How a Marine would conduct a press conference

[SUBMAN1]

The main topic of discussion is the Marine in Iraq who shot the Iraq insurgent to death. We pick up as the reporter asks about how this potential war crime will affect our image in the world:

Marine: "What kind of a pansy-assed question is that?"

Reporter 1: "Well I think...."

Marine: "THINK, Fancy boy?! Get this through that septic tank on top of your shoulders, moron: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME??? That Marine shot an ENEMY COMBATANT, ****HEAD; SO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND DEAL WITH IT BEFORE I MAKE YOU MY OWN PERSONAL PIN CUSHION!!! Next question: You in the blue suit."

Reporter 2: Don't you think that the world's opinion of our operations is important?

Marine: "Oh sure! You don't know the times I have cried myself to sleep worrying about what some goddamned French pansy thinks! Oh the days I have had to weep because some sh*t eating terrorist *******er might be mad at us, because we went into whatever god forsaken hole in the sh*t that he lives in and killed him. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DUMBASS QUESTION IS THAT YOU PETER-PUFFING JACKASS?? WE ARE THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND WHEN YOU ATTACK US, WE ARE GOING TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BLOW YOUR STINKING CAMEL-LICKING CARCASS INTO PIECES SO SMALL WE WILL BE ABLE TO BURY YOUR SORRY ASS IN A THIMBLE!! YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. YOU ARE PROBABLY AFRAID, THINKING THAT I HAVE SUCH AN "EXTREME" ATTITUDE AND THAT I NEED TO BE MORE SENSITIVE" TO OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS. WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU POLE-SMOKING PANSY! I DON'T GIVE TWO ****S WHAT YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE THINKS! THIS IS A DAMN WAR, AND IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT, THEN YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND SUCK ON MAMMA'S TIT!! DO YOU HEAR ME YOU RUNT?? NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I GO CRAZY AND BEAT THE LIVING sh*t OUT OF YOU!!! Next question: YOU WITH THE UGLY-ASSED TIE. LOOK AT THAT THING! IT IS HIDEOUS."

Reporter: 3: "Aren't you going against the freedom of the press by..."

Marine: "FREEDOM?? WHAT IN BLUE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FREEDOM? I HAVE SWEATED MY ASS OFF IN JUNGLES, WHILE BEING SHOT AT FOR THIS NATION!! WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE sh*t-SUCKING WEASEL? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PUT YOUR ASS ON THE LINE FOR ANYTHING? AND YET YOU HAVE THE UNMITIGATED TEMERITY TO SHOW UP HERE AND MONDAY-MORNING QUARTERBACK THE ACTIONS OF A BRAVE MARINE, WHO WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF AND HIS UNIT FROM AN ATTACK BY SOME MURDEROUS AL-QUEDA SYMPATHIZER!!! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I AM CONCERNED ABOUT, NUMBNUTS? I AM CONCERNED ABOUT A BUNCH OF GRABASSTIC, ORGANIZED MORONS WITH CAMERAS AND MICROPHONES DOING THEIR BEST TO PORTRAY OUR BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN AS WAR CRIMINALS! I AM CONCERNED ABOUT CHICKEN-sh*t PANSIES THAT WANT US TO NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS AND WHINE ABOUT THEIR PISS-ANT "FREEDOMS"!!"

Reporter: 3: "I..."

Marine: "DID YOU HAVE A BIG BOWL OF STUPID FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING, NUMBNUTS? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD OUT OF THAT COMMIE CRY-HOLE IN THAT sh*t-PILE YOU CALL A HEAD! AND THAT GOES TRIPLE FOR THE REST OF YOU PANSY-ASSED MORONS! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I SHOVE MY BOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY SHOELACES!!!!"

Marine DI's have a language all their own. God bless them all!!

[Captain Vlad]

The reporter would then quote him verbatim, which would probably get him demoted, sigh, and look for someone who wasn't acting like a self-important jackass.:D

[August]

What i'd like to see in that scenario is for a reporter to stand up and say:

"Stand at attention you stupid foul mouthed Jarhead. I am an American citizen and you work for me, not the other way around, and you'd do well to remember that, as well as the fact that the pen is mightier than the sword.

So unless you have a hankering for your next duty station to be in the type of crap hole reserved for those who embarrass the Corps like you've been doing, or instead an early retirement to brood out your remaining days in an arthritic, alcoholic fog in some rusty, dusty trailer park back home in your home town of Looserville then you'll just answer the question and leave the ad libbing to us professionals.

Now, "at ease" and continue. You may smoke them if you got them."

:salute:

[sunvalleyslim]

Hey Guys,
Those quotes come from Arlee Emery (hopefully I spelled his name right). The DI in "Full Metal Jacket"...I have had the pleasure of actually meeting "The Man". He is a true American Hero and humble to boot. Got to spend about 45 mins with him when he was the Grand Marshall of a St. Patricks Day Parade in L.A.....Believe, that most of you guys would have found him fuuny and humble....As a Warrior he is the essence of believing in fighting for the freedom of your Country

[Captain Vlad]

What i'd like to see in that scenario is for a reporter to stand up and say: (clipped for brevity)



:salute:

:up:

[Aramike]

What i'd like to see in that scenario is for a reporter to stand up and say:



:salute::rock:

[OneToughHerring]

To conclude the press conference:

Marine: "UN-ASS MY A.O.!" :)

[UnderseaLcpl]

August is absolutely right, and no Marine worth his salt would be caught dead lambasting a civvie like that, especially in an official capacity.

That being said, I found it funny, although the amount of prominent swearing was a bit below average. Ideally, every sentence should have the F-word in it at least once, or even better, some amalgamation of the F-word and the subject of the sentence. It should also contain at least one sentence containing nothing but variations of the F-word.:DL

[antikristuseke]

Swaring, much like complaining, is not something soldiers just do, it is more like a duty. A complaining soldier is a happy soldier ;)

[Stealhead]

What? I was in the Air Force and none of my NCOs tolerated complaining nor did I when I was an NCO and the AF is pretty lax. If an airman complained in front of me he or she would be stadning tall before the man same goes for an NCO or any other member of the Air Force. Complianing is not allowed at all on duty you bitch all you want of duty but on duty you better keep your mouth shut.Complaing on duty is a form of disrespect and shows poor militray discipline. As to the Marine talking to the press it would not go like that he would simply say, go talk to the Public Affairs Officer. The press would need a dictionary just to understand the Marine Corps language if it did not come form a public affairs officer who knows how to speak in a manner that could be understood byany non devil dog.

[Sailor Steve]

Hey Guys,
Those quotes come from Arlee Emery (hopefully I spelled his name right).
Fairly close. It's actually R. (for Ronald) Lee Ermey.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._Lee_Ermey

I agree with August and USLC. The quotes are the kind of thing a marine DI would say to his recruits, but saying them to a reporter would get him demoted at the very least. Marines are gentlemen too, and from what I've read Ermey is no exception. He does put on a great show, though.

[SteamWake]

Kind of reminds me of when Pattom bitch slapped a soldier for cowardace.

He (Patton) was stunned at the reaction.

[antikristuseke]

What? I was in the Air Force and none of my NCOs tolerated complaining nor did I when I was an NCO and the AF is pretty lax. If an airman complained in front of me he or she would be stadning tall before the man same goes for an NCO or any other member of the Air Force. Complianing is not allowed at all on duty you bitch all you want of duty but on duty you better keep your mouth shut.Complaing on duty is a form of disrespect and shows poor militray discipline. As to the Marine talking to the press it would not go like that he would simply say, go talk to the Public Affairs Officer. The press would need a dictionary just to understand the Marine Corps language if it did not come form a public affairs officer who knows how to speak in a manner that could be understood byany non devil dog.

True ennoguh, but there is more than one kind of complaining. The kind im thinking of does not involve insubordination or disrespect in any way.

[Captain Vlad]

Kind of reminds me of when Pattom bitch slapped a soldier for cowardace.

He (Patton) was stunned at the reaction.

The fact that the kid had malaria probably didn't help.:DL

[August]

The fact that the kid had malaria probably didn't help.:DL

That's interesting. AFAIK the doctors told Patton the kid was shell shocked, not malarial. Is there any proof to this?

[Captain Vlad]

The doctors themselves were not aware, at the time, that he was malarial. There's plenty of sources on Wiki about the incident. I don't feel like going through and linking them, but look for yourself if you want.

There were also two separate slapping incidents, which, along with one of the slapped soldiers comments, suggests that maybe Patton was a little unhinged at the time himself.

[Stealhead]

Yeah I have heard diffrent stories about that slap event with Paton some say that he was not aware that the man was ill with malaria and belived the solider to be milingering others say that he did know the man was sick. I bet it is the other way around as Paton had deep concern for his wounded soliders so if he knew a guy was down with malaira hed not have slapped him.Come to think of it this was on Paton 360 on histroy channel you might catch the episode it was in again as thye are still showing them on Friday nights. In this Paton 360 it says that there where 2 cases one where Paton slapped 2 men in another he slapped just one i dont recall which ones had malaria and which had shell shock. But even the one that had shell shock he(or they) had been told to go get some rest for a while so he had permisson form his CO to be there.Paton could let his temper get the best of him at times you have to recall he was rather "diffrent" but the Germans feared him.Though I think he did see that he let his own stress get to him so he did regret having slapped the men.Though publicy he had to keep up the ballsy image.

antikristuseke I fail to see how any form of complaing(short of what is clearly a joke) while on duty is not in effect insubordination for by making any from of complaint you are voicing your distaste or dislkie of a given order or duty that is insubordination. Be glad that I was not your NCO ever. Complianing is not allowed did the 8th AF bomber crewman complain while being ordered on a deadly mission? No Did the Marines at Chosin in Korea complian about fighting the Chinese in the cold? No there fore can any memeber of the US military complian about what they are doing while on duty? No. No offence antikristuseke but I get the feeling that you have not served in the Military and if you do or have I am not sure how you cant see things from my and the rest of the military in generals view. I would like to see what your idea of complaing about a given duty or order is as this has got me very interested I was not aware you could serve your nation and branch with honor and respect and still complain verbaly about given orders to an NCO or officer do please enlighten me if you are amember of the military i hope that you where paying attention when you swore that oath. So you are telling me that if E-9 CMSGT Smith says "antikristuseke I want you to do a complete phase inspection on generator unit D-75." and you are telling me that you know of a way to complain to him that he gave you this lawful order or about any aspect of said lawful order? Surely kind sir you jest.

[UnderseaLcpl]

I think you're misunderstanding the nature of the type of complaining that goes on, Stealhead.
S*** rolls downhill. B****ing rolls uphill.

If your NCO is giving you flak, you don't complain to him, or about him, obviously, you complain to your squadmates. If the Staff NCO is the problem, everyone below him complains, but only to each other, and so on and so forth. That's why the whole regiment thinks the Colonel is a douche.

If a superior tells you to do something the only acceptable responses are in the affirmative or qualified affirmative (i.e. "Yes, Staff Sergeant", "Aye Staff Sergeant", or "Yes, Staff Sergeant but it is my duty to inform you that *insert excuse here*

When amongst everyone below him who is not a BFer, the procedure is somewhat different. For example: "***************ing Staff Sergeant! I'd love to see his sorry ass do this ****! He doesn't even know how to do this! Why is he in charge!? What an ass-kisser!"

For the record, the Marines at Chosin complained incessantly about the cold. The 8th Airforce complained all the time about their missions. The Virtually every fighting man ever has complained about his lot. But he takes pride in it as well. A good leader understands this and knows how to utilize it, especially at the small unit level.

Antikristuseke should be glad that you were not his NCO, because you would have been a poor one, and I can guarantee that your men would have let you down whenever you really needed them. Obedience and loyalty are not things that can be enforced. They must be earned.
An oath is one thing, but the bonds of camraderie are quite another, and camraderie will serve everyone best on the battlefront.

[Stealhead]

I was being general about the the complaining. they did say things but they did not mid briefing say "**** this **** I dont like this" I was in the air force if you did not read and I was a low man and middle man on the todem pole I know how it goes. But at the same time you are not understading me. If you verbaly complain about a given order or command that has been given to that person you are being insubordnate regardless what the personality the person has. And you know nothing about me and I caution you to not EVER insult any person who has ever served in the United States military which is what you are doing by saying that I was a bad NCO. HA far from it I have been out of the AF for about 4 years now and I still keep in touch with many of the people who where under me I strived not be the ******* NCO you accuse me of being. I kept a good eye on my troops and made sure they where as well trained and as perpared for their duty as best I could as well as being concerned for the well being and always had there best intrest in relation to serving in the Air force in mind. For the most part if I heard an airman complain I would just tell them to "Lock it up and save it for later when we are all hanging out then you can bull****" that is how you have feeling for the morale. You have no idea what I went though for some of my airmen one who I will not name was on the verge of getting kicked out for several under age drinking cases but I knew he just needed help and that this kid had nothing to go home to and his family was crap I was the only person that was willing to give this kid another chance at the only chance at a good life he ever got and I really had to put my ass on the line and stand tall before a wing commander in order to change this young mans fate and it would have been bad a dishonerable discharge by the stoke of that Wing Commanders pen if not for my help he is still in the Air Force today I even was asked to be the best man at his wedding in Yakota AB Japan around the world trip for me and my wife from Germany. But yeah I guess your right right that you dont know what or whom you are talking about.You are clearly one who talks the talk but stumbles at the walk. What good is people going around talking **** about someone higher ranking if the suck? deal with it the lower ranking officers and NCOs wont let everyone else down. My troops men and women I should add they never let me down and I never let them down and any combatant should be glad as well becasue our hard work meant that the steel and bombs where on target and the fast movers showed up to lite up the AQ about to over run their ass over there. I am cohorts for life with the people I served with and who severed with me and I know a few would be very ready to spend five minutes alone with you if they knew what you said about me I can insure you that Bro. And I earned that respect to get that level of loyalty. if a ****ing HUMVEE was on top of one of my troops I would have picked the thing up with my bare hands to save their life and theyd have done the same for me.
If you so loath the type of person you think I am maybe its because that is the kind of person you are? See how it feels?Man nothing sets me off than bing accused of something i know and that many people can varify I am not you may as well have called me a rapist. And if your NCO gives you flack for no reason you would first respectfuly confer with him or her if it kept up then youd go to thier supervisor if that failed you then go to your commander it is called the chain of command it works both ways in given situations. god you know nothing about me I must a have contacts with 2 or 3 hundred Airmen and Marines and Army folks .............ds and poor NCOs dont make many friends. Well you did give the energy to complete my shift at the hydropower plant thses 12 hours shifts can get long watching the turbines. This is what you can guarantee, Lance Corpral that you have no idea what you are talking about and that you have much to learn about life in the military good luck seems as though you might need it some of my good Marine buddies will be there for you when you need it I sincerely hope for they eraned thier blood stripes. :up:

[antikristuseke]

Calm down, The kind of complaing I was thinking of is the good natured humorous complaining that got me through basic training when my knee was allready sort of ruined. Though it did little to save me from being discharged for medical reasons. Anyway, this kind of complaining helped keep the moral up and keep our minds off the fact that we were in a forrest with the worst recorded snnow storm in Estonian history for our so called starvation camp(no food provided, have to forrage) with no tents because recon does not carry tents. In that situation, everyone has earned the right to complain in a humorous way about exactly how frozen their foreskin is at that exact point in time, should they feel like it.

[Stealhead]

Well you should have said that then that type of complaing and complaining directly are not the same thing by any means.Sorry to hear that your knee got you out if you wanted to stay. But really in or out of the military we all have to deal with the ******* and asskissers in our work my feeling is hat when push comes to shove they get what they desrve sooner or later and they probably have a carppy love life they have to make up for it somehow. and in basic that is part of the trainng they always give you a few instructors that act this way it is to help you deal with it later I suppose.