife went right out
bought a new house in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim
as she packed the Escalade,
"if your gonna get laid
then I'm gonna get paid".
And now she's not pouting
in fact she's of good cheer,
cause her pre-nup made Christmas
come early this year.
Jimbuna
12-16-09, 04:02 PM
LOL :DL
So, it turns out that the woman rushed to hospital from Tiger Woods' house was his mother in law.
It's about time the poor ***ker had a bit of good news for a change.
AVGWarhawk
12-16-09, 04:03 PM
LOL :DL
So, it turns out that the woman rushed to hospital from Tiger Woods' house was his mother in law.
It's about time the poor ****er had a bit of good news for a change.
:har::har:
Yeah, this is one way to get her out of the house.
Even Santa stops after the third ho tiger!
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Torplexed
12-16-09, 09:41 PM
:D
http://pyxis.homestead.com/chris-crocker-TIGER.jpg
Jimbuna
12-17-09, 04:12 PM
I remember playing golf in Thailand a few years back.I was playing quite well and a crowd had gathered.
As I holed another putt,the crowd started shouting "tiger!woods!tiger!woods!"
I turned to acknowledge them but they'd gone, and that's when the bloody tiger came out of the woods.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v499/c_jane24/Smileys/4_6_100.gif
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