Oldie but goodie

[GoldenRivet]

The rather young indian chief of a very traditionalist tribe is approached by the tribal council and asked for his prediction of the winter weather.

The young chief, unsure of himself says "Let me consult with the great spirits and i will have an answer for you in the morning."

the indian chief makes a phone call to the national weather service and askes the meteorologist "Are you expecting a cold winter?"

the meteorologists says "Yes... it should be pretty cold."

the next day the indian chief addresses his people and says "The winter will be cold, i urge you to gather a good reserve of firewood to appease the great spirits so that we might have a milder winter."

the next day the tribal council approaches the chief "the firewood has been gathered, are the great spirits appeased, will the winter be mild?"

again the indian chief delays his answer and calls the national weather service "Has your forecast for winter changed?" the chief asks

"well, we are in fact expecting the winter to be much much colder than usual." the meteorologist explains

so the chief tells his people "The winter will be very very cold, you should all stock up on great reserves of firewood for the winter months."

the next day the tribal council approaches the chief "we have gathered great amounts of firewood for the tribe, we should surely be well prepared for a cold winter, are the great spirits appeased? will the winter be mild?"

again the chief makes a private phone call to the national weather service and makes his request for an update on the winter forecast.

"well.." says the meteorologist "We are expecting it to be the worst winter on record, with a few feet of snow and sleet, temperatures will be well below freezing for most of the winter months, it looks very bad."

"excuse me..." says the chief "but if you dont mind me asking, how exactly do you know it will be such a bad winter?"

the meteorologists says...

..."because the indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"

[Sledgehammer427]

:har::har:

[GoldenRivet]

that was good enough for more than one giggle i thought :woot:

[Zoomer96]

HUSBANDMART

A husband shopping center has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building and you can never re-enter.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be a better husband further up!" And again she heads up another flight.


The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:
You are on Floor 6 - You are visitor 123,456,789,012,345 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at HusbandMart and have a nice day. >

[Task Force]

LOL.:rotfl:

[Jimbuna]

LOL x 2 :DL:DL

[Sailor Steve]

:yep::rotfl:

[FIREWALL]

For both jokes... :har::haha::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: :up::up::up: :yep: :salute:

Ok Jim... Lets here a good one. :DL

[bookworm_020]

:har::har::har::har:

[Sea Demon]

:haha::yeah:

[Jimbuna]

For both jokes... :har::haha::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: :up::up::up: :yep: :salute:

Ok Jim... Lets here a good one. :DL

I'll try :hmmm:

"Why men are not agony aunts"


Dear Neville,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him any more.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Usk


Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Neville