GoldenRivet
03-31-09, 01:46 AM
A rookie police officer is wanting to make a DUI bust so he can get some credit from the guys giving him flak at the small rural police station so he comes up with a plan.
He will drive out to the local country music bar which is always packed to capacity on friday nights and he will sit with his headlights turned off until 2:00 in the morning awaiting the bar's closure.
then, he will observe each patron that leaves the bar looking for signs of intoxication - whoever appears most inebriated will be his victim.
so there he sits patiently waiting a while for the bar to close.
at about 1:45am a tall cowboy walks out... stumbles just a bit as he steps off the curb into the parking lot, fumbles around for his keys for a second, hops in his truck and drives away.
"hmm - that guy didn't seem to bad... i wont risk him blowing under the limit on the breathalyzer so i'll wait for another one to be worse off." the cop thinks to himself.
so he sits and continues his stakeout.
about 5 minutes later another cowboy stumbles out of the bar.. same as the first, this cowboy has a little bit of wobble in his step but the officer notices the cowboy is also bow legged... not wanting to risk the cowboy blowing a clean breathalyzer he decides to wait just a few minutes longer for everyone to file out.
finally, the club closes, all the lights come on and dozens of people file out into the parking lot.
immediately upon walking over the curb, one patron falls flat on his face and rolls over on his back... laying there for several seconds.
"hmmmm heres my boy!" thinks the officer
the cowboy struggles to his feet and wobbles for a moment realizing his hat is still on the ground. The cowboy bends down to pick it up and again falls flat on his face.
the officer sits up in his seat anticipating a good DUI arrest... he nearly licks his lips with anticipation.
finally the cowboy manages to find his footing with his cowboy hat in hand and he stumbles to his car pulling out his keys.
the cowboy inserts his key into the door of a red ford pickup trying to unlock the door, but realizes its not his truck. he then walks over to a blue chevy truck and attempts to unlock the door to the same result. finally he manages to unlock the door of a white Dodge pickup truck and jumps in.
by now all of the patrons have long since found their cars and trucks and have long vacated the parking lot... and the officer is intently watching this one cowboy for his next move.
the cowboy struggles a bit with the ignition, turning on the windshield whipers, then turning them off he finally gets the truck started and drives out of the parking lot onto the rural highway.
the officer begins to follow the cowboy monitoring his every move.
the cowboy swerves from side to side in the lane, his speed fluctuating between 20 and 50 mph... never even once reaching the 70 mph limit.
the officer is convinced and has had all the entertainment he can stand, he activates his overhead lights and pulls the cowboy over.
as the officer walks up to the car and orders the cowboy to a field soberiety test.
the cowboy is first asked to walk a straight painted line - the poise and balance of the cowboy impresses the officer.
next the officer asks the cowboy to recite his ABC's in reverse order... the cowboy does so expertly as if it were second nature!
finally the officer orders a breathalyzer test to which the cowboy agrees and blows a 0.0% !!!
the officer is amazed.
"sir" said the officer "i thought this was going to be a sure thing... you stumbled out of the bar, fell down twice, wandered from truck to truck aimlessly and even though you didnt break any highway laws your driving was less than impressive... but according to every test i can give you YOUR NOT DRUNK?! WHAT GIVES!?"
"Well officer, im the D.D." says the cowboy
"Designated Driver?! says the officer?! but for who? you're the only one in the truck?!"
the cowboy chuckles and says
"Designated Driver?? heck no... i'm the DESIGNATED DECOY!"
He will drive out to the local country music bar which is always packed to capacity on friday nights and he will sit with his headlights turned off until 2:00 in the morning awaiting the bar's closure.
then, he will observe each patron that leaves the bar looking for signs of intoxication - whoever appears most inebriated will be his victim.
so there he sits patiently waiting a while for the bar to close.
at about 1:45am a tall cowboy walks out... stumbles just a bit as he steps off the curb into the parking lot, fumbles around for his keys for a second, hops in his truck and drives away.
"hmm - that guy didn't seem to bad... i wont risk him blowing under the limit on the breathalyzer so i'll wait for another one to be worse off." the cop thinks to himself.
so he sits and continues his stakeout.
about 5 minutes later another cowboy stumbles out of the bar.. same as the first, this cowboy has a little bit of wobble in his step but the officer notices the cowboy is also bow legged... not wanting to risk the cowboy blowing a clean breathalyzer he decides to wait just a few minutes longer for everyone to file out.
finally, the club closes, all the lights come on and dozens of people file out into the parking lot.
immediately upon walking over the curb, one patron falls flat on his face and rolls over on his back... laying there for several seconds.
"hmmmm heres my boy!" thinks the officer
the cowboy struggles to his feet and wobbles for a moment realizing his hat is still on the ground. The cowboy bends down to pick it up and again falls flat on his face.
the officer sits up in his seat anticipating a good DUI arrest... he nearly licks his lips with anticipation.
finally the cowboy manages to find his footing with his cowboy hat in hand and he stumbles to his car pulling out his keys.
the cowboy inserts his key into the door of a red ford pickup trying to unlock the door, but realizes its not his truck. he then walks over to a blue chevy truck and attempts to unlock the door to the same result. finally he manages to unlock the door of a white Dodge pickup truck and jumps in.
by now all of the patrons have long since found their cars and trucks and have long vacated the parking lot... and the officer is intently watching this one cowboy for his next move.
the cowboy struggles a bit with the ignition, turning on the windshield whipers, then turning them off he finally gets the truck started and drives out of the parking lot onto the rural highway.
the officer begins to follow the cowboy monitoring his every move.
the cowboy swerves from side to side in the lane, his speed fluctuating between 20 and 50 mph... never even once reaching the 70 mph limit.
the officer is convinced and has had all the entertainment he can stand, he activates his overhead lights and pulls the cowboy over.
as the officer walks up to the car and orders the cowboy to a field soberiety test.
the cowboy is first asked to walk a straight painted line - the poise and balance of the cowboy impresses the officer.
next the officer asks the cowboy to recite his ABC's in reverse order... the cowboy does so expertly as if it were second nature!
finally the officer orders a breathalyzer test to which the cowboy agrees and blows a 0.0% !!!
the officer is amazed.
"sir" said the officer "i thought this was going to be a sure thing... you stumbled out of the bar, fell down twice, wandered from truck to truck aimlessly and even though you didnt break any highway laws your driving was less than impressive... but according to every test i can give you YOUR NOT DRUNK?! WHAT GIVES!?"
"Well officer, im the D.D." says the cowboy
"Designated Driver?! says the officer?! but for who? you're the only one in the truck?!"
the cowboy chuckles and says
"Designated Driver?? heck no... i'm the DESIGNATED DECOY!"