ryanglavin
07-08-09, 07:29 PM
Yarp, i felt like making a Bernard thread:
Rules are;
Stories about bernard, screenies accepted.
heres mine:
It is a dark cool night in autumn of 1940, and i just had a successful attack on a convoy in U-123, my new IX-B submarine. We expended all our torpedoes. Bernard had just finished a cup of tea, and exclaimed
"Ah, Herr Kaleun, your skills and cunning in attacking that convoy was remarkable. I couldn't have done it better!"
Which i replied with "Of course you couldn't have done it better!"
With Bernard now steamed out of his shorts, he threw the cup of Tea at me. It missed because we all know Bernard is a clutz. Then my first mate comes up with a great idea to curse us all. "Herr Kaleun, what if you let Bernard take charge in case we spot another convoy?"
I heartily replied "Of course! It would be a great experience for Bernard if he actually commanded a ship!"
I was knowing, of course, that we had run out of torpedoes. In the next 30 minutes, i reported this to the crew, which they all found hilarious. "I can't wait to sh*t my pants when i see bernard raise the 'scope, and realize it still has its lense cap on!" one of the mechanist's said.
The next couple of days went by uneventful, but then we spotted a convoy. I thought to myself, "He's going to go to periscope depth and try to attack from there." He actually opens the hatch and goes to the UZO. He then orders schnorkel depth, which we have no idea what that is. He tells us "Its 10 meters, don't you know anything about this game???" The lead destroyer is completely oblivious to us, and Bernard is making a solution to sink it. When it was 1000 yards away, bernard comes down through the now flooding hatch, and straps himself with some dynamite!!!
Bernard then proceeds to stuff himself inside the #1 torpedo tube, dynamite and all. He tells us to fire the tube, and we gladly oblige, knowing full well Bernard is a horrible swimmer and couldn't make it out of the tube. As commander of the boat with Bernard gone, i watch the destroyer through my periscope, while my boat is slowly getting the water pumped out.
3 minutes pass, and i see the destroyer stopped in its tracks. Suddenly, the engine room blows up, the destroyer sinks, and Bernard comes swimming back to our boat. I scream at the engine room crew "HES COMING BACK!!! full speed back and surface the boat!!" They somehow accomplish this task while laughing at Bernard still alive. I send out a message to Donitz, which read: Bernard attacked Destroyer. Bernard lost, destroyer sunk.
We return to base at flank speed, and consume all our fuel. While docking at our berth in Lorient, Donitz comes running out from his chateau, screamiing "Bernard made it back!!! At this horrible news, and bernard comes walking out of the doorway. I precede to tell my crew man the deck and flak guns and open up on him. We kill half our band, we kill Donitz, and bernard is blown to pieces. A great patrol just got better.
Rules are;
Stories about bernard, screenies accepted.
heres mine:
It is a dark cool night in autumn of 1940, and i just had a successful attack on a convoy in U-123, my new IX-B submarine. We expended all our torpedoes. Bernard had just finished a cup of tea, and exclaimed
"Ah, Herr Kaleun, your skills and cunning in attacking that convoy was remarkable. I couldn't have done it better!"
Which i replied with "Of course you couldn't have done it better!"
With Bernard now steamed out of his shorts, he threw the cup of Tea at me. It missed because we all know Bernard is a clutz. Then my first mate comes up with a great idea to curse us all. "Herr Kaleun, what if you let Bernard take charge in case we spot another convoy?"
I heartily replied "Of course! It would be a great experience for Bernard if he actually commanded a ship!"
I was knowing, of course, that we had run out of torpedoes. In the next 30 minutes, i reported this to the crew, which they all found hilarious. "I can't wait to sh*t my pants when i see bernard raise the 'scope, and realize it still has its lense cap on!" one of the mechanist's said.
The next couple of days went by uneventful, but then we spotted a convoy. I thought to myself, "He's going to go to periscope depth and try to attack from there." He actually opens the hatch and goes to the UZO. He then orders schnorkel depth, which we have no idea what that is. He tells us "Its 10 meters, don't you know anything about this game???" The lead destroyer is completely oblivious to us, and Bernard is making a solution to sink it. When it was 1000 yards away, bernard comes down through the now flooding hatch, and straps himself with some dynamite!!!
Bernard then proceeds to stuff himself inside the #1 torpedo tube, dynamite and all. He tells us to fire the tube, and we gladly oblige, knowing full well Bernard is a horrible swimmer and couldn't make it out of the tube. As commander of the boat with Bernard gone, i watch the destroyer through my periscope, while my boat is slowly getting the water pumped out.
3 minutes pass, and i see the destroyer stopped in its tracks. Suddenly, the engine room blows up, the destroyer sinks, and Bernard comes swimming back to our boat. I scream at the engine room crew "HES COMING BACK!!! full speed back and surface the boat!!" They somehow accomplish this task while laughing at Bernard still alive. I send out a message to Donitz, which read: Bernard attacked Destroyer. Bernard lost, destroyer sunk.
We return to base at flank speed, and consume all our fuel. While docking at our berth in Lorient, Donitz comes running out from his chateau, screamiing "Bernard made it back!!! At this horrible news, and bernard comes walking out of the doorway. I precede to tell my crew man the deck and flak guns and open up on him. We kill half our band, we kill Donitz, and bernard is blown to pieces. A great patrol just got better.