Zergkrieg - A HOI2 AAR

[Oberon]

ZERGKRIEG

or

'Right you Soviet bastards, this time I mean it...'

or

'Oberon gets his backside handed to him by the Soviets yet again'.


A long time ago, in a Reich far far away, a meeting was taking place between the Fuhrer and his top planners.

"Right you lot...this is the fourth time I've played this game and every time I get my arse handed to me by the Russians. So this time we're going to play it different!"

The Fuhrer unrolled a series of maps across the tables in front of them, making the generals gasp.

"But mein Fuhrer, this...this...is ahistorical!"

Hitler pounded the map with his fists.

"And I'm hysterical! Every time we crush the Polish, trounce the French...and even invade and occupy the British Isles only to get our arses handed to us by the Soviets! We even tried leaving the Soviets alone...only to get invaded by them!! We have to focus our forces on one target to have maximum success!"

A more aspiring General by the name of von Kluge peered at the map and pointed at Poland.

"What of Poland?"

Hitler pointed at Von Ribbentrop

"You...Make friendly with the Poles, if you can sign a treaty with Molotov then you can sign a treaty with the damn Polish. That puts us a step closer to Moscow and gets the British and French off our backs, oh, and get the Romanians in as well if you can."

"And the Italians and Japanese?" asked Von Ribbentrop

"The Italians are a liability and the Japanese are on the wrong side of the planet. We can buddy up to them later."

Von Kluge looked at the map again.

"And how are we to destroy the Soviets?"

Hitler grinned manically

"Ja, this is the question...and I have the answer!"

Another roll of paper was thrown on the table.

"Mein Kameraden, Unternehmen Zerg!"

"Instead of building industries, we will build tanks...lots and lots of tanks! And we must research doctrine for Blitzkrieg, and designs for tanks and mechanised infantry. Then we will unleash the mother of all Zerg rushes on the Soviet Union when they least expect it! Dismissed!!"

The Fuhrer laughed manically as the generals filed out. Von Manstein turned to Guderian.

"I give him...one chance in three..."
"Humph...if that..."

[Oberon]

June 1936

A Brush with Destiny

http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/2669/zergkrieg1.jpg

"Mein Fuhrer!"
"Ja, ja, what is it? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something important..."
It was the trees...it was always the trees...they mocked him, they slipped through his fingers like the sands of time through an hourglass. Their little branches and leaves eluded his paintbrush and made rude gestures in the recesses of his muse. He snapped the paintbrush in half and threw it at the canvas before turning to see who dared interrupt him during his art.
It was Guderian, leader of the Zerg project.
"Well, spit it out Guderian!"
"Mein Fuhrer...the first Zerg unit has been deployed..."
Ah! Good news at last, Hitler virtually bounced in his chair in happiness.
"Who is in command?"
"One General Hermann Hoth, sir."
Hitler looked at Guderian closely.
"Is this a joke?"
Guderian flinched as though Hitler had reached across the table and slapped him in the face...which, given the Fuhrers current state of mind, was always a possibility.
"Nein, Mein Fuhrer...Hermann Hoth is a dedicated member of the ZergKorps. His leadership of Ein ZergSturmKorps was the logical choice."
"Is he any good in winter, or against AT-AT Imperial units?"
Guderian blinked.
"Mein Fuhrer?"
"Never mind...just...keep up the good work Guderian. The Polish project is coming along well, and our production plants are being taught new ways of putting bolts together so that our tanks will stay together when they move."
"This is good mein Fuhrer!"
"Ja...das ist gut, but...will it be enough to defeat the trees..."
"The who?"
Hitler turned on him and pointed half a paintbrush at Guderian.
"The Soviets! Who else?! Now get back to work Guderian! There is still much to be done!"

As Guderian left, Hitler sat back down and glowered at the canvas.

[Oberon]

July 1936

The winds of change...

There was a strange smell around the Reichstag...
Armed with a can of Febreeze he stalked the corridors, his nose leading the way, shooing nervous aides and politicians aside as he turned a corridor and walked towards the door to the FlugZerg Minister...
He flung the door open and there was a giant monster which reeked of methane and bodily odours, he pulled the trigger and marched forwards.
"Oust! Begone foul stench!" The hideous odour struggled for survival, battling the fragrent air freshener but soon it entered its death throes and fell to the floor, slain.
"Herr Hitler?" The door had opened again behind him, Hitler turned, triumphant in his victory. It was Karl Koller, a General of the Zergwaffe.
"Look Karl, I have finally defeated the vile odour which has stalked this ministry for too long!"
"Ja wohl Mein Fuhrer...and the Head of the Air Ministry with it..."
"Bah...Air Ministry Shmair Ministry...you care so much about it, you can have it!"
"Ja wohl Mein Fuhrer! And can I have some fighters to go with it?"
"Ja...whatever..."
Hitler stalked out and headed back to his office to try and find his putty rubber now that the smell had been defeated.
A few minutes later the janitor arrived to remove Goerings body from the office.

http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/760/zergkrieg2.jpg

[Raptor1]

Well, if we had known it was that easy, we wouldn't have bothered arranging transport all the way to Africa just to get rid of it...

[NeonSamurai]

Ok I have to ask.. why on earth are you attaching AA brigades to your armor? Wouldn't SP-ART or nothing be better?

Also I hope your trading for lots of fuel ;)

[Oberon]

Ok I have to ask.. why on earth are you attaching AA brigades to your armor? Wouldn't SP-ART or nothing be better?

Also I hope your trading for lots of fuel ;)

The first few waves of AA brigades will just be in case the Soviets have some decent aircraft...but yes...good point, I'll switch over to SP-Art...

And fire the person who made that mistake... :03:

[NeonSamurai]

You would be better off fielding interceptors or fighters to deal with it. AA is generally considered worthless

http://www.paradoxian.org/hoi2wiki/index.php/Brigade_Strategy_Guide

[Oberon]

You would be better off fielding interceptors or fighters to deal with it. AA is generally considered worthless

http://www.paradoxian.org/hoi2wiki/index.php/Brigade_Strategy_Guide

:salute: Thanks! :yeah:

[Oberon]

August 1936

Cart before the horse

The Panzer tanks rumbled through the streets of Cottbus, sending horses, chickens and children scattering before them in alarm and surprise. They stopped at the crossroads and General Hoth got out to consult his map.
"Nein...what is this? This is a map of Stalingrad!"
A Kubelwagon drove up alongside the lead Panzer and Field-Marshall Guderian got out. Hoth saluted his superior officer and tried to hide the map.
"General, what is this?!" demanded Guderian, pointing down the column of tanks and vehicles.
"Erm...a tank, Herr Field-Marshall!"
"NOT THAT! That!" Guderian stabbed his finger at the anti-aircraft gun which sat on a trailer behind the lead Panzer.
"Ah...that...Die Fuhrer ordered it put on."
Guderian sighed and facepalmed.
"Take it off, Hoth."
"Huh? But...Herr Hitler..."
Guderian shook his head.
"I'll deal with Herr Hitler...military specialist my backside. No wonder the Russians keep kicking his arse."
Hoth saluted again as Guderian climbed back into his Kubelwagon.
"Oh...and Hoth?"
"Ja wohl Herr Field-Marshall?"
"Kolkwitz is that way."
The Kubelwagon sped off, leaving Hoth staring at his useless map, before rushing to get the Anti-aircraft brigades detached and sent home before continuing on to Kolkwitz.

http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/7771/zergkrieg3.jpg

Meanwhile, in the Kubelwagon Guderian turned to his aide.
"Klaus, make a note to replace those useless AA brigades with Self-Propelled Artillery."
"Self-what, Herr Field-Marshall?"
"Self-Pro...ah...schiesse...we haven't researched it yet..."

[Oberon]

September 1936

The road to hell is paved with diplomats

Von Ribbentrop looked up from his cup of tea at Hitler peering over his paper at him.
"That is an Englischer drink you know..."
"Jaaa...but the Englischers are our friends at the moment."
"Ja...Ja...their time will come..."
Ribbentrop put his tea down and raised an eyebrow
"The Russians first, mein Fuhrer..."
"Hmm? Yes...yes...the Russians...then the British...then the Finnish...then..."
"Mein Fuhrer?"
"Ja?"
Ribbentrop opened up a small note book and read from it.
"Rules of global conflict. Rule number 27: Thou shalt not go to war with Finland."
Hitler snatched the book out of Ribbentrops hands and flicked through it.
"Thou shalt not invade the Soviet Union, thou shalt not wake the sleeping tiger, thou shalt not try and fight a cigar chomping Tommy...Mein Gott...what CAN I do?"
Ribbentrop calmly took the book back from Hitler and put it back in his pocket.
"There's always France..."
Hitler looked at Ribbentrop for a moment and then back down at his newspaper.
"They say that the Nationalists are fighting in Spain...we're Nationalist Socialist aren't we?"
Ribbentrop checked his notepad.
"Ja, I do believe this year we are."
"Well...shouldn't we be helping them?"
Ribbentrop shook his head.
"It is not worth the trouble mein Fuhrer...lest we awaken the west before we are prepared..."
Hitler turned the page in the newspaper and laughed.
"Ja...I see you are correct...the Italians are sent help...it is a good thing we did not!"
They laughed for a moment and then Hitler stopped, so Ribbentrop did too...just in case.
"How is the Polish project coming along?"
"Good Mein Fuhrer...they should be in our pocket before the end of the year, and Romania next."
Hitler nodded.
"Gut...ja...ist gut...we will need their oil. See if you can get the Persians in on the act too..."
Von Ribbentrop raised an eyebrow again.
"The Persians, mein Fuhrer? What importance could they be?"
Hitler nodded.
"I know Joachim...the Middle East will never amount to much, but their oil could be helpful."
"I will do what I can, Mein Fuhrer..."

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7217/zergkrieg4.jpg

[Oberon]

October 1936

Great news everyone!

http://img685.imageshack.us/img685/6393/zergkrieg5.jpg

Hitler paced the waiting room as the negociations took place in the next room, finally Von Ribbentrop opened the doors and walked in.
"Mein Fuhrer..."
"Ja...Ja?!"
"Poland has agreed to join our military alliance."
Von Ribbentrop raised an eyebrow as Hitler did a strange victory dance around the room.
"Mein Fuhrer...there is one problem."
"Ja?"
"I cannot spell their diplomats name..."
"Aw schiesse..."

Meanwhile in the FlugZerg Ministry

Reichsmarshall Koller had not gotten much sleep lately, it was possibly the constant phone calls from Adolf Galland asking for Spitfires, something he'd read about in an air magazine.
A memo reached his desk, he picked it up and read it.
"Our strategists have discovered the secrets of Direct Ground Support Doctrine? This is good...now I just need the aircraft to use it..."
He reached for the telephone.
"Hello...Heinkel? Ja...the Stuka...ja, erm...to take away please...with the siren and hold the flamethrowers...a few months?...danke!"
He frowned...a Heinkel Stuka...something didn't sound right with that...

[NeonSamurai]

Btw if your going to go with a lot of panzers, better stockpile as much oil as you can. I would suggest trading with the US as they got lots of it.

Also make sure you have supporting infantry to help trap the enemy in pockets and to mop up with them. I often have mechanized or motorized infantry trail the lead panzer formations to deal with retreating units left behind.

Nice that you got Poland to ally :up:

[Oberon]

Btw if your going to go with a lot of panzers, better stockpile as much oil as you can. I would suggest trading with the US as they got lots of it.

Also make sure you have supporting infantry to help trap the enemy in pockets and to mop up with them. I often have mechanized or motorized infantry trail the lead panzer formations to deal with retreating units left behind.

Nice that you got Poland to ally :up:

Yeah, that's another reason I'm headhunting Romania and possibly Persia. Oil. I might tap the US too, I've got about 29k or so at the moment but like you say, that's not going to last long when Operation Zerg begins in earnest.
Mechanised Infantry are in production now and will follow the lead Panzer attacks in the Soviet Cold War style. Smash a hole, pan out, encircle and then let the Mech Inf smash forward and hit the isolated enemy units.
I'm also headhunting the Baltic States, Estonia, Latvia and the like, I figure getting a closer starting point to Leningrad is worth some dosh. :yep:

Now in 1937...the clock is ticking...will I have enough tanks by 1939? If not, will I have enough for 1940? :hmmm: