Satan

[SUBMAN1]

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't" said the man.
"Don 't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don 't doubt it for a minute" returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep" was the calm reply.
"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope" said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied "Been married to your sister for 48 years !"

[A Very Super Market]

You're telling jokes now? Cool. It was pretty funny. :D

[nikimcbee]

You're telling jokes now? Cool. It was pretty funny. :D

Little known fact, subman1 also does vaudville.:haha:

[bookworm_020]

:haha::haha::haha::haha:

That even got a laugh from my wife.... just before she threw something heavy at me, will tell you more after I get back from the hospital!:88)

[Hitman]

Do you guys know what is the difference between a sorceress and a witch? No?

10 years of marriage :har:

[HunterICX]

:har:Nice one

HunterICX

[Platapus]

Do you guys know what is the difference between a sorceress and a witch? No?

10 years of marriage :har:


Reminds me of the old joke about: What's the difference between your Job and your Wife?

Similar punchlines :DL

[Jimbuna]

Nice one :up:

Jesus and satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off...

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

"It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work...

Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait!" he screamed.

"That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged his shoulders and said, JESUS SAVES...

[U-104]

:har::har::haha::haha:

[Platapus]

Jesus Saves, all other take 2D6 damage. :yeah:

[Sailor Steve]

Planning to end the Good vs Evil argument once and for all, God tells Satan he's going to resolve it in court.

Satan says "Bad idea. You'll lose."

God asks him "What makes you think so?"

Satan replies "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

[Arclight]

:rotfl:
Took me a second, but nice one. :yep:

*:haha: 666 posts and I wind up in a Satan thread. What are the odds?

[Sailor Steve]

In your case, pretty good!:O:

Sorry, couldn't resist.:rotfl:

[Arclight]

:rotfl:
Yeah, I'm the satanic demon spawn from Holland, pretty well known fact. :D

[Geno_Mariner]

Nice one :up:

Jesus and satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off...

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

"It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work...

Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait!" he screamed.

"That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged his shoulders and said, JESUS SAVES...


:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
That is hilarious XD

[bookworm_020]

Planning to end the Good vs Evil argument once and for all, God tells Satan he's going to resolve it in court.

Satan says "Bad idea. You'll lose."

God asks him "What makes you think so?"

Satan replies "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

:har::har::har:

My wife can attest to that! She works for a bunch of them!:doh:

[Jimbuna]

And God said: 'Let there be satan, so people don't blame everything
on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on
satan."

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Did you hear about the dyslexic kid who was grounded at Christmas?

Turns out he wrote his letter to satan.