Brag
06-25-09, 09:16 AM
Lt. Fritz Gwitz writes:
In this chapter I continue to describe Johan Sebastian Balz’s early nautical career and the formative years of our brilliant Teutonic hero.
Disregarding vociferous, loud and vehement protests of the Dutch captain, Sandokan, Balz and the pirates lowered the two lifeboats, loaded the safe with the mucho gold on one. Then, disregarding howling, outraged, angry, irate protests from the sailors of the Dutch Ship, they loaded the stock of genevre and Amstel beer into the other boat.
Balz stood on the bow of his boat and assumed a heroic pose, pointing in the direction they should sail.
“We’re not going to Australia,” Sandokan growled.
“Oh, I thought we’d go and get political asylum there,” Answered Balz.
“They’ll provide us with a political hanging scaffold.”
“Oh, oh,” Balz said, revealing his deep understanding of the situation. “With the Dutch Navy after us, hanging Australians in front of us, we better change course.” Retaining his heroic pose, he pointed west.
No sooner the oarsmen began rowing, smoke appeared on the horizon.
“Here come the Duchies,” Balz observed with perspicacity.
“We’ve had the green banana,” Sandokan said rubbing his neck. “The Dutch also hang pirates.”
“I don’t think I like destroyers,” Balz said, showing an early dislike for this type of vessel.
Soon a destroyer materialized, heading straight for the pirates.
“We’ve had the green banana,” the pirates wailed in despair.
“Never fear, Balz is here,” Balz said. “Observe the great destroyer destroyer in action. If you have any doubts as to who the great destroyer destroyer is, that’s me.” Balz pointed at himself to make sure the pirates understood who the destroyer of destroyers was.
This was an early manifestation of Balz’s clarity in making himself understood.
“Save us from the green banana,” The pirates chorused.
“Very well,” Balz gestured with his arms, revealing a heroic attitude. He pointed at the coiled steel cable. “Pass end A to boat number two. Keep end B on boat number one. Boat two take position fifty meters from boat one.”
The Dutch destroyer was getting close and began to slow.
“To make myself clear A goes into two before B going into one, after B goes into two A stays in two because it’s no longer in one.”
The pirates yelled, “Aaarrgghh.”
Balz adjusted his red silk smoking jacket. Displaying his Balzical cool, he lit a cigar. “I would feel more heroic if I had some medals to wear,” he said.
A megaphone sounded from the bridge of the destroyer. “Have you seen the pirates who attacked a Dutch vessel?”
Balz shook ash from his cigar. “They went that way.” He pointed east, proud of his inspired ruse.
An officer on the destroyer bridge peered through a telescope. “Hey, you look like scalawags. Matter of fact, that one over there looks like Sandokan. And the rest are pirates.”
“I am the author of hoochie-woochie. Soon I’ll be famous, too,” Balz yelled, upset that his ruse did not work and the Dutch were not even aware of the fame he deserved.
“Yeah, we will send out a press release when we hang you, too.”
The destroyer was getting real close, Balz estimated how deep was the cable connecting to the other boat. “Pull,” he ordered.
The oarsmen pulled with all their might. The destroyer got in between both lifeboats.
A zing noise zangged through the air as the destroyer’s screws wrapped themselves with steel cable. Shortly after, the Dutch warship was adrift.
Calmly, Balz listened to the cursing, shouting and arguing that came from the Royal Dutch Navy vessel.
“Do you speak Japanese?” Balz yelled at the destroyer.
“We have a Japanese speaker,” came the answer.
“Sayonara, Duchies. Meet me in Balzimore.” Improving his heroic pose, he then addressed the pirates, “Hoist the sails and let’s go home.”
The pirates, appreciating Balz’s genius, chorused, “Viva Balz.”
* * *
The cove where generations of Sandokans called their home was located on a remote island where no one could find them. It was called Sandokan. The cove was called Sandokan’s Cove Keep Out and the magnificent house where generations of Sandokans lived was called Sandokan’s House.
Whenever a storm came, Sandokan, like previous generations of Sandokans, went to the rocky point at the entrance of Sandokan’s Cove Keep Out and stood facing the roaring wind, thunder and lightning and the angry sea. That’s how Sandokans got inspired to rid the seas of the colonial invaders.
A storm approached and Sandokan went to be inspired and swear to the storm that this time, he would succeed in kidnapping Mariana, the pearl of Labuan.
Unaware of Sandokan’s plans and not wanting to get blitzed by lightning, Balz stayed inside. As the storm raged, wearing his red silk smoking jacket and all his new, shinny medals, Balz played on the organ in the music room his favorite piece, Fugue in D Major Hoochie-Woochie.
Next week, The Pearl of Labuan.
:arrgh!:
Apendix A
Balz’s medals.
These were awarded during the festivities and Pirate Carnival held in 21-28 May 1926 in the Sandokan’s Cove Keep Out, on the island of Sandokan.
Chevalier de la Hoochie Woochie
Knight of the CuracaoTriple Sec
Double Ritter de la Fourchette
Dragon of the Seas First Class
Mucho Gold Combat Badge
Coca Cola with diamonds
Imperial Medal of Anti Colonial Endeavour
The Double Cross with Swords
:sunny:
In this chapter I continue to describe Johan Sebastian Balz’s early nautical career and the formative years of our brilliant Teutonic hero.
Disregarding vociferous, loud and vehement protests of the Dutch captain, Sandokan, Balz and the pirates lowered the two lifeboats, loaded the safe with the mucho gold on one. Then, disregarding howling, outraged, angry, irate protests from the sailors of the Dutch Ship, they loaded the stock of genevre and Amstel beer into the other boat.
Balz stood on the bow of his boat and assumed a heroic pose, pointing in the direction they should sail.
“We’re not going to Australia,” Sandokan growled.
“Oh, I thought we’d go and get political asylum there,” Answered Balz.
“They’ll provide us with a political hanging scaffold.”
“Oh, oh,” Balz said, revealing his deep understanding of the situation. “With the Dutch Navy after us, hanging Australians in front of us, we better change course.” Retaining his heroic pose, he pointed west.
No sooner the oarsmen began rowing, smoke appeared on the horizon.
“Here come the Duchies,” Balz observed with perspicacity.
“We’ve had the green banana,” Sandokan said rubbing his neck. “The Dutch also hang pirates.”
“I don’t think I like destroyers,” Balz said, showing an early dislike for this type of vessel.
Soon a destroyer materialized, heading straight for the pirates.
“We’ve had the green banana,” the pirates wailed in despair.
“Never fear, Balz is here,” Balz said. “Observe the great destroyer destroyer in action. If you have any doubts as to who the great destroyer destroyer is, that’s me.” Balz pointed at himself to make sure the pirates understood who the destroyer of destroyers was.
This was an early manifestation of Balz’s clarity in making himself understood.
“Save us from the green banana,” The pirates chorused.
“Very well,” Balz gestured with his arms, revealing a heroic attitude. He pointed at the coiled steel cable. “Pass end A to boat number two. Keep end B on boat number one. Boat two take position fifty meters from boat one.”
The Dutch destroyer was getting close and began to slow.
“To make myself clear A goes into two before B going into one, after B goes into two A stays in two because it’s no longer in one.”
The pirates yelled, “Aaarrgghh.”
Balz adjusted his red silk smoking jacket. Displaying his Balzical cool, he lit a cigar. “I would feel more heroic if I had some medals to wear,” he said.
A megaphone sounded from the bridge of the destroyer. “Have you seen the pirates who attacked a Dutch vessel?”
Balz shook ash from his cigar. “They went that way.” He pointed east, proud of his inspired ruse.
An officer on the destroyer bridge peered through a telescope. “Hey, you look like scalawags. Matter of fact, that one over there looks like Sandokan. And the rest are pirates.”
“I am the author of hoochie-woochie. Soon I’ll be famous, too,” Balz yelled, upset that his ruse did not work and the Dutch were not even aware of the fame he deserved.
“Yeah, we will send out a press release when we hang you, too.”
The destroyer was getting real close, Balz estimated how deep was the cable connecting to the other boat. “Pull,” he ordered.
The oarsmen pulled with all their might. The destroyer got in between both lifeboats.
A zing noise zangged through the air as the destroyer’s screws wrapped themselves with steel cable. Shortly after, the Dutch warship was adrift.
Calmly, Balz listened to the cursing, shouting and arguing that came from the Royal Dutch Navy vessel.
“Do you speak Japanese?” Balz yelled at the destroyer.
“We have a Japanese speaker,” came the answer.
“Sayonara, Duchies. Meet me in Balzimore.” Improving his heroic pose, he then addressed the pirates, “Hoist the sails and let’s go home.”
The pirates, appreciating Balz’s genius, chorused, “Viva Balz.”
* * *
The cove where generations of Sandokans called their home was located on a remote island where no one could find them. It was called Sandokan. The cove was called Sandokan’s Cove Keep Out and the magnificent house where generations of Sandokans lived was called Sandokan’s House.
Whenever a storm came, Sandokan, like previous generations of Sandokans, went to the rocky point at the entrance of Sandokan’s Cove Keep Out and stood facing the roaring wind, thunder and lightning and the angry sea. That’s how Sandokans got inspired to rid the seas of the colonial invaders.
A storm approached and Sandokan went to be inspired and swear to the storm that this time, he would succeed in kidnapping Mariana, the pearl of Labuan.
Unaware of Sandokan’s plans and not wanting to get blitzed by lightning, Balz stayed inside. As the storm raged, wearing his red silk smoking jacket and all his new, shinny medals, Balz played on the organ in the music room his favorite piece, Fugue in D Major Hoochie-Woochie.
Next week, The Pearl of Labuan.
:arrgh!:
Apendix A
Balz’s medals.
These were awarded during the festivities and Pirate Carnival held in 21-28 May 1926 in the Sandokan’s Cove Keep Out, on the island of Sandokan.
Chevalier de la Hoochie Woochie
Knight of the CuracaoTriple Sec
Double Ritter de la Fourchette
Dragon of the Seas First Class
Mucho Gold Combat Badge
Coca Cola with diamonds
Imperial Medal of Anti Colonial Endeavour
The Double Cross with Swords
:sunny: